An unconscious self sabotage
The reprimanding echo
A bed of invisible nails

Without the smallest clue
What was this discomfort of?

Exhaustion, a cage without doors.
Menial tasks turned impossible
Stumbling around all dazed

Dressed to the ninth in neglect
I keep forgetting to live.

An unconscious self sabotage
The reprimands an echo
A bed of invisible nails

Without the smallest clue
What was this discomfort of?

Exhaustion, a cage without doors.
Menial tasks turned impossible
Stumbling around all dazed

Dressed to the ninth in neglect
I keep forgetting to live.

I am sitting on a tilting chair near my desk,
A grey cloud pouring rain drops over my head,
My patience running thin as bodies of water
Run through me, Desperate,
as if the laundry in the back is getting wet.

A piece of paper lays on the desk,
Empty, as if my thoughts are on me
Instead than on it.

I’m holding onto my pen,
Maybe a little too tight,
The water hasn’t gotten here yet,
I really feel like I have to write.

I look up and the cloud is getting bigger,
Waves style my hair,
Rivers run down my arms,
My socks are getting wet,
And so is my pen.

There’s water up to my ankle now,
Items in my room are starting to float,
My desk turns Into a sailing boat
And without me it roams.

Water grabs my waist
Too intimate,
But not as intimate as how
My tilting chair embraces the ground.

Im on my own now,
Waiting for my oxygen to run out,
The water filled my room
It is still a mess.

My arms feel heavy,
I let go of my pen,
I watch as it falls on my tilting chair
It hasn’t moved an inch.

I’m Scared.

My dear, I am writing you from the depths of my solitude, to ease your worried heart and mind. Loneliness has been gnawing at my terrified flesh as of late. Yet, my only wish is to remain alone. Unseen and untouched. I think this is pure joy, or the illusion of it. But I am content at this very moment. I promise.

You might think that I am slowly sinking. That I will soon reach the bottom of the ocean, and you fear it is too dark and solitary there. That I might not survive my own madness— not this time, not by myself. That I cannot swim nor do I intend to learn how to. That I willingly gave my body to Poseidon as a peace offering. That I finally made my peace— not with God, but with a god nonetheless. That I am all swallowed up. That I will not see you again. That I will die lamenting your forgotten smile. That Azrael, the angel of death, weeps over my doom. That I have died long ago—
But how can a corpse feel such emotions?
How do I tell my stubborn heart that it is not beating for you any longer?
How do I comfort my frantic soul by lulling it to an eternal sleep?
—And if so then tell me, my dearest one, don’t I deserve serenity, too? After burning for a decade, yearning for a safe haven. Do you think I finally deserve to rest?

Its terrifying here
The kind of cold that makes your bones ache
Is this hell?
Is this some kind of agony?
Am I still drowning?
They say that drowning is horrible if you hold your breath
But if you give up and inhale the water
You get some kind of relief
Your brain is starved of oxygen
Your lungs fill to full capacity
Why does it feel so tempting?
The salt water stings your eyes
There's nothing left to hope for
Nothing left to breathe
You can pray to god
Or you can curse him for a remedy
But you still drown
And your body sinks
There's no fighting it
You are drowning
Just as you've always been

I tell her how
how I drown
in the sparkle
of your brown eyes
and
I tell her
how I think
I think im
falling
for
you
like an asteroid
plummeting
towards
earth

she listens and
she tells me
about her sun
and how she
drowns in his light,
about
their star crossed
love
and
how they can
never
be
together

I guess
you're the sun
and I
im the moon