I am terrified of what my age has become
Calling the weridos Gay because they don't fit in
Calling their friends whes and Fkboys because of their genders
they say everything is Stigma free but look around
It sure isn't
I am terrified my Anxiety might show and I'll have to just brush it off
as those who look at me weird because of this illness
My Grade doesn't understand that words can hurt
They say oh words don't hurt the tone does
But A man can scream at a woman" You're a S**T!" or can say it Monotoned
Both sentences will hurt that woman the same
Those kids laughed when 13 reasons why came out
Not grasping that the show was specifically for them
That people feel this way and that it isn't some comedy act
They don't understand why my voice stutters whenever I speak
Or that my hand writing is bad because of my weak hands
To them all I am is a weird girl who cried during a project because of something I lived through
I am terrified of what my grade has become
That they have lost all common sense
They say no one is born equal but they won't even try to help
They just laugh at those who seem different
And it is stupid
They make fun and harass those who aren't like them
and the Administration turns a blind eye
Saying Oh boys will be boys or that they were only just having fun
Well you know what you can have fun and not make someone cry for your own pleasure
I'm terrified of what my Grade has become because soon they won't realize what they are doing is wrong
I stress that I won't ***** up that my grades are good that I make a good impression
My Grade says they have stress
But They don't know what real stress is until you are sick from the stress you have
They don't know what real stress is until you can't think back to a time that you ever relaxed
They don't know what real stress is until you have realized you haven't eaten all day because you were too busy worrying about that grade you got on the insignificant quiz
I am Terrified about my grade because soon we will be adults and they will not be able to know right from wrong
Fire lit s’mores
Star filled skies
You went kayaking and swimming
You felt the sun all weekend
You smiled and laughed
You were supposed to be safe
You were supposed to come back to me after that weekend
My eyes burn from smoke filled tears
This weekend wasn’t supposed to be like this
Camping turned into nightmares
With villains invisible to the eye
Not of Freddy or Jason
Nether the less he is trying to take my children
My nightmare is starting to become real
How did I get here
What wrong step did I take
Why my kids
Please don’t take my kids
A mother is never supposed to bury her children
Can’t you take me instead
I’ll give you everything I have
Just please don’t take them from me
I’m pleading you
Please don’t take my kids away from me
My kids were with their dad this weekend camping. He called me today and told me he tested positive for COVID. In a matter of hours his health is deteriorating. My children are in quarantine with him. We haven’t gotten their results back. I’m so scared, I’m trying to block out every worse case scenario. I’m scared to sleep, I can’t even hold my kids. This is every parents worse nightmare
As time passes
Am I wasting my time?
Am I wasting my life?
It terrifies me that I might never be able to do those things
That maybe in the future I wont be bringing justice to the world
Even if not those, what if I end up doing nothing
What if I end up becoming nothing?
I am terrified.
I am terrified.
I am complete and utterly terrified.
The fine china that is my heart
Can disintegrate at just one word.
Will you hold it gently,
Or toss it to the curb?
Sometimes I regret ever giving it to you,
Was it worth the risk?
I wouldn’t take it back, though,
I loved it when we kissed.
It scares me so much I know how much
I get hurt at the simplest of words,
Never mind losing someone like you,
It would feel like the end of the world.
I know I sound so stupid
You just mean so much to me already.
I fall so fast and hard, especially
For a girl with a heart this unstable.
Screaming in silent hues
Into the sky, diffuse
Like my mind that I abused
My trepidation from it oozed.
I try to keep, but in vain
My broken thoughts inside my brain
Out of control, they proved bane
Never content within their terrain
And when all is ordained and said
I look down at my palms with dread
Glaring in disgrace and sins of red
The person in the mirror is dead
Constructive criticism is appreciated. I'm on Instagram as @amna.writes.sometimes
There’s a voice inside my head
Screaming that it’s all worth it in the end
But my mind plays tricks
So I don’t know what to believe
Should I listen to the voice
Or should I listen to reason
On one hand my life will change for the better
The other my life will stay the same
But with these delusions that run wild
Causing mayhem upon my brain
Sending toxic visions
And destructive thoughts
I sit and I ponder
Is it really worth it
Or will I just fail
Like so many times before
I try so hard to connect
To you and ignore the terror
The terror inside my heart
That pushes me to think it will never work
I think silently to myself
Questioning why this is
Why does my head do these things
When all I know is I like you
I don’t like the paranoia
I don’t like the fear
It terrifies me beyond compare
To a state beyond repair
My eyes they only see you
My heart screams out for you
But in the end of the day
My head screams it can’t be true
I try to run and hide
From all these thought inside
Screaming delusions and spreading fear
Cause all I want is to be with you
I run and run
Tripping over myself
Shielding my eyes from the visions
Of you wanting someone else
I fall and cry
Screaming for someone to help
Wishing my head would stop filling with lies
Stop filling with terrifying fantasies
And yet it doesn’t stop
Screaming and cowering
Clutching my head between my knees
I burst into tears begging why
Why can’t I trust
Why can’t I have faith
Why must my head do this
Why must I feel so alone
All I want is your reassurance
Yet I can’t even get that
Because I’m too afraid to tell you
About what’s really going on inside
I may have stagnant waters now,
And I know I'm not always needed.
As the waters slowly reach my brow,
Truly I just want to flow unheeded.
Terrified to open up the floodgates,
Careful not to **** the town below.
The inevitable day calmly awaits,
Lonely as I live in my own shadow.
You expect me to be terrified,
sweat pouring down the sides of my forehead.
Would there really be a difference if I die?
Taunt me with your threats,
Hold a gun to my head-
see if I care.
They say endings are scary
Again, what do they know?
Maybe they’re just guessing
Perhaps, going with the flow
Endings could be peaceful
Of endings I’m not scared
They are regretful that’s all
But my whole life I’ve dared
Endings could be happy
Of endings I’m not scared
They are just very guilty
Of things they hadn’t shared
Endings could be calming
Of endings I’m not scared
They’re just anxious because
They’ll witness all that they feared
Endings could be nice
It’s probably not, I lied
I’m not just scared of endings
Truth is, I’m terrified.
walking in a fog
once you get out
you have been walking
the whole time