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Jeremy Betts Jan 10
Carrying wounds that will not heal
A pain I will be forced to always feel
Stitched up, scabbed over
The new flesh is much paler
Sealed but not seamless
A basic healing process
That's what they tell me
Looks like a ground up mess, what does everyone else see?
The sensation is still so prominent
As if I'm back in that bathtub reliving it
The visual as clear as the day
Terrified but can't pull my gaze away
I only opened a small crease
Honed in on the crimson flow of my life embracing it's release
Two fresh exits located to my left and my right
Allowing it to forge a new path to the drain and out of sight
My past, present and future colliding
Pooling faster than it can move through the plumbing
Took forever to register my final decision
Turned out it wasn't final at all, just another negative mark on my person
No relief felt, only overwhelming regret
A permanent reminder
But how could I ever forget

©2024
Mathieu Sep 2021
"Give me the strength to live one day,
as if it summarized the entirety of my life".
To love, to give, to build, to be proud, to be awed, to be humbled, to be grateful, to be thrilled, to be terrified, to be courageous, to be silent,  to be LOUD, to be unapologetic, to be myself.
Alice Mar 2021
You pointed out
all my favorite love stories begin in hatred
an offhand comment about the books and shows
I consume like air

I realized there's nothing I want more
then for someone to see me for my worst
pick apart every negative attribute

yet still promise to love me
all of me
im terrified of disappointing
Alicia Moore Jan 2021
conversing with you
is the equivalent to
using a piece of wool
to travel across skyscrapers.

terrified,
tiptoeing,
timorous.
Alice Dec 2020
and the worst part of it all is
I almost loved you

I was a breath away

and I'm terrified
Arabella B Sep 2020
I am terrified of what my age has become
Calling the weridos Gay because they don't fit in
Calling their friends whes and Fkboys because of their genders
they say everything is Stigma free but look around
It sure isn't
I am terrified my Anxiety might show and I'll have to just brush it off
as those who look at me weird because of this illness
My Grade doesn't understand that words can hurt
They say oh words don't hurt the tone  does
But A man can scream at a woman" You're a S**T!" or can say it Monotoned
Both sentences will hurt that woman the same
Those kids laughed when 13 reasons why came out
Not grasping that the show was specifically for them
That people feel this way and that it isn't some comedy act

They don't understand why my voice stutters whenever I speak
Or that my hand writing is bad because of my weak hands
To them all I am is a weird girl who cried during a project because of something I lived through

I am terrified of what my grade has become
That they have lost all common sense
They say no one is born equal but they won't even try to help
They just laugh at those who seem different
And it is stupid

They make fun and harass those who aren't like them
and the Administration turns a blind eye
Saying Oh boys will be boys or that they were only just having fun
Well you know what you can have fun and not make someone cry for  your own pleasure

I'm terrified of what my Grade has become because soon they won't realize what they are doing is wrong
I stress that I won't ***** up that my grades are good that I make a good impression
My Grade says they have stress
But They don't know what real stress is until you are sick from the stress you have
They don't know what real stress is until you can't think back to a time that you ever relaxed
They don't know what real stress is until you have realized you haven't eaten all day because you were too busy worrying about that grade you got on the insignificant quiz  

I am Terrified about my grade because soon we will be adults and they will not be able to know right from wrong
Its scary
As time passes
I wonder
Am I wasting my time?
Am I wasting my life?
It terrifies me that I might never be able to do those things
That maybe in the future I wont be bringing justice to the world
Even if not those, what if I end up doing nothing
What if I end up becoming nothing?
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