Take me back to the better days
Take me back to when life was easy
Take me back to when you were here
Take me back to the swing sets and slides
Take me back to the first crushes and cooties
Take me back to when all there was was time
Take me back to when you loved me
Take me back to when you stole kisses from my lips
Take me back to when you were breathing life into me
Take me back to driveway basketball and summer nights
Take me back to the innocence of adolescence
Take me back to the purity of kids
Take me back to days we only remember
Take me back to secret love affairs
Take me back to pool days and chicken fights
Take me back to bike rides and adventures
Take me back to when it was me and you against the world.
Now it's just me and our memories.
Rest In Peace my angel. 03/15/2017
Sometimes I think back to the time we spent at school.
Hard plastic chairs, short desks and shorter attention spans.
We were children:
Indoctrinated with dreams of quiet homes and large offices. Of fieldwork, pride and gold-gilt fame.
We said that we would be doctors, lawyers, scientists, astronauts.
Never-mind the adult's delighted laughs! We reveled in mirth and wonder.
Now we say that we would be seeing doctors.
Blood-shot eyes scanning tabloids that preached SCIENCE as if it were medieval magic. No, brother, correlation ain't causation.
How wonderful would it be to someday see humanity dance among the cosmos? Weaving between invisible holes cut into the pitch vastness of space.
Now we accept our jobs with a grimace and a sigh.
Uncomfortable as they may be, we've got bills to pay and loans to ignore.
We're all waiting for something to come after.
After puberty. After degrees of debt. After—
After we aged. Fragile from years of effort.
Snapping our backs to the rhythm of our daily commute.
I don't know what comes after, brother.
But I sure as hell didn't sign up for this.
Nobody likes me now
I don't care
Everybody hates me now
They've got some nerve..
Everybody's looking down
I'm feeling cyclical
What should I do about
Sin in over abundance
Reality could never change
Sacrifice util it's incumbent
You love the fair exchange
Gauge the metric
By which you judge
The proper usage
Harsher than the light on my keyboard
The proper usage
It all falls in the same vein
Forgiveness to a fault line
All I've ever wanted was a new design
Hiding away in the suffering
Fudge the figure for the slumbering
Drab as they may come
Welcome to the whole damn phylum
Encroaching on the underlying theming
And everyone seems confused
I took the world
In my hands
Then up again
They all were screaming
About the meaning
Claiming that they were free men
No resolve left, I stopped listening
So much bitter sweet love
For the pictures In front of me
How much left to the imagination
Color in the imagery
Warm hues nearly toxic
Melting away into memory
And I'm the king of this playground
For like, another hour or two
And I'm on the top of this world
Because I've got nothing better to do
Beyond my power
I could've cried the day away
But the sun keeps prying
And swallows me anyway
Into beams of security
Belonging in every ray
And the time seems to rush by
Minutes folding into a day
Marked on a calendar
Never to be reclaimed
But still cherished just the same
Every facet of freedom
Sounding perfect from every side
Sometimes lacking wisdom
And brevity to realize
Life is so short
They drew tiny sketches
On eachother journals
Ignoring the video
In my 8th period spanish class
No words where even spoken between them
Just side eye glances and smiles
I gave then disappointing glares
To get back to the lesson
They rolled their eyes
And got back to the notes
Who would guess
Such a small moment
Would be the last they had together
Before the man in a mask walked in
And stole their childhood
With the pull of a trigger
Maybe if I had known
I would have let him keep making her laugh
For her last time
cut thin ice
I am wrapped in a cocoon
showered in unconditional light
pitch black, led by street lights
I'm interlacing my soul
across the rink of memories
deathly blades below my childish toes
make one false move
and I drown
between the cracking waters
as my mother is pulling me out
blanketing warmth distances me
from the paralysing thought of the world
My heart feels broken into a million pieces...
did you think about that Daddy before you stole my innocence.. Did you think about how this would affect me? Did you even care? How could you... how could you do this to me. Did I not matter? Did you think I just wouldn't remember. What if I didn't remember. Wouldn't you remember..? Wouldn't that break your own heart. It should. I was your little girl. You should of loved me, protected me, showed me my worth. Not hurt me & leave me with forever scars in my soul. My soul is bleeding... I bandaged up my wounds for as long as I could. Now I have to face it. My pain, my sadness, my anger. You made me fear trusting anyone & everyone. You betrayed my trust. You violated me. Was I not enough to spare such humiliation? What did I ever do to you. I was 5. You should of been my protector not my intruder. I feel sadness for you. Because you must not have peace within your own soul after doing that. Guess what Daddy.. I do matter. I will rise above this. I hope you know you broke my heart forever... I Pray God forgives you. I'm working on forgiving you. Through this pain I will find my strength. I don't want to make the world darker to anyone like you did to me... I want to shine light into everyone's darkness. Humans matter. I matter. I deserve peace & I'm going to find it. You poured lies into my heart that I was worthless and only worthy for my body. I'm much more than that. I matter. I fucking matter & I will rise above this ❤️️
The memories haunt me.
Those hands of confusion taunt me.
Who gave you the right to degrade me to a mere object for yourself?
You left claw marks on my heart & soul.
That little mind of mine did what it could
to protect itself from destruction.
Yet your poison ran through my veins.
I tried vomiting & starving those feelings.
Unfortunately the remedy is not that simple.
The antidote is very painful & there's no way around it.
Even though I'm barely breathing right now.
That antidote light is starting to grow & soon there will be a fierce fire within me.
I will burn the poison you placed in my soul.
I may be left with scars but I will no longer be choking on your poison of confusion.
Many males before you have taken my little hand & walked with me. They smiled at me.
And reassured me they were good. This was ok. What choice did I have but to trust them. I was a child who was learning how the world worked. I was lost in the woods and needed someone to guide me on the right path. I innocently trusted with all my heart. I saw all the good in the world. I was yet to realize the darkness that peeked behind many corners. They made sure to build my trust first then slowly they started going off the path & taking me alone into the dark woods to do things to me that I couldn't understand. In my soul it felt wrong, something was off. But Daddy knows best. Brother knows best. Cousins know best. Neighbor knows best. Preacher knows best. Always taught to listen to my elders, it got beaten into me. Even a year older than me... they are in charge. You got that. Absolutely must respect all adults, especially males. They are the kings of the castle. You are more of a Cinderella. Know your place in the world. When I met you, the little girl in me was very guarded & cautiously watched you. She was wondering when you would also flip and use us for your liking, like a Wolf in Sheep's clothing. You gently & patiently held out your hand and said, here let me help you, nobody should be walking around alone lost in the woods. At first she said no thank you, I'll walk next to you with some distance where I'm safer. After some time she began trusting you more and more. But she promised herself, don't be stupid and naive ever again.. be careful, you've been betrayed so many times before. After tripping a few times and you helping her up and not expecting anything in return. She decided maybe just maybe you could be trusted. She couldn't seem to quench her longing for comfort & connection no matter how hard she tried to kill it. She cautiously took your hand, almost closing her eyes just in case, waiting for the worst to happen. Nothing bad happened. Actually good, kind gentle loving guidance happened. You protected me from the darkness and whatever tried to attack me. You never once took me off the path in the dark woods alone. No... you held my hand and showed me how I was suppose to be treated, how to fend for myself and walk in the light. Walking in the light has been so beautiful & peaceful. The warmth of the sun on my face, the smell of flowers & trees, wind on my face. Nobody is meant to walk in the dark woods alone. No we were created to walk in the light.
From a plastic, pink bottle
I forged your flesh.
My five-year-old lips blew life into
You. Tiny, transparent creature
that dances incautiously in
the warm wind.
The gust guides you
up then sideways then down.
The sun shines through you
but you malachite-mauve back.
You fly to my finger. And burst
like a happy suicide