I remember stories, told through grey smoke recited slowly, under shadowed eyes as the old, dry toad croaked, in a rickety melody by my side. Forgotten romancers would carve hearts into the husk of pine. One was told, time after time: Two lovers, a yellow scarf, we are both the same, headless and blind.
Lose all sense when we meet up I pray you'll rescue me chase away my sorrow and bad luck. Rain always seems to pour most once I'm building my shelter my poor face as pale as a ghost and my urgency, burns like a summer swelter. I need you like the river needs it's bending to love you is natural, a broken bone must go on mending.
So take your weathered hands lead me to the forest I cannot see, but I feel its stirring. The finch and the blackbird, chattering chorus brain dead trusting, so alluring.
how do I tell you that with you I feel safe the child in me clings to you like you belong to me how do I tell you that I'm not in love that I'm simply still a child looking for a home, for safety how do I tell you that I started building a home for you in my heart and I lit a fire to keep you warm how do I tell myself you don't belong here I have to learn to save myself instead of waiting for someone to give me everything to hold that child in me how do I tell you, how do I cry how will I ever learn to say goodbye
in a couple months I will be eighteen years old, an adult. I have yearned for this day, years and years.. I hear a tiny voice in my head: "is it over now?" and all I can do is mourn the loss of a childhood I never got, but we're safe now. it's over now.
Pinky promises and praying to goddesses a picture of your friends on the sagging shelf and I know I love you so much more than you could ever, ever love yourself. We plucked wild bluebells and got sick in the winter-time breeze I'll pick you up when you fall down I'll patch up the scrapes on your knees.
Sugar coated candy turned into your mother's brandy still over indulged but I will be here year after year you'll always have someone to hold. Can't leave you out in the cold no matter how angry you can be. Takeout boxes, a key in your locks and always a place for me in your coral sheets we roam the city in outfits too tight we hold hands in the streets.
Only a fool when I'm in your room, lose our cool laughing as our middles concave with your hand in mine I've always felt so brave. We were girls together and that will never change.
There is a monster under my bed. Hauting, screaming, hurting me. It talks to me every night. I believe it doesn't want me here. It screams and cries, acts more like a child than me. It smells of the bottles in the glass container. It stumbles up the stairs. It opens every window, let's the cold winter frost in and hopes it freezes time. Instead, it freezes me. I wait, behave, hope. I stay silent so it doesn't notice I'm here. Tomorrow it will wake me up. Tomorrow it will attend a parent-teacher conference. Tomorrow they will praise it. "You did a good job raising her" Tomorrow it will turn into my mother. Tomorrow night, the monster returns.