I'm so fucking tired and yet I can't seem to rest.
This isn't a dream, so how can I wake up?
How can I escape?
Tell me!
Shouldn't there be an exit sign in bright green or red lights?
It's a hazard not to have them
and yet it seems I'm the hazard.
How do I escape?
How can I escape the demon inside of me if I am the demon?!
I looked under the bed for the demon,
but it's all in my head.
It's controlling me.
I can't escape this dream.
Or is it reality?!
I can't rest!
My mind is racing.
It's like Mario Kart.
If someone throws something and I happen to land on it I lose control and I fall behind,
slowing down.
People don't realize how they affect me.
How do I win this race if I'm racing the thing inside me?
How do I defeat my demon?!
How do I defeat it without destroying myself?!
I need to rest!
But I keep lapping around and falling behind.
I keep my problems under my bed,
that's where I thought my demon would be.
But my demon is the problem.
I'm the problem…- I'm the.. problem.
But I can't fix my problems when I'm tired.
And no one but my demon is around to help me.
I really need to rest…
but my bed is cold and bare,
and I hug the only thing I have..
My demon...
I only have myself…
this world is a race,
and I'm falling behind.
You won,
I ran out of time..
I can finally rest...

Lost child of a lost childhood
Built up by broken frames
Bloodied knuckles and his bully's bruises
Turned his whole life into a mere game

He turns up the flirty attitude
To mask the anger within
His mom ran off with another suitor
While he's left cleaning after her sins

But tonight he wears her sins as a tie
To match the heavy demons weighing him down
He makes his way across the floor
Picking up a drink to change his frown

All the giggly desperates crowd him instantly
He proceeds to exchanges a smirk or two
Yet across the room he sees a flash of grey
And finds his next prey to woo

An excerpt of the poetry collection by RH called "The Mysterious Gown of Grey"... it tells a beautifully captivating tale I can't help but imagine being set during the Victorian era in London. This excerpt was bits and pieces of the second poem of the collection titled 'The First Masked Suitor" and follows the story of Derek, my second favorite 'character' in the whole collection...I hope she plans to publish the full poem in the future for it'd be a shame to keep the wonderful words and epic story locked in a word document forever. I recently realized I didn't read the last couple poems and so I've been rereading the collection ever since. It's crazy to think how young RH was when she wrote this collection and yet adult me still enjoys it... Until then happy writing! ~BM

These spirits so intrinsic to this city, haunting and beautiful, don't bother me.

I am just like them, I'll slip inside of you and take possession. You'll be my vessel, my connection back to the pleasures of life.

These demons so readily available with their vices, flit through the night sky in searching of their next buyer, their next victim.

I am just like them, I'll slip inside of you and take possession. You'll be my vessel, my outlet for corruption.

Will you be my puppet?

I wanted to play around with the concepts of spirituality and this city of Savannah where there is a clash of different religions and spiritualities.

Sly & Cunning
     Swift & Nimble
A Demon at home,
has life so simple.

Whiskeys' soul
     on the rocks;
Reading alone, past
     four o'clock

I Am Alive.
I sing the song of life.

I Am Optimistic.
I hope the good of life.

I Am Positive.
I am the best of men.

I can not find it convincing to write about depressive thoughts, so I edited the poem.

My HP Poem #1679
©Atul Kaushal

My heart is being split in two.
I don't know what I'd do
without either of you.
Feels like I'm here playing a game.
My love for you drives me insane.
I cannot handle this pain.

Take my body and take my pain.
My mind tells me to leave.
But my heart tells me to stay.
Take my sorrow until tomorrow.
I don't think things will ever change.

Just think about leaving me.
I'll have a panic attack.
Too many attachment issues.
Now it's death that I lack.
And all of Lords angels
and the Lord of the Dead.
They could never make me whole.

I know that I seem heartless
but in reality.
I just have too much heart.
Love is blind you'll see.
Life isn't a fantasy.
Not a dream come true.
We all die alone.
This is nothing new.
And all of my demons
keep me awake at night.  They are always hoping.

Life is not a game.
Not a fairytale.
It's not an infinitive dimension.
Not all love is the same.

Your prayers will not help you.
The decision is yours.
Doesn't matter if you sell your soul.
What matters is if you love is true.

Some fear the night;
Scared of monsters in the dark
I prefer the darkness
The only demons I fear
Are the ones inside me

the world changes
superstition becomes science
trepanning became burr holes
leeches become artificial veins.

see before that, back in the good days
we knew that people had demons inside
that needed a hole to escape through
and too much blood in their veins

this isn't a science yet,
your hand around my throat
does not have a specified dosage,
it's difficult to regulate
how hard to hit me

i think you see something in me
that has to die, has to be exorcised.
you nearly killed her,
right now she's broken
and her bones are healing crooked.

what i'm trying to say,
is that love is a disease.
next time i'll hand you a leech
and ask you to bleed it out of me

My depression is a figure
made of smoke.
It wraps itself around me
and suffocates me.
But I can't grasp it.
I only claw at my skin
as I try to make it release its grip.
It fogs my mind
until there is nothing left.
It filters through my being
until I'm left feeling empty.
It covers me like a blanket at night,
but this blanket doesn't comfort me.
It restricts me
and replays everything
I've done wrong.

I've met the demon that's lurking behind your smile
With his mighty straw as long as the length of time
Ready to suck your emotions right back from the corner of your eyes
He'll Keep it bottled up so he can drink til he's drunk
And fill that hole that's been so long vacant of love
I always got told two negatives don't make a right
But If a positive collides
Is it possible to negotiate with both sides
And shine some light
On the darkness the negative feels inside
I've had practice controlling mine
Now the angel on my shoulder is the keeper of peace of mind
Maybe our horns and wings can make a right

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