If
If I gave you my smile
Would you give me yours
Run your finger along it
Touch your forehead to mine

If I gave you my hands
Would you give me yours
Hold them gently
Our fingers entwined

If I gave you my body
Would you give me yours
Wrap yourself around me
Till we can no longer be defined

If I gave you my heart
Would you give me yours
Love me with a passion
Of our own design

If I gave you my soul
Would you give me yours
Merge the light and dark of them
So we can't be confined

If I gave you my demons
Would you give me yours
Let them play together
In our strange minds

These are the Ifs that I ask of you...
I only hope you will answer me true.
nicoarty 12h
The problem with Angels
Is that - as they fall
Their wings,
In all towering beauty
Reach out, stretching;
Feathers and bone
To drag and pull
Away at those
Who dare to watch,
Souls ensnared:

“I couldn’t look away if I tried”
a demon has made a home in my belly
and i can't speak
hes crawling up my throat
hushing me
is not my own
There's not much that can scare me in this life.
Ghosts
Ghouls
Demons
The dark
They all seem rather mundane in the ways of scaring young children

When people like me think of frightening circumstances,
We think of all the ways we can lose our not-so-hard-earned money,
The ever resounding call of failure
And in the end, the inevitable destruction of this earthly vessel.

However, all of these unimaginative dilemmas still seem so bland in my eyes, when compared to the pain in my chest when I'm alone.
I saw you last night in my dreams.
We were together or so it seemed.
The house was dark and not my own,
and something hidden chilled me to the bone.

It darted from dim corners into bleak rooms.
Fast, so very fast, did it move.
What it wanted I do not know,
But I do know one thing... I feared for my soul.

The wicked creature's presence could not be tempered with your embrace.
In fact, if you hadn't been there I may have given chase.
But you grabbed me and held me back.
And honestly, I don't know how I feel about that.

These monsters are mine, and I demand they stay that way.
Of my own will and volition, I will make them dissipate.. someday.
You make it too easy to forget my goals and purpose,
To hunt down these issues, find them, and have them murdered.

But fret not, because I forgive you.
When I say this please believe me: It is I, not you, that is the issue.
Its unlike me to care,
But please, please... heed my warning. YOU MUST BEWARE.

When I awoke, I was dripping with sweat.
I scanned my dark room, only to find my demons manifest.
And all at once, it became just too real.
Perhaps it wasn't a dream at all... but a depiction of how I feel.
I official don't like to sleep anymore. You may be able to run from your feelings and emotions while awake. Just keep moving, not thinking, and you'll be fine. However, in your sleep they easily invade your mind.
It won't stop
My mind doesn't listen to me
These nightmares don't go away
These depreciating thoughts won't fade away
My conscience is killing me
This hurts
Me hating me
Me hurting myself
Me making everyone leave
Me lost in myself

The more I feel like this
The more I shut down
The more my emotions die
Turning me into a demon
I become a monster
A deadly monster that hurts everyone Including itself
A crazy monster that is not afraid of anything
Only itself
I've grown comfortable knowing that my demons are a few steps behind me.
If I can be honest here, it actually makes me happy.. because considering the hell I've been in for so long, I find it remarkable that I've found the strength to overcome them & be as ahead of them as I am.. I'm not naive enough to believe I can get rid of them forever, & ironically enough.. I think that's how God wants it to be. Be knowledgeable of your demons, & have the faith & perseverance to not succumb to them forever.
There's a demon in my house.
Nobody knows the route it took to be... but there are theories.

Some believe that it fills the gaps in broken families,
Others that its welcomed in by misfortune and tragedy.


And I?
I think it has been here all along.

At first, its hard to notice the demon is even there.
Once where  joy resided, only a  dull ache is felt.
But before long it spreads until one is beside it.
Next to the demon.
The world begins to fade into a illusionary grey haze.

So
so
slowly.

Infact, by the time you realize its been living with you... in you... its been days.
Your chest is as hollow as the now empty packs and bottles
that you think may solve this sorrow.

But you're wrong.

Once it is let in,
there
is
no
exercising....
this demon named depression.
Fuck you
Stop blaming your body
Stop scarring your soul
Stop teasing your thoughts
Stop feeding your fears
Stop regretting your resolutions
Stop sulking in your own sorrows.
Discard your demons
Empty your expectations
Rise, Roar and Rebuild yourself
Only to be whole again.
"Prove them all wrong."
Rebel Heart Feb 17
I saw something today
That reminded me of you
So I picked up my phone
Put in your number
And excitedly waited to talk to you
But with every ring you didn't pick up
My heart dropped lower out of my chest
.
.
"I'm not near my phone right now.. that or I'm purposely ignoring you Shanon just leave a message at the beep.. or don't whatever"
.
Beep
.
.

And it all hit me all over again
The feeling of choking
On my own tears
Drowning out the rest of the world
Because it had been so long
Since I last heard your voice
Yet it seemed it was only yesterday
We were playing street hockey
And making fun of eachother
And talking on the phone all night long
Just to hang out all day after
...
We would talk about our past
And what our future may hold
We talked about our demons
And secrets we never told
...
I remember being so angry
The day you left
After all we've been through
No sorry
No goodbye
Not even a single note
Explaining why
You decided I wasn't enough reason
For you to not climb into that bathtub
And press that razor blade onto your skin
...
How dare the sky cry
When they took your lifeless body just to throw it in the ground
How dare the others cry
When you didn't make a single sound
How dare the birds still sing
When the world was falling apart
How dare the moon still come up
When nothing in the universe seemed to make sense
How dare they believe poems had to rhyme
How dare they still talk about the good old days
How dare they believe for one second they knew you at all
And most of all
How dare you--

How dare you leave me so broken
How dare you leave me so alone
How dare you call me your best friend
Just to leave me on my own?

...
The darkness lingering around my past
Found a deeper grip around my soul that day
As I watched pieces of my heart
Leave with you
.
.
.
Now I find myself sitting here awkwardly
Finally being able to string these useless letters
Into coherent words
To ask you if you're still listening up in the clouds
How dare you not pick up anymore
When I call you on the phone?



~Who else am I supposed to talk to when late at night my demons won't be put to sleep?
Who else am I supposed to talk to when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and weep?
(Pieces of a very old, 22-page-long, extremely agonizing memoir that brought me to tears because how dare you, with all this pain you carry in your heart, not realize how much you're hurting me before you're even gone? ~BM)
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