We've all imagined Wedding dresses and vails growing up losing our pig-tails and overalls trading them in for beach waves and crop tops only for the person in our Reflection to turn into a complete s t r a n g e r
staring blank faced at a girl you can't recognize anymore drawing imaginary lines on our bodies with our eyes cutting away the imperfections with our hands shaped as scissors,
wishing we could look like the models in the magazines or the actresses on the tv screens But, society tells us we can Never be Skinny enough Never be Pretty enough That our features will NEVER be Good e n o u g h
Because the girl in the mirror who has lost all hope can Never amount to what we have been taught from the time we could walk and talk what beautiful is;
We went from carefree children to teens who are depressed and anxious all the time most of us addicted to Nicotine and Alcohol our parents tell us to smile and quit with the attitudes but behind closed doors we criticize ourselves enough
The little girl in her pigtails playing with everyone on the playground so innocent so pure get labeled as a racist in the 6th grade because her skin is white
By the time she enters high school she knows better than to state an opinion, the teachers know Best, never stand up to a man, he's superior to you, even when behind the closed doors he touches you when you say STOP but you know better than to say something cause you had to have wanted it, take it as a compliment, it just means you're pretty
if you say anything you'll be labeled as a W h o r e if you keep quiet it's an invitation for M o r e
people asking "why do you flinch at a simple touch?" how do you explain years of torment to a complete s t r a n g e r, you don't, you smile and act dumb
pretty is a vocabulary word to describe anyone but the girl that is seen in the mirror because she is Not Good e n o u g h and she knows that
she has lost friends cause she can't trust them
she changes her style monthly
trying sooo hard just to be accepted she doesn't remember the little girl in pigtails, she doesn't remember what a real smile looks like, the pain behind her eyes c l o u d s her reality the voice in her head telling her "you're eating too much" "you're an idiot" "you'll never amount to anything" and she s l o w l y fades away til there is nothing left to put back together cause her mind and heart are s c a t t e r e d aimlessly shes numb and she thinks, this is what happiness feels like no more pain no more criticizing No, more pretending to be okay
Tonight, I don't want to hear another sound, Another word, Another thought echo through The caverns that run deep; Just let my hair Drape my face From existence Before I let out Another deafening Sound when my eyes shut The world away.
Tonight, I'm worn, And I'm hurting; Just let the ambient sounds Fade out, And seconds progress; I can't even look at myself, Or undress the dirt; I’ll just lay here At the ceiling Hearing the sirens break This desired silence, Wondering if, one day, I’ll be the reason For their whining Or if would even I call out.
I remember the water How it felt Upon my skin And I am thirsty To drink in each drop These parched lips Miss the rivers Where I could swim Freedom, ebbing and flowing At one time, I was a part of the sea And I covered everything But these days, my skin cracking Heart slowly thudding To stop, my fingertips dust And I am a whisper Of the girl I once was
I did not realize the weight of all these bad decisions Directly in the shade cast by massive collisions Needed to move somewhere warm Escape the cycle of snow Garden was fading when it needed to grow For own sanitys sake I fled Couldn't outrun the hell inside my head
No matter where I go the past follow me like a lost puppy
they are fading fast my partners in rhyme the sound of silence the perfect crime caressing voices once loud and bold drift o'er the oceans while storms unfold words split like beams on a sinking ship crustation on the seabed what a sad strange trip it's been
We were watched, making love last night By her walls, painted plain and white. I want to tell her, If you love me, love me better, You're doing it all wrong. You just strung a dozen words together, I wouldn't call it a song. She says she's afraid to be alone Fine, I guess I'll lead her along. I'm not that cruel and You're not very strong. Four white, watching walls, night after night... I don't think we can go on.