What have we evolved to be?
Genes and phenes are all I see.
I see traits where genetic flood gates, make one look like another.
Where mothers have their mother's eyes
And smiles alike their brothers.
Am I right? Or am I right.
I can't speak.
I don't want to say anything
I want a hug and I want affection and I want attention.
But I also just want to escape and not think about anything.
Sometimes it's hard to escape with them around.
They keep me grounded when I start to get lost,
But once I'm lost they can only hope I find a way back.
They are so important to me,
But sometimes their feelings about me are hard to see.
I wish I could apologize
I wish I really knew what was happening
I wish I understood this blood-sucking Demon in my head.
It's hard to talk about really.
TBH I'm just depressed.
I'm known as "that" kid, ya know?
The one with the depressing poetry and stuff.
And yeah they are just joking when they say things like
"You can't write happy things."
But it doesn't help.
Well it doesn't help me.
But my blood-sucking Demon appreciates your comment about my writing.
I say he's blood-sucking, but I should say blood-letting.
That's one of the things he enjoys doing with me.
"Go on Alec. Pick out a sad song. Something bittersweet should be nice. If it makes you feel guilty while urging you to continue then it's perfect."
But . . . I'm not really up to it today.
"That's okay, because your body thinks differently. Laptop has pulled up a song, door is shut tight, you've opened your Nightmare Before Christmas coffin. Go in Alec. Continue."
Do I have a choice?
I wonder what would happen if I stopped now.
If I left it all here
And went to them
Or to talk to them.
If not them, then someone.
But alas, I leave for no one.
I move the paper I signed over a year ago.
"Do you promise to use alternative methods instead of hurting yourself?"
I signed it.
I thought it would help.
But the only thing it's good for is hiding my tool.
I reach down and grasp the razor.
I suck my breath through my teeth.
This is gonna hurt.
It's from a pencil sharpener.
They are so easy to take apart.
And so convenient for my blood-sucking/letting Demon.
He loves them.
I'm not sure if i love or hate them.
The melody has already begun.
The ritual has started.
I can't stop anything now.
Nothing short of someone bursting into my room to snatch it out of my hand would stop me.
But that won't happen
So i speculate for nothing.
I waver for just a moment.
I want blood, but do i want pain anymore?
It doesn't matter.
He wouldn't let me leave.
He just loves taking over my brain.
He says everyone hates me.
Family, friends, and worst of all them.
I can't disagree.
So i take the razor.
I angle it.
One of the sharp ends points down.
Sticking into my skin.
I can already feel the electricity of danger.
I slowly drag the blade down
Waiting for the blood to feed my Demon
He licks his lips in waiting
While I hiss at the sting it's bringing.
I flex to make the crimson colors blossom and bloom.
I know it will all be over soon.
Once he's had his fill
I can go back to my life
Like I was never even ill.
...But I don't know how to go back there anymore.
Any attempt at trying only increases his laughter.
Silent mouth and silent mind
The ignorant language of my kind.
To question is to be discouraged,
Brains to ravage not to flourish.
Don't question those who know more than you, don't look for knowledge, don't seek what's true.
Should we speak for others?
And say what can't be said
Or should we follow suit
And accept we should be led.
I am afraid.
My inner demons are taking control like never before.
I feel how the darkness makes me rot from inside.
The stench from my walking corpse.
I am so afraid.
I feel how they're winning the last battle.
The person I was is dying, beyond saving.
There's no turning back, I'm a living dead.
I opened my eyes wide at the mirror. Two beautiful wings stretched from my back. I turned sideways to get a clear look. Angelic beauty of the feathers. The blur turned into darkness.
There were screams coming from another rooms. I flew down another and another floor to find the source. Saw blood shattered by a violent man. I couldn’t get closer to him. Devils and demons forced him this time. Too hard.
I must heal his heart
I must turn him against insanity. Bring light to his heart.
It was tough. I must be an amateur at this. I can’t find other angels anywhere. They must’ve fled this place a long time ago. I chased a devil to it’s conference. There were thousands of blood seeking demons waving at their master. My disguise has changed into red with a long pointy tail. Two horns on my head. They couldn’t discover my real identity. I found a trident on the corner of the hall.
Devil’s work from an Angel
This shouldn’t let them scare me away. I secretly showed the trident into the leader’s heart. He trembled and collapsed on the floor.
Smiles from the Demons
Three demons took me to the backyard of the place. They shook my hands and gave a strange smile. They congratulated for the murder. Introduced some other demons to me.
The whole place Shone
Soon, the demons wore off their disguise. Every one of them showed their real identity. Angels. The whole place went killing demons and devils. Then light entered the room. The glow helped the city grow with happiness and kindness.
Saw ghosts in the cornfield
And stole their gems
Beneath the moon
Let them come for me
From the shadows
Of lesser beasts
And greater treasures
I'm tired of waiting
With my hands
Pressed against the door
Of my mortal coil
Let them drag me away
Milk-white and worn
I will go blissfully
Into the dark.
My imperfections are as a parent as my broken bones.
Hidden perfectly beneath an emotional exoskeleton. Built over many years from many fears and thunderous words.
Of course I’ll try to save you, and probably ruin you by trying. But try I will.
I get so fucking tired of hearing about love. We’re all just running around our own little bubbles, describing what we see inside, not caring what’s outside.
So before you cast my words into the abyss with all the other noets, just remember.
Fallen Angels have wings too,
They’re just damaged from the fall.
She is destructive.
Her smoky tail curves and curls around you,
Whipping her deadly gases about.
She breathes out a swirling rainbow
That seems to drown out anything else.
Her breath fades into a deep blackness that consumes everything in sight.
The tar on her skin drips from her tear ducts
and falls upon the ground, sizzling and creating voids
On every inch of free space.
How ugly she is,
And yet she entices you.
How long have you been her entrapped prisoner?
How long have you been chasing after her?
Never love your captor,
Never chase the destruction.
Never say the fire warms you
When I can so clearly see the burns on your skin.
Never say the blade is dull
When you have blood dripping from your wounds.
Never tell me that White Demon has no grip on your forearm,
When I will watch you dragged through mud and blackness
At the cruelty of her hands,
Blindly and unknowing.
How long have you lusted for the White Demon?
The nights I have spent
Thinking of you;
That sweet voice of honey
Though I never hear it
As though I am only deaf to you
I long for your nectar
As you long for freedom
Yes, that we share
For all we both care
Is to reach out
And not just stare out
My longing for you
That incomparable aesthetic
Accompanied with your smile.
But I am a demon
So hold on, this may take a while
Hey, have you forgotten?
You're dealing with me
The devil owns you
These visions that you see
This is your fate
This is your reality
So when you see this hopeful lover
Know that I'll say sorry
I never meant to hurt you
You'll get dragged down
And then we'll both be alone
I am the anti-love
The one who brings silence for you
Swallow up the pain and still thirst
Those who don't deserve are fools.
She was there
No more today
Why would she even care?
I tried to reach what you could
help you out
instead just panicked about
I hate myself
His part of the sin you can't hide from
And she will try to run away
But there is no point
For they will eventually begin to fade
I never meant to be hurting
With this stomach turning
With this black heart rotting
I pray to God for hope
To be with you
To love you
Just to even see you
Yet the only light I see
Is the fire I am tortured in
Where are you now?
Lord please cleanse this sin.
Now stuck in limbo
Can't no longer let go
Time now seems slow
And now I know;
To love is to have a soul
So listen to it
And a certain path will show.
I rise from my grave that is my bed
Look in the mirror with rage
But a rage to clear my head
So now for better or for worse
I will shout away the devil
And end the loveless, lustful curse.
Roses aren't red,
Violets are not always blue.
You tried to save me from my demons—
but the devil was you.
With bare hands
my soul he tore,
but I love not the man less—
I loved him even more.
Screams on the counter,
blood spilt on the floor.
Sobbing with torment,
what hope could I ask for.
I've accepted your thorns,
let them pierce through my skin.
For staying is my valor
and loving you was my sin.