Fighting a demon
That sits on my shoulder
Searching for an escape
As my body grows older
The impossible fight
The struggle for breath
My thoughts turn to darkness
As I stare straight at death
No happiness here
No lightness be found
I take one last look
As I fall to the ground
Trying to escape from this hell
I don’t fit in society
I guess that’s why they call it
Anxiety
I feel a weight of the world
Upon my shoulders
My stomach churns
And there is no escape
I tell myself there is a light
At the end of this tunnel
There has to be
The nights aren’t getting
Anything shorter
The thoughts aren’t
Going away
But there’s no turning back now
On this long road out of hell
There's a black cat
that follows me home
every night I feel her gaze
cut to the bone.
I walk in her shadow
I cannot escape
sometimes it's more
than I can take.
There's no use running,
she's always one step ahead
though some will say
it's all just in my head
Black cat, turn away
I'm growing tired
of this struggle
every day
My god I'm shaking
And I realize I love you
My heart is racing
And I realize I love you
Your fingers evade me
And I realize I love you
Distance is killing me
And I realize
tik tok tik,
times too long
works too many
love too less.
tik tok tik,
its already two thirty
a few more hours
you'll soon be free.
tik tok tik,
Did the clock stopped ticking?
Times taking so long,
I'm stressed, bored.
Tik toc tik toc tik!!!
common hurry!
I miss my bed.
Tik toc tik,
time check its two thirty eight.
Tik toc tik,
times too long.
K
NI
VES
are sharp
in birth but
blunt against
words. Though
I have become
used to pulling
knives from my
back, the words
that are said are
dropping pebble
in a still pond, rip-
pling through my
soul till the end of
days. Wounds heal,
right? The pain still
feels too fresh. And
do scars fade? How
many do I have? Oh
well. I guess, no, I am
grateful, to be honest.
For every knife, I've cut
the cords of things unn-
ecessary. But the demons
plague. My face is but stone.
My tears are void.
My heart is black.
The bare slashes
on me, I can deal
with. I can cope.
I can cope well.
I can cope. I can
cope. I can cope.
I-I-I just wish for
one thing. I just
wish that I was
easy to fix. I wi-
sh it was easy to
breathe. Am I
dying? Here?
Alone? Yes...I
am, aren't I? Fr-
om my first bre-
ath, I slowly be-
gan to die.
words are caught in my chest.
trying to crawl their way out through my head.
but my mind refuses to let them break its walls down.
the strength behind the pain
that made me this way is enough to stand back
and watch my heart be buried alive.
underneath all the things left unsaid
it tries to beat its way through but the words cut deep
and the blood runs thick from its veins.
Battered
Beaten
Sullied
Browned
My
Heart
Was
Taken
As
Your
Crown.
Speechless
Lovesick
Confused
Provoked
Your
Beauty
Has
Me
Getting
Choked.
Self-loathsome
Putrid
Horrid
Fake
Why
Wouldn't
You
Choose
Someone
Just
As
Great?
Gleeful
Anxious
Butterflies
I'm
Glad
You
Like
Me
More
Than
Other
Guys.
sat in my porcelain encased coffin,
my body floating among the bits of filth from those who have occupied this space before me.
mind blank as a freshly stretched canvas,
and thoughts come through the white noise like a splash of warm blood against the clean tile on the floor where my coffin lays.
the shock jolting my body out of its stupor only for a moment,
then returning to its dead weight.
each moment of time that passes without a disruption sends my limbs closer to rigor mortis.
and I’m drowning even though my lungs have a clear path for oxygen to travel.
my body rejecting any form of sustenance as I lay in the cooling water,
it just wants to make the process go quicker,
ready to surrender to my mind and its devious ways.
i let it happen.
i’m so tired of this,
this constant feeling of fear but not being able to bring myself to leave the filth i sit in.
and i’m scared of dying
but i’m scared of living in this place more.
My brain rattles around and I'm lost on what to say, what to do, where to start. There is a mountain of things on my list of life. I don't want the list, I dont want anything on it, I don't want life.
I just want to run. Run very far away forever and ever until the end.
-t.s.