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day in, day out,
all the same
eating,
sleeping,
playing games

sometimes I look
at these **** walls
and in a way,
I hope they fall

but then I take
a look outside
and it just makes me
wanna cry

it's so **** cold
I'd freeze to death
so here I sit
and waste my breath

I feel so useless,
so **** lazy
I can't get out
i'm going crazy
I look outside
pray for relief
but the weatherman
says "wait a week"

but it has been
a couple days
don't think I can
go on this way

I have to break out
from my mind
or I won't make it to tonight
everyone and everything is getting to me, and I don't want to do ****. Just wanna hibernate, but my ******, scumbag brain won't let me sleep
sometimes I find it hard to talk to you
so I make lists in my sleep,
of something I could say.
but still I come up empty.
what is it about you?
I can’t live with you or without you.
every single day, I sit in my anxiety.
trying to find a way to say anything.
won’t you remember that I’m your baby?
and if you give a ****, won’t you not leave me?
you’re the one I’ll always choose,
please be mine and don’t waste my time.
love me for who I’m meant to be,
so won’t you please give me something?
because sometimes it’s hard for me to talk to you.
heavily inspired by rent
To lose yourself
Is scary

As not to know
The way

You see a million directions
And you're afraid to choose

You're overanalyzing
Lose touch to any feeling

You're transparent like a ghost
There's no sense in your existence

You see no sense at all.

Like a trombone
The sound of pain in mind
Your brain gets hurt
You're stuck

Can barely breath
Why breath at all?
If you're a ghost

You're scaring, hurting others.
What a shame.

Who will be ever able to love you?
It mustnt be true, it must be a game.
It's a process though. In darkness you can see the light even better, even if it's a tiny spot somewhere far away. Keep holding on to it.
Astral Jan 15
I hate this feeling,
Deep inside my gut,
That makes me feel like bleeding.
I wish my mouth would shut.

That when I want to look,
My eyes would turn away.
And then when I feel shook,
I realize its my fault, I should pay.
Javanne Jan 15
I know you're sick of this
Sick of this
Confounding admission of
Frustrating nothingness

You wait with baited breath
For my mouth to open
My tongue to unfurl into
Something, Anything

You see glimpses
Of mouthed words
But you never learned to lip read

So you try to cut my tongue
And douse it in stimulants
And for a moment
It wiggles and
Lets out a pitiful cry

however it flops over
Before rolling back and
stiffening

I know you're sick of this
Sick of this
stillness that emits
A raging flurry of emotions
That if you had your way
Would explain
a lot of things

I know you're sick of this
I am too
But saying anything
Destroys everything
And I'm scared
To bare and lose
What this is
Between me
and you
getting lost
in thought
is a liberation
until
you get trapped
in a
wicked imagination

- katrina ******
instagram: @wordsbykatrina
twitter: @_wordsbykatrina
tumblr: wordsbykatrina.tumblr.com
i'm a porcelain doll
     brimming with sand
rough and course
scraping my bones
stuffing my lungs
anchoring me down
i ache to speak
     yet nothing croaks out

- katrina ******
instagram: @wordsbykatrina
twitter: @_wordsbykatrina
tumblr: wordsbykatrina.tumblr.com
n Jan 8
Sting of morning coffee bliss with the obligatory first cig of the day,
It’s all downhill from here.
Does normal things Goes to lecture
Lunchtime sugar low.
Self-destructive tendencies itching,
Beer kick - gets drunk.
Being constructive is crushing.
Goes to lecure
Mind numbing normality
Home.
Fearful of loneliness and needy, go waste some hours.
Its late. Restless.
Stoop on the street,
with friends. Anxious, ill.
Wasted night.
Collapse into a shallow sleep of self-loathing.
Zombied.
Repeated offence.
An acurate describition of my daily university life. Evident is my dependency on drugs and my fear of being alone. Both loneliness and 'mind-numbing normality' are perceived as a threat. The title comes from the french word for daily life to accentuate the repetition and spiraling.
Book pages
Crumpled and bent
Pages folded, from being lent
Anything to pass the time
To keep you off my mind
Whenever i see you
My jaw drops
My heart stops
But us together
Never.
That's my happily never after...
My happily never after isn`t so bright.
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