if i took my life,
the clouds would continue to form,
and the earth would still spin like it always has.
every day,
millions of children would take millions of buses to millions of schools,
and no one would know my name or my story.
no one would care enough to try to learn it.

if i took my life,
they'd light a candle or two in memory,
but only for a day.
girls with fake tears would claim they cared about me.
i had never talked to them before.
still, they'd lie.

if i took my life,
every flower would continue to grow,
every tree would still stand tall.
every child would look up into their mother's eyes, just the same as always.
the world wouldn't change because of another death, another loss.
and i'd be happier.

happier than i am now, at least.
i've had a rough couple days.
if you’re on drugs for a while,
you start to forget how you started.
now, when the doc asks me how the meds are,
i always say “fine.”

"i'm losing myself, but i'm fine."
something is missing but i don't know what it is.
KJ 5d
Heart pounding,
Stomach churning,
Hands shaking,

I wake up feeling
oh so nauseous
why is my heart
pounding in my chest?

I tell myself:
"you're fine"
"it's all in your head"
"just breathe"
but then why do the symptoms feel so real?

My thoughts are racing
in time with my pounding heart beat
My stomach queasy and my
body trembles like a shaken leaf
blowing in the wind.

The panic makes it seem
like I will never feel well again
I crave to be normal
to not feel like I'm dying
just from waking up.
Its the feeling you get when your mind is a war zone, a warped home where grimmy thoughts roam, with no guidance or support zone, your so frightened to fight it on your own. More poems of suicide and self harm, you ever dreamt you died and felt calm? Just a truant mind with health crimes, help cant cure a ruined life in Hell's palms. You fell in to a ditch and because of it popping bottles of pills that you mixing your vodka with, then nodding off a bit picturing god and all of it, a doctors on the phone telling you to vomit it. Consistently monitored, the alcohol, the quiting , the six, seven seizures, its the moment a schizophrenic freezes, hearing a voice that whispers when it pleases, the vigilant bulimic, the obsessive and compulsive,the bipolar mood swing and stomach ulcers. Its the hidden issues that the medicine alters. Its the judgmental that the depression repulses ,the anxiety, the psychs with the notes, the post traumatic stress and the vices to cope. The prices of dope,the ice in the pipe that you smoke. The knife the rope, the temptation of slicing your throat. Its the stigma determined to scare you, when the bourbon your served is your urgent repairer. When not feeling nervous becomes rarer and your mom quits  her job to become your permanent carer. Its the psychotic episodes, the days that you lost seeking help, but being crazy isn't something I am ashamed to admit, so stay strong anybody who relates to this, please.
A face full of metal
And skin bleeding ink
With an image this hard
What do people really think?
They don't see the anxiety
Waking me up in a panic most days
Or the nausea that accompanies it
As I try to get ready for my day
I see my reflection
And I look calmer than I feel
Toothpaste foaming at the mouth
I'm trying to learn how to deal
How to convince my feet
To drag me to classes
When all I want to do
Is lay in bed til this passes
But adulting leaves no room for anxiety
And my grades will falter if I keep missing
It's an endless cycle of dos and don't
And I feel like it could kill me
Only a month ago
I could order food without a second thought
And now I'm just drowning again
From all of this anxiety I've got
Mitch Prax Mar 8
God, I wish I were young again.
I miss being a kid, I miss the innocence,
I miss being alive and spirited,
and engrossed by everything that moves.
I’d give anything to go back;
to relive those early years..
Compared to now, it was paradise.
Look how bleak and empty
my life has become.
The same old story,
the same routine,
it never ends.
I miss the magic,
the adventure,
the uncertainty.
This roller coaster we call life
has been dropping for as long
as I can remember.
Every passing second
remains in the past.
I’ve never felt so helpless
knowing there’s no going back.
I must look forward now,
and grow into who I need to be.
unadored Mar 6
anxiety is not an adjective.
running late for your job interview
is not ‘giving you anxiety’.
you are nervous
you are apprehensive
you are worried
you are a dictionary full
of possible word choices.

anxiety is a mental illness.
a faulty amygdala
that causes my body to prepare
for a threat that isn’t real.
the excess of cotisol
penetrating my tissues
is ‘giving me anxiety’.
i am drowning on the same air
that is keeping me from passing out
i am having my lungs squeezed
between the fingers of an iron fist  
clasping at my damp skin
prickled with sweat
suddenly it’s a swealtering day in july
even with snow packed under my boots
i am gasping for air
i have an anxiety disorder.
Em Quinn Mar 2
her face reminded me of winter,
beautiful and serene one moment,
cold and unforgiving the next.
upset is not enough of a word to describe what it feels to be heartbroken.
Minz Feb 28
They all know, but nobody cares
As the little girl sits down and shares
She gives her heart and her brain as well
And just before she’s about to yell

To release all of the hurt and pain
To finally let go of this chain
They pay attention, they gape and gaze
And, for a moment, they’re almost amazed

But then she shrinks and hides away
And everything feels all grey
They laugh and sneer or so she thought
This wasn’t at all what she sought.

She just wanted to be able to speak aloud
As if there wasn’t a giant crowd
To be able to express her mind
Without her heart being left behind.

But it seems as if that was too much
And she didn't want to make a fuss
So she walked away and distanced herself.
This was where she said farewell.

The fantasy world is where she’d go
Somewhere nice without a foe.
Maybe she could fly up high
Or suddenly become a spy.

It wouldn't matter. She didn't care.
Just as long as she wasn't there.
In this prison, in this cell.
This place was her personal h**l.
I suppose this is one way to start on the app. Wish me the best of luck for the future!
E over c2 Feb 27
Bravery isn't natural
Fear is
Be scared
But be brave

Bravery is the ability to look fear in the face
And laugh
And smile
Knowing that you wont let it stop you
It won't stop me.

So do not fear fear itself my dear
Fear holds back all that is good
So face it
And be brave
For I'll be brave with you
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