I close my eyes
To visualize
A romanticized
Big picture prize
Then realize
To my surprise
It's all been lies
And I have to comfort my soul as it cries

©2024

The remnants from every last past bunch
Of confrontation and confusion with such and such
Pile up till it becomes too much
I panic, then in a frantic desperation motion I reach out to clutch
At a drifting safety line I can no longer touch
In a rush I removed both legs to manufacturer a crutch
Sometimes it's hard to translate a hunch

©2024

Locked out of every building down the block of trust
Left in my torrential downfall to rust
Knocked off course by a simple gust
A visual SOS is a must
But follow the flair I launch daily at dusk
And stumble across a cold and lonely husk

©2024

Way down deep, beyond the bleak
Mingling with what denies sleep
Under the heap of secrets we keep
Past what triggers one to weep
Is where you'll find a meet and greet
With what you sow and what you reap
You'll try your best to sneak and creep
Recalling advice that didn't come cheap
"That next step there is ridiculously steep,
Remember to set a reminder
To look before you leap"

©2024

Sometime long ago
Back before time had it's day
Before wind had a way
Before there was anything there to say
I regret deciding to stay

©2024

I'm saddled with a basic logic
Still I dared to assume most who could get it, would get it
Might get it?
Should get it?
I don't get it
Forget it
Look at this nightmare that's gone unchecked, it's pathetic
A lost faith in the general public
You'd think it'd matter who done it but it doesn't
No one's above it
The simple seems problematic,
What do you hear in the static,
Voices in an attic?
Gotta keep that quiet
Tone it down a bit
Everyone's super understanding here on the internet
But watch it can change quick in private
THAT'S what hurts the most, THAT'S what's unfortunate
THAT'S the embodiment of evil adherent

©2024

Forever slipping, sitting at the bottom of the top of the food chain
Trying to stay dialed in, working on removing my latest stain while older ones still remain
Struggling with another rebuild from the ground up, "job well done" but never paid
One crucial thing was forgotten, no foundation laid
I've played and been played, gone when I shoulda stayed
Had my faith destroyed by the faithful though I've recently prayed
My mental health convinced me to refuse medical aid, at least by anyone trained
Stood and faced the death brigade firing squad and I'm the idiot who brought a blade
Witnessing the beginning of the end, acid rain on my parade
No wrongs righted, song and dance quieted, exposing the charade
A tailor-made masquerade, face the price when dues aren't paid
I fell to the fray, had to say, "today's your day Satan" but not to be a renegade
But because I'm pretty sure I make the man upstairs afraid
He hasn't answered any of the calls I've made

©2023

Trust might be the hardest thing ever to recover
Whether mother, father, sister, brother
Grandfather, grandmother or casual lover
The lies and deception can take a lifetime to uncover
Other times it can be right there, in your face, front and center
Something you'll regret to ignore
And these actions hardly ever, mostly never, affect the perpetrator
But they literally **** off an innocence and should be charged with ******
Instead they get to go live a good life type of forever
While I get blamed for trust issues that I have no control over

©2024

Since a year and nine months before my first birthday I've been unwanted
The only way for me to not feel unwanted
Is to not be around for unwanted to be an option
Watch that be the day I am finally wanted
And they'll have the nerve to say, "this is not what we wanted."

©2024

(If you leave me now/Chicago)

•°• A Twisted Classic •°•

Yes if you end me now
You take from me the very worst part of me
Ooh-ooh-hoo, yeah
Baby, please let me go

A life like mine is a life hard to define
How can I do this day to day?

I can push no more, must leave it all behind
Why wasn't it taken during a mental crisis day?
Every tomorrow that comes is led by regret
Everything up to today

©2024

I try to show 'em how it's done, no one's there to hold my beer
I wonder why I really care
I know it's never gonna matter
I would bet money I don't have on the fact it'll never get better
So I never concern myself with later
After the first couple pages flipped through a calendar
You'll never find me there
Most I know will cheer
Saying, "I told you so dear"
Now everyone's a future seer
Go figure

©2024

0kay fiπe,
What£v£r
I'm an @sshole 0ut§ide®,
¥ou are...what ¥ou are,
Life's a j@g0ff
And £veryone §u¢ks
F0r one r£asoπ
0r anothe®
Th£re,
That §hould just @bout c0ver !t

©2024

A pageant of recklessness
A disregarded package of regrets and resentments
Tired and penniless
Unrepairable, no time to do maintenance
Unguarded and anxious
A messenger absent of messages
An organic premise of a pesimess
Heart of ice and might be the coldest
A lot of truth is said in jest
Even if hard to digest
But how is it I'm still on karma's shiit list?
It'***** list might as well be a balled up fist
Split personality,
Both turn against me with the quickness
Okay life, I give in, you win,
You're better than me at this
I've seen enough, I'm done,
Don't force me to continue to be a witness
To this travesty you supplied me with to begin with

©2024

Me against myself against I,
I am not alright
This darkness can not be conquered by light
I keep my feelings bottled tight, out of sight
Why do I hide?
Me against myself against I,
But who is right?
All I gotta do is make it through another night
No time to address it, I don't wanna fight
That's why I hide

©2023

It's all fun and games
'Till someone loses a heart

•°• A Twisted Classic •°•

©2023

The grand scheme, void of me, stands in stoic devotion
To zero compulsion
It holds no emotion
What a notion
I'm feelin' like a single plankton
In a vast ocean
Aimlessly floatin'
In a seemingly meaningless motion

©2023

I removed my heart to keep it safe from those who label me heartless
I'm no good at noticing the double edged, backstabbing nonsense
I shattered my own heart, tore it apart, and put each piece in their separate compartments
An interesting story plot borrowed from Tom Riddles Lord Voldemort, I have my own horcruxes
Oh but I don't want to live forever
Just need a little relief lever
And make it harder to get at my more fragile components

©2024

The sun and moon eliminates
The draining darkness life creates
But my past constantly berates
As my future wiggles free and escapes

©2023

Addiction
Oh what a complication
Repetition
Needs no invitation
Depression
Defies limitation
Immersion
Beyond expectation
A relation
With my elimination
Intention
Only to silence the negative reflection

©2024

I deleted the phone number
Along with every picture
All the things bought together
Every single reminder
And while erasing memories never gets easier
I forget to remember
That it's so much harder
To open up to anyone, ever again
But thankfully it isn't never

©2024

There's a pleading tone to this question I battle before and after I ask
A not so simple, "why can't I just let the past be the past?"
I know at first glance,
I'm nothing more than moth in a trance
Pinging off the same piece of backlit display glass
An abused mind easily transfixed, statue still and steadfast
While running summer Olympic qualifying fast, all gass
Feet growing roots, interlocking with blades of grass
A introspective narrative of an internal impasse

©2024

My flow of motion knows one path
Confronted only by mostly wrath
Homegrown turmoil hath
A distinct flavor of aftermath
Can't solve the problem with broken math
The simple's simply to slippery to grasp
Daily attempts lead to a nervous laugh
It's never the last
If it was, would it matter?
Perhaps,
Though I'd have to ask

©2024

I'm far from being a worthy investment
It's pretty evident
Someone would have every right to be hesitant
And feel the growth of resentment
When so many details are absent
My mood isn't constant
Had a mind but lost it
Thoughts run rampant
But are often incoherent
Called the cops on myself for self inflicted harassment
A living predicament
The opposite of a sycophant
My betterment is, at best, flippant
And I can already tell everybody's sick of it

©2024

If I were to collect then present
Each and every tear I cried
If I were to show
Every emotion I was told to hide
If I were to point out
The litany of moments where I lied
If I were to open up
Recalling the days I wished I'd died
And shamefully admit
The number of times I've tried
Would you be able to love me for me
And put the worst of me aside?
Don't worry if you can't,
The rides creator couldn't even finish the ride

©2024

I fear him
The him I carry inside
It doesn't control the heart
But it controls the mind
I'm afraid to go in there
Because I'm afraid of what I'll find
Me looking blankly back at me
The me I know has basically died

©2025

Oh no, they see me
They'll soon know me
They'll know I'm only
A one trick pony
A phony
Full of bologna
No one below me
So
No one to hold me
To the business end of accountability
Ignoring any responsibility
So I fly free
With no pilot license on me
Obviously
And predictably
I did what y'all we're waiting to see
Sorry y'all had to wait endlessly
I hope y'all where more entertained than me
Sorry that me is all I could be

©2024

This story that began with hope I hope will end with hope
Feels hopeless
I gave up looking for answers, now I hope to find a way to cope
Denied access
The last ounce of hope left left when I decided to revisit dope
Again, I retrogress
This cat and mouse between hope and despair is an exhausting trope
I'm breathless
Dark thoughts fill the space left by hope, time to hide the rope
Chased by darkness
I don't even know exactly what sparked this
But I'm sure to end up heartless regardless
That's just me being honest

©2024

Something doesn't feel right, could be that my head isn't ******* on tight
Could be that, try as I might, the absence of light shrouds the line between wrong and right
Hiding in plane sight but fright often forces the eyes closed, a blind plight
Never found the passion to ignite
Didn't think it possible to gaslight ones self outta spite
Never shined bright enough to conquer or at the very least scatter this proverbial night
Narrow vision and bad eyesight was my faley alright
Hit and fell through my rock bottom with the force of a meteorite
Bobbed instead of weaved and lost the fight, but not contrite
Many issues I'd like to extradite back to their day of origin, with new insight I'd like a full rewrite

©2024

I can't live with these thoughts
Take them from me permanently
Or ready my pine box

All life's cheap shots
I've never found a remedy
All pleasantry coagulates or clots

Vast planes of sparse lots
Riddle my memory so little to no memory
Only empty, inflammatory subpar plots

My past leaches off my future as it rots
Leaving mostly nothing left for me
Subsequently having less than the have nots

©2024

Tried it
Can't do it
Can not be done
So it can't be undone, I'll prove it

Picture this for a minute
Picturesque hides what's not picture perfect
Don't run
It may pay off to listen to the verdict

Incompetent parents apparent
Cinderella's sisters type fit
Concrete clown shoes
Encased in discount mob cement

Bounced check
Inherited emotional debt
My symbolic account
Won't reveal, just conceals most of it

A Zeppelin wreck
Unnecessary resentment, no regret
I 86'd forgiveness
And I'm not looking to forget

The living, breathing embodiment
Of "The crime doesn't fit the punishment"
"Be wary the quiet ones"
I also embody that statement

I am what they meant
A broken degenerate
And no matter my efforts
It's as permanent as I get

I hope this clears things up a bit

©2024

During one of my falls I must have accidentally gave a rain dance performance
A permanent grey cloud overhead, only mine, quite a thing to witness
It's a hindrance, I can't rid it from my existence, I'm not in the fix-it business
Would the hyperbolic y'all know the opposite to reverse this by chance?
I know what you'll be witness to looks bad from a distance at first glance
I understand, I've stood right there too, in that same cautionary stance
And why lie?
Persistence only dug my hole deeper, shoveling in a trance
I'm just a living, breathing being needing guidance and patience
And it's it to much to ask for an actual two sided romance?
But we can work on that last...

©2024

My pain chips away at life
With no precision, it isn't nice
White knuckling a standard butter knife
When it's time to go all the way, it won't think twice

©2025

I don't want to fuuck around
I rather not find out
I don't want to hear I'm not doing what I need too
But if I don't I might never win a bout
This isn't a warning or challenge
I don't want to prove what I'm about
I've gone toe to toe with life all my life
I wouldn't mind a little mid season drought

©2024

I guess my calling is free fallin'
I realized about halfway back, this parachute will never open
Lost all hope right then
Still forced to listen to a double backed friend playing pretend
As they defend a shallow position
But sure, I'll humor you, go ahead,
Tell me how exactly I am suppose start again
While I dangle here in suspended animation
Somewhere around the middle of my end
And on the day I meet the ground I shall call it friend

©2024

I don't deserve her
She deserves better
Didn't know you could experience a record skip with a paperback chapter
Forever risking this status of together

©2024

Wether recorded digitally or with a pen
With or without hitting send
Questioning the subject matter, real or pretend?
They're all just thoughts that don't bend
The only ones I have over and over again
Not even hinting at an end

©2024

Sometimes it's as simple as squeezing one thought into one quotation
Sometimes it's too wordy to reach that satisfaction following an end
Sometimes it's simple but ya can't find the words while missing all the signs
Sometimes it's complicated but can be illustrated in just a few lines
Sometimes you can't figure out how to coax it out
Sometimes there's no stopping it from getting out and wandering about

©2024

Tears formed from the fears of two hemispheres of wasted space
Find themselves in a fast pace race down the terrain of a familiar face
Heart and mind encased in a haze as I attempt to argue a flimsy case
That states;
This horde of unworldly insecurity life creates,
The alien thoughts unloaded in the wrong place
Then forced to take place,
Where never my own in the first place
The originals replaced then gone without a trace
No tracks to retrace
So no,
This isn't me making a break for it to save face
Because the worst off it circles back around at a dizzying pace
This is pointing out a particular fall from grace
The life of a waste

©2024

I have to conquer more fear than a mobile home in an Oklahoma trailer park
So yeah, you can say life's violently left it's mark
But here's the worst part
There's no back to the start
I can't be rebuilt after being torn apart
I'm already a patchwork monster, a piece of work but not art
And as like Dr. Frankenstein, the creator is the monster and only half as smart

©2024

The memories fade milliseconds before I drown in another one
Frozen in fear at the irreversible end of an uncorked weapon
A canon hand cannon
Staring down the rifled barrel of a hunting gun
I can't comprehend the timing of when to run
Most always find myself in a state of stun
Literally can't remember, oh what have I done...

©2024

You're an angel
I'm the one who's fallen
And I'm bound
To take you down
Where you don't belong
With me
Something I refuse to see
And yes, you are going to get angry
But promise me
Even just a dark corner of your memory
And I'll never expect you to tell me this next part directly
But please forgive me at some point before the end of eternity
And if that's not a possibility you could lie to me maybe

©2024

In fits of rage
And bouts of pain
I recall all you said to me
And I pound my fists
Against your memory
Till they bruise and bleed
And I concede
And you succeed
In breaking me finally
But in a twist of fate
That's what it took to be freed

©2024

Make sure to be sure whatever you're into is worth your investment
Feel free to absolutely and completely question any involvement
And you might as well entertain all thoughts on forfeit
I expect you to do so at any moment anyway so go for it
I'm so use to it, being the easy one to forget,
That I notice it before you mention it and am already over it
It's not genuine grit,
It's just avoiding a downfall that hasn't bested me yet
Even though it's a who's who when it comes to who's counterfeit
And I'm sure you're surely as surprised as I am I bet
When the breakdown is broken down and we're all faced with what we're gonna get

©2024

I was able to fool myself there for a little bit
The fraudulent thought was constant
  However, my penmanship captured a consistent internal beratement
But every new piece is the same 'ol shiit
It just pours out different
Duplicate content no matter the faucet
But it's only ever water coming outta the spigot
Forming from the origin of a recurring script
With only a singular way to interpret
You're only going to get one thing from an unchanging mindset
Just gets reworded before print
"Maybe they won't notice it"
"If I rearrange it it'll at least look different"
But the retreating interest is evident
Leading to the realization that was destined to hit
"They've found my secret"
"This pony only has one trick"
Should have paid closer attention to it
I lie and say it's wit,
Which I know is bull shiit
Because I couldn't and wouldn't argue if you called it redundant
The absolute of my failure is pungent
On my best day I'm still repugnant
Any new muse goes out of its way to be absent
Mostly due to the subject,
That's me,
Becoming complacent
Setting anchor in what was my escapement
Befriending my replacement
I wouldn't suggest it
But I ate it
So now I gotta ingest it

©2024

Know that I know
Failure is unstoppable
The situation is never unlosable
Trust me,
I'm already the biggest loser you know
How did I get over here?
Where do I go from there?
I don't know
How deep can shallow go?
That's probably something you should know
Terminal velocity, terminal illness, hospitality's critical
There's only so fast ****'ll flow
Don't you worry though
I'll find the lowest low
Thee frequency is what's incredible
Watch me make the possible impossible
The predictable shockingly unpredictable
Knowing is half the battle
A cartoon told me so
Still waiting for it to help slow the fall though

©2024

Find conviction in your answer
And hold it forever
To hold you together
Through the bad weather
That seems to go on forever
Never getting any better
Never wantin' to become a trend setter
I'd rather avoid a subplot endeavor
A standard cease and desist letter
An awkward deliverer
Of an ignorable order
Internal by nature
From a habitual quitter

©2025

I'm not gonna sit here and say
Why it is I feel I'm not okay
I'd be here all friggin' day
And you'd only lose interest anyway
Distracted easily midway
Forgotten before the rising sun of the next day
So, if you don't mind, I'll just take what I was going to say
And be on my way

©2024

Most people get the benefit of the doubt
"Eventually they'll figure it out"
What the helll's that all about?
I'm expected to master it in an instant or I'm out

©2024

I wasn't bred from good stock
Or birthed with any hope of a shot
Can't imagine that coming as a big shock
Couldn't possibly hide the rot
A thick scar dug into both wrists visually express what verbally I could not
Flesh color replaced the black rorschach ink blot
To clarify, a stark reminder was all I got
KO'd after a turned cheek an awful lot
Like knock knock
Who's there?
Just a nobody,
A lowly placeholder of a single census spot

©2024

Don't talk the talk
Won't walk the walk
Insecurities drag me face down around the block
Tearing me down block by block
Paying no mind to MY mock up of MY desired plot

©2024