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A massive weight shifts between my shoulders. It’s another fight, I am getting older. One more step, I grow bolder. See me out there, on that thin wire. Juggling my life at the same time trying to aspire. The pain didn’t set me back; it lit in me a fire. Your words sharp like a blade and my heart for hire. Elusive to the noise, I climb higher.
I’m eviserating the catacombs of an empire.
I am not trying to scale the ladder. I’m tearing it down to the mire. I am not dousing the flame, I am feeding the fire.

If we are walk this way, we need to dress the correct attire.

Clearly there is an internal fight, a struggle for power. I am not built to last, I eventually get tired. But the problems that disappeared just reappear taking on another form.
I do my best to keep my balance and keep walking this thin wire.

There is a silence in the noise of a mob
I can feel my heart. The story has to end or at least on my part. Will I hit the net below to sweet depart?

Or Shall I just keep juggling as I walk? It doesn’t matter if they think I am a fool; just as long as I do my part.
Life is a circus, living it is an art.


-RSC
Sleep brings relief and the hope of a new day.
Nigdaw Feb 6
the cracks in the mirror
start to show
makeup morning
                              clown
becomes the show
unrecognisable face
made up to be
someone you know
still laughing
just not sure at what anymore
I S A A C Nov 2021
I feel stupid I feel dumb
I won but what
did I really win, you are so childish
had to cut the strings, can no longer cradle it
you are a baby, so immature
you are such an actor, improve king
scratch that you are such a clown
a king would have a crown
but you cannot face what you were born to be
rather keep yourself like an oath, just to not rock the boat
but I cannot be your baby only in the moonlight
in daylight, you are scared to touch me
it rubs me the wrong way, you love me the wrong way
I pictured us as more but you pictured me as decor
a vessel for your fantasy, a trophy nothing more
then you block me on everything because I won’t allow you to keep vanishing
encore encore, but you are still so unsure
fix yourself, please
maturing can be a breeze
when you take accountability
Raven Feels Nov 2021
DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, November writes:}

felt my own selfishness
felt my own blindness
my underestimate
that fatal weight
of my own expressions carried
on upon other people's sights become buried
interactive confusion
paid the price to concealing them delusions
but when I look at her
I see me in skin bare
the old one who never tried
never been one to cry
that lost featured
that defeat creatured
in each eye across me that mockery
embraced for that heredity
not the only one I felt
blamed and met
ached a hurdle
to trace the burden
all nothing new
to an age which I won't be able to view
won't be able to perceive
under eyes won't be able to deceive
how is fairness unfair?
how is change a pit of despair?
shame
claimed
eight and hours faint
to not be on paint
where is my heart now to be fooled?
where is my mind now to scream its soul?
where is my body now to regret those striped drools?
we swim in pools
our skies failed us with lies
don't convince me otherwise
maybe is not a maybe anymore just
for it to be a must
watching now I freeze
try to refuse try to not feel
betray myself
is a betray of herself
can't look in the eye all now
a scar would dig behind that frown
because memories from the inside
**** my pride
like some clown
hunt and drown

                                                               ­                      -------ravenfeels
Raven Oct 2021
Written spells and locked doors.
Mental dispels and cursed flaws.
Aching tensions and delusional illusions.
Illusive dreams and paths to explore.
Wide awake, like a bat...
My mind is on high alert, it never goes to sleep.
Constant mental chatter, an over-active mental state.
It is eternal and I live in the misery and learn to control it.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
My mind is it's own person, it's own monster.
It opposes different ideologies, beliefs, and conflicts, into one.
I question my mind and talk to myself like a mad clown.
Conversating in my own form.

Boundless amount of wit and seedless unpleasant jokes.
Dark and uncensored, explicit and provocative.
A ***** tongue with **** lips to make you want to play with me more.

But am I really what you desire?
Or have you created your own storm.
Do I reflect you?
Or do you just reflect yourself through me.

Smile through the misery, you can't die with a serious face.
Stitch up the corners and pull it up high so you never have to cry again.
Maybe I am you, or maybe I am just suffering through my own madness.
Maybe my madness has become someone else.
My actions of contradictory displays.
But you love me though...

Lets play
There was a guy who acted the clown at college?
Because he thought it was cool to be that way?
But he really liked a girl called Bev Granville and hated;
When everybody called her Open All Hour's from the British sit com Open All Hour's?
He said her name's Bev?
So there was a guy who acted the clown at college?
Because he thought it was cool to be that way?
But really he joked with the girl to try and make her laugh?
But really that guy just wanted to say Bev?
I think I love you?
So do you feel the same?
But just being your friend was a joy as well.
Just sitting with you was like being in heaven itself?
She was beautiful outwardly, but more importantly she was inwardly beautiful as well; so she was never a mean girl or thought she was better than the rest.
But saying I think I love you would have been too much of a risk for this clown.
So saying he thinks he loves you in front of other lads was too much of a risk for him; this was just in case you didn't feel the same; you see his image mattered too much to him?
He loved his time with you in math's class and study time with you in the college library?
But I think she only liked him like a good friend in honesty?
They were good friends in truth.
He hated the week she was off sick from college that week seemed to last forever?
Our time together were the best two year's of his life.
So he had to make jokes to just talk to you?
Yes that clown was me,
Yes that clown was me,
Yes that clown was me!
14/10/2021
TomDoubty Sep 2021
spiral learning
spiral failing
life is always spiral
spiralling
twist me up
spin me down
give me a plastic sequinned crown
now I'm the bloated circus clown
ha ha you laugh!
at my dripping mascara and baggy pants
my **** in a bucket of sawdust
a pie in my face

the poles are pulled
the big top falls

sobbing in the stubs
and sweet smell of candies
I lie suffocating
sad and bloated
a clown in a plastic sequinned crown
Tess M Jun 2021
all around me are couples,
walk around,
frightened and clinging
to each other
clowns jumping out,
chain saws screeching on

paralyzed in fear
crying in extreme anger
everything in me
screams to have control
yet I keep

failing
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