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is it painful
            when you crave
                to put your neurotic love
                         into a hot bath
                                and wash away the insanity
                                         all the people "watching" him
                               all the things coming for him
                        you try to soak him into a dream
                 you don't want him to become sane
              but you want him to be aware enough
         to blow bubbles off his hand
    toward you
after an episode
Silver Feb 7
feel the burning in your head
feel the burning in your lungs
feel the burning in the heart
and the hurt that makes you start

see the white on your arms
and the creases of your palms.

trace the lines of regret. the small sting of
control.
spite.

silent thunder.

everything is anger.
you are anger.
everything is fire.
but you are even worse. the silent dark.

feel the snake rise up in your stomach
to your chest. blood flows down
into the abyss, iron tang
and black shine.

it's always your fault, they say. the way you present,
the who that you embody,
the tone you project,
the everything.
the coarse words scraping around
in your lungs.
(they're actually screams.)

search for red, red but only
find black, black.

ink.

fade,

but not away.
i'm sick of thinking your wrong is right
Maddie Feb 4
I'm hurting everyday
But I know one day he'll pay
Karma will rein
Revenge for my pain
My stomach aches
All my joy he takes
Every morning I wake
Reminded of my errors
I'm visited by night terrors
He's cursed my dreams
My mind full of fiends
The past 3 years
Haunted by fear
I still can't look in a mirror
Because I'm disgusted by what I see
An empty shell
Whispering a silent plea
Violated and used
My ego is bruised
Betrayed trust
My heart crumbling to dust
Leigh Marie Feb 2
Killing myself has always been a back burner option
Been something floating in the foreground like an exit sign in a dimly lit room that I’ve never used
See, I wake up every day and choose not to use it
I decide it’s all worth it
The way the cold makes my thighs red on a Friday night
How the crisp winter breeze reminds me what it’s like to feel something
How you made me feel good, past tense and bad present tense but **** isn’t it a gift to feel this range of emotions again
I feel all this love and heartbreak that I never thought I would again
I thought the winter wind made me numb but instead it made me realize how wonderfully alive I am
I would never do anything to change that, I’ll never take the quick exit
For that, havent I won, something?
Alaina Moore Feb 2
Overwhelmed is a term tossed around to the point of underwelming.
I am a depressed person in a glass cage, with no way to hide my fear.
Like a million little cuts across my body, and not a **** one distracts me from myself.
I feel like I'm pounding on the glass screaming, "I wish you would just be happy!"

I'm a depressed person wanting telling a depressed person the worst things to say to depressed people.
The irony is a silent needle that sews the lips shut.
Pretend you're alseep while pretending to be alive.
I sacrifice myself for others worthy of the life.
Exhausting to carry their burdens, and the tears they can actually cry.
Faces rest in palms as if hands are any sort of shelter.
Inability to let things go makes me feel like I have to rip them apart.
Living like this makss you ill beyond belief.
All I want is a good night's sleep.
If I can identify the problems with
the actions that I take, and the moves that I make
mere seconds after flapping my lips, or
twisting my lips, then

why do I do what I do?
I don't know.
If you're asking whether I think
it's a good thing, or
a bad thing. . .


How long   is it before
"just what I do"    delivers
you to prison walls from paradise?
How far   is too far, to
let my personality drag my brain around?

If I'm self aware, I'm on the borderline.
Control me, will you, my rampant ways?
I have you centered in my sights better
than I ever have, and it's now I think to tell
myself, Action must yield choices more
than Piety or Wantonness. As a for instance,
if I see myself clearly, can I drop the gun
as long as I develop disclosure and transparency?

I'm ******* you, I already know my answer's yes.
From my experience, honesty invites
the utter end of communion,
and from this, you inherit an abject loneliness.
Brayden Allen Jan 27
I get lost in my own words
don’t know where I end and the character begins.
Writing to keep the ink from spilling
the blood in my veins flowing.
Wishing that time would start slowing.
There is so much to do
so much time to sleep
so much time to fill
knowing that it is time to
replace the silence
and speak the truth.
Quixotic Jan 26
Brandishing a scalpel
I chisel free my heart
Lift it thumping to my lips
Taste the first brawny bite
My own lifeblood drips down my chin
as I smirk in victory.
In matters of the heart,
one must consume or be consumed.
A W Jan 23
Casted over me is a loom of doom.

Chained to the negativity it becomes hard to bare.

Crushed by my despair I drag it around and wear it as my armour.

Cursing at myself for the dark emotions, I shrike alone.

Covered by love I still reject.

Cannot receive when there's no respect for myself.

Chasing away the ones I hold dear is the only way I can endure.

Carrying memories that hold me back, I relive alone.

Costs I pay for my depression.
RisingUp Jan 22
I went to university
At the age of 17
Ripped away from high school
Is how it seemed

Mental health issues
Developed and grew
The summer before first year
I felt more than just blue

I went away to school
Happy to be free
Unaware that an eating disorder
Was consuming me

Throw in depression
And anxiety too
Nearly lost my life
I thought I was through

I battled the illness
Entering treatment first year
Gained some weight
Still struggling, though unclear

Four years of ups and downs
Fighting for recovery along the way
Peaks and valleys I found
As I tried to make it through each day

A decent GPA, volunteering,
activities too
Research work, sports, treatment
The time flew

An application to med school
A shot in the dark
I want to help others
Use my wisdom, make my mark

I know what it's like
To be a patient in fright
To be so down you're done
To bear illness weighing a ton

Yet that can't be on my application.

Rejection.

Sad you can't see,
The great physician I'd be.

But I'm not the boss,
Alas, it's your loss
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