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Jules 2d
Well I got what I wanted
And you're talking
Just what I expected
I'm cut wide open
Emoting
With no emotion
That's right
That's how I'm coping
What do I actually want
When I'm craving a high?
What need am I trying to satisfy
By drowning myself in a bottle?
I want to escape
I want to feel joy and freedom
I don't feel that now
I feel like drugs will bring those feelings
Even for just a moment
And sure, they might
But then I'll just think that
The drugs are what makes me happy
When it's actually the feeling of peace and happiness
The things I'm actually craving
That will make me happy
But, the human brain is flawed
And it will just see the drugs
And make me want them again
sad
i’ve been letting the duloxetine
melt on my tongue
in the hopes of speeding up the process
of tricking my brain into quiet

like maybe the bitter taste
will let the thoughts evaporate
Michael Ryan Sep 26
Some days, being me is a burden.
Not onto others, but onto myself.
Those around me do not respect me.
But when they seek memories of better times,
I will be the one they ask to speak.

Education was a tool intent on developing me,
instead it became the ropes that bind me to my family.
These ropes latch me to a home I have outgrown,
but no one allows me to leave.

Instead of vindication
I have found desperation.
Those who know me speak fondly
of my aspirations, but do not realize
that their praise weighs more than,
the stone god was unable to budge.

I lie to you -
true agony is not shelved upon by others,
it is the listless illusions I pander to myself.
The ambitiousness of decision making
and feeling that any course directed by my own hand
will end wastefully.
A few months truly out of undergraduate studies, and I fear that all my time/knowledge will be wasted on a life I do not enjoy.  I want to do things that I am proud of, and helping myself grow as well as helping those around me.  A simple life will **** me.
Elle Harris Sep 25
Whether you’ve been faithful or not
Won’t change the ambition I’ve got.
I don’t care that you cheated on me.
It doesn’t change who I will be.

I’ll dry my eyes and pick up my shoulders.
I’ll walk with my head high as you hold her.
I won’t let you stop me from what I’ll do.
I didn’t **** up. That was you.

I’ll reach my goal. I’ll be a writer.
In case you forgot, I’m a fighter.
Your biggest mistake was thinking you’re needed.
You tried to break me, but you haven’t succeeded.
The post-breakup mope is over. The bad ***** is back.
Justin Aug 9
Way down,
I've drifted
And somehow
I'm riding the waves.
Waiting for the tide to take me home.

It's hard to believe
That things have to be
So black and white,
When the dreams that keep me warm at night
Are full of colors, so bright.

Even though life's a mess,
I'm running to keep it all together.
Chasing after the pieces of me.

I keep losing the pieces,
I keep losing the pieces,
So I let them all go.

Can we make up
The time that we've lost?
Or has it all drifted away?
Is it all over now?
Can we fix what's been broken?
Can we start over again?
I guess, for now, we'll have to wait.

I've got so much time.
Seconds like water in my lungs.
I think I'll be fine, dear.
I've been floating here so long
I've learned how to breath through the pain.

Even though life's insane,
I'm running to keep it all together.
Chasing after the pieces of me.

I keep losing the pieces,
I keep losing the pieces,
So I let them all go.
I was taught many things.
To read, write, to think.
Why, were we never taught to process our hurt.
The smallest pin *****, a devastating blow to an airtight seal.
That holds us all together.
A lesson so important.
Yet often forgotten.
Hold fast, push forward.
Tomorrow is another day.
And with it comes another lesson.
May you soon have knowledge of what you seek.
I started drinking
again
it burns the throat
but it puts
fires out
the type that boil
deep inside
belied
by the smile I make.
it's there
oh it's there
I assure you
it's contained, maintained
stains my skin
reddish tints
seep out sometimes.
but it's okay
I beat myself til it's gone
and a new day
dawns
I'll drink again
Numbing
Numbing
Numbing
That’s what we do
Dull the feelings
Do whatever it takes
To forget the pain.
Starry Aug 18
As I shopping for
A new set of baoding *****
In China town
I find the the oddest pair
One clear and white with yell and orange
flaming dots representing
The Big dipper
And blue one clear with white shiny dots
The Dipper
At night.
And so I buy.
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