it feels as if everything needs to be done all at once watching all your fallen words while you become a ghost in my presence a subtle trembling “I'm not ready” unable to breathe you in you needing time & space feeling like any other given reason strung out to dry will make you fall further behind
forgotten are those bright autumnal colours of the freshly fallen no longer able to offer a crisp rustling with each step a whisper that invites child and adult alike to kick and shuffle playfully ignoring the bite of frost unwelcomed by noses and fingertips
those downbeat leaves lately of such seasonal delight have been rejected by bough and branch drifting meekly without protest or wrenched from arboreal familiarity by gusting wind or gloved hand turned to mulch by constant downpours muddily trodden upon without second thought clinging to any passing boot trainer or shoe only to be scraped and scuffed on pavement or curb stomped in a puddle left behind
Wandering across The unsure grounds Dark as I roam the expanse Only to float without care Without fear or certainty Only to fall, wind whistling Past deafened ears, searching For words to sing a broken melody Sinking into an unknown depths Dimmer and dimmer still it goes As I fall into the perpetual abyss Spiraling farther and farther Down the rabbit hole
Wings of muted grey Once carried me higher Now the wind seems to say, They carry me no more As I wander door to door Within the maze of corridors In the labyrinth that is my mind Fade deep, fade to onyx black Protect my soul, fractured heart What fragments may remain Scattered across the ground Found in hallowed crater After the fall of last Ashes to ashes and Dust to mere dust Perhaps again be Something more A queer thought To then explore For in this time And evermore
- Jay M February 1st, 2022
What it feels like to spiral down into the depths of depression.