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I dreamt of a dream last night.
It crinkled my nose and shattered my bones.

Pacing,
shivering, looking for you.

Terrified, I grab the phone that looks like a hero to me.

I dial your number so fast I could feel my fingers shaking.

And when you answered,
with your tired, low, raspy, voice,

I knew I had to open my heart a bit more
for you.
I will probably elaborate in this poem later on...
Kat 1d
My parents know I’m anxious
But they don't know
The truth
They don't know
How much this illness has taken over my mind
How mental and physical anguish combine
To hinder my body and hijack my brain

They don't know
That every day I sit at work
My body shakes with panic
Seized with fear, stomach clenching
My thoughts race like lottery wheels
Like cars in a race with no finish line
There is no end to this madness

They don't know
That every day I sit in class
Every symptom sparks fear
That flares up in flames
Consuming my body
Turning my bones to ash
Charring my skin beyond recognition
It doesn't take much to ignite this fire
The coals are always hot
Stoked with the air
Of physical pain
Of neurotransmitters that don't function right
Brain chemistry gone wrong
Or maybe I'm just looking for a scapegoat
And the only thing I have to blame is myself

They don't know
That more days than not I cry
Body heaving with swelling sobs
Tears rolling down my cheeks like rivers
Stomach aching with the invisible wounds
Of a knife that twists and turns in my gut
Spilling my hope and my hurt and my hate
For all to see

I tell them I write poetry
But they don't ask what it's about
And I don't tell them
Cause I'm afraid to tell them how I feel
Afraid to see the sorrow on their faces
Afraid to hear the anger in their voices
Afraid that instead of comfort I'll hear concern
And I won't be able to explain this pain I feel
So I write my worry into words
That lie like a lioness locked behind bars
Where they can't hurt anyone
Except myself  

My parents know I'm anxious
But I don't think they know what anxiety is
Not really
Cause anxiety is more than simple worry
Anxiety is a monster
And I'm afraid it's going to swallow me whole
Leaving nothing behind
Except the wispy remains
Of the ghost of the girl
Who wished she could be free
Of this burden

My parents know I'm anxious
If only they knew
The truth
rosie 2d
it hurts
they don't tell you that it hurts.
that your chest gets too tight and aches, and your lungs gasp and scream for air while your throat stings, and your eyes swell and burn from scalding tears that you can't stop no matter how much you want to.

they don't tell you that all your muscles scream the next day from tensing up.
they don't tell you that there's no way to stop them.
they don't tell you that they don't just affect your body.
they overtake your mind.
every illogical fear, every small worry, magnified until they've grown into a monolith of overwhelming panic crushing you under its weight.

no. they dont tell you any of that at all.

why don't they tell you any of that at all?

it's heavy.
it weighs so heavily on you all day.
there's pain in your heart as soon as you awake from fitful and restless sleep.
you know it's coming most of the time.
you can feel it in the uneasy heartbeats just a little too fast, the little stressors seeming bigger than they should.
it does so much damage; big, heavy panic.
destroys you while it's there, and most of the time after it goes away, too.
i've been dealing with panic attacks, so here's a little glimpse. thank you to any readers **
Lost 3d
Inside my head
Is my cluttered childhood bedroom
Clothes swallowing the bubbled, water damaged floor
Mold creeping down the walls
Dripping from the ceiling

If I try to open the door
The moment I touch the ****
The lights turn off
And the door vanishes
There’s no way out
I cannot leave

Inside my head
I’m sitting on my childhood bed
My knees tucked up to my chest
Hoping if I can curl up small enough
I might be able to shrink into nothing
And just ******* disappear

If my eyes look vacant
It’s because I’m not there
I’m stuck in that tiny room
Rocking back and forth
Banging my fists against the walls
Until I’m resigned and sore
The first stanza when I describe my room isn’t an exaggeration. I spent my formative childhood years living in a mobile home. When it rained water would leak into my room and stain my walls with water damage and soak my bed. The floors really did bubble up with mold.

That was when I first started to feel trapped and it still hasn’t gone away. I might as well still be stuck there.
void 6d
i just want to scream at them that theydont get to care now
they dont get to pretend that they never hurt me
not without saying sorry
not without telling me why
why that for years they ignored me
no matter how hard i tried
no matter what i did or said or didn't do
they never tried for me then
not when i needed them
not when i was screaming for help
but now
now that im okay and can handle myself
they care
RJ 7d
It’s at my toes, it begins to rise
Ebbing and flowing, just like the tides
It’s coming in quick, and going out slow
How long I can stay here, I do not know
One thing I do know, I better be quick
At my ankles, it’s starting to lick
I look for an exit, but none can be found
I had some calm left, but now it’s unwound
If I don’t find an exit, soon I’ll be swimming
I’d rather not, be fish Thanksgiving
It’s up to my thighs, there’s no time to waste
I feel for anything, I’m searching with haste
It’s reached my neck, a feeling settles in
I start to accept, that I will not win
I take a deep breath, as it reaches the top
I feel as though, my lungs will pop
I reach my limit, and a breath I do draw
At the edges of my vision, darkness does gnaw
Then it’s all black, nothing to see
What has just, happened to me?
Critiques?
void 7d
Panic is a bathroom sink,
Grime-covered and overflowing,
Tearing the skin off my hands
With its vicious heat splashing,
Burning cold through spilled ink.

Inexorable dripping
From the rusted faucet,
Straight to its slimy veins
Sliding effortlessly through my entire being,
Puke mixed with minty paste
An attempt to be free.

Cerise-stained and overpowered
With bleach, an attempt to be clean.
Rotten all over and
Drowning in sour suffering,
Innocence and purity forever
Lost underneath.

Incessantly imbued and
Utterly consuming,
Panic is a bathroom sink.
Emma Dec 1
.
I feel the earth sinking,
under the weight
Of my own thoughts.

I feel my heart breaking
With the hurt
You put me through.

I feel myself
Slipping away
Through the cracks
You made.
Haylin Nov 30
12:03 am
something feels wrong

12:05 am
something bad is going to happen

12:08 am
I'm a failure everyone hates me I need out

12:10 am
calm down just try to breath

12:12 am
you're going to be ok

12:13 am
you're okay
The Tinkerer Nov 28
Broken, bent, beaten and burned.
Spirit weary, and my belief worn thin.

My mind turned,
What I now 'knew' I had to unlearn.
What I now felt, I had to upturn.

To fight the doubt,
To fight the fear,
Took a ***** in the shell
For me to peer,
Within.

Realize
I needed real ties,
No half-truths, no fallacies,
No small talk,
No niceties.

I need you raw and real.
My strength is fear.

To face it together,
Win alongside eachother.

A need to learn,
The depths of the world.

Only then could I be me.
Post panic attack and anxiety facing situations. I have had a couple of days to think through all that I have gone through I now I am slowly realising why I am at this point in my life in this way. I hope to make and stick to the changes I know will make my life better.
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