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calcium 19h
Let me breakdown
the breakdown

The mind is consumed
You start seeing black and white
your body loses balance
your eyes are filled with tears
your nose is blocked
your throat feels tight
you ask yourself
"Why can't I fight?"

You feel pathetic as you fall to the ground
but have no will to get back up
You scream in agony
hoping to be saved
You either want to stay in the dark
or pray to see a spark

Time has passed
and you lay there
Like shattered glass

Not really sure what to do next
you realize that nothing has changed
So you get up
and go back to your daily parade

Slowly you tell yourself
"I don't want to go through that again."
And hope to sleep before past ten

The breakdown does not end there
This is what I'll share:

The rest is up to you and me
Hold my hand,
and together we'll break free
under the algae
beneath the sedimentary substance of a sentimental
there resides the need to put everything into categories
organizing it by numbers on the top corner of crisp sun yellow manila folders with the messy scrawl of someone punctual but seldom in time for things

in the absence of sunlight i took to you like a lamp
the one with a warm glow and dust collecting on the folds of your body of ceramic
the more i got close the more i could feel myself burning from the inside like a watermelon containing meat fruit or the inside of a pumpkin spilling out onto your counter with audaciousness
sticking your finger in the warm gooey center only to dispose of the carcass without indulging

sometimes the left side of my chest hurts and i immediately think of heart attacks and a blue face

sometimes it's flood season and i see the bottom of bridges puffy with overflowing water and i immediately think of five years ago when i thought that if i laid down i could sleep forever and never wake up
my body slowly un-recognizing how to be the human condition

but then my lungs still move in my rib cage rhythmically
my chest expanding and contracting
the repetition of comfort inside my abdomen
and i know it's not heart disease but the fluttering of panic slowly dancing on the bottom of my collarbones

but then i get up from my bed and fix my hair into a braid
my hands remembering a pattern i don't have to think about
fingers nimbly trembling beneath handfuls of hair
and i know that despite everything

i would continue through and through
i would continue
a poem about a fuzzy head and moody weather
It sits in my stomach,
rules the beats of my heart,
pouring under my skin,
and through my shaking limbs.
It grips me and waits
to tear me apart.

In public spaces,
the crowds and faces
spark its power over me.
I count to 1, 2, 3,
Still, I can barely breathe.
Engulfs my energy
until it's ready to leave.

It leaves me trembling,
as my eyes betray me.
Once more my fears
have brought me to tears.
My social anxiety was so bad today, I don't know how I made it.
Spacial vacuums siphon oxygen from my lungs

This red, white, and blue suit is a temporal abode for a terminal body

My brain is gasping in a crevice devoid of musical vaccines

The veins of my neck are slowly turn grey to match a perceived

Black dots blur-my-vision as I fumble with the radio to signal home

But the shadows of decaying light are pulling away from my fingertips

Electrical impulse has ceased to deliver sensation to my extremities

Cast upon me a lifebuoy - for the gold of my iris’s ring is unstable & therefore unsustainable

Fear strickens my body with the toxicity of a memory’s love widow

The poison of its chemical involuntarily punctures physical holes with rusted knife blade

And as the blood pools
my thoughts drown
Tsunami came from nowhere,
Mother nature called aloud
Bringing with it only sin,
Bearing devastating sacrifice
and death to all and kin.
Reality hit home within the first few hours,
As news came through the world soon new
It seemed the earth had cracked in two
Now our world is flawed with devastation
Death, pain, and desolation
We pray for those who died
And feel for those in pain
Our people’s lives were taken when that brutal mother came
This mother came from nowhere upon the highest wave
Bringing in destruction, death and devastation,
Loss, horror, and hopeless apprehension.
These words cannot portray our feeling of dismay
Our minds in fear as we shed a tear
For those whose lost and those who suffer
Awaiting news or searching through the thousands.
Undignified, coming to terms with loss of those who once loved but now no longer.
Mother Nature played her part so viciously,
Leaving just a simple question…why.
Today I pray alone, but I know I am not alone for the entire world will pray with me.
beth 7d
Heavy breaths bounce in the corners of my room
while tears stream down my face as I wonder
what's the reason this time around.
In the back of my mind, I know for sure
why it's 1am and I can't sleep again.
It's scary to say it out loud.
I pull up my phone to distract my brain
since it seems like it can't keep quiet but
all the images remind me that I
don't have anyone to call to ask them
to help me out.
Even my dog leaves quietly towards
my parents' bedroom even though they
haven't got home yet.
I don't start to calm down until
these words make their way
into the notes on my phone.
I can breathe again.
- panic attack.
Ray Casey Oct 4
Blossoming from the mouths of cynics,
disgusting things creating panic,
of weakened ones who cannot laugh,
pitiful words that wreck their heart.

Never caring about what they say,
disturbing minds with their malicious games,
shaming the lonely in their brokenness,
passing that poison is never victimless.
Heart pounding
Through my ears
My eyes bleed
With my current fears

It's quiet here
There's no sound
My body falls
Into the ground

I've made a mess
It's flashing in my mind
Where did everyone go
I'm left behind

I'm in isolation
The walls are talking to me
I left this cell so long ago
But the shadows came back for me

My vision is fogged
My ears are pumping
With the sound of silence
My body won't stop jumping

Isolation is my fear
There are demons in my head
They are pounding through me
They want me dead
Currently been alone for a while with massive nightmares and panic attacks. Guess thats fine. have a lovely night everyone ❤
Ruby R Oct 9
I’m suddenly bombarded by a wave of panic I’m slowly drowning
A unexplained darkness starts to surround me

I can feel the adrenaline course through my veins
I’m flooded by it’s sweet pain
I can’t wait for when this is over finally
My hands start shaking violently

Blood rushes to my cheeks turning them bright red
I can’t move I’m trapped inside my own head
I can’t think I can’t see everything’s getting foggy
An invisible serpent slithers it’s way up my body
Squeezing and squeezing it tightens as it’s makes its way to my neck
It’s slithers around me it’s so grotesque
Slowing curling around. It grips tighter and  tighter
My lungs are burning now they’re on fire

My throat starts to close and I can’t speak
My legs turn to rubber and they become so weak
***** is slowly rising burning its way up my throat
My chest feels as though it’s going to explode
I gasp for air as I silently choke
And the pressure will just increase
My stomach knots and hot tears slide down my cheeks
My heart beats rapidly to an ominous beat
I’m burning and sweating I can’t handle this heat
My panic clouds my brain and I can’t think
I collapse and shrink

My jaw is sore from gritting my teeth
I look fine on the outside but I’m fighting a silent battle underneath
I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe
Why won’t it stop why won’t it cease

With all this pain my teeth start to grind
I’m Held captive within my own mind

I’m going to die I’m going to die I’m going to die
Why won’t it stop why why why
My anxiety is exploding in my brain
Im engulfed by this excruciating pain
It’s like a tidal wave of suffering I’m just trying not to be drowned
I’m screaming and suffocating but no one seems to hear a sound

But suddenly my anxiety starts to slowly relinquish its power
It’s only been a few minutes but it felt like hours
My heart  starts to slow and I start to relax
My ability to breathe slowly comes back
I look down surprised to find my body intact
I’m fine it was just another panic attack
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