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Kayla Gallant Jun 29
We were placed inside a glass fortress
Dull knives were all we were given
Expected to know how to survive
We attempted to carve our way out
To leave a mark of any kind
Desperation flooded our insides
What will we do if we never make it
How will the world ever know of our existence
Right above our righteous heads
The sun flooded in
Yet we remained oblivious
To warmth it gave
The light it provided
The life it created
The sun was above us all along
The fortress was never sealed
We were far too busy trying to leave our mark
We could never see
There was an escape all along
Into reality
Nicx Jun 9
Limbs cut through crisp air
I am falling, back first, into the abyss
Arms flail to find ground
But only air exists here
It blows through my heart and
Out through my chest
My spinning heart a weather vane
At the mercy of gravity and earth
Convulsions flare uncontrollably
Panic awaking panic
The danger paints everything in shadows
So even the sun haunts this place
I don't want to feel this
I don't want to lose control
But in falling, that decision isn't mine
I can only accept this state
Trying to control the uncontrollable
Will only cause more harm
I need to love myself enough
To love myself when I'm not ok
Take a gun to my head and pull the trigger
Take a gun to my head and make it quicker
Quicker quicker
Let the bullet hit my brain
And simmer simmer
Quicker quicker
I wrote this was I was having a lil panic attack no worries
i lift my shoulders and hunch my back
don't look at me don't look at me don't look at me
walking faster, heart racing, i feel the presence getting closer
leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone
i break into a futile sprint

it's not as though i can speak
tell it to leave my sight
tell it i have nothing left for it to take
hope it believes me
while i shove the final page of my story deeper into my pocket

i know better than to lie to this thing
my legs are growing heavy as i try to outpace it
but it's no use
an experienced hunter, the creature waits for me to exhaust myself running from it, then moves in for the ****
at least there, i have the last laugh-
i have already died from fear
Ever restless mind of
Mine,
I wish thou
Would be still for
Once in my life.
Nicx Mar 31
Hands over my ears and my eyes are clenched, there's too much noise.
Head on knees and knees to chest, my body wants to absorb itself.
I'm surrounded by screaming, and it's my own voice, myself from a time before.
"No"
More than anything
"No."
My heartbeat expels all of the air from my lungs, and they won't fill back up
But I am still screaming.
It's as if snakes are slithering across my bare chest, and my eyelids burn as I lock them tighter.
There is no way out of this, but it feels too big to survive.
Now along with "No," the voices are screaming "Run."
A command that echoes through every cell in my body.
Every hair is on end, every nerve is alert.
My muscles ache to move, as my heart pours blood through every limb.
But I am still frozen,
Tangled in a heap of myself on the ground.
Since my body has failed me, my mind bears the weight.
Speeding through every option, every possible source of control
Slamming sharply into blame.
Because if this is your fault then I can walk away
I can leave you, thinking I'm free from the pain.
But this isnt your fault; this isnt you.
My fear is my own and leaving wont change that.
It's my voice that says you'll leave.
Mine whispering that I dont matter.
The voice of a terrified child with no control, The erratic and panicked thrashing of a traumatized brain.
My thoughts are a symphony of terror and understanding,
Fear, and the awareness of it.
I want to build connection with this brain inside mine.
So I will sit here and listen as she screams.
Absorb the bullets of fear and shame, aimed at myself.
I will hold space for this neglected part of me.
I will honor the part I have always blamed.
It isn't her fault, and her truth isnt mine.
And although I feel everything,
We both deserve peace.
Alex McQuate Mar 4
Walls closing in, hard to breath,
Staccato rhythmic my chest.
Looking back over every word,
How did I **** up,
Had to,
How could I not,
Dark,
Dismal,
Sinister whispers.

Been a while since I felt this sensation,
Like an unwelcome person back into my life,
****** up,
Had to,
Rata-tat-tat goes the heart.

Forgive me for my **** up,
Twas not my intent,
Words slipping out without realizing,
Hours later,
Analyzing,
Reanalyzing,
Overanalyzing?
No, wouldn't feel this way otherwise.

Apologies not enough,
What if this is the straw that breaks the back,
What if this is the point where it all falls apart?

My fault,
Of course my fault,
How can it not be my fault.
Rata-tat-tat goes the heart in the chest.

Pressure release valve needed,
None to be found,
Reach for my laptop and pound on the keys,
Will words be enough?
Will the prose suffice?
Am I bound for a torturous night of no sleep?

But I deserve it,
How can I not,
Good ol' Rob ******* up yet again,
Can't do anything right,
Could never do anything right,
Deserves all that he gets.

Vision narrowed,
Tunnel of black,
Pinpricks of light that are all that can be seen.
Turning burning eyes into watery blurs,
Rata-tat-tat goes the engine as it screams.
Katie Feb 28
"You don't need to worry so much"
Yeah I'm aware of that. That'll really calm me down.
I'm happy you rebooked that overdue meeting for me.
The panic of waiting was getting bad.
I haven't had an attack that bad in months.
But really.
******* Stephen.
59
I don't really think this is a poem, I just need to vent this panic attack somewhere now that it's dying down.
Orange Rose Jan 9
Please.
Please don't...
Just talk to me.

Okay?

I know, I know.
I can see.
You're not sure where to start.
All of those thoughts.
Running, racing through your head.
All at once.

Breathe.

I can see you reliving every moment
Every second
Every scenario that led you

Here.

Just focus on here.
Focus on me.
No, don't look away.
Eyes on me.

Breathe.

I know sometimes it seems
Like the world is caving in
Crushing you under its weight.
You carry it.
You've made it look easy.
Until now.

Let me carry it for a while.
Let me help you carry it
At least.
You still don't know where to start.
Those thoughts of yours
Still racing, flying, tangled
Crashing into each other.

Fighting.

Listen for a second.
Don't try and sort them
In order of importance.
It doesn't work like that.
Start with...

Which thought is loudest?
Based on true events.
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