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Sueño Nov 4
I’ve often been told
By many different souls.
That I’m hard to read
It’s getting old
Enough for me to forget it
Until it comes up again
And again and again.
Is it my glares to the top corner or the room
Or the stale air
Was it because I already told you ?
Worried about my feelings,
But it’s Your actions .
Do you not have any compassion
Or respect for yourself
Here’s  another number
Take a guess
How I feel
Use your head
Tell me what’s real.
Can’t be looking down
Face glowing Up
Because you can’t talk
Like a ******* grown up
This mind game is too lame
I can’t stand your sad face but
You need a kick into reality
I told one time
Don’t you ever lash out at me
I’m a ******* inside
But I never let it out
I don’t wanna give you
Something to talk about
Everyone’s cool
Until they don’t shout
This is how
The truth comes out
I don’t know
Dev Nov 2
They think I'm a *****-up
And I tell myself "well that's fine"
"I'll just prove them wrong"
But with each attempt I make
It only proves them right
And I’ve been seeing things in my nightmares
I try to wake up
But it’s my life
I try to make up
To my wife
But guess what?
No-one cares
And no-one dares
To intervene or help a solo soul, ‘cause they see he’s so low and cold

Honestly, would you do the same?
Ignore a stranger in pain?
Probably not if it was like in the movies
‘Cause the person in pain is physically appealing
Someone you could be with, a fixer upper,
Instead I just fix me some uppers to cope with the natural downers
ie life
ie wife
ie knife
Written on the 24th of August, 2018
Nick Stiltner Oct 17
A soundtrack from behind the blinds,
fleeting and skittering steps into the rocking water,
crossing the ebbing tide's line in the sand.

I cross the barrier between,
I open my eyes and I see
the castle standing on an arching hill
over the snaking river.
The tower reaches high,
stretching to meet the clouds
and the bricks of the walls sit in piles
of rubble, left to the mosses
and vines that drape their faces.

My vision fades to black and it forms again,
the gray sea and shimmering light appear
as i wade deeper, now up to my knees
in the lifeless water.

Up the spiraling staircase,
a glance through the hole in the wall
as the valley shrinks below
and the hazy purple sky
envelopes the whole of my sight.

The water reaches my chest now,
my steps scraping the rocky bottom
and the white moon lighting the path
forward, reflecting in a white sparkle
on the top of the slow moving wake.

The crumbled roof at the top of the tower
gives way to the dark and starry night.
A hazy mist surrounds,
of a cloud slowly drifting through
like an ambling specter,
on the long march home.

I crouch at the edge,
at the edge of the hole at the bottom.
I fill my lungs with a last breath
and dive downwards,
the gray sea covering me
and pushing me into the lightless cavern.

The mist of the cloud passes
and the view of the valley
is cleared.
I sit at the edge of the tower,
with my feet dangling over the side.

Lost in the stars,
once again my vision fades
But the gray waves do not return,
the white moonlight dimmed and extinguished
as I sigh and sit at the top of my conquest
and remember the days i've lost
in the traceless place,
with its tranquil waves.
Xylos Oct 15

I can't feel you
the same as I am.

We don't talk,

But you don't
to me,

And I,
at all.

It isn't on purpose,
Recovery is still working
it's way into my ****.
kaitlyn joy Oct 9
They say it's better for your health
To always be kind
To go through the day at a steady pace
And regulate your emotions

They say slow and steady wins the race
But they're just going through the motions
Running into oceans...
Drinking deadly potions...

High highs and low lows
My life never flows, never slows, sometimes blows
I'll never know
I'll always care

Like the turtle and the hare
It never seemed quite fair
That the fastest of us fall behind

I wish it could all rewind

A perspective that sticks is hard to find
Everything that comes up eventually comes down.
That's normal, isn't it. But 
I want to feel weightless.
I want to feel free and float around,
Move around by my own means.
Gliding around trees
gazing at the sky.
Instead of crumpled in my bed.
And stuck in my head.
-October 1, 2018
Annie Oct 3
I was prescribed
hot chocolate
by a woman who let me
cry in her chair
on two occasions.

On bad days
I make myself have a hot chocolate
not because they’re particularly my favourite drink,

but because having this hot cup of
makes me feel like I’m doing something
to comfort myself
when I don’t know what else to do.
Lydia Sep 25
I really do wonder if I am just going to be like this for the rest of my life or if it's just a very long faze
I've wondered this for years
always thinking
"well next week will be better
next month will be better
next year will be better"
and it's not
I've been so unhappy lately
the kind I can't quite put my finger on
I know I've been lonely
and feeling insecure lately
about everything
my looks
my job
my relationship
my son
my car
Etc etc etc
I honestly have days and weeks where I feel unstoppable
I could handle everything at once and not blink
but then all of those highs crash into deep dark lows and I feel too weak to climb back up
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