drowning
the once ceaseless erupting globules of life on the surface
grow less frequent
lachrymosity ebbs out of your lungs
like a bleeding wound
your body goes limp
but you feel somewhat at peace

the weight of the water silences the voices
it envelops you
into an emancipating abyss in between what seems like life and death

suddenly
you are flung out of the water
your body arches
as air fills your lungs once again
eyes shoot open
you see the world as it is
you see what lies beyond the crater of darkness.

you get a taste

before you are pushed down again
forced into the depths
even though you want to live,
even though you want to experience joy
but the shackles of the abyss are put on you once again

this time
instead of serenity
all you feel is longing
your body aches to see the world again
you are denied
until once again your crater becomes all you ever knew
the darkness feels comforting.

but that's not the way it works.
we don't get comfort.

you are flung between the world and the abyss
over and over again
as the clutches of the demon in your mind
torments you with the knowledge
the knowledge of knowing what you can never truly have.

because you and i?
well the abyss is all we ever knew.

this side of my skin
hides what lies within
a perfect shell
hiding my inner hell

this side of me
hides what you can see
what i hide
what's trapped deep inside

outside as perfection
inside a deadly infection
it spreads through my soul
its darkness swallowing me whole

this side of my skin
protects what i hide within
keeps my thoughts hidden
because what they say is surely forbidden

world, forget me
as i'm nothing special
a blank slate
with no motivation

i stay sedimentary
afraid to fail
how can i fly
if i wont take a leap

world, forget me
i have nothing to offer
nothing to share
just an empty shell

a passing character in someone's story
i'll never be the one they read for
my life is nothing but trials
all which i've failed

world, forget me
please i beg you
don't waste your time
trying to see me as who i was meant to be

I know, I know
I know, I know…

My best friend calls it a lie. Whether that is true or false I know it's worthy of a try. it's unrealistic, it's impossible, it's weird, “or so they say”. could it be a trick? I know my feelings aren’t exactly as clear as day.

I always have the need to be with said someone, whose name I can't even disclose. It’s my affection that I need to decompose. But I just want to hold her tight and never let go. tell her how I feel, how I really feel.
Why is it that this thing I can't let go moves so slow? Is it just an endless pit of sorrow? Is it even real?
so I guess

I know I know
I know I know…

love is not real.

“or so they say”

The hours stretch, a silent ache,  
Each minute trembles, each breath I take.  
The phone sits still, no message bright,  
As I wait through another lonely night.

I wonder if you think of me,  
Or if I'm lost, a memory.  
The world moves on, and yet I stay,  
Hoping you’ll reach out today.

I watch the screen, a glimmering glow,  
But it’s empty—no sign, no show.  
What is it that I’m waiting for?  
A voice, a word, or something more?

Maybe I’m just a fleeting thought,  
A dream you’ve left, a love you’ve sought.  
But still, I wait, despite the ache,  
For your call that never wakes.