I'm out of words
I've said all I can
I've expressed how I feel
There's nothing left to do
I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be
I am
angry
scared
tired
frustrated
But most of all
I'm alone

Zeus 4d

"Zeus I'm pregnant", she'll never say
Tears of joy, happy smiles and tight hugs, we'll never give
"Can you feel her kick", she'll never say.
Falling asleep on her laps, day dreaming of a little female me, I'll never do
"Can I get you this. Can I get you that" she'll never hear
Laughter filled with admiration, fights filled with adrenaline, apologizes filled with remorse, will never have.
Baby cloths shopping, baby name we'll never do
"It's time" with a smile on her face, she'll never say
Panicking rush, silly fumbles excited faces ecstatic heart races, I'll never have

1st cries, first breathes 1st sips, She'll never take
Sleepless nights quick passing days, we'll never see
Fast pace days, friendly family and friend smiles and congratulations. I'll never hear
Nightly prayers and daily scriptures, I'll never read to her
Past writings and future notes, she'll never hear
First tantrums, she'll never throw
First teeth, she'll never have
first steps, shell never take
first words, she'll never speak
First books she'll never read
First days of school, she'll never see

First report card, she'll never bring
First fights, She'll never win
First friends, she'll never make
Flashing years, other baby on the way, we'll never have,
School presentation's, school awards, she'll never get
Best friend, she'll never make
"I'm so proud of you" I'll never say
Teenage phase, teenage problems she'll never have
First dates, she'll never have
Late night private talk, late night private walks, we'll never have
Emotional talks, heart to heart talks, argumentative talks we'll never have
"Zeus she writes just like you" they'll never say
"Zeus she writes just like you", I'll never be proud to heat
Daddy Care, love and support, she'll never feel
"I'm always here" shell never hear
"Daddy I love you", she'll never say
"Daddy he's the one", I'll never here
Over protective side, she'll never see
University graduation, she'll never have
Tears of joy, "I'm so proud of you" we'll never say,
Fist driving lessons she'll never have
First break up and make up, She'll never have
First "I'm sorry, take me back" She'll never hear,
First nights away home, first late nights away from home, she'll never have,
First sit downs, we'll never have,
First dances, he'll never take her out on

First jobs, first "you're fired", she'll never have,
another baby on the way, excited as ever feeling, we'll never have
First apartments, first houses, she'll never own,
"I do" as she cries, she'll never say,
Big beautiful wedding, flower filled and joy surrounded wedding, she'll never have,
"Daddy I have another Zeus coming", she'll never say
Tears of joy, proud moments I'll never have,
A chance to read and continue this note, she'll never have....

My childish ambitions, that will never be

i cant explain what i feel when i think of you, my last public note

There was a time _
The phoenix bird set herself ablaze to rise again with the invincible power

There was a time

The dead seashells tuned the beautiful song for you

There was a time

The small town girl felt no sense of belonging

There was a time

A thousands of Lesser Whistling Teals came from far to survive on your land but never flew back alive

There was a time

The large Oak tree was dying silently, no one noticed

There was a time
_
My colors were fading but you're happy with them who stole my crayons

Once I was a complete Me before your false promise...
Once I was not a lost hopeless mind

Some people say
They don't write poetry,
But their thinking has rhythm.
They're just Perfectionists.
So,
They think their poetry
Has to rhyme.

NAG Apr 16

I am not Atlas.
I can’t carry the weight the world on my back,
Watching from below as
symphonies become sorrows
And hopes become hopeless.
As hearts stop beating despite the flowing
Of blood through the veins along scarred wrists.
And bones fracture after words stab into
Discarded bodies with lifeless heads.
And maybe Atlas didn’t have this problem.
Maybe Atlas could bend his knees,
Perhaps they were sculpted to shift that way
But, even if I wished upon the brightest star
My knees would not bend at the hands of chaos.

How deep do your bruises run, Atlas?
-=-
2017-04-16
-=-

i can't explain what I happened
the air above blackened
where people fell and flattened
the crunch of bones imagined

i can't describe the sound
when the Son of Satan crowned
the cheers and laughter abound
the noise of protest drowned

i can't describe the sight
when Satan's tribe did smite
the Son of God in white
just as John did write

i can't describe the smell
of those in locked up cells
their heads and arms they fell
refusing to go to hell

i can't describe the taste
of all the human waste
bodies all defaced
none of them were traced

i can't describe the feel
to see the weak kneel
the touch of burning steel
the real Achille's Heel

MeanAileen Apr 9

It is always present
Dormant in my soul
Until it awakens
Seizing all control.
Crushing happiness
Infecting what's pure
Inflicting a pain
I've learned to endure.
Clouding thoughts
Enslaving my brain
Corrupting judgment
Till i feel I'm insane.
Stealing sunshine
Twisting my smile
Killing kindness
Leaving me hostile.
Ripping at my heart
With utmost aggression
It has awakened...
Hello again, depression.

Just another poem stemming from my depressed brain...
full moon Apr 7

I saw you
And look at you so preciously
Your my gem
My treasure
My infinity
But look at you now
You're in the middle of nowhere
Almost to nothingness
Lifeless
Emotionless
Have that man hurt you so much
That he turned your heart into ash..

#npmchanged
Erin Marie Apr 6

I decided to take
all the hopeless love
that I have and
color my words with it.
I share it for other
hopeless romantics
like me.

Everyone seems to like
my colorful words
all about you.

The way you walk sends even the miserable waves into hysteria
As they dance across the ocean’s ballroom floors,
Your body is a gift I will sadly not unwrap because you already have your champion that won your heart’s wars,

Yet I still find myself mesmerized by your beauty and feeling hypnotized by your bluish grey eyes
They remind me of tender rainy days and the turquoise of the distant seas
The seas I spill when alone but remind myself that I will not die now, for you I’ll stay and hope for my natural demise.

I am jealous of your man because he has the most expensive gem in his arms
I wish I could be the one to help you out in bed, not him,
He’s blessed with the most heavenly of blessings to ever walk the earth’s thorns,
I really wish I was him. Selfish of me, I understand and my apologies
But I wish we were together, I don’t want to stop seeing you and reading your dream’s anthologies,

It hurts knowing that one day
We will only have each other’s numbers that may in the future become collapsed
And it makes me want to weep rivers of tears to drown myself and forget we ever met,
There is a reason I distance myself from people and it’s that I don’t want to get too attached
Because if I do, saying goodbye burns like hell, and honestly, I’d rather paint my death with a tainted brush and an emotional palette.

I wish I could watch you erupt like a volcano of frustrated anger and unrest
I wish I could hold you when you cry oceans of tears to drown your sweet fears
I wish I could listen to your blissful laughter suffocating your own chest with passion
I wish I could make love to your soft, naked frame with a bottle of oil and a bouquet of roses
I wish I could cater your soul and body as you age with all the care and support I have to offer
But these are things I wistfully won’t be able to do.

Dear person I will never be with,
I love you with a heart hungry for more hurt.

Best wishes,
Nour Aisam Mattar.

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