.Digging for my roots,
Through fragrant soil,
Rocks scrape my wrists,
Entangled in the maze,
Rich with the past,
My ancestors are lost in the dirt,
Their names forgotten, but they are there in my DNA,
Marking me with their gifts, their trauma, their choices,
I am not one,
I am many.
11/2017 by Leah Oviedo @ ImpowerYou.org
Many times I've been alone just reminiscing
Of kisses and hugs and what could have been
Of looks and touches and many Ifs
Of strokes and curves and things we would miss.
Many times I've been caught off guard
When forgetting seems to be so hard
When someone mentions your name
When I'm doing things we've done the same.
Those were the times we had.
The times when we're still mad.
And that's how they will remain.
Our reminder to keep us sane.
I am from no place for I have never had one home
Having packed too many suitcases and saying goodbye to just as many friends
I am from cheesy Italian pizza in Melbourne to the smoke of shisha in Arabia
From raw fish and coconuts in Fiji to Aunty's famous Kiwi pavlova
I am from the aroma of coffee being breathed in my face as a child
And from losing my breath chasing dad as he drove off to work
I am from long, quiet chats with mother by the ocean
To ferocious one-way conversations as she screamed from the sidelines
I am from a family choir whose desire for perfection spiralled me into years of silence
And the learning the guitar to compensate so I wouldn't feel like an outsider
I am from laughter and I am from mischief
From throwing the sister's cat out a two-story window to emulating the Mask of Zoro with steak knives in the kitchen
I am from hours of swimming laps and hours sprinting on the track
I am from the dewy, green grass of a rugby field upon whom I have many times laid writing in agony
My body has eleven scars from the surgeon's scalpel
And I am a survivor of divine heart surgery as I processed shattered dreams
I am now in pursuit of change everyday
Change to be more like Him who took my sins away
Oh what news do you have in store for me?
I have been waiting all day to learn more.
More about the person I once knew well
And know less about the one I know now.
How about you start with your childhood, yes?
I know not from whence you came, but you must.
For you have lived through and through, life on end.
I will have to guess, that is how it seems.
My imagination isn't large enough.
I can't comprehend what lifestyle you had.
I wonder if you were a parent, hmm?
Or maybe a secret agent? Not so!
Perhaps you were just a normal person,
Wanting a new life, for people to stop-
My stories are made in my past,
Past that will be the last,
Last that will make a new start,
Start that will make a new heart.
I've been a lie after a goodbye,
I've been a bad guy after a cry,
That's what happened when she left me,
And that's not what I wanted to be.
I thought I will never be happy,
I thought I will never see,
That there can be someone who can made me,
Feel like myself again and be free.
I called her my Angel,
The Angel in my Hell,
Who brought me back to heaven,
Who made me happy in a sudden.
i dreamt about you last night,
i woke up feeling lost and empty;
why is it that after so long,
my subconscious still thinks about you?
what a coincidence it was,
when i saw a glimpse of you in the mall,
was it even you?
or simply a fragment of my imagination?
i turned around to dodge your line of sight;
i wanted to pretend i was never there.
seeing you again,
made me drown in emotions,
i thought i got rid of.
i remember the late nights,
the thoughts of you,
me trying to let you go,
and i really thought i already have.
it seems as though,
you're still engraved in my heart,
i can't seem to push away the thought of you,
or the loneliness your memory brings me.
but here i am,
hugging the stuffed toy you once gave me,
hoping that someday and somehow,
would come true.