To end this you must have strength,
Time and patience must have no length;
As this will be a peculiar time,
Where love and hate start to rhyme,
Every voice will deceive sound,
With another bed day; inbound,
Forget the light hitting your eyes,
Smiles and laughter only things to try,
Take note of the past,
Wish this time by; so fast,
The shadows will soon attract,
The light of another persons contact.
My hands reached out to them,
My heart cried, all for them,
But my eyes were shut,
They couldn’t see that
it was me who was hurt.
Hurt, deeper than I thought I ever could be,
But there was no one, ever for me.
People came in and went by,
And I sat there singing lullabies.
Lullabies, telling the tales of
Friendships turned into hatred,
Of loves lost to the fated.
Tears shedding, as my cry deceases,
I put myself back into pieces.
Days went by since I last saw the sun,
But the love for them was never really undone.
Today, when I sit here beside the sunrise,
I see myself in the skies.
Leaning onto the window,
I sing some lullabies,
And this time, they are of
New love found and the beautiful sunshine.
I’m going to write you letters. A letter for everyday I’ve been without you. A letter for every day I felt hurt. A letter for every day I’ve missed you. I’m going to write you birthday letters, Christmas letters, New Year’s Eve letters. I’m going to write you sad letters, angry letters, and forgiving letters. I’m going to write to you. I’m going to write until my hand breaks. I’m going to spill every single drop of emotion my heart has spilled for you and has yet to. I’m going to write down every single thought I’ve ever thought and emotion I’ve ever felt, for and with you. I’m going to write you. Letters I’ll never send you. But I will still write you. I’ve always loved writing, and you always said I was a great writer. And I also love you. So I’ll get to put the two things I love most in one place. If you ever want to feel my heart again, if you ever for some reason want to see if I still care.. Take these letters. I’m badly bruised, almost paralyzed. I no longer want to speak, or even feel. So I will write to you, all that is real.
Ever been lonely in a crowd or within a group of friends?
well I have and I can tell you exactly how it feels.
It feels like grasping on straws, like forced conversations.
It feels like waiting for an opening every two minutes to get a joke in so everyone can laugh and maybe then they won't notice that you don't get their inside jokes,that you don't fit.
It feels like sadness, all the time, from the moment you get there to the minute you leave,
like wanting to cry all day, yeah I mean all day, including during the jokes, the laughter, the games, all of it.
It feels like wanting to walk away but having to stay because by God I won't be that pathetic girl sitting alone during breaks,I won't.
It feels like constantly defending your views,
It feels like talking all day but crying yourself to sleep at night because you have no one to talk to.
"Ok but can someone love me like this please."
An instagram post.
A post about the kind of love everyone hopes to have someone feel towards them.
A post that talks about how when you meet her you'll want her all to yourself
how you love her laugh
how she'll always tell you how she is feeling even though she likes to deal with things on her own
she'll make you smile when she walks in a room.
I loved you in a different way
A way that was too deep to ever write on instagram
A way where the beat of my heart pounded hard enough
To make me feel like it was going to break through my skin Whenever you got close enough to me for me to reach out and put My fingers on your face
My heart became my body
Pumping through every part of me
I loved you so much that I would think about your lips as i kissed my (ex) girlfriends
I loved you so much I drank until I was passed out on the sidewalk in my own piss and vomit
Because I couldn't accept the fact I will never feel you next to me
I loved you so much I ignored everyone else when they told me you would never be mine
I put my love for you ahead of the truth
I smiled when you told me you fucked someone
Because even though my heart felt like it broke more and more every time i took a breath
I wanted you to be happy and if he made you happy
I'll take the pain
I loved you so much
That I wrote your name over and over on a piece of paper until you couldnt even decipher the word I had written because it filled the entire page and more
I loved you so much that even though I still wanted to die
I regretted trying to kill myself because it meant I had to be in a mental hospital and I couldn't talk to you
I loved you so much that I would stay up a little later after you fell asleep to hear you breathing over the phone
Just so i could smile even while knowing I will never hear that same breathe next to me in bed
I loved you so much.
My love for you was not put in an instagram post
Because it was not beautiful
It was real
She’s wearing it again.
Hiding behind its porcelain green glare like some
He wants so desperately to just peel it off her face
that he cuts off his own.
He’d lie and smile.
Show off his new mask and
Crack a joke about the broken pencil, a
pointless piss poor flavor of humor
reminding them where they went wrong.
She wouldn’t notice anyway;
Too excessively engaged with the
idea of a lonely low-priced studio.
He knows this, and remains perched in silence
like a mute bird. Staring off into space
and recounting mistakes;
Feeling the colorless
truth bleed from the corners of grooved eyes
down to the edges of blue lips
that he so regrets unveiling.
The boy lying
in ambush with a camera,
pining to dig up shiny smiles of the past.
How they laughed at such jokes.
The future is calling out my name
Telling me to proceed with caution
one step at a time
and he tells me he'll take me there
But here I stand still
Would you believe every tale he tells?
No, I said I prefer
To march alone
Less ones to blame
But then, gone are the euphoria
Not a sentiment calmer
Laying low in my own lies
Because the taste of nostalgia
than a thousand delicacies
Look, the skies was blue
You know what?
Do you remember, now?
Yeah it is scene of our memories
In the past
Turn back time
And i will redeem my mistake in the past
But its imposible you know
We're lost our time now
Just remember our memories
Still keep in my heart