Whisper sweet nothings into my ear
Though i know they mean nothing
Sweep me off my feet then in mid air trip me so i fall flat on my face
Break my heart tear me down to my core
It's what you do best
Make excuses so what i see doesn't hurt as much
Pretend you love me so you can lure me in
Misery loves company
And I'm your savior
I saw you today..
Caught me off guard..
Wasen't expecting it..
You looked the same..
Head deep into your phone..
Unaware of what's going on around you..
With whom you hated...
All because I left you alone..
And all because you cant stand...
To be alone...
Cant say I'm surprised..
You were always high school..
All pom poms on game day..
Knowing nothing of loyalty..
Starved for attention..
Mouth running constantly...
To whoever would listen..
Always kind of wide eyed..
And not really there...
Your still the same...
What can I say though..
I have no regrets...
From a fucked up friendship..
You did me so dirty...
Like we were in high school..
And if you hadn't noticed...
I graduated years ago..
The life you choose to live with you and your kids...
Just isn't okay with me anymore..
You hang out with 21 year olds...
Girl, your 30...
Your Regina George's mom..
This shit isn't funny...
I hope you invest all your..
"Extra time" into your kids..
They need you...
I'll miss them..
Ill miss you..
I use to love you like a sis...
But I grew up...
I've outgrown your bullshit..
I've hung up my gown and tassel...
Its time for you to do the same..
A kid can flee so easily
Running out the open door.
They’ll climb a tree and find a world
So different than before.
Some dig a hole and pile up snow
To make themselves a fort
Or take their leave across the fields;
A different kind of sport.
Crawling through the hayfields,
Picking berries in the grass.
Celebrating little streams;
Watching them flow past.
Cats and dogs and little frogs
Birds and squirrels and ponies
Draped in mirth and soiled with dirt
The earth is not so lonely
Stepping through the stony fields
Hoping that first kiss will last
Playing past the summer glow
The days flow by, it starts to snow
Suddenly a memory grows
It grows into a dream
Moving on into the haze
Entranced we fail to count the days
It’s just a game we have to play
The rhythm of the years descend
Pretending all the dreams are real
We pass our time inside the wheel
Then at last, in the light of day
We look around and feel the sound
Of the trumpets blaring in our ears
Gently teasing all our fears
We deny the facts but that won’t last
Stemming tears we’ve gathered here
Passing time inside our minds
Believing things we cannot find
So clouds drift by, time ticks away
The games we played are getting older
From little kids just playing soldier
The world now sits upon our shoulders
It was raining when I fell in love with her,
I remember it as a cold June day,
the kind of day that doesn't quite fit right into everything else,
like a strange little puzzle piece that I'm trying to fit into the wrong jigsaw –
begging it to spell out 'I love you' without the right words.
She herself was a confessional,
a stone cold, rained on church,
and I was a broken umbrella in love with my purpose.
I say 'bring me out when you shine,
and I'll compliment you' –
but that's when she became a desert.
When we got tired of playing jigsaws
we invented our own games –
the prominent one where she closed the door
and I opened it again, like a run-on-sentence
like a rainy June like a jack-in-the-box with no resolution.
And these are all the things she became for me:
a list, a comprehensive analysis of places and spaces that we don't quite fit into,
like Sunday dinners and churches and kissing in public.
We were things – made to be used,
a broken record of a train station in the rain,
waiting, waiting, waiting,
for the almost-right-time.
Stuck steadfast in a city of 'almosts',
an exercise in heartbreak, in losing something,
in finding something that doesn't belong to me and
keeping it anyway.
I swear I still see her face on trains,
like an October ghost in June,
on those million rainy days,
during which I could have said 'I love you',
but instead I said "your hair looks good" and hoped she'd understand.
Even now, she's closing the door,
and I'm walking home in the rain; alone,
to find intimacy in the inbetween of reality and wishing.
My friend and I play a little game every once in a while.
We stand face to face a few feet apart
And we ask each other;
What do you see in me?
As I look into her eyes,
All I see is someone failing to be perfect.
Someone who's not good enough.
I see someone who believes the lies everyone tells her.
But, she thinks they cannot fool her.
I see a naive little girl who couldn't tell the difference
Between real love and danger.
She says she doesn't need anyone,
But we talk about it for hours at night.
As I look into her brown eyes,
I see the mistakes and song lyrics taped to her walls.
As I peer into her soul,
I can see every conversation I've had with her.
Some pathetic and others were intense.
Sometimes, she gets a little insane and I need space.
I see someone who annoys me.
Every time we play this game,
I always think of breaking the wall between us,
But she always finds a way of convincing me to stay.
Sometimes I look into the mirror and look at my broken reflection.
And, sometimes I wish I could see the beauty in me that
I'm not allowed to see
Because all I see are the scars.
So again I made a fool of myself
only to fall at the last hurdle
scraping my heart on the way down.
It's funny really...
Like I should have known how it felt the last time.
ha, I never learn.
What's to say this blistering
heat that burns day by day will kill me?
What's to say I let it just because
I've become accustomed to the pain?
Because if I'm not clear, despite the eagles eye of cupids arrow that was a direct hit, I'm afraid I'm out of arrows.
I was a fool...
I couldn't give myself, to anybody else but you.
So I threw the rest away, I was almost certain, I had finally marked your skin, with the only heart I had to offer.
I hurt you,
because I want you
to love me.
I desert you,
because I want to
I know I cause you pain,
I want to be your love's teary stain.
And when your fever keeps you up at night,
let my skin be your strap to bite.
All these things I do,
I want to hurt
I bet you thought it was going to have something to do with snow
Well you weren't wrong, I just said it
Yet you are wrong
You think I'm that easy?
You think you can predict me so well
You can't do that
You cannot read my mind the way you think you can
I'm not your average experiment
You don't see my smiles
You don't see my plan
It's the counterattack
Think I'm easy, think I'm simple
You think I'll play right into your hands?
I'd think the same if I was you
Everything is planned
Every hug, tear and laugh
It's all planned
When we part
You'll be the one trying to hold on
I won't depend on you
I'm not your experiment
I'm not that easy
You don't know shit on what's going on up in there
and I'll make an experiment
Continue like this
You might be next
Or maybe I live under the same illusion of being being able to read you
Is it a white lie to say I don't care?
Dear Future Love of my life--
I will not wait around like I did with all my lovers before.
I will not be the girl who you talk to randomly for two days then stop.
I will not let you guide my heart in the wrong directions again and again just because I am caring and kind.
I will either be your everything or I will be your nothing.
Your Future Lover
Isn’t it all games and bets?
With my sweet little marionettes
Charmingly they fight my wars
Dancing to my twiddling force
Happily I watch them give in
To the daily new laws I spin
Dear puppets what choice do you have?
But to dodge from the president’s wrath
Thus I command you to fight
For what should be ours by right
Oil, gold, land and power I lust
Looting the weak must be shushed
To hell you say I should make my way
Blaming me for the wars we play
Remember it was me who was named
To comply the wishes our country claimed
Even you’ve got marionettes to your ease
Gladly abusing them as you please
Power and wealth society craves
It’s not just me who misbehaves
My successors will replace my place
Juggling with morals they will face
For the system was painted by society
And now it pains our humanity