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tia Mar 21
cracking
the lines and curves of the sentences fall apart
screaming
the facade pleads to be rescued from this madness
crying
the entity shakes, and the world trembles along with it

worthless
if you disappeared not a single person would make a remark
unwanted
an unlovable friend, for who wants someone burdened by sadness
pathetic
a stubborn fool, such that even death asks you to submit
stillhuman Jan 11
My eyes sting.
Today is one of those days
where my voice trembles
my hands are sweaty
and cold
and while I stay quiet
my mind is yelling at me,
the sound of static
makes it hard to answer
people's questions
and I tumble on my words
heavy step by heavy step
in this conversation
and a voice says
"You're pathetic".
It sounds familiar
It is mine afterall,
but it's not angry
It's sad
humiliated
tired
and for some reason
scared.
daphne Dec 2020
i feel like a fool
proposing my heart to you

i was loving the moon

so exquisite
as she dangled above me
pinning my vulnerable self
beneath her

locking me down
with a sinful gaze
watching as i
slowly come undone

and when i thought
she had taken
what she came here for
she stayed
and listened to my nightly laments
offering solace to my silly angst

but by morning
she was gone
visiting other lonely, pathetic souls
offering them the same pleasure
she gifted me the night before
making them feel as special as i

and by dusk
she'd return again
as if she had never left at all
taking me for a fool
and maybe, just maybe
she might be right after all
Amitiel Sep 2020
Beyond is a bleak, grey skyline

I barely recognize my vignette

Yet here I am, walking that thin white line

As if I had not met him yet



I barely recognize my vignette

Black swans move like serpentines

As if I had not met him yet

Slow, calculated, but ready to strike at cloud nine



Black swans move like serpentine

He still whispers in my ear, I just cannot forget

Slow, calculated, but ready to strike me at cloud nine

“Pulvis et umbra sumus,” was his epithet



He still whispers in my ear, I just cannot forget

Their banshee bugle wails overcome; I am confined

“Pulvis et umbra sumus,” was his epithet

Like smashed cherries, their eyes were as ****** as port wine



Their banshee bugle wails overcome; I am confined

He wanted to mold to be a useful asset

Like smashed cherries, their eyes were as ****** as port wine

I gladly follow those threats



He wanted to mold me to be a useful asset

What called them on was my mental upset

I gladly follow those threats

There is nothing to regret



What called them on was my mental upset

It is foolish to once think I could outshine

There is nothing to regret

All I have ahead is a relentless battle line



It is foolish to once think I could outshine

I am merely a pathetic statuette

All I have ahead is a relentless battle line

Soon they all will forget



I am merely a pathetic statuette

Onyx swans call me to the brackish streamline

Soon they all will forget

It is there I snipped that innocent white line



Onyx swans call me to the brackish streamline

He influences my mindset

It is there I snipped that innocent white line

Time becomes frigid as I sink into that brine outlet



He influences my mindset

My body is limp in the alkaline

Time becomes frigid as I sink into that brine outlet

It is there I found no lifeline



My body is limp in the alkaline

The onyx swans fly in a v-line sextet

It is there I found no lifeline

He brought me to the finish with no reset



Beyond was a bleak, grey skyline

Yet there I was, walking that thin white line.
Last decent pantoum I fleshed out before going off Citalopram.
Haley Protega Aug 2020
And so, you slip through my fingers, a chance I never took,

I want to convey it all in one final look.

You're going away, for who knows how long;

I smile, wish you well, and try to be strong.

Perhaps in another life, it will be our time,

Perhaps I'll be yours, and you will be mine.

I never had the courage – I still have none –

To tell you, even now, when it's all said and done.

I didn't think you'd be leaving so soon;

You left my sky empty: no stars, and no moon.


You're moving on, to bigger and better things;

The world is your oyster, wind beneath your wings.

Care to share a hint, of what victories await?

What is your plan, for this clean slate?

"When the Universe reveals it to me, I'll let you know",

Mysterious as always, even as you go.

And though it's not forever – you'll drop by here and there –

It feels like a death sentence, it just isn't fair.

Because although you don't, I still care:

I want to see you, no matter how rare.

It is pathetic – I am well aware,

You'd think my heart would be the worse for wear.

I still carry a torch for you – I don't think I'll cease,

This heartworm will never let me have peace.

So goodbye, my love, my Adonis in a tracksuit,

My silent suffering, the melody which leaves me mute.
28.08.2019.
(for S.)
Haley Protega Aug 2020
I know now why you don't drink alcohol -

can't stand the competition at all:

You are a shot of spirits distilled,

the highest percentage, ethanol filled.


I may have had a brandy shot,

on an empty stomach, that's a lot.

I promised myself, never again,

but I saw you, unexpected, there and then.

I'm weak, I'm sorry, never good enough,

the truth, it hurts, it's course and rough.


And the taste of your indifference burns,

more than the brandy; my heart never learns.

I hate this, and I hate myself most of all,

I want to move on, not gravel and crawl.

To sleep, to forget, to finally rest,

not to think about what could have been best.
06.04.2019.

(for S.)
Haley Protega Aug 2020
They ask me what I like about you -

as if it could be said in a sentence or two...

As if words could even express,

all the ways in which you make me a mess.


Oh, mad heart, if you could just quit

wishing and yearning, just for a bit.

I need a rest, from this lasting ache,

to stop thinking about him, asleep or awake.

Just give up, just don't, there isn't a hope,

you delude yourself, just start to cope.


"It's better to know then to keep wondering" -

but could I stand the rejection's sting?

Just holding these feels, it's too much to bear,

Sorry, can't help it, I simply care.

This way, at least, I'm the one to blame,

this way, I don't have to face the shame.

Somehow, it feels, just like control,

I'm hurting but I made the call.

Giving up and losing are two different things,

one pain is dull, the other one stings.

This way you won't feel sorry for me,

this way I get to keep my dignity.

Gracefully retrieve, and bow my head,

it's better, for all, that nothing is said.

I can't fight for you, that's not how it's done,

stubbornness isn't how love is won.

Perchance, I pray, I am mistaken,

From this bad dream, I might be awakened?

You might be braver, reach out first,

finally quench this maddening thirst?

Oh, it's a fool's heart speaking again,

a dreamer's mist; wondering "when?"

when will you notice, what a blindman could see,

what I feel everyone notices already?

Darling, answer my silent plea,

don't be cruel, I pray thee.

For when you look deep into my eyes,

you must know, there cannot be any lies.

It's cowardly of me, to leave it to you,

Sorry, again; that's all I can do.

I'll stay nearby, since I can't get away,

an ember of hope, a dawn of a day.

But regardless of all, I need to say,

thank you, my muse, my sunlight ray.
23.3.2019.

(for S.)
tia Aug 2020
I prefer to detach
rather than the agonizing
feeling of not being needed

And
with that sentiment,
goodbye.
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