I crave it's feel
The devil and I might even make a deal
To worship it, I kneel.
The smooth and cold steel
Enhances the danger it brings
As if a siren luring men to their death it sings.
Sharp and beautiful like a rose
Red colors blossoming and bloody
Flowing down to the sink that it's flooding
The steel is red and dripping
My mind is slipping
I worship the steel that hurts me
But keep my scars hidden to the world, unseen
But after every slice and dice why am I still unhappy?
Perhaps because the steel that I love will never love me
It's getting better
But every time the sun sets
On another age
My heart sinks
A few inches more
Deeper into my chest
Although there's nothing more to be done
I wish that such things would pass me by
And leave my heart alone at last
Although it's getting better
I wonder what will remain of me
And who I will be
If I survive to see it pass
it takes skill
to wield a knife
you have to hold it right
at the right angle
in the right way
at the right time
I doubted that you had practice
the clumsiest hands I would ever know.
But when the time came,
-like and expert-
you wedged that knife
into my very soul
Birds flying under sunlit blue skies
Crowded metro stations at night
A walk in the avenue
Chasing the butterflies
Sharing a kiss that tastes like vanilla
The smoke of your cigarette smells sweet
Fake fur coat over a mini skirt
We're Lolita replicas dressed up as Priscilla
The tears we cry in hotel rooms
Shine like diamonds in a faked card deck
The knife on my skin writes a bloody trademark
On my arm, your name and 'I love You'
The sky crackles and I feel the most alone.
Just like that day in the woods.
My special place was off the trail, but he couldn't have known me,
I was so young and such an idiot,
Not everyone is genuine but I was so trusting,
I can still smell the sickening mixture of unfallen rain,his unwashed body, the mud around the creek and salt from my tears.
With every sonic wave from the sky my stomach churns tasting the blood in my mouth from his fist against my tear stained cheeks.
With atmospheric collision I can still feel his callous hands bruising my unwilling body, and scraping against the most tender and private parts of me.
Then the lightning flashes that showed me the rock that somehow ended up in my desperate palms and crashing against his temple
The wind howls and the rain finally starts to fall then, near my belly button burns just like it did when the blade he swung wildly cut me before I could run.
Asthmatic lungs begging to stop running,but I can hear him behind me
Heart beat filling my ears, mind begging me to keep going, his threats pushing me further
Rain falling,body burning, running, I burst through my front door
And then I start to cry.
I was happy once
So happy to be alive
So happy to be me
Now my heart's broken
I'm on the floor
Too scared to push the knife deeper into my skin
When did it all go wrong?
When the people you trusted
The ones supposed to be the most important ones in your life
Are the reason for your devastation
Is it your fault?