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TheUnseenPoet Sep 17
I am no longer afraid of the night
Or of death
For I have danced across the stepping stones
In darkness
And not fallen in.
Paula Kramer Sep 10
I preferred apathy
A quiet release
Of tension in my shoulders

I chose kindness
Accepting the guilt
It inevitably comes with

I mixed and matched
My mind, my soul, my heart
In a flurry of greys

I basked, unbothered
In a meaninglessness
Of my own creation

Take a step forward
The air is cold
And the grass soft to touch
I used to think that ****** was the same as *****,
And therefore I was both broken and unclean.
I have learned that you can wash the blood off
And cast out the stains of yesterday’s misfortunes
That I may kneel before you and tell you
That I am still sacred in my own skin.
It came for me again
With teeth and claws
That sunk into my flesh
With ruby red eyes that loomed in the darkness,
Mocking me as I struggled to sleep.
I was a spectator
As my mood disintegrated in front of me,
Giving way for the heavy enormity of depression
And the burning itch of restlessness
That took up residence in the wounds Bipolar tore across my mind.
It came for me again,
And I, as always,
Was left to fight it in a weary body,
Clinging to contraband hope
That the consequences would not be permanent this time.
It came for me again,
But I am still alive.
Andreas Simic Jun 14
“Everything you ever wanted
Is on the other side of FEAR”
George Addais

you see fear
I see fun

you sense dread
I sense opportunity

you feel loss
I feel recovery

you hate
I love

you believe in the bad
I believe in the good

you think the end
I think the beginning

you touch sorrow
I touch enlightenment

you hear pain
I hear healing

your glass half empty
my glass half full

your life hard
mine a life of ease

your life
my life

Andreas Simic©
Based on a quote by George Addais
Leah Carr Jun 12
It doesn't make sense.
It just doesn't make sense.

my mobility is getting better.
my seizures are getting better.
my situation with my carers is getting better.
my family contact is increasing and getting better.
it's all, slowly, getting better.

So why,
why
do I feel so empty?
Its amazing the changes that happen
When you find in another new passion
Which leads you to breakthrough old blocks
The serene satisfaction can cause shocks
Reverberating through your body
Fixing ideas that were just plain shoddy
Developed from fear of being alone
Thoughts of romance dating back to Köln
But new life springs from inside me
Freedom and independence feeling likely
Another one bites the dust, one might say
But I left them in the dust that day
Moving on is such a vague process
People acting like its some contest
But I know im in it for recovery
Its all about my own rediscovery
Its easier to find yourself
when you stop looking somewhere else
Most platitudes can be hard to apply
Not me, ready to use these words to fly
Being told by friends you havent seen in a while that you "look good"  or "look better" right as you are coming out of a long bout of depression just hits your heart different.

Because you as time passes think you're feeling okay, you think you are making progress, you think time is passing normally for you again... but it's hard to remember what is or was normal when you grew so used to feeling the way you did. Like coming out of an endless fog...

So to have someone accknowledge they can visibly see your progress... to have someone verbally commend you for... basically choosing to exist as yourself again... those comments just hit different.

There's a sad realization that you really weren't okay and it was noticeable... but there's also this weird sense of pride as you wait for the weight of it all to drag you down again - But it's different now.

There is not a consuming heavy darkness, but a manageable awareness of a shadowy part of yourself that you no longer feel tied to. A part of you that aches less with painful thoughts and bitter disappointment, and more for the light of understanding and rebirth.

And you realize; I did that. I taught myself how to stay aware... to heal... and not allow that dark to take hold again-  

And it is
actually
slowly
paying off.

Yes...
I think I am feeling better.
I am weary, sure-
but I'm okay.
I'm getting there.
Ramblings about the moment when your friends verbally accknowledge your improvements after months of being depressed.
Skin. Teeth.
Pressure. Exerted.
Tense. Held.
Push. Downward. Sunken. Underneath.
Retracted. Released. Resurfaced. Regained
(C) 2022
Trigger warning: non-suicidal self injury.
PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT IN A SAFE HEADSPACE. THIS PIECE DOES NOT PROMOTE SELF INJURY. IT'S AN EXPRESSION OF HOW IT FEELS. I AM NOT BY ANY MEANS PERSUADING ANY READERS OF ANY DEMOGRAPHIC TO ENGAGE IN THIS BEHAVIOUR.
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