There is a constant thought pounding on one of the millions of invisible doors in my mind. They appear every once in a while but only for a second. I can never seem to find the door and when I think I have found it the pounding goes on somewhere else. There is never silence in this fucked up, poorly oiled machine I call a mind. I just want to find the one door and tell the pounding to shut the hell up so I can finally find the peace and quiet I so desperately need. I can only find one way to stop the pounding. I will not do that because the pounding would stop for me but will find someone new. So I sit here and take the pounding and search for it in hopes of finding it one day and making peace with it.
Why does it happen
That getting the thing I want
Always ruins me
The words are absurd
I do not want romance, just
All this out of me
My mind won't settle
Because I keep trying to
Make my mind settle
If I am quiet
Long enough, will everything
Quiet itself too?
Shouldn't have moved
I fear it made you realize
I was there with you
Let's burn the paper roses which I hang
from this chandelier of falsity together.
Cradling the ash in our hands and laughing
as we dance together in the strange
light which comes from nowhere, we can be free.
This place has a glow which comes only
from you; without you, my tiny room is dark
and cold and my breath shatters the silence
with droplets of ice and blood.
The worst type of crying is the silent one. The one when everyone is asleep. The one where you feel it in your throat, and your eyes become blurry from the tears. The one where you just want to scream. The one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you cant breath anymore. The one when you realize the person that meant the most to you, is gone.
There was a kid, he sat by himself
In classes he never spoke nor asked for help
He'd sit up the front, all quiet and calm
He never once did anything to hurt anyone
He just did his work, only spoke when spoken to
I'd see him alone in the courtyard, he never ate his food
Recess or lunch would swing by, he'd listen to music
And every day I saw him there so I got used to it
Then come one Lunch, he wasn't there
I pretended not to care but deep down I was scared
Because in the lesson before some kids were talking tall
About how they'd sort him out by setting him up to fall
And by God I was shaking, I was fucken nervous
He was just a quiet guy you don't need to hurt him
He never did wrong he was just around
I jumped when I heard him scream by Christ it was loud!
I ran into the amphitheatre and all the kids were screaming
He was mangled on the ground and fuck was he bleeding
He looks across with fading eyes, says "help please"
I had to look away as I fell to my knees
He's looking hopefully
He's looking up to me
I look up at the shocked faces like
"You fucking happy? Answer me!
How the fuck was I so blind to not see this happening?
All you ever spoke about was hurting him and killing me!
Now the tides have turned! You fucking killed him
You better run now before the darkness hunts down your sin!"
I look down again, he has a smile of hope
"Thank you for holding up the Bro Code"
Then his hand falls, it lays on his chest
And I'm not sure who's more dead, coz I got no breath
The sirens scream as loud as the kids fleeing
And all I remember was six shots and fucken running
My brother on the ground, burned into my mind
And it haunts me to this day that I left him behind
But I gottem back, made them join him
So he can get em back and start bashing
the world's greatest blessing
and most tremendous curse
never having to worry
about being too loud
or sticking out in a crowd
but it takes effort
for friendships to grow
or to even say hello
you may laugh
you may cry
nobody will know why
just because you're shy
a blessing and a curse
is this state of being
but it's who i am
Will I ever find you?
I do not chase now
I'm on my own
I left my desperation into the woods.
I am more of me, who stares to be still
quietly observing to its brim.
Will I ever find you darling?
To pour out my love but not too much
so as not to bore you out.
I would not empty myself to you
but to love you each day cautiously
one day at a time.
Will I actually find you ever?
You would grab me into your arms
and not leave me ever no matter how hard.
You would understand my poetry
and say nothing but give me love.
You would converse with me for hours
about art, poetry and new stuffs in life.
You would be angry and fight but holding me tight.
Oh! how I wish I could have found you by now
I just need your shoulder to cry.