pastime past midnight
a minute or two before
I, staring blankly,
am waiting for it to come
half the chance is twice my hesitance
double that, you'll get my doubt
couple hours fast forward
i am nearing edge
yet am adamant
check the last time seen-
a couple days before
lines of conversation
eager to keep it rolling
and then stops
current time check,
some notch after twelve
done enduring the pain
of shutting you down
i'll last long without you
so why am i devastated
that you will too?
I confess that I fear everything,
& coming out of my shell is yet to find!
Dear fears, I wish you could go for a vacation away from me!
with you I am hesitant as well as resistant all the time.
I don't know how to explain.
I wish I could let go of all of them
And do everything I ever wanted to do.
Thoughts keeps running across my mind
figuring no way out except thinking.
And my time is flowing fast enough...
I wish there was somebody to push me from the cliff
so that I could actually start living..
But, I get it, there is nobody except me
I have to push myself
Not for others but for myself.
I don't want to change for other but for myself..
Your love rains down
from the shower head.
Sharp needles of fire
dousing cold feet.
It feels like daggers,
and wouldn't be so,
if I hadn't lingered for so long,
in my frigid hesitancy.
I don't think I need to remind you,
Of the thin ice you're on.
Make yourself a disappearing act,
There will be more than words you'll be missing on.
I don't care to be made a fool again,
Breaking me down as you did before.
This my only warning,
Or any open road will be no more.
I will base our relationship
on what the stars say
because I have nothing else to go on.
It's all eggshells dipped in lighter fluid
with us, hot blood, ping pong pupils
that never know when to rest. When
we enter the same room I swear
I see sparks ignight in the static air.
There's blood behind our words
but I don't know if it was spilt in vain
or if this is all part of our story to the road
of forgiveness. Maybe I'm crazy
but I just want to take your hand
and make you agree that we are
I wonder if she thinks about me at all
I wonder if me being hesitant messed up my chances
Maybe she still wants me to make a move
I'll never know
Each day my heart grows
Despite a relationship being present with her
I wonder if she still thinks about me
I may have came out too strong
With a decorated note two years ago
But I don't feel wrong
That I haven't made a move before you did with somebody else.