here I am,
still holding onto you,
just like I did when I was fourteen.

here I am,
re-reading all I've wrote:
    "February 7th 2015, Tuesday,
     12:30pm"
    "March 5th 2015, Thursday, 9am"
    "May 20th 2015, Wednesday,
     11:10am"
    "May 22nd 2015, Fri... May 28th
     2015, Thurs... May 29th, June 1st.."

It's been three whole years,
we're coming to the fourth,
your ten digit number,
is still at the tip of my fingers.
  
             Why is it so hard to move on?
             We weren't even together.
             We didn't even have a song;
             Weren't even friends for that
              long.

I guess at that moment I was just so happy,
I lost track of all of the who, what, when, how and whys.
I got lost between sweet words and care,
Then when it all just ended
;

         But I guess that's how we love
         right?
         We don't think, we just love,
         We just care, we just give.
         That alone is so beautiful.
         That alone makes us smile.

          But you see, if it takes a turn,
          And you realise far too late,
          That you have given all of you,
          Now you have nothing left for
          you.
          You know that you're broken,
          But still, you tell yourself it's
          love.

Happy Valentine's
the drapes have caught fire
the lovers have died
your friends are all liars

the moths eat your clothes
the spiders spin webs
the children put ropes
round your very neck

your heart's broken up
into small jagged pieces
two angry pit bulls
are off of their leashes!

oh, sweet valentine,
how will we fare?
where will we go?
when *** isn't there?

nowhere
nowhere
nowhere

As my heart kept losing over my brain,
I am rather more tempted to feign.
To act as if i do not feel much,
Though sometimes i long for your touch.

But be still, my dear.
Through time you'll finally hear.
For these words to which my lips are sealed,
Are feelings need not stay forever concealed.

tremors, take over me
with this falling feather head,
control me

breathing
one
two
three
my blood pumps
as i drown in reverie

fire, take a hold of me
embrace my body
consume me

and as i float in this ocean
in these waters, this serenity
i dream of you,
lover,
to hold me

your body
mirrors mine
your soul
is that of
a girl i’ve known
since i was 10 years old
you are
where the grass
is green
you are who
i drown in
you are where i feel
like me
we are far from holy

hold me
tighter
scratching love letters
down my back
and whispering
down my neck
hallelujah

who needs amen?
breathe in
all the love
& lose the fear
& remember
that bullets pass
right through you.
& your heart beats
for women
like me
& your
gunshot holes
resemble everyone you’ve lost
since you were 10 years old

let me
fill those holes
with the marrow in
my bones
hold me
close
dig nails
into my palms
Dear ***
don’t let me go

You pushed me,
off course.
Gray fog resentment,
clouds the stars.
Remote and far,
in my own mind sea.
As distant as summer,
in autumns eyes.
I’ve sailed far,
so far I can no longer,
remember your face.

I do not write for you
I write about you..
Well not about you, about you
but about what you would be
had I wanted to add
a new character
to my fiction

Desire to give what I’ve never received,
A loyal heart and the jelly knees.
A soft warm chest to rest my head,
Someone to trust and with share a bed.