I couldn't tell you why
Sometimes I don't try
But I'll look you dead in the eye
And swear I can not tell a lie
Which of course, in itself, is always a lie

©2024

Hear ye! Hear ye!
Know me and hear me
Oh but please don't look over here at me
What a thing to say, but see
I don't want to be seen, my plea
It feels kinda cheesy
I thought it'd be easy
But it just got so messy so quickly
And the harder I try the more it eludes me
You can't live a life heard but not seen and not be seen as a cautionary
A tale of a someone broken mentally trying to use hurt and pain creatively
Never taken seriously,
Kinda gimmicky
Ultimately a one trick pony
I know it but it hurts still when it's throw back at me
I can't handle the cheeky hostility
So openly hidden in the commentary
It can't be avoided but it's also not necessary
Maybe this isn't for me
Or what's more likely,
Is it's probably not that bad actually
Ah, gee,
Yeah, nevermind, sorry everybody...
I just noticed it's only my insecurity ripping at me
My apology

©2024

Pain affects immediately, sticks around indefinitely
The headcount is up to sixty over infinity
And right around the corner is another three
Meaning it's always in the vicinity
And every type lands just a smidge differently
This feels like what I might imagine to be purgatory
Woe is me
My future will be winless if I'm too stay in the business of learning from my history
The bell to start the fight indicates the end, just prematurely
Loosing in a victory, contradictory absurdity mentioned literally,
All ***** nilly
As I'm sure you can imagine, maybe even probably agree
Somethin' like that is bound to change the complexion of a personality
I know personally
I'd hoped good days would roll in gradually, at least eventually
Instead they taunt relentlessly
It's with a heavy, often broken, heart I go in and defend half heartedly
Enjoying the savagery, a familiarity that relaxes me
But positions me next to the poisons amidst the pageantry
In the direct line of sight of my worst enemy
Me looking back at me directly
"You're talking to yourself again Jeremy..."
...shiit, sorry

©2024

How is this a bold statement?
"I don't give a shiit
And I'll continue to refrain from giving a shiit
'Till your shiit
Impedes on my shiit"
What part of that shiit
Do you not get?

©2024

A fumblin, bumblin'
Waste of skin husband
No one's going with me,
I mean him,
As an option
*** happened?
A premature has been
Similar to the ******* situation
Uh,
So I've heard people sayin'
Get the list of con's reigned in
A list of pro's has never been
Mention every sin in confession
But where to begin
Actually, here's a better question,
Would it even matter in the end?
Let's see what happens when I,
I mean he,
Begins to pretend
If faked long enough can it change the trend,
Or push it all beyond the mend?
Uhhhh, of course, you know,
I'm actually askin' for a friend...

©2024

I'm a man of my word
Completely unreliable
You've probably heard
If you know me you'll know it's undeniable
I'm talking all of it, not a third
Like how Christians view the Bible
Even though they know it's absurd,
Otherwise they'd be way more scared
But with me it's actually believable,
You can see everything's unachievable

©2024

Finite compassion
Finite love
Finite reason
Finite recognition from above

Finite beauty
Finite realism
Finite money
Finite working system

Finite education
Finite brain cells
Finite investigation
Into the finite comprehension skills

Finite common sense
Finite self preservation
Finite self defence
Finite coherent mission

Finite greatness
Finite days to live
Finite forgiveness
Finite directive

Finite relevance
Finite cooperation
Finite presence
Finite revelation

Finite patriotism
Finite rules
Finite fixing 'em
Finite scruples

Finite healing elixirs
Finite work on problems
Finite cure backers
Finite beneficial algorithms

Finite action
Finite lessons learned
Finite reaction
Finite your turn

Finite grandeur
Finite effective comedy
Finite healing laughter
The same can not be said about tragedy

Finite answers found
Finite coping skills
Finite middle ground
Finite deserved kills

It's obvious I could go on and on
But I just dawned on me that I've always had
Finite fuucks to give

©2024

Recklessly I cruise a plateaued plane
One I call memory lane
Which in hindsight was kind of insane
I'm not sure what I was looking to gain
There's not much other than pain in the ones I retain
I know this, it's beyond first hand eyewitness obvious,
Even prior to being forced to meticulously explain
Becoming increasingly familiar with that ruthless domain
Thankfully some truly cherished living snapshots remain
However, most have broken free from their neglected, rusty chain
And I'm left cursing the bane of my existence,
While, in plain sight, the flashbacks that cause my eyes to drain
Swerve in and out of my lane
Joy ridin' my misery or being metaphysically driven to the torture of the mind and soul,
Instigated by a fraction of a fractured brain
That to this day isn't clear on what's it's actually sayin'
Can not seem to refrain from immersing myself in self inflicted pain
Forgotten or slain?
What's it matter if the outcome will be the same;
Me, laying motionless in front of a raging train,
Leaving only a crime scene stain
One that'll go as unnoticed as it did when it flowed through a main artery vein
'Till any and all evidence of my unspectacular,
Super localized reign
Washes away in the rain
And I become nothing more than a name

©2024

"Making positivity a priority would help a lot"
Okay
I'll give it a shot
...
Yup, nope
I give up on the spot
It's way worse to have hope than it is to not

©2024

"I HATE YOU!"
Screamed loud enough for the world to hear
Stated twice just to make the statement clear
It hurts but I try to always remember
That she will for sure be sure
To apologize for it just a little bit later
Believing whole heartedly that should expunge her
And wipe clean the ledger
However,
What's leftover after the vocalized slaughter?
After the anger?
Invisible wounds from the verbal dagger
Hurt immensely as they linger
They never heal ever either,
They never scar, only scab over
Still raw as the next battle gets closer
The one I see in the windshield drawing near
Is almost always identical to the one in the rearview mirror
Only changing minor details here and there
This is what I get for asking her,
"Hey beautiful, what's the matter?"
It's a cautionary tale, buyer beware
Be aware,
Take note of what you receive when you care
Is it truly worth staying and fighting through the cancer?
For the moment let's set aside the endeavor of defining "forever"
I first need to know what the f**k happened to "together"
How can having a partner feel so singular?

©2024

...I hear ya, I do
I just don't find what's been said to be true
But if I take a look through your view
And in lue of the downward spiral conducted by the waves of blue that I've now seen you go through
I want to go ahead and attempt something new
What do you say we put aside debate and simply conversate for a few
A little bit of back and forth like birds of a feather seem to do
Why don't you choose a neutral venue
And I'll collect the short guest list of me, myself and I plus you

©2024

I can't do what you need me to do
Not naturally capable
Unable to be who you want me to be
Impossibly impossible
I might fight the fight you wish me to fight
Adrenaline is incredible
Shouldn't have to bow or bend to your will
Especially if we're equal
I refuse to kiss the ring like you're expecting
Laughably satirical
This polished **** won't gleem like you'd like it too
Completely unreasonable

©2024

Let me recite a line borrowed from an old poem of mine about pain and sorrow,
"Release is a crucial element for any chance to get a better future from tomorrow"
While life has taken many shots at me, I seem to be supplying the ammo
By this point it's fully equipped, got 'em armed to the teeth like Rambo
Why would I be held responsible if, let's say, one day, the relief value was a no show
Let me guess, you don't know
That's not an aura of envy, my anger feeds the green glow
And nobody likes me when I'm angry so
I must open the valve and let things go whenever possible
I apologize ahead of time if you get hit with the flow

©2024

Pay attention to what lengths one will go to
And still find themselves incapable of making it through
No push or pull through, both options taken off the table on a path of glue
Acknowledge the mental blocks that are constantly fought 1v2
Never told, so never knew
Sold a bad bag of repackaged goods labeled NEW
But these missing brighter days have an expiration on the carton too
As well as an enforcement of a curfew
That's never been required to pursue,
Yet they still do
While most never notice the touch of darkness lurking in their happy places too

©2024

My first mistake;
Going to Icarus to learn how to fly
In essence shrinking the distance to a wrap of pine
Resting eternal, days fly by
But never again will a day go by
Where I'll see another dark cloud looming in my sky
Where I'm headed there is no sky

©2024

If I were to ask you
Why are you doing this?
What would your answer be?
What exactly would you say to me?
I'm curious
Would it mirror other hard questions
That I have been forced to ask
Forcing me to watch you get furious
Leaving me reeling, feeling like the fool
Because I took this serious

©2024

It's really hard to have hope
How is one to cope
When the scope of the problem
Shows to be your steep downward *****
And the rope thrown as a savior
Lands around your throat
Hope regularly seen as innately good
You may agree, but I don't

©2024

Left alone with a mess to pick through
Searching for a statement true
I don't trust you
Can't trust you
Won't trust you
And that's on you
But I'm the one who's left with all the blue
And yet I still refuse to use the phrase "fucck you"
Shiit, it's all true
Isn't it,
How is it
I'm the last who knew?
A perma-fool
Who's stuck on you

©2024

Throw your stones at me
Those of you who've never sinned
My past a bit hazy
I don't know where I begin
You think I could get lucky?
And one day catch an elusive win
Something worth sharing with a loved one or a friend
Forget the knowledge that hindsight's 20/20
Didn't know I'd have no one in the end,
Not even one that's pretend
Hopefully I can find a sticky type of happy
But until then
I'm just a phony
Chasing leafs in the wind

©2024

I don't trust you
Can't trust you
Won't trust you
And that's on you

©2024

Be free
Of this family curse
That is me
It'll only get worse
You'll see
What emerges first
And agree
Not to be coerced
A "we"
Will definitely die of thirst
Time can't be
Truly reimbursed
The key
Never start to converse
My company
Not even close to worth
What you'll be
Forced to traverse

©2024

This entire empire of dirt and manure is about to expire
I'm not gonna lie, between you and I, I wish I was a lier
My mind though is compulsive when lighting it's pants on fire
Nose long as a telephone wire, front and center like a town crier
And the shiit that I get from myself and the public stacks higher and higher
I know exactly what's about to transpire
Yet I always make it worse, never better
Like a water geyser to a grease fire
I'll forever be a fumblin', bumblin' reality denier
Faced with a situation that can only be described as dire
When you've only ever been able to hire a blind get-a-way driver
There's no chance of escaping this hell, life organically becoming satire

©2024

Oh, you hate me?
Well don't worry
Cause see, I also hate me
More than you could ever hate me
Trust me
The line starts back there at mile marker three

"So, why do you hate you?"
Seemed like the popular thing to do
I mean, what was I supposed do, just stew?
When everyone hates you
The problem is probably you
And it's just easier to go with the crowd
Who knew?

©2024

The road to eternal damnation
Constantly being paved with good intention
Wrestlin' with my collection of depression
Trying to conjure up protection against wraths hateful possession
Me, myself and I, the only three at my intervention
I always thought someone might maybe one day step in
Warning me of the direction I'm headin'
Remind me about the cautionary tale of the doomed zeppelin
Or some sorta congratulation confirmation,
A little somethin' to help me keep goin'
...wrong once again...

©2024

Please know that;
I
Don't want to live
But I
Don't want to die
So I
Become a captive
Deny
My modus operandi
The lie
Is naturally aggressive
Can I
Adapt on the fly
Can't I
Be illusive
'Till I
Can answer the why
So I
Will try objective
A good guy
Give it a collage try
Then I
Become reactive
This stye
Permanently in each eye
I try
But the mole hill's massive
And I
Still have no answers to why
I cry
That's all I have left to give
Still I
Knew better than to be believe in somethin' like an eye for an eye
But who am I?

©2024

She wants me less and less everyday
Which is why I think about walking away
And I know exactly what she's gonna say
She will turn it on me in a spectacular way
I used to hate that it's something I was able to say
I just don't care anymore

©2024

Knuckles go white as I grip my rescue flair
Read the warning through a blinkless stare
Pressed the thing tightly to my temple,
Count to three,
To keep it simple
Hold very still,
Steady as a thimble
'Till the very last second
Pull away on the second e in "one, two, three"
And release it to the night air
At least tonight the fight's fare
I can't make it to there
If I don't end this right here

©2024

I don't care,
I'M A LIER
I can't care
Not about who or about what
Just when and where
Lurking like a jump scare
Stimulating neck hair
Never taught to prepare
Never thought I'd get here
Stuck in my own layer
Of an inception daymare
Not much darker after the lackluster transfer to nightmare
It just goes to show the **** show goes on long past forever
A morbid trend setter
Left wishing I was a quitter
I'M A LIER
No need to wish, it's a clear no brainer
And wicked obvious, at least from what I remember
Though I know I don't remember a lot but whatever

©2024

I'm not afraid of gods
Not particularly afraid of man
The ones that give me pause
Are the ones who think they themselves
Are made in the image of their gods
Gods by association, what are the odds?
They will stop at nothing
To hide the fact
They're both a fraud
I swear to god

©2024

If I'm able
I'll cheer you on
If I'm capable
I'll clap for however long
If you need just a little
I'll whisper you a song
I'll crack a funny riddle
Just to hear you laugh along
I care so very little of the battle
You're right, I'm wrong
Don't be bashful
The night is long
Perfect days are doubtful
But we'll never doubt where we belong

©2024

Am I guilty?
Probably
We all are aren't we?
Literally everybody?
A rarely talked about reality
But a reality none the less surely
Find it in every living things history
Trying to hide it is silly
It's no mystery
It's humanity
A flawed design set free
It comes with the territory
But the what for,
Now that's a bit beyond me,
Maybe
If I'm forced to go by what I see,
It's exactly
What y'all do too actually
But how can that be?
If you would please,
Explain it to me
And do it slowly

©2024

Okay, okay, geeze
They're only follies
I'm sorry, have mercy,
I can surrender no further,
I plea on my knees
Doesn't matter how hard you squeeze
There's nothing left,
I have nothing left
I'm begging you please
When you leave,
Just deposit me by the other empties

©2023

I've fought a lot to get it out, tried to keep it out, but I can not
I scream and shout,
"WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?"
Even post realization that it's all for nought
Had an ill advised, never properly revised, recurring thought
Form an in home gym enterprise to exercise demons on the spot
More issues to stack like russian dolls is all I ever got
Caught each slow kiiller by keepin' it in house to follow the origin plot
Scrip changes happen often regardless of what me, myself or I want
Zero red yarn supplied, can't attempt a connection with any new dot
I play my part in my story as the man forgiveness forgot
Both what I keep in and what spills out identified as the source of the rot

©2024

If you care promise to never let me know
Never turn around, never let it show
Don't point out the stretch that turned friend to foe
It's far too late to pray it ain't so
But nothing was nurtured, allowing nothing to grow
So, if you want to stay please, for me, tell yourself no
And just go

©2024

If I can't hold on
If I let life slip by like you said I'd do all along
As the tiniest violin plays my theme song
Would you lose faith in me as a person?
As another flawed human?
Or is it set in stone as a bygone conclusion?
I've begun to become withdrawn
So it shouldn't be long
If I must let go I'll aim for the lawn
And you can sleep well knowing you were not wrong

©2024

Given a hand to go hand in hand in the park
Only allowed to be enjoyed in the dark
And as I curse the idea of an always present silver lining
I notice it to be easier to witness the splendor of our spark

©2025

How does it always find me?
Easy,
It is me
At the very least it's in me
Darkness is part of this story
And it's not something to envy

©2024

An endless search
For before the hopeless
Prior to the pain
Pre drowning in sadness
It must be there
That rare moment of bliss
I can't FUCCKING remember,
"Has it always been like this?"
A lost sliver of memory
Eerily missing the feeling like a lipless first kiss
The want and drive evident
But before it all, most memorable, there to trigger the fall, my evil twin, Sir Anxious
I tear up as I absorb old videos
Finding the smile in milestones of my son, a present I was pleasantly present to witness
"...ah, there it is,
My piece of bliss
An unchecked happiness
Oh how I miss this..."
But I did this,
I have no business
Asking for a witness
Or forgiveness

©2024

"Choose your battles wisely"
That's what every they say repeatedly
Could never naysay exclusively
But could say it absolutely might turn gale force to breezy
It would earn a win column that's mostly empty,
Some much needed tally marks in a hurry, though not in a flurry
Admittedly, that's not necessarily necessary nor would it come anywhere near a reality
Because honestly, even a visionary wouldn't be able to foresee a victory
It's looking to be mostly negativity
As far as the third eye can see
So the convoluted parlor tricks hit particularly sloppy
A complete absence of accuracy
The glass crystal ball looking back blindly
Really, all that's needed is to recap some history
Finding quickly,
A guess holds the same weight as that forgery
More importantly
Pay attention,
Who holds the pen
And
Who writes the story

©2024

I got hit with that one trick pony line
Luring my anxiety,
AND insecurity,
To the frontline
Apparently I do mind
My mind will make sure to remind
Ignoring useful comments I find
And not just the kind kind
Too anything positive I'll become blind
A one track mind, singularity defined
Creating new shackles that bind
A self enforced redesign
Leading me to leave a select few talents behind
Choosing thoughts from another's mind to get behind
Because that one guy that one time
Tried to take from me the one thing I liked to give my time
But here's the bottom line,
I've found I rather enjoy expressing in rhyme
Hurt and pain just happen to be most of what I've felt for a long time
So that's what comes out
When I pour my heart out
Into each and every line
Let me apologize in advance for next time

©2024

"It's not a bad life,
Only a bad day"
To which I respond right away,
"Okay,
But what if it's everyday?"
Their reply?
"That's just life"
"Oh, ya don't say"

©2024

I am afraid of my rage
It's hard to gage
Even at this age
What will unlock the cage
Bringing the worst of me to the main stage
I am afraid

I am afraid of my depression
I've failed to get a grip on
This destructive emotion
An unmovable mountain
And the worst possible thing to become canon
I am afraid

I am afraid of my anxiety
Me against me
Me hating me personally
Confidence will atrophy
All I can do is hope no one can see
I am afraid

I am afraid of myself
I am afraid for myself
I am afraid I'm not good for my own health
I am afraid of me more than maybe anything else

©2024

Depths of despair
Hang thick in the air
Almost daring me to care
And step into it's crosshair
Not realizing I'm aware
I've lived that nightmare
Been caught up in that snare
Somehow pushed past the warfare
Came through worse for wear
But it no longer has power
Over someone who can't care
Forcing it to find it's next victim elsewhere

©2024

I thought you'd be the one to make me whole again
Not take another piece and leave a hole again
Maybe we shouldn't have taken it further than friend
Maybe I forgot to tell you that I break, I do not bend
I kept from you that being with me comes with a price
But only because I thought not destroying a love for once would be nice
It was never going to be easy, mostly due to me
I thought I'd made every mistake, turns out I did just didn't learn from any

©2024

I can't believe how willing you are to hurt me
Far more than any enemy in recent memory
It makes sense I guess, I've told you exactly where to attack me
Like where exactly the armor doesn't protect the body
The parts fragile and vulnerable from prior injury
Every single insecurity
Told you, embarrassingly, what I did and still do find scary
Introduced to you the shattered and fractured pieces of me that I keep tucked away for their own safety
Trusted you with parts of me that are barley held together from the last tragedy
Showed you then warned you of the socially unacceptable parts of my personality
Recalled to you the story of my journey from being bullied to becoming the bully
And how I didn't end up liking either of those me's particularly
I watched you with my son and observed how quickly he accepted you and saw you as family
Didn't hesitate to call you Mommy, it came to him then through him naturally
And I cherish that memory because I haven't been allotted many tears that fall happy
I could go on forever with the good, the bad and the ugly
But basically
I handed you a map of how to destroy me completely if need be
Then literally used the last trace of trust I had left on you not using it against me
And well,
It's with a heavy heart I present to you where that's gotten me

©2024

...that's an ice cold strategy
Some shifty savagery
To tell me I have the luxury
Of not having to deal with family
But you know me
So you know that's the only thing I've ever wanted,
And you use it against me
Part of what make you so special to me,
Is you are essential to me
I say that knowing it's probably
Not a healthy way to be
You're all I have essentially
You could never possibly lose everything
But me?
I'm about to be

©2024

A lost grip,
Another familiar slip
Running parallel with a predictable confidence dip
Regardless of every other absorbed hit
No one's record is perfect
It was bound to become evident
Taking a toll
Beginning to show
Worried life will dole out more trouble than one should be expected to tow
Stashed in the back of a mind is the knowledge it's possible
Work to avoid the void of a logic loophole that feeds the unreasonable
While acknowledging life cares so very little
About a big ol' white flag run up a pole

©2024

To pain I am no stranger
The first name basis is strange for sure
Caught up in an above the boards love affair
Like day to day warfare
It's fare if everyone fights fare
Otherwise it's life as a sucker in a bunker
Still not safe from the vulture culture
Fueling an anger that stirs the rage monster
Who then in turn wakes the violence that likes to linger
One v one they're barley a threat to boil over
The one benefit found for getting older
They can be handled in short order
But together they can alter a future
I acknowledge the fact it's part of my character
And work to recognize each trigger better
Enabling myself to be my own mediator
So I can step in-between me and myself quicker
It was all just, once again, too little too late,
I missed the transition from raging river
To city sewer
Instead of shooting a flare in the air I dropped anchor in danger
The last bridge I let smolder after traversing over
Was the only bridge out of my hell,
A sobering thing to remember only after realizing there was never going to be a true winner

©2024

According to this here thermometer,
My heart hit ten minus absolute zero earlier
Impossibly cold and still getting colder
Think...nuclear winter,
Or Neptune in December
Sleeping in a subzero freezer
To be a smig warmer
Now imagine it getting run over
Over and over and over and over
What I'm left with doesn't ultimately matter
There's no chance that what I'm working with here,
The miniscule crumbs collected off the floor,
Will be anywhere near capable of getting the job done anymore
I hope there's no more of this repeat offender behavior in store
I don't want this as my muse or my lore

©2024

Should I really worry about every chip on my shoulder?
Because I'm far more concerned about this planet size boulder that's up there
Knowing it is, still hoping it's not a foreboding place holder
A precursor to a something likely to be far heavier
Representing a multifaceted, real and present danger
I know I know better than to say I can take the pressure
Because inevitably that's when you hear
The crazy train circling life shift and kick into higher gear
Elevating despair to a level superceding fear
No one gets to choose their final chapter
So whatever
Let's just get this over with if it's not going to get any better for here

©2024