I realized recently

That my biggest fear

Is

Living a boring life.

Not necessarily a life full of regret,

But a life in which I never built my own door of opportunity,

Picked the lock

And stepped inside.

A life in which I never took the risks I knew I had to,

If I wanted even the chance

Of becoming a singer,

Actress,

Comedian.

Not that I mind the regular route,

But that one is already barely guaranteed in the first place.

I don’t even know what job I’d enjoy.

How can I continue like this?

Not knowing if I’ll be okay at the job I’m studying for.

Living comfortably is a luxury these days.

What if I’m not cut out for commission work?

I’m terrified.

It could all be a waste.

I just want to coast if I can’t be happy.

But what if coasting isn’t an option?

What if just managing isn’t an option?

What if I can’t do it?

The whole point is to find a better job, one where I rarely cry because I’m trying my best and it just isn’t good enough.

I hate this misconception, that Millennials are lazy.

I’ve worked my ass off, and I will continue to because that is required to survive.

I’ve worked harder at my minimum wage job than many at their 60k a year plus benefits.

I’m just worried that I’m making the wrong choices,

Because there is information I just cannot know as of yet.

And I could have set myself up for the best, right now.

But I don’t know what that is.
if there ever is a time
that the world seems
so small

just remember
you
are the biggest part of it all
Serafeim Blazej Sep 2016
"What I'm doing"
lowest in the power
biggest in the fear

"O que eu estou fazendo"
menor no poder
maior no medo
Charlotte Opdahl Feb 2016
My mouth is big,
But so is my heart.
Don't let that,
Make you fall apart..
Ayeshah Apr 2015
I knew how I've felt
and its not your fault...



You did love me best,
but I thought all wrong.


I didn't have faith enough to believe-
you'd really do
all you've promised me.
I didn't know the magnitude
of your feeling for me,
nor could Imagine
someone like you
can really want to be with me.


Forever you'd say & I never understood,
couldn't fathom it,
not after all the bitterness in my life.


Someone like you
whose always looking at the positives,
where
I've only focused on the negatives.


I didn't know
that you'd show me
all the possibilities
there was to being loved
so completely!


My hurt consumed me,
I never saw you,
not in the way you've
needed me to.

Too consumed in
my own bitter resentments
to reflect on the agony
being inflected upon you
so much so,
that I've dissipated whatever it were
we could of be and had!


All I could do was
hoard the love you've given,
selfishly cling to it and store it away.


Never did I allow myself
to return the favors of your endearments,
I wasn't able to,
my blindness and hurtful neglect
wouldn't allow me to cave in.


You knew,

I came broken,

confused,

lonely & so used

knew too,

I'd been dealt poorly & left beaten,
bruised
inside,
well as out,
I couldn't risk another let down or set back.


My mind,
nor my heart
wouldn't be persuaded,

I allowed my body to feed off your energy,
allowed you to manifest

within my flowery walls
a safe heaven of sexual bliss.


While I was retaining
the very best parts
of
ME
- away .....


Away from your longing soul

and your

beautiful wondrous heart.

I didn't know

how to let go of my past,
I didn't understand
the beauty of all that you possessed,

someone like you

wanted me for
everything that I am,

good, bad & the very worst

parts of me.

You didn't worry,

long as you had me

all the fibers of my being--

"He"
ie (YOU)
only wished to see me happy,

in love and by your side.


I can't blame you
for letting go,
I can't forget
all the good times and memories
we've shared.

It may just be too late,
yet I'd like to think one day,

maybe next lifetime

perhaps.....


For now

I'll say,

how very

sorry I am

because even
as the words left your lips,

I failed to agree or really understand.

Truth be told
it couldn't be help.
So I hope you'll forgive me,

for I truly,

wholeheartedly,

honestly,

mournfully

- apologetically

Didn't Know!


Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
this'll be 1 of my biggest regrets, forgive the bad thats happened and move fwd, big plans and steps towards a new life and new me, i alowing love to shine in and stay awhile. i can never gain loose someone so dear to me. past be damned! pray someday im forgiven if not i forgive myself! thanks for reading  i hope you're loved far greater than i ever could. now i know what I've failed to ever understand and see.
Noelle Jan 2015
There are times when I just want to destroy myself and cease to exist, but god damn it I just can't do it, because one day you might love me.
And one day I may not see that crooked smile you have when you laugh or feel how your hand rests on my thigh when we're together. One of the best nights of my life was when you cuddled my thighs and told me about how afraid you were of waking up without love for the person you shared your bed with.

And as much as I loathe myself or depreciate who I am as a person, nothing to me would be as cruel, than to take you away from me. Because when I'm at work smoking my last cigarette of my shift and you ask me how my day was, I've never felt so genuinely content in my life, knowing that someone like you cares about me.
Martin Narrod May 2014
Hallucinating Bureaucracies and auditory Hallucinations : When the voice in your head speaks when you don't want it to, to head's of State not present. I could snuggle in bed if I wanted to, but I've got to orchestrate and reorganize the Clinton dowry. It started outright with trying on a purple, yellow, and blue button down shirt that had Scabies in the sleeve- and now you're all going to know why Mr. and Mrs. Obama don't want to talk to me about potentially increasing livestock traffic across the Americas. I think could practice will follow from such a manure, I mean maneuver. I pick up 10 or so bottles of plastic single-serve water for consumption in my apartheid room. It's awful in here. The gold disappears from the mines, and even the hands I used to work with are blurring up in the twister, and as much as you call or don't call I have no business managing your intentions- only mine. Some barrge of women over thirty. But still there isn't a problem. The river is beginning to flood, and the fishery's stockpile is running low. Maybe we ought to empty out an African mass grave and fill it with blacklists of co-conspirators and then make a drake or a flume out of the narrow walkways between the cities. Then maybe we'll have water to last us through the dry season.----------------------------------------------------------­--------------------------------- Where in the world is Sam in Hammond, Can Diego? Forklifting pillars, bribing monkeys, playing with his Mickey Mouse and Michelob, catching the taller, eighteen and up crowd catch the last car riding the rapid drop from Space Mountain through, "It's a Small World After All:"  

It's a world of laughter a world of tears, it's a world of hopes and a world of fears. There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware- it's a small world after all."  

And then he takes the biggest gulp of water into his mouth that I've ever seen the man take, and he puts it in a small cooler that's strapped to the back of his calf, and he swears to me that the aeroplanes are going to come loop around, and when they do their glorious water-landing, he and I, or rather, the both of us, will be saved. Saved, hm? I don't even bother sharing insights or my insides. I quickly flash him the most-pod horrific a tryst that irons down a photo of Egon and I back in the Old City, what was it, Chicago, or something that very much sounded like Chicago. Could be totally awesome and I'll chime in that now is the time when we do our work best. That's all. Intrepid,

— The End —