incoherent thoughts cloud my mind.
i am like a spider
who was never taught
how to climb.
thoughts of what could have been,
our stupid, well thought out plans.
the dull thud of a heartbeat next to mine,
keeping a rhythm that isn't in time.
desire and lust
and everything that we had in between the two of us
like a piece of mold on a piece of white bread.
"it's bullshit!" i scream as i listen to music
that makes me think of you.
and my purple walls in my dark room
that were painted by our hands.
a taste of something
i feel as though i will
never taste again.
i look at the hole in the wall,
and the broken ceiling fan.
the picture of you on my desktop,
an empty box of soda cans.
and i can't seem to remind myself that
there is always an end.
I miss my best friend. I miss being able to talk about anything and everything. It was what I lived for. I leaned too far though. I depended on you to cheer me up and lie and that was wrong of me. I am so sorry. I am sorry you have not had an easy life and you feel so alone sometimes yet I'm even more sorry that you still feel the need to lie and put others down because you're so insecure about the great unbearable truth being revealed. We have gone our separate ways and nothing can be the same as it ever was. Nor do I want or need that. I do not need you. I do not need lies to give me confidence. I have me and that's just fine. I have done great without you. I cannot tell you any of this though because it does not matter. You never truly did. You ruined me
It’s a beautiful sky tonight,
I can’t help but look up and wonder why,
In your eyes I see the night?
And why I’m sending kisses to the breeze?
Send them rustling through the trees,
Like leaves. Like stars.
Your memories are bountiful and they surround me.
I sit there, I sit here,
Looking up in disbelief
The stars they dance in the air.
Your beauty perfumes the spaces between.
And again you have invaded me.
I’m a helpless bum on the street
For what I need
I need you. I need the magic tea,
You brew in me
With your touch
Fire blazing chest deep
It’s addicting to me.
While I’ve collected every movie and song,
I’ve remembered every verse to each one,
Every romantic symphony.
The colours now that I see
They swirl to meet
And there it is
Your soul they reveal.
There it is, the night
In your eyes.
Once more you drown me.
But here comes relief,
The sun is coming up soon
And all the dreams I dreamed
Seam a bit more real.
Getting lost in the heavens
I’m finding my way back to land,
As you reach for my hand,
And the fantasy is made real.
Here comes the sunlight,
Yet still in your eyes I see the night,
In the mysterious darkness
That’s where love hides.
Starting at the end
I restart journey back
again to think
how can it go right
from all wrong turns
Waiting will end bad
other things tried failed
and I feel stuck now
within my own created hell
helpless to the passing minutes
Searching for the end
where it all began
to find some relief
and to finish
what never started
Walking away from you on this never ending crosswalk.
You're so far away from me now but I can feel your eyes burning,
watching me as I go.
I'm trying with all my might not to look back,
afraid I'd run back into your poisoning arms.
I keep walking,
with a heavy chest.
Knowing this is it.
With the sun on my face the shadows fall behind me.
And that's where you belong,
in the shadows of the past.