Grey curl of smoke leaves my mouth,
Ashes scrape my throat.
I won´t play it wrong-
Trying to appear strong.

There´s no fire-
Just  the path to end this.
Gladly, I´d be your player,
Between us, fire burns.

Smoke would hiss.
It started-
With lit cigarette.

I stand at the end, looking upon the new road ahead.
I step on to a new journey, with its map unread.
I am unaware of the destination; how do I advance?
"I am just a piece of paper here", said the map at a glance.
I carry along with me a treasure trove of experience and memories,
To which I still cling upon for an appease.
I find it tough to leave the treasure behind,
Together that I earned with my people in our grind.
I learn about the road on every turn as I proceed,
I reach the fork and validity of my decision makes me worried.
For the demand of each path, I pay a similar cost,
Not on the way, but in the pool of my thoughts, I am lost.

The blade's edge, a younger ghost,
not life sought, nor a plea for most.
Not death's dark call, though lies might claim,
but love's few faces held a different flame.
Five souls tethered, a fragile thread,
for them, this burning building, I'd instead
stand, and let the slow char begin,
than leap to safety, and let their horror spin.
They see the hurt, but time, they say, will mend.
Yet roots of pain, where do they end?
If need itself, a human core,
becomes the wound that festers evermore?
Why does love, the lauded, wished-for prize,
so often end in tear-stained skies?
One lost to death, the other left to grieve,
a pain I recoil from, I can't believe.
So let me wound myself, they'll call it mad.
Perhaps it is, this path I've sadly had.
The truest gift, a love I'll never find,
no name to whisper, no touch to bind.
Did you see it then, this twisted grace?
Does love still wear the same familiar face?

Lyin’ on the bed,
dreamin’ of nightmares I’ve never met.
A glittering show of blood,
a scene that surely won’t be done.

Tick-Tackin’ is the clock,
I just don’t care about those eerie sounds beyond the lock,
whispers full of black,
like someone is trying to enchant a cat.

Earin’ knock-knocks on the door,
Death itself is down the hall,
it’s close enough to make me scared,
but far enough I barely care.

Sparkin’ is the future,
even if I already see some ugly failures.
I’m afraid, but I don’t hide,
so why should I even think that despair that’s no longer mine?

Can my vanity turn me into a tulip I wonder?
Have I misunderstood a fable as a fact
A myth as an aspiration.
I beg to be released from flesh and thoughts, into petals I ask.
No. There are no myths nor magic so
Enough! I turn to science and
Demand to be reformed
And if fantasy won’t let me, perhaps science will and
No more bruised and bended knees but
Did I not ask well enough?
Why can I not pass through winter as rot
Indifferent to time?
Then spend some days as beauty in
Heat, in
Earth, please.
Remember not my voice, not my face, not my body, not my self.
End me wholly each year but let me.
Doom me solely each year but let me.

I have some penultimate words to say,
Some final thoughts to escape my brain,
So, for a final time,
I’ll give you a piece of my mind.

Sometimes the subtleties pass us by,
The simple things of daily life,
While we complain about the mundane,
We forget the blessings right in front of our eyes.
From the birds who sing in the trees,
To the blooming flowers, pollinated by the bees.
All of these,
Help us see how pretty life can be.

I’ve learned some lessons over this year,
Those lessons I’ll take to heart,
Like sometimes “friends” leave you behind,
And it’s okay to hurt, but not to break apart.
Most people follow the crowd,
And that’s fine with me,
I’ll follow my own path,
To be renowned.

I firmly believe that each life is a story,
One worth reading,
Good, bad, or ugly,
There’s a lesson to be learned,
And you can think critically,
As the pages are turned.
After all, no one wants to be forgotten,
Or perhaps, some do,
I find that a tragic fate,
True doom.

It’s time again,
To quote a song by Alec Benjamin,
This one being my favorite,
Titled “I’m Not A Cynic.”
“I’m not a cynic, but today’s just not my day,
I’ve tried to spin it about a thousand different ways,
But from every angle, oh, the outcome is the same,
I swear that I’m not a cynic; my glass just has no water in it today.”
This one holds dear to me,
Because sometimes my sky is gray,
That doesn’t mean I’m a downer,
It just depends on the day.
I know my mood is mine to control,
But faking is a poison.
It’s okay to let the emotions flow,
I find it a positive notion.

This year has been a journey,
Far more challenging than the last,
I started off in the clouds,
Now I’m stranded in the past.
Friends have moved on,
Or perhaps, I pushed them away.
Who knows who I’ll be,
Junior year, on the first day?
I know life is a bunch of doors,
But a problem arises,
If you’re not willing,
To take a step.
However, if everyone stood still,
Life would be rather boring,
Wouldn’t it?
So I’ll take a step onto the water,
Hoping I don’t fall through,
Praying I won’t fall through.
Then I’ll take another,
Perhaps, it’ll be easier,
Than the first.
Before I know it, I’ll be walking,
Then running, to sprinting,
Clinging desperately,
To anything that I can take with me.
I clasp my hands on the doorknob,
And open it with haste,
And step through with a smile,
Not regretting a thing.
Though bittersweet nostalgia,
Might try its best to blind,
I’ll make better memories,
To shield my watery eyes.
Years down the road,
Wherever I may be,
Hopefully I’d found,
Some sense of security.
I’ll look back with pride,
At my sixteen-year-old self,
And applaud my bravery,
To take the first step.

Near the end of April,
And sophomore year is nearly down the drain,
I think overall,
I’m in a better place.
Ups and downs littered the road,
But I swerved and curved,
And through these poems,
I lightened the load.
Another thing ends tonight,
Sitting here as I write,
The conclusion to the final,
The final piece of my mind.

Wherever the road may lead next,
No matter how far or how scary,
I’ll follow it and reflect,
And make it to my ending.

Place me in the depths of an unknown ocean.
Underwhelming dreams search their way to shore.
I breathe the air of waves.
a gentle snuggle at the very end.

When I’m pulled out, the sky is bright and blue.
Yet still, I feel the ocean within me.
I thought, perhaps this could be my home.
But the messenger of air said otherwise.

When the destination came,
the mountain of sand only gestured: go back.
The sailor wave stepped away,
promising to return and meet me further on.

The new world is as soulful as I imagined.
But my happiness can’t seem to break through.
With me, there are so many others
drawn to this timid world.

But why am I out of breath?
Perhaps I’m just overwhelmed.
The square ropes still bind me.
My tail wiggles on its own,
it might be excitement.

My heart echoes with the sound of salt and silence,
a language I once understood.
This place speaks in colors I can’t name,
but my skin doesn’t belong to the wind.

But before I can meet the new world,
darkness folds into my sight, like a tide returning home.