Jabin 1d
Cast it aside I…
Can the world be so…
Is anything actually…
Where does it go?

Promises they kept
Lifted from the well.
Hurt me just a little longer…
And I will never tell.

Basically, the chains they…
Craftiness all ensnared…
Turned round to face the…
Was it ever there?

Sever my motives
What does it matter?
Emptiness concepts…
Meaning’s in tatters.

Legs wrapped tight on…
Hardly notice the…
Singes the backside…
Looks so good, huh?

Push me to action.
Call me a fake.
Hurt me with venom.
Lies from the snake.

Nobody knows that…
So much of knowing it…
Is there a knowing such…
Yet, how we commit.

The pain sets it free now.
The blisters remind us.
Sifts through unknowing…
Blood, guts, and puss.

Will it ever be, I…
Where is the voice of…
Searching for aching…

And finding love.
Often times I don’t know how I am.
That one question holds so many possibilities,
And I can’t narrow them down to one.

How are you?
I’m not sure to be honest.

There are days I feel a raging inferno,
Where fire burns my insides,
making me curse the world that’s brought me to this point.

But other times, it’s a tidal wave of sorrow.
In those times I can’t even muster the energy to swim.
I’d rather let the world drown me than care about it for another second.

The worst times though are the happy ones.
They usually follow the wave and flame.
It’s like my emotions decided that they’ve had enough of one extreme,
And that it’s time to swing to the next.

I know these happy feelings won’t last-
As soon as that song ends,
As soon as I return to reality,
I will return to nothing.
Because I know this happiness is not a reflection of how I truly feel,
But a valiant effort to hide the storms inside of me.

So when people ask me,
How are you?
I say I’m fine.
I’ve gotten quite good at hiding anything,
Everything.

I am scared to acknowledge the natural disaster that is my soul,
For I fear that one day it will be my end.
Do not waste your life away
Hanging around the wrong crowd
For they have nowhere to go
They are obnoxious and loud
The more that you ally yourself with them
Nothing but trouble and turmoil will appear
You will often find yourself in a trance
Am I making myself abundantly clear?
turmoil reigns the sky,
monsoon clouds do poetry;
Juggle metaphors!
Just another lonely bright Dazzled night in the diamond city of the land of gold.
The seasons change feels like a lamentation the autumn wind has never been so cold.

Sigh

Thought these metro lights blinding but I still see your name next to the moon in the stars.
The city's fluxed and curved silhouette,
Spectacular. happy to look, haven't seen you on these streets without occasion like a vintage car.

Sigh

I wonder, Were we moving too fast was it the pressure?
our chemistry had me at my triple point; fluid at times, solid for a minute but heated when we're livid. Aroma like therapy that's why I'm with Mary more, now that you're not near me.

Inhale

Used to be nothing but a product of jozi. a chubby hot boy plus everybody knows me. Well only my role, never my name Ilie man all ways had dat more fiha that's  what I was told. Not innocent but I have a bright soul.

Sigh

It was easier when I was apathetic, I could fake smile, greet enemies like "sho, Fede". the me of yesteryear would snark at my weakness now, but my sight has changed lately.

Inhale

Realize the higher I go the more balance I need, yes, these changes involve you but they are all on me.
A spoken word ment for a performance that never happened due to changes which is ironic. did most of it riding through Sandton . Includes a few South African/Rastafarian slang words such as
Jozi-short name for Johannesburg, South Africa
Ilie man- a man who is sacred/blessed/sanctified
Fiha- good marijuana
Sho, Fede- greetings (my)guy
Hot boy- a young illicit substances distributer

The Train of thought has a direction and many stops, when you're melancholy, but you Learn something at every stop along the line.
Each stanza has a sporadic rhyme scheme to show the sporadic nature of thought
Joe March May 14
Why do I strive to impress you when I do not know you?
What is it about you?
What is it about me?
My mind is plagued only with thoughts of you - not of you, but your acceptance
Hours I waste, gazing upon your past.
What is it I see now that I was unable to see in the darkness?
What I once mocked and ridiculed I now yearn for
feverishly.
You are not the first and you will not be the last.
Eros why do you visit me unwelcome?
Why do you stay?
I long for your eyes upon my body
Your pathetic praise awakens me,
disgusts me;
you draw out in me what I do not want to see.
The ugly truth.
Middlesteps May 7
head spinning

 heart racing

  surfing a landslide

   shedding weight

   cupping a flame in the palm of my hand

    antlers poised to strike oncoming unknowables

     inward light to milky stream my shadow makes

      i'm moving

       flakes of rust shed in my wake

        storm in glass cradle

         still and safe

          hurricane

            soft and sane

             sated

              in renewal.


a feather through a slingshot

 tempests flung across expanses

  dissipate

   tidal resolution

    childish affect

     peaceful mind

      loving kind

       and learning

        flowering carapace

         secret shape.
I look to one side,
The grassy green knoll with vivid life
A grazing, gray deer - hide!
I catch a breath, pant,
The shut, sturdy door with rough knots rife
Cognition - construed - can't!
I look to the last,
The effluent embrace erases strife
A turmoil, torrent - past!
carminayasmin Apr 16
Because
With me, I walk blindly forward as my mess is overturned behind me as I sulken dream. To turn round eventually I find all that’s been done, with me left to tidy - to replenish and erase the mess that has already fucking, spread rapidly into every corner of my insides. The lights go off when it burns off and the ashes tend to tell of time wasted of thirst and sense of waiting for his return.
I’m then diving into the spiral of aftermath that leaves itself to solve without answers. Heart stretches further and further away from its halves to avoid being engulfed by incoming wave which floods of knowing I would never have you.

And now
the pen I resist from daggering into my wrist so it’s ink can bleed into my insides with mellow wordly turmoil.

- See though, alone I thought I was safe. But those words that dropped out her mouth so unimpeachably illustrated you breaking into me. At that very moment. And unleashing the demons from their cage. I think I feel them gnawing now.
16 April 21:55
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