the hands of the ghost of the future
rest their palms on my shoulders
i’m startled but i’m not surprised
because there’s nothing there
i’ve been eating nothing
i’ve been acting as if there’s something left for me
but there’s only length
i’m a
no future
ice chewer

rant about the future or sum shit i guess

A dark field that stretches in front of me
Seeming to have no end
I sigh, turning my head to look back

The black mist seeps through the crack of the wall
I built it
Safety or precaution
I don't know which
I can't remember

Both things are dark
Seem to be a danger
I must face
As I can't go anywhere else

Left - Right
I don't want to go there

I sigh, looking back
It's grinning at me
It's laughing at me
They come closer

I smirk
Not at the path
Not at the mist

They close around me
Trapping me
All I can do is smirk

They sky went from gray to black in a matter of seconds

everyone seems to have it all figured out
whether it's their significant other or their major
no matter where i look, they know
i feel paranoid in a world of certainty
unsteady in a world of constants
the store on the corner is always the same
the people around me are always the same
even though i'm ever changing
every day is the same for them
for me, it's a whole new world

some wish for my predicament
all i wish is to know
to know anything at all
who am i supposed to be?
what am i supposed to do?
who am i supposed to be with?
am i supposed to feel this way?
my life is a mess of "supposed to" 's
but all i want are answers
answers that start with "this is" or "you are"
no more maybes or i don't knows

the only thing i'm sure of anymore is that i'm unsure

I welcome psychotic breakdowns
Ugly crying
Violent arguments
And overwhelming bad news

Don’t worry
Each disturbing moment
Is just a chapter in my story
A short clip
In the kaleidoscope montage
That is my reality

Capture a heart wrenching moment
In three second bursts
And repeat
Until there's an hour of footage
So when it's done
Twenty years will have passed
From the first moment
To the last

In a futures world
I'll be better off
In a successful career
Traveling the world
Not famous enough to be recognized
But known enough to be quoted
For a line of my solemn life
To be an everyday phrase
Recounting my memories to strangers
Creating inspiration for the broken

Freeze frame.
And rewind.
Because this isn't my movie.

I'm in someone else's tale
No matter how tragic my back story is
I'll stay locked in
As a background character
A bully?
A victim?
A destroyer?
A teacher?
An enemy?
A friend?
Will they know I'm their co-star?
Will they make room for me on screen?
Will they even notice my presence?

I'll be forgotten
Lost in a sea of miniscule roles
So these disturbing moments
Won't be reduced to three seconds
And there'll be no Twenty years later flash forward
I'll be stuck in every second
Forever pushed to the sidelines
Forever questioning
If the next person I meet
Will be the main character
In this movie I'm trapped in

OnyxSea 1d

Thoughts of the future,
Visions of the past.
The present moment,
simply does not last.

Time is spent,
on speculation and niceties.

The self-deception plaguing oneself,
The unceasing banter regarding wealth.
What is left, to truly spend,
is an echo, a fraction, of what we truly have.

Paying attention to useless things,
occupying the mind with countless daydreams.

Imaginings of futures never coming-to-be,
Recollections of a past causing hurt to me,
What is left is but a bare fraction,
the actual time that is spent on the present.

Wasting away the gifts of time,
we squander the present, however benign,
on the past and future, or thoughts of the present.

Rather than seeing what is truly inherent,
the very impermanence that defines the present,
We miss our chance,
the biggest chance there is,
to shape our future, however bleak it is.

As with countless drops one can fill a pot,
day by day we can always walk.
For the path of a thousand miles begins with a step,
with the beginning at hand, the end we will beget,
the very future, we will seek to protect.

oh the boy in yellow
little fragile fellow
dancing on top of the seats
of an empty music theater

he yearns to twirl on stage
and destroy the bars of his cage
voice so loud of joy today
he sang his heart away.

This is for the dreamers.
lostboy 1d

Nature’s broken off brown paper
Crumples inwards and caves inwards.
Flickers of marching band trumpets
Within the harsh sounded breezes.
Ages may always repeat
Yet one always comes and goes.

There is a sure stir in the air
As time seems to be in favour.
New short waves from the next
Generation show maturity.

The buildings shift,
But those who crawl back
From labour hours
Wait for something big;
One small tick.

This current softness,
From one year only before,
Seems to be
A global calm
Before the storm
Of change.

trinity 1d

so i will take your hand
and you will take mine
and we will stand.
sometimes still and sometimes grieving,
sometimes silent, sometimes numb -
there is a time to mourn and a time to heal.
We will recover kindness from the debris
not to kill with,
but to bring life.
gather the things we've lost and rebuild
and again
and again.
yes, we will all die one day
but on all the other days, we will not.

When I look upon my path
All I can see is light
I feel a beating in my chest
But it's never felt quite right
The sounds will echo in my hollow head
The sounds will remain until I'm dead
An opportunity to climb the ladder
A door opened with success in sight
My heart can't help but feel sadder
My lungs run out of air
The will to continue has always been my swear
But what can I do when my legs go numb
When the thought of being without makes me feel bare
My hands will sweat
My heart will race and in that moment I'll care
Still I won't know
And maybe I'll never feel what I've imagined
And maybe I'll remain too scared to tell what happened
I'm privileged
I'm supported
But that's not going to change it
That feeling of hatred
That inadequacy
I'll still feel like a ghost
I'll still feel wasted.
Those dreams of warmth
My dreams of hope
They leave a crack in me
They leave a hole of frost behind
I need that warmth
Because maybe in time I'll be less than anyone can see
That's not a promise or a threat
It's my prediction
It's my fear that I'll never forget

I was really focused on doing good then. Something I can still relate to. Written in 2013

I was put here for a reason
One day I'll find my calling
There will be one day that I'll seize
I'll do what I said I would
I'll be the person I said I'd be
Maybe I'll do something good
Maybe I'll help someone like me
I haven't figured it out
Maybe I'll stand the ground that someone else once stood
Maybe I'll become more than I see
but life isn't about the plan
We make these goals
and we think up these lives
We aren't in control
We'll set out to achieve these dreams
Maybe that's not what's going to happen
when everything is ripped at the seams
we're reborn in a way that we didn't expect
I want to be a lawyer
I want to be a musician
I want to be someone's hero
I want to start a revolution
I don't know
Maybe I'll do something good
Maybe I'll help someone like me
I haven't figured it out
Maybe I'll stand the ground that someone else once stood
Maybe I'll become more than I see
my plans will fall apart
my goals will change
I'll lose what I had at the start
everything will be strange
but one day I'll be the person I want to be
I'll be important to someone
I'll do something good
I'll be the person that is more than I see
I'll make people happy to know me.

Made in 2013 and to now I still relate. Maybe I'll be something I can be proud of some day
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