maybe one day
i'll look back
and realize
you were
never
even
worth it

Hoping and praying this heart break will go away soon // love always

What would your husband think about you leaving? Any kids?

"I don't have a husband anymore.... And no, no kids...there's no point anyway."

What?

"Loving anyone or anything.....
Feels great at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about love.... Its a hell I'll never get out of alive."





No one does......

i've never believed the saying, "time heals all wounds." it puts one under the impression that if you wait and do good, we'll one day be magically healed...we'll wake up and suddenly see and feel the radiance of the sun again.

the sun has come back but i can still feel the frigid cold trying to take me away.

google defines wound (n) as: an injury to living tissue caused by a cut, blow, or other impact, typically one in which the skin is cut or broken. synonyms include but are not limited to: gash, laceration, slash, abrasion, bruise.

wounds can be physical. black and blue. scratches up and down your arm. wishing they'd go away so you can stop telling people that you ran into a tree.

wounds can be mental. feeling a tug at your heart constantly, one wrong move and you're shattered. not being able to listen to that song without bursting out in tears.

my wounds are valid whether you can see them or not. time has passed and my wounds are still begging to be seen. stop telling me i'll be okay with time.

i used to feel crazy. i was waiting for a switch to turn on. the switch would turn on and i would be healed. i wouldn't feel like this anymore. this day never came but i'm realizing this is fine.

google defines heal (v) as: to cause (an undesirable condition) to be overcome. synonyms include but are not limited to: mend, recover, improve.

peak moments make me feel like i'm healed. i'll laugh the way i used to. warmth takes me over. the sky is a brighter shade of blue.

low moments make me question the healing process. i'm crying. my heart feels like it's breaking all over again. i'm battling with myself in my head. suddenly i'm on a rollercoaster i can't get off of and i can't stop screaming.

the thing is, i'm constantly healing. the process never ends. my body is constantly working to heal my wounds and while they may become less visible over time, i can tell you i will always feel them.

i've accepted my wounds as a part of me. they take up space. i carry them with me everywhere i go. i'm not sure if i'd be me without my wounds.

my wounds remind me of who i am, what i'm capable of. they're proof of the battles i fought: the nights i cried and cried, the moments i felt the world was too much for me, the times i questioned my worth, when i could feel my own heart breaking.

i'm sorry to say that time doesn't heal all wounds  as i'm still hurting.

R Sep 12

A new face
A stranger
One that can resurrect a withered flower
My eyes were stunned
It’s more like I’m dreaming
Please don’t wake me up
This feeling’s overwhelming
I think I’m in love
But I do not know exactly
Is this love at first sight?
Why does time run slowly?

I was jealous of everyone near you
You have hurt me unconsciously
I manage to come near you
And finally, I was with victory

Lots of things happened
More on pain than love
I became selfish
I just wanted to be with you
But it turned out
That the love I offer is not true
Nothing’s wrong with you
It’s about me
I thought I was in love
I thought it was love that I felt
I thought you were perfect

But I was wrong
Love’s not about perfection
It’s about accepting flaws
And every single thing
All I had was infatuation
Nothing
But a deep, deep thing
Now I’ve realized things
I’m sorry for all the damage
All the troubles
And mess

Don’t worry, for you,
Promise, I will learn to love

my cousin asked me to write a poem about infatuation, sadly I don't think I've given it some justification, because for me, it's more of a story than a poem. anyways, enjoy reading! :) God bless
XVI

You have to be willing to
Try despite the tears that
Roll down those warm cheeks
And hit the ground like bullets
Earlier years flash right before
Our very eyes as sadness looms
Over us like a storm cloud these
Insecurities are loud but don't
Have to be a conclusion there's
Always tomorrow to hope for as
The sun begins to slowly lower itself
A growing effort can reap greater
Rewards and the sharing of success
Means we all have a chance to win
Benefiting from moral support is what
Our world needs now more then ever..

rom Aug 29

you made falling in love so easy that i felt like a fool
looking for love in places where i thought i'd find it –
forcing myself to be in love for the sake of feeling it
and not once did i realize it was beside me all along:
hidden in the guise of friendship.

why did i need to have my heart broken many times,
have tear stains dry on my pillow,
and have an emptiness in my chest that felt so hollow,
before realizing that i've fallen for you;
that i've fallen in love with my best friend?

I came to agree with Charles Darwin
When my eyes opened wider as I came of age
And I saw how the world worked
Realizing that it was deeper than what people said
About my race in life being unique from my neighbour’s
And what my religion teaches
Coupled with the enormous faith it demanded
Asking me not to question the obscure answers
But life remains what it is and the truth remains the truth
Although it could be heartbreaking if misunderstood

Life has always been a cryptic puzzle
Destined to be deciphered step by step
To be understood little by little across generations
One continuing where the previous stopped
This was the birth of philosophy and science
Bodies of rebellion that seek
To answer the questions and question the answers
Why in the track of life, evil travelled faster than good

I came to agree with Charles Darwin
When I looked at life and saw that it was indeed
A ring where only the fittest survived
So what hope was there for the weak?
    what hope …………..for the weak?
And a voice answered saying
Faith! They will believe and hold on to their belief
Their prayers and belief may or may not become
But they will be comforted by their belief
In the things they can feel but do not see

This life too is full of malpractice
And the righteous are at a disadvantage
The world is also full of unkindness
That when the kind bends to help a fallen one
Get back on his feet, he gets kicked
On the head by the same person he elated
And he would look back to a cruel memory seeing
That his kindness was a ladder
With which he elevated his Judas
The world is a place where one becomes pragmatic
even with kindness
To avoid being kicked in the head

The journey to our heart desires is a race
The world is racing away with everything good
Only the strong and opportune wrestle enough from her
In this continuous race that never ends
Some people fall off by the road side
And kindness could be a weakness to the needed focus
But everyday a miracle happens, people take chances
To uplift others, defying the law of nature
Yet there are casualties

I came to agree with Charles Darwin when I saw it
That life was this programmed race track
That thrived on the principle of survival of the fittest
And evolving into this state of mind,
I have seen that evolution
Is not only what I see in my biology textbooks
But it was the principle that guided life.

Poetic T Aug 24

Created in an image of you,
woven in the palms of creation.
But you made a broken puppet,
one that will never be real.

Sins of a father who wove wrong
stitches within, but called for us
not to sin. But why collect the coins
that you thrown within the pond?

Rippling within, you knew of its
calling yet sealed it in. Said that
we would fall from graces, but
the grace was already dimmed.

Then I realized that you weren't
what I was told, no father would
inherently seed you with this contempt,
just to know you'll fail no matter the ending

Sins of a father who isn't really there,
never would you have done this if
you wanted us beneath you chair.
I wash my thoughts of this distaste.

I know now that your just a sadness of
false words, for a fathers wish is to bring
you into a world pure. Who would want
to birth flaws if not for the purpose of failure.

Looking onward I'm my own decisions,
not flawed from birth, we all have our own
morality its human kindness, thought.
Sins of a father that never spoke any words.

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