Swim back.
Faster.
You must get to him.
It will kill him.
No, you were too late.
It’s already gotten to you.
You try to swim under it but it’s too strong.
It throws you around like a leaf in a hurricane.
It’s held you under too long.
You’re drowning.
You’re dying.
You try to swim to the surface.
You cough up salty water.
You raise a fist in the air for your rescue.
You can’t scream.
You thought all of your training would prepare you for this moment but instead you’re terrified.
There’s another one coming, more than twice the size of the last one.
You look everywhere, but no one is around.
Just white water and the gloomy sky.
It hits you.
You try and swim down again but you haven’t caught your breath from the last hit.
This one lasted longer than the last time.
It feels like hours on end.
Keeping track of the time only makes things worse.
You open you eyes so see the swaying water that is killing you.
When the swaying stops you take a gasp for air.
You’re choking so bad it’s like you were still drowning in the water.
The water starts to calm to the way it was.
But the way it was before seems much scarier after what you just gone through.
The person you tried to save was ok.
Saved by someone else stronger, and more prepared for this moment countless times before.
You can’t focus on the humiliation.  
The humiliation of when you try to save someone, when you can’t even save yourself.
The big strong wolf everyone thought you were back at home is now just an idea.
In the aftermath of this moment, you are scared.
Scared of the next wave that will probably kill you next time.
That feeling of death right at your doorstep.
Getting over it is just a saying you said to other people.
You said this to them because it makes you feel better about yourself.
The more you say it, the more you believe it yourself.
Days pass and you made the decision not to go back to that place.
No one cared for you there anyway.
What’s the point of doing a job that involves things you now have nightmares of doing.
You realize that you never had really happy moments there anyway.
The only good moments you had was when you were alone.
Alone with your good moments.
Your proud moments.
Maybe that wave did a good thing for you.
It made you realize the true suffering you were going through.
Worse suffering than the wave.
But it doesn’t matter now.
Because of your suffering and ptsd from your time spent there, you quit.
And you might not ever come back.
Now
I know you have questions.
I know you have wounds and scars.
I know you were hurt before, who wasn't?
I know you think you can do everything now.
I know you think time is in your hands.
I know you think life is longlasting, a slow ticking bomb.
Think. I said think. Thats what you think. That's what I thought.
Now I know that questions would have answers, and some, were just meant to be unanswered.
Now I know the pain I felt, is nothing but a blessing.
Now I know time is fleeting, that life is so short.
Now I know, now I realise that there is a time. For everything. In due season.
Everything that happens, happens for a reason.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;  A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;  A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;  A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;  A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1‭-‬8 KJV
https://bible.com/bible/1/ecc.3.1-8.KJV
jay 7d
i watched,
as the words turned to a
heap of blackness
it bled through pages
amongst hinges
along binding
staring,
i viewed something that once was
in wonder
in realization
words can easily be diminished
and be simply just
if not taken passed the mind and
heart first
for the ones who take poetry and writing so lightly
may you be a little more open
rob kistner Jun 12
_

when the fire of true love
flickers dims and dies
a solitary shadow falls
deep in darkening eyes
your once sweet words of love
become but empty lies

when that open door
to your tender heart
began its quiet close
ir was subtle at the start
but now you block all access
to the fragile part

what once so warm and effortless
now feels quite chilled and tight
the closing off began unseen
as but the passing of a night

until one morning no dawn breaks
no tenderness nor warmth awakes
and a loneliness encircles slow
you seek the one that you've loved so

she's here arms reach she shares your bed
you roll and turn and lift your head
you search her face in the predawn glow
but these eyes you see you no longer know

you feel no tears you feel no fight
a sadness rises from this night
your love once so sweet and light
will never agsin feel truly right

it's in this sober clarity
you realize you know
though you chose to stay asleep
your heart left long ago

_


rob kistner © 2013
This is a contemplation on the subtle growing loneliness of "falling out of love" and the deep sadness, yet strange calm of the moment you truly know.
rob kistner Jun 7
on finally reaching the end

_

as he reached the threshold
he hesitated
stopped
breathed in
partially turned
head cocked
breath caught
hand resting on the doorknob

their eyes met
held
each wanting to speak

...silence

she sighed
looked away
he dropped his head
exhaled
pushed open the door
stepped through
walked slowly on
never looking back

never looking back

it had all been said

_


rob kistner © 2013
contrmplation on the end of a relationship
For a while now things have seemed
A very certain way
But recently
There seems to be
Thoughts leading me astray
I'm very used to the worn trail path that I thought was forever true
But of New
All I can do
Is change my mind of you
It's as if I've been awakened to life on the other side of the grass
For so long now I've looked ahead and let the rest just pass
I thought that what's in front of me must be the best it was
But I've seen the other futures
And now it's all I want
I had this picture
In my mind
Of how perfect you would be
But it seems
just an inch to the right
Was what was really right for me
Mary L May 30
I realized
today
that my reason for
staying up
so late
every night
is based solely off of
procrastinating on
the chance that
I might think
about
everything.
Kind of sad
R May 29
Sometimes, you have to look back at your darkest past
to realize how bright your present is.
Emmanuella May 28
“Oh, Cupid!
Give me your bow and arrow
You are doing an absurd job.
How hard is it to hit the heart of my beloved?”

“Here, I’ll shoot it myself.
I’ll aim and let the arrow fly.
Look. Look how it sinks into her chest.
And watch. Watch as she falls head over heels in love with me.”

“Oh, what?
I missed?
Okay.
I’ll try again.”

“No?
Not this time?
Again.
Can I try again?”

“Damn it!
Why?
Why won’t it work?
Why can’t I aim right?”

“What?
I can’t control it?
It’s a force beyond my control?
It’s a power I don’t have?”

“Why then?
Why then!?”

“Why did you shoot me?
Why’d you hit me right in the heart?
What was that for, Cupid?
What was that for!?”

“If you won’t hit her...
If I can’t shoot her...
If she will not fall in love with me—
If I cannot make her fall in love with me..."

“Then why?
Why did you aim at me?
What is this sick game you’re playing?
Tell me Cupid, what is it?”
Unrequited love
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