The walls you signed your life away to
were never thick enough to seize your
Tone of condescension aimed at
the woman that I needed to draw strength from.
Your Roar echoes, vibrating
through my Vocal Chords to the point that
I can’t reel back the sharp hooks I continuously
sink into my lover’s back.
Maybe it’s you I should blame
For letting my first “love” wrap his sorry
hands around my Throat, lips
black blue Red
For convincing my adolescent self
that the Chatter of a girl was nothing but
White Noise, that my comfort
lied in the Dialect of
For believing that I could never find
comfort in the Words of a woman –
your copious Lectures filled with disdain and
the only Words I can ever recall were the ones
she never Said
As if a woman’s Voice were most valuable
I once had a great friend in my childhood years
Back when my world was two blocks wide
A wise owl, hulled in a cloak of gray feathers
Tainted innocence that once shone like snow.
One day, she called me to meet her again,
But all that I could find was a dying bird,
A being closer to death than life itself.
A friend that had only one last wish.
To share her conscience.
To preserve her knowledge.
I foolishly accepted her humble request,
Fully aware of the consequences it brought,
Foolishly waiting to carry her learnings in me,
But shocked to received far more than knowledge.
Realization is a funny thing.
For some, it is power or fulfillment.
But if ignorance is bliss,
Then I have been cursed.
I never played much before,
Until I was given a blade,
Playing the knife game every day,
To feel the cool edge inside my skin.
Like the sound of breaking bones,
Noise that invades my mind,
Like a broken record,
Screaming out its elegy.
I have been smothered.
Between the weight of living
And the weight of realization.
Realization is not a destination.
Realization is the end.
And beyond that
There's no beginning.
I am empty,
That was what I felt when I met you.
You cried for those who were miserable,
and I only thought it vain.
You fought so vigilantly for everything,
and I did the same,
with my own perspective.
You were a child with big dreams.
I was the adult with true realism.
But I was trying.
I only dreamt of a world with you.
Though I did not realize of the destruction I was capable of;
I was not aware of the calamity that lived within me.
When I lost you,
only did I know
I was never empty.
I was filled with the existence of you.
And now you are gone.
So tell me,
what am I now?
Sometimes there are mysteries
Here and there
Needing to be solved
By you and I.
But where did the time go?
It flashed before my eyes,
Just in time for me to realize
Some mysteries weren’t solved
By you and I.
Some were solved
For we aren’t one in the same.
We are human,
Yes we are;
But as a matter of fact,
We may need each other
To solve some mysteries,
Yet we are capable
And strong enough
We have our own paths to follow
As we aren’t one in the same.
Although we may be
Each other’s puzzle pieces,
We are free to be free
And experience life
Through an independent lens
Aware of all the possibilities.
There I lay in the middle of a room with 4 walls and a light staring straight right at me. Glaring like it want to say something but there was no sound. Then I laugh, its funny because even for a second there I really thought that , the light would tell me something. After a while I can hear a familiar sound, It was rain hitting the roof. Again it felt like it was saying something and yet again I started to laugh for there was no voice and i'm fooling myself how could rain tell me something. For hours I never stop staring at the ceiling with a blank thought, not even thinking of anything. Then I realized its dark, I'm pretty sure the light was on a little while back and no one had entered the room to turn it off. In my mind i'm sure its a blackout but i'm comfortable to where I lay. I didn't bothered to check. Now I'm staring at ceiling again but there was no light. The light that has been glaring at me earlier. It was pitch black. The darkness seemed to be telling me something yet in my head. Is still blank state. Then there was silence the rain have stop. It was so silent that I can hear my heart beating and even my breathing. The silence was absolutely deafening. I was scared I don't know why, as I feel the room getting and getting smaller in the darkness. The silence starts to hurt. I'm getting flash backs of my past, all of those memories sink in, in a flash. Now i'm truly scared. I tried to move but my body wont. I tried to scream but theres only whispers coming out my lips. The silence I was experiencing was truly different and the darkness was a new. Then I heard it. Loud and clear. It struck me and then I realized. What was the message. Then a lighting flashed, then the lights turned on. Thunders roared then it broke the silence. I just immediately stood up. Look at the clock, it was already 3 am, Then I said to myself what a good day to LIVE.
i'm going on my own journey
in pursuit of finding no one but me
going to places where i want to go
in search of things that i don't know
i wander around, day and night
as i follow my guiding light
unknowing of what would lie ahead
i won't stop, i continue instead
i walk aimlessly around the streets
as people pass with their own stories
some are sad, some filled with glee
i wonder what my story will be
i walk by busy streets and neon lights
i sense my future's out there, shining bright
these city lights will never blind me
and they will not outshine the fire in me
i walk towards the outskirts of town
and in the sky, there looms the dawn
hovering just above the horizon
from a distance that seems to go on and on
despite the distance i keep on going
in search of what lies out there, waiting
despite the long stretch of road that lies
that will in me will never die
as minutes, hours, and days pass by
my will to travel will not go dry
replenished by the hope i'm holding
that it is out there somewhere, waiting
so i walk with this one thing in mind
i wonder what the future hides
i don't know what my future's holding
so i guess i have to keep on walking
but as i walked, i realized something
that perhaps this road is never-ending
maybe i'm wasting my time on this trek
and efforts toward this endless walk
i realized that the future that's waiting
is nothing but the story i'm creating
My mother always used to tell me
Not to squash the spiders
Because it would make a mess
I always used to squash the spiders anyways
Because I thought that their splattered corpses
Would scare away all the other spiders
But they kept coming
I always used to stare at my wall
Dotted with tiny brown bodies
And they kept coming
And I always used to think
That the spiders must be idiots
Now I know
We're just like the spiders
I'd delete your number
though I'd just remember it.
I'd get rid of your favorite shirt
though I'd just imagine it,
on someone else.
I'd call to say,
"I miss you. "
though the time it would take
For you to answer,
would be enough for me
to change my mind,
and maybe even back.
I delete your number.
because you are not a part
Of my life.
I delete your number
Not to forget
Though to remember,
That we are all on our own
And things can only impact us
The way we let them
What is done, is done.
Though what we choose to do after
As the result,
That is us
I call to say "i love you"
Though it wasn't you
I'd delete your number
Though I already have.
What your contact means to me
You won't ever be, just a number.
In my phone, you stay