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From the time I was a little girl,
I feared love.
I had seen my parents fight
and I thought to myself that
no man was worth it.
No man was worth being
slammed to the ground.

As I grew older,
boys tried to pursue me
and I put up my guard,
thinking that if love is
having bruises all over your body,
then I do not want it–
not even a little bit.

However, when you came around
you showed me something new.
Not every man is my daddy.
In fact, you are the man that my
daddy wishes he could be.
All my dad wanted was to show love,
but he never knew how.  

You radiate the sun
and make me feel loved.
You make me feel beautiful
and special and happy.
You are the reason I love
love and I do not fear it.
I crave it.
You walked into the butcher shop
eyes of blue determination
asked me to hand you the cow heart.
Still beating, i let it slip into you hot palm
letting the blood trickle down our arms as our fingers featherd each others wrists.
You took the corpse and slipped it deep into your jean pocket like a secret love affair.

You asked me if i wanted to go swimming sometime. It was not a question.
I cordially accept your wet invitation.

We splashed in the melted blue like children yet unbroken by the cruelties of living.

We ate each other.
you told me i was the first meal you had in months
and i, so innocently believed you.

The next day you invited me over for dinner. It was not a question.
Full on lust i accepted

you opened the kitchen door quickly and whispered down my spine,
my body like lava erupting before we made it to the first course.

On the dinner table lay the butchered
Still beating you asked me to take the first bite,
and i, brimming with your desire- did

I swallowed it like a rock.
pulsating through my core, shaking my small frame.

You kissed my stomach.

The next day i awoke in cold sweats.
Vomiting up my stomach lining chunky and undigested.

I left you three messages.

Sick. White. Quaking.
I waited.

Disintegrating into myself. The flesh melting off my body like a landslide.
A hurricane in slow motion.

I waited.

You butchered my vulnerability
skinned me like a thanksgiving turkey
left me on your kitchen table to be picked at by the angry flies.
A slow meticulous death.

You said “look into my eyes.”
And i was so lost in the blue i allowed you to take the knife right to the place where the world begins.

I was so in love with an idea.

I ate your heart without question not understanding that you cannot consume someone into loving you.

What goes in must come out.

Now, what is left of our lust lines the bathroom sink.

A bath of blood and bile
I obsessively pick though trying to discern where I went wrong.
Aa Harvey 14h
Head against a brick wall.

Mobile phones are like listening to a headache;
Women are obsessed, with a need to be fake.
What's going on, for fucks sake?
Go o'naturel; let me see your real face.

Show me you, not what you wish me to see.
Don't let your inhibitions, stop you being free.
I'm always here for you, if you ever need me;
But I'll never walk away, unless you ask me to leave.

I'll stand by your side, in the pouring rain
And I'll give you my coat, to keep you warm.
I don't mind being wet, if you’re happy and safe
And as long as you know, that I am all yours.

What can I do, to keep you with me?
Why must I let go, when I know you will leave?
How can you simply, walk out on me?
How can you not know that's it's you whom I need?

I just keep losing my mojo, somebody’s stolen my muse.
I left it in my pocket, now it's not there with you.
You took it as you left me, laying crying on the floor;
I ran after you, but in my face you slammed the door.
I lost a tooth and found a black eye
And the nurses never believed that I walked into a door.
That's because our love for each other, they never saw.

But please don't leave me, here all alone;
Don't let me be the one, who has to stare at his phone.
Awaiting your call, that will never come.
Say you still want me and need me and show me some love.

(C)2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Peace 1d

Let my
be the
Tori 1d
Soft, moonlit wings glide under the light of the moon,
while shadows dance on the snow below.
Flying into the unknown, breathing in whimsy,
she refuses to land or succumb to the fatigue.
But the frosty silence lulls her to sleep
with pinstriped stories delicately written onto her skin  
until her mind succumbs to the stillness

and she no longer flees from the snows embrace...
Sometimes the love that we feel for someone is like a moth travelling through the night, it is beautiful but it cannot withstand the cold, harsh truths of reality. How could something so pure survive in this environment? When these wonderful feelings no longer provide the stability we need to survive winter... What am I to do if there is only winter and no springtime?
I pull into my driveway and my neighbor is standing in front of his door wearing a wife beater, basketball shorts that go to his mid calf and his bare feet shoved into too small slides most likely from 2005.
Nearly every part of him is large, outside of the fact that he’s 5’7”: his beer belly protrudes from his ribbed cotton shirt, his ego escapes from his messy house (his door is wide open, all the cold air is escaping),
He watches me park.
His woman, for lack of a better term, stands up straight at right underneath his eyebrow, and she glares at me too.
I let my hand trace the chair sitting on my front porch for a few seconds and wonder why I’ve never sat here before.
Residue rain falls from the outside banister and I feel as at home as I’ve ever felt in this shitty little god forsaken studio.
My neighbors are still watching me and I realize it’s because they don’t recognize me. I’m rarely here.  
With the hair on my arms all standing up in unison, I unlock my door and step inside,
drop my keys and count my money.
My knees are rusty, I feel small.
There’s only so many times you can do this, and only so many times I can too.
You say you see me
And my heart beams
For I have never truly felt seen

But still I am unsure
Of exactly what it is you see....

Did you see my heart frown
Learning that you'll never be mine

Or do you see my mind wandering
In our secret fantasy
wishing I could stop time

Can you see the hope that I've told to die,
Dancing with the hesitation of letting go
A reality, I'm not quite ready to face

Do you see the magic, behind my eyes
As I watch your life, unfold from your tongue?
I enjoy you, exactly as you come

Are you watching the same 'me'
Looking at the same 'you'
A 'you', who will define my heart
Can you see the ache I feel
Fearing one day we'll part

Do you see me
Less lonely?
Less sad, Less afraid?

Are you watching me love myself
More than before
My anxiety, washing away
I'm able to conquer more

Do you see that you have made me different?
That in me, you've become significant?

I needed you
Whatever you are
And I thank you, but beg
Keep me somewhere.
Tucked in your heart.
RedD 3d
I am in love with a man
That man is you S
I want the world to know
The time will surely come

Time is precious, this I know
And I want to make
the most of every moment with you
All of you

You tantlise my soul
Ignite a fire in me
Radiate within me
And light our worlds up

For I am yours
If this is your wish
I feel your desire too

Too many miles separate us
Likewise too many days
Lets take a journey
for always
Its that L word again S xx thank you for who you are. Don't ever change xx Thank you for being part of my lifexxx
"Beats me"

Meanwhile I worry every time you go out
Meanwhile I'm scraping my thoughts into the blender because
none of them are ever whole enough to dish out anyway,
Might as well
slice them down into something that
tastes too much like anxiety

And a hint of regret
Am I sweeter on your tastebuds now?
As you sit up
A few rows forward
Or a few rows back
There is always someone watching shyly
Admiring you...
Wishing to talk to you...

When you wander the halls
With a friend perhaps
Chuckling and mucking around
Yelling how unattractive you are...
There is someone that deeply desires...
To run up to you and sweep you off of your feet
Or to simply kiss you upon the cheek.

When you see that person you crush on so heavily
Wishing they would see you, but can't even hear you
Every time they smile, you buckle and sigh
Because they will never smile at you the way you wish they would..
There is someone smiling at you...
Yet you can't see them...
Wishing they could wipe your sorrows away...

When you go home and swipe through your phone
Watching the pictures of couples
And people sharing a night together
You picture yourself forever in this scene...
While someone wishes on the other side of the screen
Wishing that you could see their eyes
And read what they gleam

You may feel alone...


But you don't realize one little thing...
Even you...the one who feels the most replaceable...
You have a ghostly admirer...
Thinking about you from a distance
Never to approach you, because you may not like them...

Maybe you're the ghostly admirer...
Wishing you had the guts to change the forbidden tides
To make the way for the other guys...
And yet all it takes is for that person..or you...

To believe in ghosts...invite them in...and
Just maybe...
Your ghostly admirer will come right when
You need them most.
Never wait to appreciate once it's too late.
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