Candice 16h

I wait aimlessly for your arrival
Just to see your smile
To hold you in my arms
To keep you from the world's harm

As I sit waiting
That moment I am creating
When I can finally see you standing before me
How lovely would that be
I hear your car outside
Last time I saw you I cried

As I run to meet you
I realize our love is true
Our bodies meet with an embrace
And all I can feel is my heart race

We spend hours together
We're two birds of a feather
I enjoy every second I have sitting beside you
Butterflies I get from you, as if our love is still new

The way you say goodbye
And the way you cry
And hug me so tight
In your arms it feels so right
Kissing you for what I know is the last time for awhile
Oh, how I'll miss that smile

As I walk away from the only thing I've ever really known
Home doesn't even feel like home
All I can say is that I miss you, Bay
Knowing you're about 130 miles

I can go days without talking to you now.
Do you remember how different it used to be? I couldn't go minutes with you unhappy before succumbing to the lump in my throat, swallowing it with my pride, my dignity, and my general well being, getting out of our bed and walking to the couch where you rested your pretty little head.
Does it bother you that I learned to not allow you to manipulate everything I do? Do you feel proud that I've grown up? I remember one of the first times you ever made my soul bleed, I thought life as I knew it was over. I allowed you to do it nearly thousands of times before I took the scissors away, I was standing there with a bald head and an emancipated figure, still crying out for another chance.
Do you remember how you constantly acted like your short comings were my doing? You would still wake up in the morning with nothing on your body except the stains of my love. You would still sing to me in the night time, but only in my head, and when you actually came home from work usually there was a problem that had to be sorted out because you and peace were enemies.
I never felt like your enemy until I saw you kissing her. I realized in that moment that I don't love you anymore, but a part of me still thinks I need you. The last time I ever felt comforted was when I allowed myself to pretend you were there for me, but you weren't. Emotionally, I was starved, but at least there was body warmth in my bed making me think it was all okay.
Do you remember what I said to you when I initially decided to leave? I was so sure, matter of fact. I knew I couldn't survive off the scraps of food you threw off the kitchen table I bought for much longer, and I had stopped being able to focus on anything other than my growling stomach. I told you I had reached my final straw, I had nothing left to give and no space inside my body to accept something so weathered any longer. You laughed it off. We were going to be fine, I stuck around for a little while longer. I shouldn't have.
Do you know that you are my first love? I still love you to this day. I thought I didn't, but I also spend a lot of my time distracting myself away from my own head so maybe deep down you have always rested inside of me. You took a piece of me with you when you left and I'm not exactly sure what it was. For a period of time I thought it was just my ability to read a situation with my sanity, that I was simply addicted to your chaos and had recovered after some time away from the high of it all. Next, I blamed the loneliness, because it's really so unbearable sometimes. I crave a connection I can only get when I allow my soul to take over the rest of my body, and I did that every single day with you.
Please don't think I still love you in the same way that I did, because it's much different. Do you remember how convinced I was that I couldn't live without you? It's been a few months short of a year. I'm doing it. I can't say I'm fine because I'm having another one of these days, but maybe that's okay every now and again. It's been awhile since the last time I considered calling you and begging for another chance. It raises a really difficult question inside of my bones; why do I go there? Why are you the person my subconscience connects to? I hate mostly everything about you. I know now, without a reason of a doubt, that if I had stayed much longer I not only would have lost every good thing about me but I would have stolen parts of you too.
Do you think maybe the piece of myself that I gave you, right in the beginning, was a part I really needed? What if it was something that makes me who I am, allows me to breathe, allows my antidepressants to work?
I hate you for kissing her, for wanting her, for calling me every few weeks because you know there was something there that might never be replaced. I absolutely despise every thing inside of you for being happy without me. The thing that we had, that connection we shared or the fire we created, it wasn't something good so don't get me wrong. It was electrifying in the worst way, the type of pain that feels good, the space right between never and again and me convincing myself that you weren't karma out to get me. But how did you get over it? How can you not live without it?
You used to call me sadistic, told me I loved my misery. Is that why I stayed as long as I did? Is that why I'm scared to death that I miss you?

I can't even read my own feelings right now, I'm tired and I don't think my meds are working, I want to feel inspired and driven and whole again, it's been a bad week and I really don't know why I'm going downhill, my emotions are taking over and I need to meditate and try to center myself, I wonder what she's doing right now. Do you think they are together? Do you think she's doing bad? The fuck am I kidding, she's always doing bad. She's always on the verge of relapsing or killing herself or running away from the earth to rest on the moon. What happens when I'm not there?

Where are they
I knew them well
Close to me
Life long
Now scarcity
All gone awry
What I loved
Is now 2,400 away

The clear stream chuckles
And the mountain opens itself to my gaze,
Lik'a woman, lonely, powerful.

The misty mysterious haze covers
Its top and I wonder,
'Why is it so blue at dawn?'

I wish time stopped there for a long moment

Seems as if I'm the last man alive,
Strangely, I'm quiet happy with it
It's not as melancholic as I thought it would be.

july 9, 2017
6:00 a.m.
Arcassin B Jul 11

By Arcassin B , soul S , Richard L.A

SS : Bars on windows ,Bars on doors
Metal ceilings ,Beveled floors
Come in folks!
There's lots of room!
It don't matter it's a tomb...
A prison cell of bone & hide
You won't know Til you're inside...
Here I am, I'm in the lobby
Locked within a broken body
Makes me want to scream & shout...
I'm just dying to get out!
There's the rub... just want to cry!
To get OUT I have to DIE.
There's just one way To be free.
But I don't want to die, you see.
I guess I'll stay & just be ME.
AB : To posses more ,empathy,
Weeping over dead bodies like the anniversary of
9/11, God bless each and every person in this world to
live long and prosper, this is hostile,
waiting on Jesus to descend to us and preach the gospel,
there's not enough empowerment to help the weak,
And there's not enough food here to feed the homeless,
Not even enough  friends around your child to see her smile
and you always treat her like nothing so she thought her
life was worthless,
looked into the barrel of the gun And, POW!,
Didn't even say her last words , not even a letter,
you should have spoke to her,
could have been a better nurturer.
RLA : Living In  the Projects. ...

I learnt my name.... I learnt my fame...
Living in the Projects....

Learnt how to skillfully write my name in lights.... All over the place. ...
I was living in my own mind when it happened....

Happened to Me...
From where you came, I had No idea....

I was lifted up, above my feet...

Don't leave me hanging ......
Around for too long.....

BSeuss Jul 11

I layed there in the dark,
waiting for perhaps a revelation.

I woke to the light,
hoping for a miracle of sorts.
For a transformation of my life,
in a way that leaves me better off.

But the truth settles in,
I can only do this with action.

A child like hope will no longer do.

I must move in life to manifest my own.
Although my dreams have lead my head,
I can no longer wish.

I have wished & wished again & again.
As if speaking with a dying breath.

I layed their In the dark.

Waiting, wishing, hoping.

I see that I have to be the life change.

I woke to the light.

Times have drastically changed,
& I must come back to life,
with all the strength I have.

Its not as hard as I made it to myself,
But It will never be easy.

And that is okay,
that is the way it must be.

I can make the change that I hoped for.
I can be the change I want to see in life.

I woke to the light.

To realize that the pain is only a teacher.

A lesson in a loss,
a siren of our own misfortune.

But it is not to the end we feel the weight.

Times change & so does what hurts us.

Darkness is not there to take away light.
The Light is not there to blind us.

Darkness is simply the absence of light.

Yet a certain amount of dark is needed,
to see the stars at night

There is no bad in light or dark in nature.
It is simply how life Coexists with us.

Your darkness does pass,
as does your light.

Just as they both come back,
but neither is present at the same time.

In the end your light will be all that stays.

Realize the good in the bad.
Accept the bad in the good.

Life slows down for none,
& it's never too late to stand back up

We layed there in the dark,
to wake to the light.

If it's too dark, turn on the light. If it's still dark,  open your eyes
Seema Jul 4

I stopped to watch,
The gaze of sunset upon his face
As a drop of rain,
Sparkled and rolled down his cheeks
Like a tiny waterfall,
Ledged to spill, the tears to let go
What was once so dear,
Kept in so close
Left him broken
As he laid the last rose
On her grave...


aryanalynae Jun 26

I looked into the sky
And I thought of all those times
We had our moments that we thought meant we'd last forever.

And I looked into the sea
And felt all of those feelings
We had when we thought we would last forever.

Maria Imran Jun 23

These past few years I have seen and learned 'letting go' in a lot of forms:
In the deafening roar of a train leaving your lonely figure past, past, past...
a father on his bed taking last, tortured breaths
or friends you used to meet everyday but are no longer there when you're crying your nights away
and grudges, leaving them only so you'd feel lighter, if not fuller, again
letting go of a lot of things except
you. Your memory doesn't leave.

“Maybe that’s worse, not letting ourselves be loved. Because we’re too afraid of giving ourselves to someone we might lose.”

Leap from the rooftops, a burning town
Jump off a tower, we’re coming down
Hold hands through fire, together fall
Jumping and blazing, we’ll burn it all

Lightning and thunder, pouring around
Flash in the distance, show us the ground
Liberty ever, flying and free
Stop them believing, dying for me

Watch as they injure, they’re nothing new
What if they hurt us, least we could do
Wait for the impact, death will appease
Never ask pardon, not on our knees

Battles are lost now, victory theirs
Make it our triumph, deny their prayers
Jumping they lose us, win by the fall
Watching they know we’ve defeated them all

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