Hey dysphoric trans girl,
I see you.
Your outfit is really cute today.
And I'm really proud of you for getting
Our of bed with such grace.
The weight of dysphoria is heavy
Let me carry it with you.
You're essential to the world we live in.
You're more than a trending topic.
Your bodies existence is a radical act
And it's survival is worthy of celebration
Being able to still be disappointed
Means you are engaged in your life.
You are an active player.
Every part of you is a girl.
Especially the part you don’t like today.
Your voice, hands, and feet are feminine
What else could they be
A dysphoric trans boy
When you bottle all your emotions up
When you pretend to be happy
When its clear that you're sad
When no matter how hard you try to fix things
You just end up destroying it
When you lose someone you love
But pretend to move on
Especially when they died infront of you
When you bottle up all your pain
For too long
That the bottle just crack
And everything is out once again
But this time
There's no way in hiding it
Oh so Vain
I still haven't figured
This all out
To help me
Everything is awful.
It seems when things seem better they always get worse.
Why can't life be easy.
Why can't life be grand for everyone and not just one big struggle to survive!
a routine that is getting old
when will my shell break from this mold
perhaps ill wear something bright and bold
perhaps my actions will come back to haunt
proving that i was the one who was wrong
maybe i should turn back…
maybe i should sing a song
sitting here, oh so clear,
the message and the path are near—
the work still to be done, will it take very long?
i walk on as i sing my song
the one you taught me in a dream
where we broke apart from the seams
from who we were- into the people
we were meant to be, you and me,
now it's just me, fending for myself
we grow without guidance,
no one knows the right or wrong way
and it scares me that ive lingered around
home and comfort,
maybe i shouldnt stay
maybe i should just-
get out of my own way
when your life is unclear write a poem and shed a tear
You were supposed to be there
Five foot three with brunette hair
With eyes that held the kind of stare
That could strip these walls down
Bring me back to ground
Sounding words out to make sure the emphasis
Is on the feeling I found I missed
Which you showed me within a kiss
That was some thing new
And now you’re this
There’s a new perspective
Mission statements paint directives
As I dive into introspective
To make sure intents are pure
Is this intense? Well, sure...
So long a heart obscure
Feelings, malady and cure
Potent potions cause commotions
That I must endure
In an analysis of myself
So I might be worthy of the wealth
That comes in the form of a girl
Of a gift beyond this world
Coveted amongst any and all
The darkness broken by creeping dawn
A hope that you may text back
But a knowing that you’re
Spending my time
Browsing the internet
Watching the sun
As my family
In a proper family circle
While I wait
For the night
Yay... I guess this is happening again.
One day you may love me back,
One day i may walk back into the sunshine...
Eye contact is not an option
I can’t hold a conversation
It’s basically impossible
Fitting in is not my forte
I can’t even explain
What it feels like
To NOT be able to talk
Even when you really want to
Even after hours of mental preparation
Nothing comes out
Not even a squeak
Social anxiety kinda *****
Sorry, my poetry has gotten extremely sloppy. And I’ve been facing MAJOR writers block. Any suggestions on how to get over this??
I blame myself for not being enough
Within my voids, you found her to fill
And now she owns half of your heart
To know the truth, ******* kills
Does she love you better than I do?
Does she make you feel brand new?
Does she make you feel electric?
Or give you a feeling you don’t wanna lose?
When you tell her “I love you”
And when she tells you it back
Is that what you’ve been missing?
Has she been picking up my slack?
Every day without me
Is another day with her
Maybe not psychically
But enough for you to lure
My mind is my worst enemy
It constantly mocks me of the pain
And where I went wrong along the way
It drives me ******* insane
I can’t ever forgive myself
For not loving you properly
I ruin the all the things I love
So why does this come as a shock to me?
When did we get here? I wanna do back
July 7th, 2019