She is an open book...
In Quantum Physics
Written in Chinese

Saint Titus Aug 5

I'm feeling hesitant
To ever fall asleep
Again, let alone tonight

I can't stop wondering

This thing inside a hollow casing
That I call me
Begs for nothing
Nothing.....

I can't believe its almost four fifteen
And the sun is already glowing outside my window

I hate you and I just want to be alone....

Why can't I be alone

Its your fault I hate myself, I hate that you exist, get out of me
I don't want to live this

Four fifteen

Blazed in crimson over my digital alarm clock
I barely hear the noise, the thoughts crowding out of my  head

Fuck you, I just want to be alone
Alone
Alone
Alone
Alone

Fuck

I pry myself up
A headache unrealized blinds me for more than a second
Do I look in the mirror....

Seems like an easy choice, but I still choose wrong

My feet barely keep balance as I stumble over clutter
Things left to remind me of the lack of progression

Head pounding, blood crawling
Life at a standstill
---------
Smile
--------
Pass out on the couch, get up hours later
Missed my buss
Fuck
Better just shoot myself

YEahh
Erin Nicole Jul 29

It sucks, you know.

When everything is doing fine then,
its all crashes again?

And the worst part is,
I really don't want to try and put
it all back together again,
but I have to.

See you in the twilight,
every night that my eyes are closed.
Your skin glows,
hands as soft as I recall.
Hair is still the same garnet shade-
you look beautiful.

Please, don't go.

I know, it's selfish-
you give life to greenery,
and flowers grow from the ashes.

Sickness no longer ravages your body,
I want you to come back to me-
the stars don't shine the same way,
every cloud remains looking gray-
they took my sunshine away.

Breaths shouldn't run out so young,
my soul wants to speak with your’s.
Where we divide the vicinities of  Heaven and Hell,
love of mother and child lasts an infinity.

Met with blue skies above our heads,
greenest grass under our feet.
there's no race in the sands of time,
your heart still beats
& you smile.

This moment ends
and the time spent together transcends
into the unknown,
when the sun glows through my blinds--
I'm left with just the ghost of you.

Mother, I want this sorrow to leave
if you can't come back, please stay in my dreams,
your spirit gleams among the horizon.

Brianna Jul 17

I'm trying to balance the wrong and the right in my life.
I am running out of ways to say "I love you" and " thanks for not leaving me all alone when I'm an asshole"

I find myself pushing people away just so I can continue to travel down the road less traveled.
Following the path that has monsters hiding in the trees and demons waiting to pounce from the shadows.
I am wandering. I am exploring.
I have become one with the nomadic spirit that lives inside my heart.
But I cannot remember how it feels to truly LIVE.

He left a long time ago and my friends have picked me up more times than I can count on one hand.
I left myself a long time ago- and my family has picked me up more times than I can count on one hand.

I can't remember what's worse.
The feeling of falling in love or the feeling of losing the one you love.
Because in both situations...

I have lost someone.

I think I'm getting old
I'd much rather be home
Recount my woes all alone
On my phone
Friends invite me out
I know I probably should go
But my bed is so damn comfy
I just have to tell them no
I used to stay out late
Now when I do I miss my bed
When I go out on dates
I wish I was at home instead
Watching Netflix, eating great, checking threads
There must be something wrong inside my head
I used to be wreckless impulsive
And wild
I used to imagine like a child
I use to sing and dance and smile
Now everything seems so single filed
This can't be growing up
But is it even possible to refuse
I know you can't escape fate
It's a fight you'll surely lose
I know it's unstoppable just wait
you gotta fill your shoes
Still I think I've got a case
of adulthood blues.

You're never prepared for the disappointment
You've brought upon your self. Perhaps it be you looks your love or fading health. Perhaps it be your lack of friends lack of drive lack of wealth. You become an adult when you forget yourself.
Luiz Syphre Jul 1
ME

Suffocating on my own hate
when to end
towards a blend
the western sunset
my bloodshed
festers as I’m dead inside.

disappear me from this misery!
like a rapture for the others.

make my wings to reflect
this soul of dirt you pushed
upon this decaying body...
upon this heart in an eternal

blaze
daze
confused
abused
misused
subdued
of blue
feelings

blackest of the wings, stained of
blood
my blood
It floods

flowing eternal thru my veins
and out with my soul. this soul
the one your forgot about.
about what?
Me!
Me!
Me!

because it never is!
is this my end?
end it
tend to it
like you have NEVER
before when it came to me

MEMEME!
Because it never is!
What is?
Exactly!
Because I never should have been.

I'm wide awake

And I can't sleep

The only thing on my mind

Just makes me weep

It's 10 at night

And my chest is tight

My feelings just aren't right

There's nothing I can do

I can't fight

I can't go to bed but that would be my highlight

I just lost my high light

My light that shone ever so bright

Yet I lost it

I lost it and it's out of sight

There's nothing I can do to retrieve that light

Nothing about this night brings me any delight

I need something to act as a satellite

No person can do that for me

That's why I write

I'm bawling my eyes out

I'm stalling because of doubt

I want to scream

And I want to shout

But I can't because of the people about

So I sit, sigh and cry in silence

I just want to punch the wall

But I can't result in violence

I have school tomorrow

And I wont be able to sleep

Is it possible to feel any more hollow?

My battery is slowly draining

But I have to be more constraining

And do the best with what's remaining

But my bones can't stop aching and straining

Let's stop blaming because that's not entertaining

But my hope is waning

My arms are weak and shaking

My whole body is quaking

I want to be loud and let it out

But I can't because I don't want anybody waking

I guess life is just one big painting

You are the artist

The world is your canvas

But sometimes when things don't go your way

You have to improvise

And when you improvise

Your original idea, to your surprise

Was not as good as when you improvised

So I exercise knowing I lost the biggest prize

And when I do that it takes my mind off her beautiful eyes

And other feelings besides the emotional pain begin to rise

I just need to take my mind off the butterflies

I need to do whatever it takes to make my mind randomize

Instead of categorize

All the feelings she gave me inside

I never felt so alive

But it's over now

I just have to survive tonight and try not to recite the past

But I know I will anyways because the feelings were real

With her everything was electrified and maximized

Not a single thing was televised

She was my paradise

She left me mesmerized

But I rolled the dice

And I lost

And all I do is want to apologize

But she left me

So I have to get rid of the envy

So I don't end up crying next time she sits next to me

But all these feelings are heavy

And being her best friend

I'm not ready

I hope she can understand

Because being close to her already

That will be deadly to me

So I just have to take my mind off of it gently

And call it a night

But I can't sleep

So I'll have to call it a write

Sarah Jean Ashby Nov 2012

I fear that winter break won't be the only cold front that I face
The holidays will roll around and you will still need more space
I fear that it's not what you say, but what you don't
That is truly telling.

I look at your face. It's not the same
There's a certain kind of love that's missing
What do you do when your one best friend is the one person you can't talk to?
Jesus! All you ever say is, "I'm sorry..." & "Time helps"
And my favorite, "We'll still be great friends, Ashby"

You're such a terrible friend
Your advice is lacking any empathy
And your care is nonexistant.
If we don't have love
And we don't have friendship
What do we have left?
I'm terrified to ask such a question.

I've been doing my part fine
I've been staying in the lines
That go against every fiber of my being
I don't know what to think anymore
Except that you want nothing more
From me.

You don't want us
You don't want we
You just want you...
And me.

I just want answers to questions I've already asked
Shaken off and given little thought
You say you want what's best
For me
But what I really think
Is that you are a coward.
You're too afraid to be the bastard in this relationship.
But guess what?
You already are.

Ehhh not my best work. But necessary to get out some feelings.
Erin Nicole May 25

It sucks, doesn't it.

To like someone you can't have.
Seeing them everyday.
But knowing that they'll never be yours.

It's the worst feeling.
Because all you can do is dream
about and wish for them.
But never really have them.

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