I saw a pigeon
Sitting on an Ariel
Smiling at the squares
Inspired xxxx
I hate Facebook
I hate looking at these pictures I despise
I hate looking at old friends on my screen right in their eyes

Looking at their dreams, accomplishments, and everything they've done
looking back at me, to which I see myself and half the fun

I didn't know I wished I was more artsy
Till I saw your blog

Didn't know I wanted to perform
Until you sang your song

I didn't know I wanted to fall in love
Until I saw you married

Didn't know I wanted to change careers
Till I saw your face all happy

Is comparison quite good?
Is it meant to make me think?

If I'm not content maybe it's pushing me to take some risks

Or is it insecurity and fear
That's driving me insane?

Making me question my decisions
My failed pursuits of fame?

I do not know
I think it's both
but I am left feeling
quite strange

My stomach tells me
Where I'm standing
Really does deserve
to change

But my head is confused
My heart can lie
And tell me things I need

even when I know
The things I want
Sometimes aren't best for me

But if I'm jealous
I think I should try
To explore more
The world

See what's waiting
In the unfamiliar places
That I'll roam

See what's hiding past
This screen and glass
And pictures that I see

See for myself really
What this life can be,
and what I can achieve.
A nostalgic feeling, its always with me. Keeps coming back in tears after every bad dream. They are a part now, never letting me be alone..
     I get strange feelings of loss. Loss of something, someone, every moment its in my heart.  
Night before i had a dream of him again.  His face was same as I saw him last time, how I wish It wasn't a dream.
      But I too wish that it wasn't reality, cause if it was it would really hurt, more than I can ever imagine....
      Never clear...  these dreams never let me surface, I go too deep into the abyss and  i am lost there unable  to reach anyone, unable to reach him.
      I see him angry all the time like he won't talk to me, this takes away all of the life that's inside me.
Leaves only tears of emptiness.  
       Don't know who cut me, but I was hurt really bad.
Maybe those wounds on my body defined the ones on my heart, the intangible ones.
        I saw him there, along with my other friend ..
 We were in some place unusual. He didn't bother even to look at me.  Then suddenly I was wounded really bad.
        Every one there was indulged in some game or play. 
 I didn't feel like it so I thought of jus walking around, then heard that he was also not there, and was gone somewhere, so  I decided to look for him and jus started walking.
I walked away from our gang  but couldn't spot him anywhere
I was scared, ..
hurt on my back which bled and partly uncovered.
And I just kept walking past the lake and around the grasses...
Then I saw him, there he was standing on a bridge looking in the opposite direction.
              I called him" chand"  and he smiled at me for the first time.  It felt so nice to see him. We were silent for a while before he said" you really did come".  
I was all stuck there..  Don't know what I felt.  It was so real, His voice as if it was him,  Standing in front of me.
But that's not possible my mind revolted.
And I woke up, to find my self alone with only my pillow that could soak my tears.  Controlling my harsh cries and trying not to wake mum and shifa up, I lay there..  Trying to sleep again. ..
Maybe this time I could talk to him more.
Or maybe thinking that atleast there in my dreams everything would be ok.  
No, I just couldn't it was as if a lump was stuck in my throat, I couldn't breath, I couldn't even think why I was crying so hard.  Actually​ I wasn't able to understand myself for so long now.
           This is not the first time I can't sleep, or  i I am crying, or laughing just for show, or pretending to let go, or thinking everything will be ok but he never goes away.
Even though I have pushed him away so long  long before....
Its been a year almost. Such dreams are so common, they are a part now..
Thinking about him I fell asleep after a while.
Hoping I would see him again..  And I did, astonishingly.  
We were jus walking on the side of the river. He saw the bruise on my shoulder and placed his hand softly on it.
Then he placed a kiss on the wound.  I turned to him with tears in my eyes, and saw his eyes filling too...
I didn't see him anymore than that but I believe some dreams are worth living for..
A dream can be so real sometimes..
No place to hide
No place to go..
Asiah 2d
I'm mad you left
I'm sad you're not here
The words you forced me to hear
The worlds I dream to relive
We die to live but we live to die
But what is living if you can't live forever?
And what is dying when it's under the gun of solitude?
Jordan 2d
They snap pictures
Of me like i asked them
I smile and pretend
Im not posing
Go away paparazzi
I wont look for those pics
I need a paycheck for that though
Idk how i end up in these places
Back in my bed
Eyes open
Fell asleep in the foreign
L 3d
Ive been writing poetry all night long
Every day
Every waking moment
Which has come to me quite often recently.
I lay awake for no other reason seemingly
But to just be awake
And then i write.
"Might as well"
And maybe it keeps me up
And so i write more
I figure i 'might as well'

Maybe theres a lot of that going on in my life right now.
Maybe its not a good thing
But then again
It  ̶(̶i̶s̶?̶)̶
Its all about confidence, baby.
-ocean alley
L 3d
I wanted so badly for it to feel like home. But it just didnt to me. Not at the time. And you cant force those things. I dont think so. Its like wanting to be in love with someone so bad. Its like loving the situation and how they treat you but just not being able to bring yourself to love them in the way that they love you. And it fucking sucks. And it makes you feel terrible. Like a terrible person that doesnt deserve this goodness. That doesnt deserve for it to make sense and so it doesnt. But i guess thats just the way it goes some times. Thats life. And sometimes, it doesnt make any sense. But thats okay. Thats just the way it is.

Its okay
Bah. Its too late for all this "notes" business.
I’ve been trying to remember who I was
before all of this changed me,
further than two steps from a grave
fighting away demons with the back of my hand
and looking at the grey-blue sky
with something more than indifference.
Who was I
before broken glass slipped its way
into my skin
burrowed into every vein
and threatened to cut me from the inside
if I dared to move,
feet planted in the dirt
hoping not to scare what soul I had left
shattered on the side of the road
where hope left me
to fend for myself.
Where was I headed
before this pain was implanted
into my brain
pushing its way into every nerve
and screaming at me to give up
before I lost my mind,
legs buckling under the pressure to fight
for people who would never understand what it meant
to be waging a war within my body.
I had to change
before life brought me down
into the pit of ignorance
where everything is bliss
but everything is a lie,
I couldn’t stand to be there
any longer than I could survive here
as I was.
I am not who I used to be,
care free and warm
I would have suffocated in my sleep
trying to be something that
wouldn’t live to see another day,
I have changed
into someone that sees pain
but also the beauty that it becomes.
We are an idea in someone's head
how they think we spend our mornings
who they think we spend our nights with
It all gets added together
like a jigsaw puzzel
we rationalise the pieces and parts
but does it matter what they think
as long as it all fits
as long we're someone
to someone
A Poem a Day : Fourteen
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