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The grains fall through corseted glass,
time squandered, regretted,
opportunities irretrievable,
a life whispered, then silent.

Listen – do you hear the music?
It plays on.
Strut, leap, beam wide-eyed,
ignite a soul ablaze to

inhale the aroma of the lush
severed blades of late summer,
grin at the smiling sunflowers,
sway to the music of love,

broad-hearted, full-throated,
spear the brass circle, then cast it into the sea.
“Oh, that. That was nothing.”
A life to see.
Jay M May 2019
Condemn me to death
Torture this flesh
Still
I will not bow
To your empty lies

Here I stand
Alone in the rain
I tread upon the cobble
Absorbing my surroundings
An emotional sponge

A constant tug-of-war
Meet the expectations
Try to live their dreams
Or
Give in
Let go
Don't be their puppet

Choose, **** it!

Well,
More so **** me

When did I
Become so cold?
When did I
Become so numb?

Where's the person I used to know?
Where are my feelings?
Scattered about
Lost to one another
Making me unable to function
I want to feel something
Be normal
It crashes around me
I just watch it

Lifted up
Told all is well
Groomed by lies
Held by the demons
Painted like faces I know
Then pricked
By their thorns
Of reality

Bleeding
Dripping
Maybe one day
They would see it
But no
5 years and still
They see a "happy" child

The closer they try to get
The more hurt I make them
So then
I push them away
Save them from myself...
From this monster I have become

Listening to my heart
Not the lub-dub it's supposed to be
Whispering to me
Spiders webs swaying
One bites
My blood is the venom
Black as my tainted soul

Tired of living with no defense
Can you understand
Where I'm coming from?
I'm sick of surviving
When I'm supposed to be living...

- Jay M
May 27th, 2019
I suppose this is everything, all in one.
I've got the pedal to the metal on a highway to hell.
Gotta keep my eyes on the road. Only time will tell.
I struggle and suffer through each passing day.
Gotta change my route, Gotta change my ways.
I see the exits that are off to my right, as each lonely day
shrivels into night.
The hands of the clock aggressively tick. No time to decide, I've gotta be quick.
The exit sign reads "green pastures, still waters ahead". Gotta decide, or else I'll be dead. The sun rises in the east and sets in west, foolishly speeding forward at least I'm trying my best. Ignoring the signs warning "danger ahead!". I've gotta turn off, or else Ill be dead.
So focused, so determined, to barrel ahead.
Why can't I stop? Why don't I hit the brake? Its right there!
Turn off for Gods sake!
"Still waters, green pastures ahead". I rush along as if nothings been said.
"Excuse me, Lord? What did you say?" As I struggle and suffer through each passing day.
"I've told you once and I've told you twice. Is there really a need for you to be told thrice?"
I say "No Lord, the sign is there, I see. No need for a thrice, the problem is me.
The sun rises from the east and sets in the West, you know Lord, at least I'm trying my best."
"Still waters, green pastures ahead". With deaf ears I've heard it all said. Barreling forward. Soon Ill be dead.
"Still waters, green pastures ahead."
I was living a life that wasn't quite the best. I felt like I needed to change my ways, but felt stuck at the same time. I needed God. I was laying down thinking one night when the lines of this poem started coming to me. So I jumped on Facebook and started writing.
Nylee 6d
Maybe.
After all this.
I was only meant to die.

not even a speck of dust,
in this entire universe,
I am an indistinct part of the dark night sky
.
Jay M Mar 2019
Through all I’ve done,
All I’ve seen,
Will it ever be enough?
No matter how hard I work,
Keeping those whom I love safe,
Sheltered from the darkness,
The darkness from within seeps through,
Reaching for them,
But I cast it back,
Take the key and hide it away,
Though they always seem to find it,
Go through the maze I made for them,
Faster and faster,
Never leaving me to a moment of peace.

No matter what I do,
They always find a way to drag me back down,
No matter how high I try to fly,
They catch me and break my wings,
Every time I claw my way back up,
Wings still broken,
I form new ones,
Fake ones,
So that I may fly again,
Even just for a moment,
All to be good enough,
For them,
Both the demons and the mortals,
And myself.

Alas, no matter how much I scream,
No matter how much I cry,
Crying unseen tears,
None seem to notice,
Nor do they care,
I am a burden,
A mere weight,
Dragging everyone down,
Down with me into the void,
Showing them my broken soul.
Not once did they wonder at the start,
Not once did they question it,
For t’wasn’t a matter of theirs,
I was merely a child,
Am merely a child,
A small, weak creature,
Slowly losing the mental battle,
Alas, it matters not for them,
Only that I smile and look okay,
No matter how much I’m dying on the inside,
So long as I don’t drag them down too.

All I want is to keep them safe,
To shield them from the demons and monsters,
No matter how much I bleed,
I’ll be okay,
So long as they are okay,
If they are happy,
I suppose I can try, too,
For their sake, I’ll battle the darkness,
Alas, for my own sake,
All hope was lost long ago,
So I suppose this is enough,
Living for them,
Hopeless, but not lifeless,
Not yet, for the battle still rages,
Within the confines of my mind.

- Jay M
October 8th, 2018
You thought that time was poetry,
Gifting each and every day.
But now the soft wind gently calls,
These leaves of life have blown away.

You thought goodbyes were poetry,
Just how the stars fade into dawn.
But they are only sleeping,
And are never really gone.

But maybe death was poetry,
And perhaps you’ve lived enough.
Farewells don’t need to mean the end,
And you’ll finally rest above.

So perhaps this was all poetry,
It’s not always bad to die.
Your dawn is finally breaking,
It is time to say goodbye.
Sarah Flynn Oct 18
we had a risky kind of love

a young kind of love

a reckless kind of love

a “we don’t know where we’re going
but get in my passenger seat
and we’ll know when we get there”
kind of love

a skinny dipping

crazy adventures

endless road trips
kind of love

a “there’s so much to do.
but touch me and just for tonight,
let’s forget about everything else”
kind of love

a smoke clouds

red eyes

breathe me in
and hold me there
kind of love

a “the world is scary
but hold onto my hand
and you’ll be fine”
kind of love

a late night drives

flushed cheeks

“shut up and kiss me”
kind of love

we had a risky kind of love
but *******
it was so worth the risk
Cox Oct 18
It’s like the sun is in me.
Wild energy,
feeling warm and free.
When I am with you I start living, and find the person that I need to be.
Sarah Flynn Oct 18
I went on a date today.
this isn’t going to be a poem
about how I found true love,
or how I met someone and
suddenly my problems all disappeared.

none of that happened.
this isn’t some fairytale and
I won’t sugarcoat my words.
I’m still hurting. I’m still furious
and confused and so, so tired.
these past few months
have not been pretty.
there is no way to
romanticize this pain,
and there is no reason to.

these past few months have been
breakup ***, followed by regret,
and then a rush of hope.
they have been relearning life
and drinking far too much,
blackouts and breakdowns
and *****.

I am healing, and that takes time.
I’m still emotional.

but I went on a date today.
it’s not a remedy for
magically forgetting. I didn’t forget.
it didn’t bring me total closure.

but I laughed today.
I listened today.
I was listened to today.
I talked about myself and my interests,
and my trauma wasn’t a
topic of discussion for the
first time in a very long time.
it was refreshing.

I went on a date today.
this isn’t something that
would be front-page news.
there wasn’t some
earth-shattering, incredible moment.
my life has not changed.

but today I had fun.
I felt relaxed and worry-free

and for the first time
in a very long time,
I went to bed
reflecting on my day
and not about all of
the days I spent
with you.
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