Remember the Poems I gave to you in the afternoon haze of those Autumn days. The golden hour was in between us as the birds sang their nightly Lullabies. Yet, I know the dark lies spoken as the sun set her sleepy head. I put more faith in my tattered lies than you did. I've seen your body move, slower, an d ******>wer. toward the cold reflections in the moonlight. moonlight in the cold reflections.
the door in my old room. the one with light blue sky and clouds painted over every inch of the walls. the two window sills in my room, with the dirt from when i’d go in and out of them. my ceiling from which i hung wind chimes. my bunk bed that had alllllll my stuffed animals on the top bunk. with a book called the anybodies (my favorite as a kid) to read on the top bunk with the fan on. anyway, the door in my old room. i wasn’t allowed to close it, so i almost never did. but when i did, it was so I could write and draw on the white backside. my teenage poetry. pure, ****** poetry. well i wonder if it’s all still there. nostalgia is a slow, everlasting-like ******. a guaranteed good feeling. because i feel just enough sorrow that it’s the really good feeling pain because also, i’m happy as if i’m happy crying. if that makes sense “i know it well” blood bank momma, i miss you. i feel you. i only wish to ever be enough, and to be a good person. even the best of us aren’t perfect hm? my old door was cool. i miss some of those times. i feel like thinking about the lyric “hearts are broken every day.” has been messing with me lately. heartbreak (don’t judge me aight) reminds me that i am human. heartbreak makes me feel mortal in a way few things can. so what is the point of my life when i already know such heartbreak, it’s impacted me a lot, but it is simultaneously an every single day, multiple times per second occurrence. very common. very common **** my ****. that **** hurts in a good way you feel me?
i don't love you anymore i know that for sure i'm in love with someone else now but why did my heart hurt a little when i saw you with someone else? i never want you back i never even want to look at you again i haven't looked at you in days but our eyes met today and my heart dropped you were my first real love maybe i'm glad i didn't have many relationships in school because after you break up you see pieces of what you used to be everywhere
the bleachers in the gym where we first met sitting with friends in the far right corner where our eyes met for the first time
walking in gym where we first kissed and i screamed and ran away because that was the first time i kissed someone
outside the gym at those tables where you lifted me on top of you and kissed me
the seats all the way in the back of the auditorium where i touched you for the first time
the bathrooms downstairs where you took advantage of me and i'm scared to let anyone see that part of me now your hands in private places i never want to feel again because of you and that's why it takes me so long to give that piece of me
the inside of the gym when the lights were off where you pulled me in and pushed me up against the wall and then lowered me to the ground with you on top that was the first time i was afraid
the courtyard where you would hold me every morning and we would fall asleep in each other's arms
the cafeteria would we would talk to our friends every morning and where i would stand against the wall waiting for you to remember i existed again
the benches by the front office where we would meet each morning and hold each other
the hallway downstairs where i ran away from you after running from the bathroom where you hurt me
the library where you stared at that other girl right in front of me and admitted it and where we skipped many classes together
outside that one room where i cried asking you if you were really breaking up with me
the windows at the front of the school where you broke up with me and i cried harder than i've ever cried before and people were staring but i was too sad to care
the parking lot where you would walk me to my bus and you wouldn't even kiss me goodbye
the stairwell where you would pull me close and kiss me, grabbing me until we heard someone coming
the doors that exit the school where you would wait for me and i would throw your sweatshirt i was wearing at you
so many places, so many memories sometimes i see a place where we made memories and i stop and stare and every time, i feel like crying i just want to pretend you never existed how do i delete all the memories?