Depths of despair
Hang thick in the air
Almost daring me to care
And step into it's crosshair
Not realizing I'm aware
I've lived that nightmare
Been caught up in that snare
Somehow pushed past the warfare
Came through worse for wear
But it no longer has power
Over someone who can't care
Forcing it to find it's next victim elsewhere

©2024

I thought you'd be the one to make me whole again
Not take another piece and leave a hole again
Maybe we shouldn't have taken it further than friend
Maybe I forgot to tell you that I break, I do not bend
I kept from you that being with me comes with a price
But only because I thought not destroying a love for once would be nice
It was never going to be easy, mostly due to me
I thought I'd made every mistake, turns out I did just didn't learn from any

©2024

I can't believe how willing you are to hurt me
Far more than any enemy in recent memory
It makes sense I guess, I've told you exactly where to attack me
Like where exactly the armor doesn't protect the body
The parts fragile and vulnerable from prior injury
Every single insecurity
Told you, embarrassingly, what I did and still do find scary
Introduced to you the shattered and fractured pieces of me that I keep tucked away for their own safety
Trusted you with parts of me that are barley held together from the last tragedy
Showed you then warned you of the socially unacceptable parts of my personality
Recalled to you the story of my journey from being bullied to becoming the bully
And how I didn't end up liking either of those me's particularly
I watched you with my son and observed how quickly he accepted you and saw you as family
Didn't hesitate to call you Mommy, it came to him then through him naturally
And I cherish that memory because I haven't been allotted many tears that fall happy
I could go on forever with the good, the bad and the ugly
But basically
I handed you a map of how to destroy me completely if need be
Then literally used the last trace of trust I had left on you not using it against me
And well,
It's with a heavy heart I present to you where that's gotten me

©2024

...that's a cold hearted strategy
Some shifty savagery
To tell me I have the luxury
Of not having to deal with family
But you know me
So you know that's the only thing I've ever wanted,
And you use it against me
Part of what make you so special to me,
Is you are essential to me
I say that knowing it's probably
Not a healthy way to be
You're all I have essentially
You could never possibly lose everything
But me?
I'm about to be

©2024

A lost grip,
Another familiar slip
Running parallel with a predictable confidence dip
Regardless of every other absorbed hit
No one's record is perfect
It was bound to become evident
Taking a toll
Beginning to show
Worried life will dole out more trouble than one should be expected to tow
Stashed in the back of a mind is the knowledge it's possible
Work to avoid the void of a logic loophole that feeds the unreasonable
While acknowledging life cares so very little about a big ol' white flag run up a pole

©2024

To pain I am no stranger
The first name basis is strange for sure
Caught up in an above the boards love affair
Like day to day warfare
It's fare if everyone fights fare
Otherwise it's life as a sucker in a bunker
Still not safe from the vulture culture
Fueling an anger that stirs the rage monster
Who then in turn wakes the violence that likes to linger
One v one they're barley a threat to boil over
The one benefit found for getting older
They can be handled in short order
But together they can alter a future
I acknowledge the fact it's part of my character
And work to recognize each trigger better
Enabling myself to be my own mediator
So I can step in-between me and myself quicker
It was all just, once again, too little too late,
I missed the transition from raging river
To city sewer
Instead of shooting a flare in the air I dropped anchor in danger
The last bridge I let smolder after traversing over
Was the only bridge out of my hell,
A sobering thing to remember only after realizing there was never going to be a true winner

©2024

According to this here thermometer,
My heart hit ten minus absolute zero earlier
Impossibility cold and still getting colder
Think...nuclear winter,
Or Neptune in December
Sleeping in a subzero freezer
To be a smig warmer
Now imagine it getting run over
Over and over and over and over
What I'm left with doesn't ultimately matter
There's no chance that what I'm working with here,
The miniscule crumbs collected off the floor,
Will be anywhere near capable of getting the job done anymore
I hope there's no more of this repeat offender behavior in store

©2024