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I knew this boy in high school
Who thought he was amazing
His ego was his best friend
Arrogance with no end
He valued me as nothing
Thinking he knew everything
Everything means nothing
When your life is pretend
everything means nothing when your life is pretend
The moments when words are choked up by your own tears
The times you were chased by your worst fears
The amount of time I waited for it to pass, all those years
The people who were beside you through it all slowly disappears
The end of your suffering slowly, slowly nears
Happiness sometimes interferes
Coming in playing with your emotions
Ticking your feelings for a small giggle
But it shows no devotions
Leaves your life grey
While you wait for it to end
While you keep playing pretend
Waiting for the end
~6/4/21
The glass broke
Like my voice when I spoke
When my head insisted
But my heart persisted
But life goes on
Ill be "ok" by dawn
karly codr Mar 23
i'm sorry
i want to be okay
i want to have an appetite again
i want to be able to smile
with tears in my eyes
because i'm so happy
and not because i'm depressed
and hiding
i want to be able to be myself
and not hide who i am
behind the mask of someone
that i'm not
but you don't care
as long as i'm pretending to be happy right?
you think you know who i am
but you only know the one that i show to others
the one that isn't real
you don't know the one
that lays in bed at night crying
the one who stays up late just to draw
you have 9 months
before i move out and go to college
9 months to figure out who i am
good luck with that
because even i don't know who i am
i didn't eat lunch again today because i just wasn't hungry and my parents found out that i haven't been eating my lunch and it's literally just because my depression's getting bad again and i don't have an appetite but they're convinced that i'm secretly eating something else even though i've told them that i'm not and i'm just tired of them not believing me also i need a hug
Estel Mar 16
The words cut deep
Like the knife to my skin
I can feel the world slip away
From beneath my feet

Just laugh it off
Who cares if you’re falling
I’ll tape up the cuts
Don't let anyone in
Everyone will think I’m nuts
But maybe then I’d be safe from the pain
With nothing to gain
Nobody really knows what goes on
Inside my brain
chang cosido Feb 22
You know, the sun
could burn so hot,
but it never tells you
how it hurts when it
burns so low instead.
Once, you've said,
I'm like a bottle of sunshine
you sip on cloudy days.
That my smile
parallels a sun
for how it could
light up a room
or warm a heart.
But you could not
tear open a sun
and touch something cold inside.
I have known millions
of smiles similar to mine.
Under cloudy skies,
just millions of burning suns.
Jay M Jan 29
No lock on the chains today
There is nothing left for you to say
Besides you can't put me on display
No way that I'll stay
Sound okay?

Pick the color, the style
Tell me to sit, stay a while
Wanting to go the extra mile
Not this time

Couldn't get me last time
Won't get me again
No matter the song or rhyme
The roses and then
The same old ****t
Year after year
Don't call me "dear"

Gifts and a meal
Won't make this dream of yours real
I won't play pretend
Can't this game just end?

Let me do what I please
Let me have a day of ease
Maybe sitting under the shade of trees
Enjoying the delicate breeze
Just let me seize
The day for myself
Instead of sitting quietly on a shelf

- Jay M
January 29th, 2021
To my dad, and how every Valentine's day is his day. Don't expect me to just pretend I'm happy for a day, dress nicely for you, have a nice lunch with you wherever you want, listen to all the same songs, or even smile. All I want is to do something for myself, something that make ME happy. You got those years, so let me have my own.
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