I knew this boy in high school Who thought he was amazing His ego was his best friend Arrogance with no end He valued me as nothing Thinking he knew everything Everything means nothing When your life is pretend
everything means nothing when your life is pretend
The moments when words are choked up by your own tears The times you were chased by your worst fears The amount of time I waited for it to pass, all those years The people who were beside you through it all slowly disappears The end of your suffering slowly, slowly nears Happiness sometimes interferes Coming in playing with your emotions Ticking your feelings for a small giggle But it shows no devotions Leaves your life grey While you wait for it to end While you keep playing pretend Waiting for the end ~6/4/21
i'm sorry i want to be okay i want to have an appetite again i want to be able to smile with tears in my eyes because i'm so happy and not because i'm depressed and hiding i want to be able to be myself and not hide who i am behind the mask of someone that i'm not but you don't care as long as i'm pretending to be happy right? you think you know who i am but you only know the one that i show to others the one that isn't real you don't know the one that lays in bed at night crying the one who stays up late just to draw you have 9 months before i move out and go to college 9 months to figure out who i am good luck with that because even i don't know who i am
i didn't eat lunch again today because i just wasn't hungry and my parents found out that i haven't been eating my lunch and it's literally just because my depression's getting bad again and i don't have an appetite but they're convinced that i'm secretly eating something else even though i've told them that i'm not and i'm just tired of them not believing me also i need a hug
The words cut deep Like the knife to my skin I can feel the world slip away From beneath my feet
Just laugh it off Who cares if you’re falling I’ll tape up the cuts Don't let anyone in Everyone will think I’m nuts But maybe then I’d be safe from the pain With nothing to gain Nobody really knows what goes on Inside my brain
You know, the sun could burn so hot, but it never tells you how it hurts when it burns so low instead. Once, you've said, I'm like a bottle of sunshine you sip on cloudy days. That my smile parallels a sun for how it could light up a room or warm a heart. But you could not tear open a sun and touch something cold inside. I have known millions of smiles similar to mine. Under cloudy skies, just millions of burning suns.
No lock on the chains today There is nothing left for you to say Besides you can't put me on display No way that I'll stay Sound okay?
Pick the color, the style Tell me to sit, stay a while Wanting to go the extra mile Not this time
Couldn't get me last time Won't get me again No matter the song or rhyme The roses and then The same old ****t Year after year Don't call me "dear"
Gifts and a meal Won't make this dream of yours real I won't play pretend Can't this game just end?
Let me do what I please Let me have a day of ease Maybe sitting under the shade of trees Enjoying the delicate breeze Just let me seize The day for myself Instead of sitting quietly on a shelf
- Jay M January 29th, 2021
To my dad, and how every Valentine's day is his day. Don't expect me to just pretend I'm happy for a day, dress nicely for you, have a nice lunch with you wherever you want, listen to all the same songs, or even smile. All I want is to do something for myself, something that make ME happy. You got those years, so let me have my own.