smc 1d
Six days
It’s been
the earth opened up
and swallowed you
God help me, I felt the quakes before they ever existed.
smc 1d
Fire swells and stretches
from my chest
Searing, white-hot
to my arms
and settles in the cracks
between the bones in my hands
where it squirms and seethes.
I was on an angry high today
All Day
Dressed like a princess
Until    i        deflated.
It is dark here, on the way down
From daytime
And I avoid the sheets
That you put on my bed.
It’s so cold in this place
85 degrees and freezing.  
I sit on the couch
Chasing the hours away
Running my mind ragged on the single peach I forced down for breakfast almost 24 hours ago.
My stomach growls, asking for something, anything to eat,
But I hurt too much
To feel it.
Your voice rings too loudly in my ears
For me to hear it.
And i revive the carcass of January
When you shattered my heart
The first time.
I am so very alone,
Six months into whatever year it is,
As the skinny layer of fat on my muscles
Is starved off...
Burning Cold.
How dare you hurt me. Again.
Children loosing parents,
Parents loosing children,
A world of dog eat dog,
And man has never left this rule,
Even if we left the woods, plains and jungle,
We never left our animal side behind.
I need serious help

beginning to see the reason behind the madness I unleash
and the answer is so obvious yet my mind tells me it is false
I will end up dragging myself across the floor to the psychologist
in desperation for answers that I have been seeking for years

if I dare lift a finger upon someone, they will see all of the hell
that my mind has been unleashing upon me
every curse and swear that courses through me like razorblades
forced out of my mouth in a bellowing roar
cutting the hearts of those who happen to hear my frantic words

numerous scars I have cast upon those who have come to know me
or have known me; most of them are out of my sight thanks to that
for my incendiary language has brought them to tears or pure rage
I do not ever remember making anyone happy for too long

when I was born, not a soul in the world knew that I would end up unleashing my demented anger, tarnishing anyone's mind as it blasted through like a rocket aiming to destroy everything within its range of sight; I screamed and swore and cursed and made vulgar my very surroundings and ambience with the inhumane utterances that my lips have given forth, the very example of an unclean tongue; I have not considered the impact that my words have made on the hearts of those who have seen my earth-shattering episodes; I have made myself distant from thinking about the possibility that their minds would have been wrecked and tormented by my hideous sayings; I am nobody at all, only a man of perverse thought and mind...

I wish I were different...
rain raged nightlong,
all watery riches splurged,
nature wakes panicked!
this is war
you have turned my life into hell
you need to die and burn in hell as well
take your own cross and crucify yourself

you have betrayed me
and I will tell the entire world
for ten days I was a worthless maggot to you
and now I will show you what a maggot you are

put your skull into a grinder
make sure that you die along the way
worthless and inconsequential is your life
and you will die a painful death for no reason

idiot, why do you live?
you promised friendship for what?
to throw me on the curb as you go your merry way?
you are no friend and I guess were never a friend anyways

~(About 8 hours later)~

these raging and pointless thoughts
going on and on about useless nonsense
about someone who was just an acquaintance
I realize now how little I even cared about her myself
just wanted a fighting match since I was moody
and she seemed like a nice target to attack
The first part depicts an approximation of my very thoughts the moment that I confronted my ex-online 'friend' about her week and a half long disappearance.

The second part is self-explanatory. As I thought everything through, her meaning in my life became evident. That meaning was suspiciously absent. She served no purpose in my life. I had no trust in her and she had no trust in me. The previous fight was pointless and I could have just left without saying a word, but good ol' fighting me wanted to put a fist in her face.

Unfortunate. I hate being so volatile sometimes.
I have been a nasty fool
My heart is a charred pile of ashes
You have pushed me out for a mere day
But there are much darker devils within me
Do not let me back; I am a fool on fire
The coldness that rests in my heart freezes over
Just like Hell in its arctic and maddening glory
It screams with unbound fury
I am not coming back
For this hell is disgusting
I need to hide this heart of hatred
From your hearts of golden love
I had a massive outburst and was given a 24 hour ban from a community I loved (loved, not love; I will find a more helpful community) and have decided to write this poem as an apology and a warning simultaneously.
japheth Jun 13
my rage
is like
a storm.

how i wish
you were in it.

how i wish
everything you ever loved
gets washed away
by the gust of madness.

how i wish
i get to destroy
the image of me
you called home:
spew in tornadoes
until nothing’s left.

how i wish
you get hit
by the thunder
and feel at least,
for a second,
feel the pain
i felt.

but darling,
the storm started
with you in the

the eye of the storm
spewed with you in the middle.

you feel the calmness now
but if you look around you,
you see that you have nowhere else to go
but deal with me.

if you think
me being calm
in front of you,
is a sign of forgiveness,
think again, my dear
— for the storm is only starting.
wait till i finally move
and see that you’re not in the middle anymore.
remember when i told you all how i was in a happy place? well, i jinxed it. it’s sad how the universe always gives me only a taste of happiness before it takes it away from me.
It boils like a pot of water
Drives me insane, drives me insane
I fall apart and my only thoughts
Are of death, death
I want to scream death
Fierceness in my poisonous lips
I want to send mixed signals
To shake you up, shake you up
Confuse you and make you question your reality
Your very reality
Having doubt cast upon it
A rant... just my angry thoughts.
Aa Harvey Jun 11
Love makes me lovesick

I want some self-esteem, but I am lost inside of you.
I’m licking my wounds after another battle with love.
I thought we were living the dream, but now I know that is untrue.
All that you did for me was never enough to earn my trust.

I drag you inside my heart for a feeling,
Because all I can feel is I need to be leaving.
Love me forever!  Or I will turn my back on you.
I am sick to the stomach of your idea of love
And I cannot allow you to keep on stealing.

I give and you take and give nothing in return;
Silence your lies and leave the memories to burn.
Stir your pot and I will let you once more churn;
You lied and I cried and now you have become not even mentioned…
Not even Her.

Left to be forgotten by a love of a life;
A possible true love became my destruction overnight.
A love like this makes me feel sick!
So I am ok with just leaving it.

A pessimist is never disappointed;
With you I have become severely disjointed.
I miss the memories of those days of love or something.
Reality bites, something was never real
And this love you claim to give out is really…nothing.

(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
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