I was fed a lie
and as stupid as I am
I believed
and ate it up like honey
until betrayal's claw
fermented and
burst from my stomach
grabbing me by the throat

Was I just a puppet to you?
A simple pawn to your game?
Was my heart just your playground or the targets in your shooter's range?
Were those "dates" just a way to keep me blind from all your *******?
Was I just a simple flask for your little experiment?

You put on quite the show, you were quite the actress
You made "I love you" sound believable
Oh, how sad that this play had to end in a tragedy
Now the curtains close even though I thought the show was going to go on for eternity
I really thought that you were going to choose me
But our love was just a fantasy

I'm still in denial, seems like it's been a while
Even though it's only been 2 days
I'm losing sleep, I'm not eating
My whole body's shaking from this heartbreak

I want to stay but I'm losing faith
From the way you played my heartstrings
The hope that I was the one is gone
I guess I can congratulate you and say "well done"
You stabbed my trust with your thorns
You trampled my roses that I grew for you
I'm walking away, I'm not your toy
Go find someone else, go have fun with your new boy

when i get sad,
i think back to when you
loved me.

how the weather
was warm,
and you cared for me
more than ever.

but now the weather
is cold
and i’m no longer
loved by you,
but by people who
never really cared about
my well-being.

i act like i love them too,
but i’m still desperate
for the warm weather
to return,
and maybe you
with it.

We hexed the moon
We burned downtown
We killed Carlos
We started a plague
We started riots
We almost started a 3rd war
We protested and got shot
We killed our year
We said it would be better
We lied and broke it
We tried and failed it
And now I'm sick of resentment
But we can improve it

wieso es nicht gelang
wieso es gelang

als sie mich suchten zum liebemachen
als sie mich fanden zum liebemachen

wer von ihnen sang
wer von ihnen sang

sie kamen in scharen
mit freunden verwandten
all jene damen
all jene herren

ich weiß nicht wann
ich weiß nicht wo

doch ich weiß wie
ich weiß es wie

mir ist bewusst:
dichter und autoren werden
keine liebe füreinander hegen

(poet's note: my opinion on
the last three verses above has
fundamentally changed since i been
publishing here.)

liebe mich freund
liebe mich freundin

gib mir
schenk mir
suche mich
finde mich

ich habe mich auf der suche nämlich
versucht

kennst du, bruder, den weg?
den zugfahrplan?
die bedeutung der stahlstreben?

ich brauche eine antwort von
den damen
den herren

finde mich
suche mich
verschenke mich
vergib mir denn

ich schrieb über zivilisationen
von witterung und gier

witterung und gier
freunde sind zwischen dem glitzern
auf dem fluss versteckt wie perlen

sie aufzuspüren zwischen dem wittern
zwischen dem wittern
während des witterns

ich weiß nicht ob du weißt wovon
ich rede
ich rede

aber das ist in ordnung freund
aber das ist ok freundin

wir müssen bloß bruder
wir müssen bloß schwester
fragen

sie sitzen am gleis bei den zügen
sie sind immer da
wie der

“ICH-BIN-DA” aus der kinderbibel
meines sohnes

verstehst du das?
begreifst du das?
fühlst du mich?

viele afro-amerikaner fragen
“you feel me?” wenn sie
etwas ausdrücken und teilen wollen

ich liebe
diesen ausdruck
er zeugt von
etwas gutem, das manchen
menschen fehlt

auf der brust trage ich das tattoo
welches du abschriebst
in einer stunde aus

schatten
witterung
gier
ich wollte das
ich wollte dass

du zu mir kamst
zwischen den schatten
unter der gier
über der witterung

in einem augenblick des
“you feel me”

wie unsere häute glänzten
wie unsere augen glitzerten
wie unsere hände zitterten

wie wir…

ach komm!
was sage ich dir, freund
was sage ich dir, freundin

du weißt es doch dir
ist es bewusst denn du schriebst
mein tattoo ab in

ein buch mit perlweißen seiten
ein buch mit onyxschwarzen seiten

du bist perlweiß freund
du bist onyxschwarz freundin

du bist perlweiß freundin
du bist onyxschwarz freund

ich liebe habeshas
ich liebe äthiopien
ich liebe meine frau
ich liebe meinen sohn
ich liebe meine tochter

you feel me?

I want to be with you

Not if that means being lied to

I went to a place,
I called it my home.
How was I supposed to know,
It would leave me all alone.

Depressed everyday,
They told me nothing.
The few good souls,
Would make it amazing.

The authority is *******,
It didn’t even look at me.
Wanted to make money,
Didn’t want to help my sanity.

I begged them to change,
They turned a blind eye.
Left a depressed kid,
Sad and very lied.

My kidneys are failing me
But I have failed them too
I tried to **** myself
Yes I'm starting on a taboo.

But I do have to admit
One very sad little fact.
I never wanted to end my life
It all was just one sick act.

I know, it's low.
But don't cheer up just yet.
If I did it for a lack of attention
that you didn't give, and I didn't get.

Then what does that make of you?
Do you feel any better?
I still managed to harm my health,
Not dying doesn't end my letter.

I need love and acception
So I happen to just ask it wrong.
People make mistakes,
And I've made them so long.

I at least care to come clean,
I have the feeling, I'm never seen.
I speak the truth when I say,
I've never chosen the wrong way.

I just needed you
And you needed me too
I'm not there, but neither are you
It's not fair, but we're not seeing through.

We're both wrong
And no ones right.
And now you're gone
And I gave up the fight.