TW: Depression, eating disorders, alcoholism, substance abuse, addiction, loneliness, anorexia, anxiety, death.
I bargain with her ——"can I please have these chips?"
"no" she says.
"please? I haven't eaten all day. we'll die."
"you'll have another drink first."
"really? why do you always go for alcohol?"
"deal or no deal?"
"no. you drink first." she says, setting the bag of chips down. she picks up the glass of wine.
I turn my head to the side but she drags the glass under my nose and I can't help but smell the bitter sickly-sweet-sour smell of wine as she mimics my own voice back to me saying, "you haven't eaten. we'll die."
I shrugged but I know not which one of us requested this gesture.
And then I chugged the wine as fast as I could, gasping for air after I'd cleared the glass. I raised an eyebrow at her but she seemed unsatisfied.
"what?" I said.
"have a smoke." it wasn't a question.
"nah, don't need one." I thought at her.
"have a smoke." she said it in the same fashion and tone, but her eyes bored into me, commanding me.
"I'll have a smoke." I think and then I do. I choked down the pitiful bits of my joint I'd rolled a while ago.
"Not good enough." she said. we crossed our arms.
I sighed and lit another and smoked it down about half an inch.
when we felt floaty, I asked, "so?"
"good. feel free to eat the chips. you've earned the right" she said and disappeared before I could retort.
No longer hungry, I tossed the bag into the bin.
TW: Depression, eating disorders, alcoholism, substance abuse, addiction, loneliness, anxiety, death.