My brain is a brick
Completely made of stone
Yank me from space and through clouds
Back to earth and my statuette body
A little help with a ***** from these poisonous thorns make me feel warm again
Give my lungs air and my veins blood
It never lasts- this euphoric sense of humanity
This utopia of the mundane
Again this suffocating fog of storm clouds will pull me in
Drowning me
My immovable stone lips peel into a smile and smoke billows out
Pink returns to my cheeks and brown to my pupils
My heart jerks into motion, jobless for decades
A white flying saucer hits my tongue and reflex pulls it in
Down into my empty and hungry belly
My joints crick and ***** into motion
First thought joy next running from the ocean of darkness
The rose wilts
Smoke turns into only remnants of vapors
And I feel my fingertips tingle- feeling leaving as well as my flying saucer

My temptation
Inside that cold box
Frozen in that chilly glass
It sits there and mocks
I must not open the fridge
It sits there to taunt
Inside of it being
The only thing I want
The perpetuation of my thoughts
Trapped inside that arctic crypt
Trembling outside it
I can't get a solid grip
"Just pull the handle,
take my cap off and have a sip"
I'm in fear just feet away
The battle is lost when it meets my lip
Bent on rehabilitation
I can not fall for the beverage's tricks
There is nothing I would sooner give
Than maybe a simple lick
Of the bottle's edge
A scent and aroma of purpose
High percent and uninhibited thoughts

Surely, a simple taste won't ruin this.

Nothing but a drop
I can feel the cold
My head feels a spin
But I am more than sold
A drop becomes a puddle
A sip becomes a gulp
As the bottle turns empty
I am without help
Another investment is lost
And a story themed "Woe is Me"
I tell my story online
And say "Hello Poetry"

You can leave the life
But the life wont leave you
Its talons are hooked into your chest
You’re reminded of the pain
Every-time you breathe
And i know it hurts
Youre scared.
That life you left behind
That you clawed your way out of
You dont want to fall back in
I tell you that you never talk to me
But the more i sit here and think
The more i realize that you did
But my ears were closed
Only wanting to open if you were blunt
But thats not you and ive been so deaf
Your wounds were never hidden
Your scars never covered up
I see it now
How can i not?
Im quick to jump
and quick to push away
And i never once thought to just keep my feet on the ground
To just hold tight to what ive had
In a perfect world i’d have thought
In a perfect world you wouldnt know the pain
That comes with an empty stomach.
And you wouldnt be craving the thing thats going to destroy us
But im your rock.
Your reason for living
And i meant it when i said i shouldnt be
I shouldnt be
Im on my own downward spiral
What if i cant hold us both up?
Were going through our own same ****
Breaking our bones to try
And fit in the boxes we made for each other.
Everything i said was the truth
My love for you is unlike any other
Im breaking my bones with a smile on my face
And tears in my eyes
We have to break to get stronger
To be better
And when i look up at you
I see the universe in your eyes
And i feel it deep in my soul
It surrounds us
Swirling around our bodies
Like nicotine smoke
when the sun is sleeping
I feel the pain in your marrow
I see it dripping out onto the floor
Nose bleeding and hands shaking
Ive been so focused on me
Me me me
Always me
Never you
And we have the same problem
Do you see it too
We cant escape
Promising to not hit each other
But look at us now
Bruises decorate our bodies
When i told you i liked it rough
I didn’t mean emotionally
And look at me now
Making it about me again
Maybe i wasnt there when they gave the lesson on how not to be a narcissist.
How not to be selfish
How to ******* open my ears and rip open my eyes
Its taken me such a long time to see your struggles and now that ive seen them
Im scared to leave you
Not walk away from you, from us
But the road im on has me walking towards death himself
And time and unforeseen occurrences befall us all
Ecclesiastes 9:11
If i died tomorrow how would you live?
I worry about that
Im not immortal
and im not going to make it into paradise
I hope you find peace within yourself
I hope you find comfort in my arms while it lasts
I told you last night to look at where you are now
No longer in the hood
No longer in the game
No longer with that pain
Look how far you come
You’re not alone anymore
You have us.
And were not going anywhere
I need you to remember that
When the pain comes back to haunt you
When i get mad and walk out of the room
When the memories flash across your eyes
Remember that.
Put your faith in my promises that i made you in the kitchen
Put your faith in those lyrics that you relate too so much
And when the day comes that my heart is no longer beating
Put your faith in my undying love and stay strong
Don’t fall back into that life you left
Don’t be scared.
I meant it when i said i’d never leave you.
Not even in death.

I didnt think i would expose a poem,
or even,
conjour the courage to knit a cape out of my addiction...
This is me settling my habits with cigarettes to rest.

I ditch the nicotine and tobacco and cigarette paper,
and although the thought of this triumph is enriching,
Right now my spirit is pale, and stale of vigor,
The livliehood of a single puff,
could heal all pain of the moment,
until yet again,
time takes its toll,
Frozen I feel,
stuck and bewildered having my crutches
swept from the vice grips of my hands,
and now,
I am to stand on my own two,
with the will of my own my mind and my own heart.
Gravity is heavier here,
as if landing on planet Jupiter
Alien! Indeed is the feeling I feel, feeling, I fall...

Rugged and ruined under rain,
daggered with bows
and blind groping over braille,
Who knew victory could feel so grave, ill?
so grim and muggy and moody and mundane.
The greatest dynasties fell to dust,
and yet *** doesnt even show a face familiar to man,
but is felt with the grace of a feather,
behold a blooming forever,
Clandestine, a boon worthwhile...

Stair sitting
Star gazing
Deep in thought
Galaxies in my eyes
Glass in my nose
Ill never stop loving the stars up above
Ill never stop loving the way it burns
Ive got angels in my veins
And demons in my soul
Im really not for one addiction
But the world is always spinning
So why cant i?
Its just a little i say
Its only for a day
Or 2 or 3
Maybe more
Its easy to walk away
But hard to stay gone
Im made from star dust and bad decisions
So when the devil himself comes in crystal disguise
Im pulled into it’s fiery **** once again
And *******! Does it feel so good
Im falling in love and i dont want to stop
Take my hand
Take my money
Lead me on the path to heaven
Lead me on the path of self destruction
Set my soul on fire
Send my mind racing
Ice cold thoughts
Climbing and diving on the monster
Only when i finally come down
Are there whispers in my ears
Is this really all worth it?
What if you die in the crash?
Bruised knees and scraped elbows
The whispers come back
Another question appears
What if the ride is worth it?
What if setting foot on the blatantly treacherous path is the best part?
What if the fun is in the climb?
Im drowning in the swamp of self pity
And sinking in the quicksand for a fractured psyche
But For the first time in a long time it all seems worth it
The stars have never looked as beautiful as they do
Than when im speeding through my thoughts
And ive never felt as close to heaven as i do
Than when im making love to the devil
I know i’m selling my soul.
Signing my death certificate
And i see his struggles,
The way it destroys him
But i cant bring myself to walk away from it
Not again.
Im hand in hand with my crystal clear knight
Married to the drug
Til death do us part.

She brings forth ****'s fury from my mouth;
A black, burning rage swimming through my veins,
And she smiles, and tells me that it makes me pretty.
I want to strangle her.

So effortlessly, so cluelessly, she begs my attention,
My obsession, my affection, my addiction.
She wraps her little angel legs around my waist,
The waist of a lonely ***.

She's aware, as am I, that to continue this charade,
Is to dig her grave in the cemetery of a commoner.
Her stone will be unmarked, her death on my hands,
and yet, still I cannot bring myself to leave.

She intoxicates me, drives my mind
To the very brink of insanity, with
Love, and ****, and hatred, and desire, and guilt,
And absolute, catastrophic fury that threatens Armageddon.

I crave her lips, and her hips, and her hands,
And her stubborn, loud mouth,
And her words that tear me down,
And the violence she incites from my mind.

I am the worst substance for her, like drinking chlorine.
She is even worse for me, like mercury,
Bringing out the demon in me,
That awful creature of chaos that she loves to see.

And as I've mentioned previously,
Despite my desperation for release,
She has me in the palm of her hand. I could never escape.
I more than long for, I need, I crave her infuriating arrogance.

I am just another sad case of addiction,
Without hope of rehabilitation.
As long as she lingers on my breath,
I will continue to destroy.