Listless thoughts when dark gets nearer.
Love, ambition, thinking clearer.
Adderall. Emotional parade.
For my mind a chemical band-aid.
The quiet, shy one I was before.
Now erupts with blatant vigor.
Laser-focus, pharma- kung-fu.
Adequate description would be super-Jew.
My eyes don’t waver though they’re red.
A coffee *** lays beside my bed.
Cigarette butts stubbed into hub-caps.
When daylight comes,
My synapse:
Dedicated. Flaring with glee.
Neurons dance; kidneys lost at sea.
Sharpest mind amidst dilapidated body.
There’s nothing wrong with a puff or two.
Until you get hooked.
Then, bid your health adieu.

I hate how it consumes me
It's not enough to feed the addiction
I can't deny my love for attention

Justin I forgive you, won’t you call me, your birthday must be coming soon we haven’t spoken since we moved our family into the desert. I just pray you’re not seeking cotton fever yet again, chasing the dragon, or at the very least eating school buses while falling into ‘H’ before you find yourself in bed drunk again, and on Ambien too. Dead too soon. You’ve always wondered why I didn’t introduce you to Ryan, my other incredibly dear and brotherly friend. Well wonder none more, he’s in a padded room at Mt. Sinai in Lakeview or perhaps Northwestern’s adult care unit, there was talk or at least I imagined he could make it to Lakeside Manor right there East of Foster. So it’s clemency, peace of mind, and something to loosen the edge off your back, something to let you fall, something to set your pain at weightless your mind at I-Don’t-Have-To-Give-A-****-Anymore, my friend where have you been? Where have you taken yourself? Please drag yourself back at least a half-step, reverse your position and engineer an out please. I can’t begin to accept losing both of my brothers to two versions of the same disease.

I hate it when you drink

All the times you punched me or
When you hit me with a rock and
Made my head bleed

I hate it when you drink

Those evil truths you speak
About how you really feel about me
That you just deny when you’re sober

I hate it when you drink

The way you throw yourself at me sexually
And get mad because I’m not interested
So you throw it at any other man that will pay attention

I hate it when you drink

The wedge you’re driving when you say
You’re gonna stop or slow down
And then you’re at it the next night

I hate it when you drink

Something is missing but it’s never been there
It started off as something I could ignore
But now I find myself searching everywhere
I try to obscure it, each day it needs more
But now I’m constantly alone in the crowd
Even when I’m in love my mind is at war
And complete silence screams at me so **** loud

Alcohol is my friend,
it makes me cool.
Gives me the feeling
I’m all grown up
and ready to rule.
It brings class to my photos
on Instagram,
makes me feel carefree
on those days I can’t quite
get with the program.
It whispers sweet nothings
in my ear at night,
changes in the morning
to leech off me like some parasite.
I keep it at bay
by giving it more,
I’m mostly happy in knowing
it’s me he adores.
This dance is out of this world,
it’s a gas when your head twirls off,
not so much when your stomach's unfurled.
But so what! I’m no amateur,
I’ve heard how the bottle can turn saboteur.
A crutch to lean on, I’m told,
even so, the rhetoric just gets old.
Hey, I’m just fine!
I don’t need a helping hand,
bottom line!

It's an original sin, incandescent,
an absolutist's balloon monsoon,
but Eden's air comes in whipped cream cans;
the serpent had no need for names.
Blood hits the ice,
and the dextromethorphan hits too,
and yesterday, tomorrow, a crystal glows
briefly, never to be seen again.
The concrete tunnel is filled with spiders,
chewing at my brain as they suffocate,
beneath the weight of expectation.
And now, beneath this jellied tree,
I see the God I've ignored all these years,
and I bask in the artificial glow of LSD
before I realize my mistake.
Because when homeless men that went to Harvard,
smoke **** with you, hungover,
out of an Apple,
why change a thing?

Once upon a time,
is how fairytales begin,
but Happily Ever After,
is not reality before The End.

Take anguish and grief,
and sprinkle it with some spite.
Add a dash of self hatred,
and some pain till it tastes right.

Don’t forget betrayal,
to give it that bitter note.
Maybe just a pinch of love,
to bring the sweetness to your throat.

And you can’t forget addiction,
any one will do.
Maybe a touch of insanity,
if you want some zest to this stew.

Now, Once Upon A Time,
you tried this meal,
and Happily Ever After,
was certainly not how you feel.

I’m afraid that if we keep eating,
then we’ll all be dead soon.
Because what we’ve made is poison,
and hope is our spoon.

So now it’s your choice,
eat up, or start again.
I’d suggest starting over,
cause if you don’t it’s The End.