I close my eyes and begin to dream of a future where all my stresses are null and void
where nature and I become one in essence and I can lie flat on the grass and consider life
without having to fret about all the negative things that could or could not happen

when I was younger, video games were the escape into a realm unknown by reality
the Marathon series, designed by Bungie, was the trilogy of games I really dug into
the atmosphere in those games was thick and I could find myself feeling the spirit
getting into the world and feeling the vast realms surround me so completely

I wore my heart on my sleeve
everything I was... was worn on my sleeves and everyone could observe my feelings
vibrant, colorful, varied, and deep
being myself was the first thing on my mind, because why not?
I could be honest with myself and share my deepest secrets with those I trusted

yet all of that passed away with the ticking of time
time, oh time, how you have ripped at my heart and brought upon me an onerous load
for as time went on, I delved deeper, darker
more sinister thoughts started to crop up in my mind as the days turned into months
and with those thoughts came behaviors I had not imagined of before
which ended up throwing me in for a nosedive

I am now at the bottom of my self-dug hole
I want out of this rut I have thrown myself into
I want to spread these wings and fly to a new world

my heart has become cold and crippled through years of self-abuse

the only things I can feel now are mere remnants of my deep love
shattered by addiction and self-destructive, malicious behaviors
upon others and through their anger, upon myself even further
rendering my heart frozen to love, kindness, and contentment

my heart has kissed the concrete hundreds of times
being kicked over, trampled on, and misused
not only by the hands of others, but myself
misusing people and leaving them to rot
I left my own heart to rot in the process
growing colder and distant, full of despair
feeling the hope of intimacy drain from my eyes
until I became a mere shell of my previous self
possessing the same body but not the same spirit
choking on my own emptiness day after day
wondering why I have not died of a broken heart

maybe I am destined to live out my self-wrought curse

Out of a shattered mind,
reveals itself in a reminiscence of the time.
When our bones cracked,
punched,
moved,
collided,
and snapped.

We were free.
Free from the sight of judgemental eyes,
                                                       and words of disgust.

It was me,
and you.

Just Us Two.

We were under a different light and playing in secret shadows. So no one could follow.

We hid from God and his false grace, as we moved from place to place. Up and down and rolling around, sticking to leather as to you I was as light as a feather.

With your arms around me in the tightest embrace,
I know I will never,
                                   forget
                                              your face.

cleanse this mind
drain the wound
I need to break free
from the traps
that choke my heart
until it begs for
temporary sweet release
just to grow dependent
on such release
until it becomes desperate
to the point of insanity

Chocolate Addict
Caramel, Reese's Pieces
Outrageous You Are

It’s nice to finally meet you
I’ve been watching from a distance
I know you've been feeling blue
And i’m about to take over your existence

I am going to consume you
Take away your control
Let go of your friends and family
I’m the only one you'll know

Your body and mind aches
But you could probably figure it out
Allow me to step on the brakes
And wipe away your doubt

Let’s lie together my dear
But not just in your bed
Am i the only voice you hear?
Would rather just be dead?

My voice is overtaking yours
I’m now speaking about what matters
Allow me to slam all the doors
And watch with you as your life shatters

At first this was a choice
It was just to get by
But now im choking out your voice
And now all you do is lie

Have you looked around lately
To see all that you have done
The people you have hurt so greatly
But now i’m the only one

I see your trying to catch your breath
Your trying to come up for air
But don’t let this be my death
Do you really think that would be fair?

Is my disguise beginning to fade
Are you seeing through the mask
It's a good thing you stayed
Now take your pill and bask

I can see your starting realize
That the line in the Sand is drawn
I'm the devil in disguise
And now all your happiness is gone

Did you ever stop to think
That I'm leading this forceful dance
Your now edging to the brink
Of realizing this is your last chance

Please don't let my voice fade
Make the choice to keep me here
Allow your decision to be swayed
And keep living in this fear

But your starting to take the reins
Your done with my control
Hope is now running through your veins
You're now in the leading role

I've changed who you are
Consumed you with my high
But your about to raise the bar
So spread your wings and fly

Your screaming and pleading
For me to exit through the door
You know it's not me your needing
You simply can't handle me any more

As you begin to walk away
I yell as loud as I can
Please just let me stay
Keep me in your plan

Her fingertips were Icy
and her eyes rather glazed.
A desecrated body                                                                          
with an endearingly brazen face.
Meandering flesh, rich in mortality and fable.
Her skin mapped a journey,
juncture she could no longer able.
Scared arms marked moments,                                                        
of suicidal salvation.
Unwary and wide eyed,
too juvenile to be taken.