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s 3d
‪okay today someone asked me why I’m not trying harder
and it got me thinking haha‬
‪okay so picture this:‬

‪we all have our mountains in life, things that are hard.. right?
okay so, I’m trying to climb my rocky steep mountain of struggles.
‪so let’s say that I'm about ¼ of the way up when I trip on a rock and fall a little bit
but haha it's fine! just a scraped knee.
I get back up and keep going‬.
it was just a little inconvenience haha some bad luck.

so I keep climbing and this time ‪I make it a little bit higher than I did before
but then I fall again, further‬.. and I am pretty scraped up.
I'm alright though, so I will try again.

okay so, let’s say that this repeats itself a few times

but each time I fall lower and harder..
and I'm getting more discouraged and more hurt every time.

by now I feel like giving up, because hiking this mountain feels impossible,
but somehow (even though I have bruises/scrapes and a sprained ankle) I still have a little hope that I’m going to/can make it to the top.

SO with my last sliver of motivation, I climb determined to make it!
I don’t stop climbing and I am so careful, I’m proud of myself.
I have never made it this far up on the mountain,
and I feel so good about life!
I’m about ¾ the way up,
so I stop to admire the view.. and wow life is beautiful.

but right at that moment,
someone comes up behind me and shoves me down the mountain,
this time I fall harder/further than I had even started the first time and this time I wasn’t expecting it at all, it caught me completely off guard. I had been so careful.

so I sit at the bottom of this mountain and look up, ha **** it’s really tall.
I know the view is beautiful from the top.. ‪haha but I don’t want to try again.‬

now I have a sprained ankle, I'm dehydrated and I'm tired.
so even though I know I CAN climb it again,
I also know that ‪the fall will be harder and I will end up more hurt.
for example: If I fall again I might break my leg
then I know I won’t make it up for sure..
so yeah,
I just don't want to climb this **** mountain anymore.
I'm exhausted.‬ I'm really done. and It seems incredibly pointless.

‪SO HERE I am and now imma just chill down here for awhile and eat my granola bars that I packed in my backpack.‬ haha
i don’t want to climb
zelda Oct 12
i think i have always been so tender with everything, but it crushes me every time. every person i loved, they always choose someone else over me. i guess that's how it's always been, and getting used to it was easy for me.
battlefield, yes. this world we live in is a battlefield.
a battle with yourself for self-loathing.
Perhaps it’s time

I don’t understand

You’re right, and this is where I draw the line

Can you please explain?

I’m tired of this life, tired of the lies

I had no idea you were in pain.

Does anyone, really?
Do they really expect it?
Do they have any idea to expect the worst from me?

No, they don’t.

That’s right, they don’t. I hide it too well.

No, you don’t. I saw. I noticed.

And you were too late. Don’t you see me pulling away?

Are you? I had no idea.

Just let me go now. Let me fade until I’m just a bad memory.
I've been the one to be left so many times. Why can't I find someone who'll stay?
Lily Mae Sep 20
When someone starts the "I love you's" (and you cringe)
knowing your friendship just ended by the words that just departed their lips.

I don't want you to love me.  I wanted to be a friend.  You don't know  how to do either.  

Sorry I don't want the spice of life you offer.  I'm swimming in my own **** actually.  But thank you for the advance warning that you **** and are totally gloom and doom.  

The habit isn't so far off after all is it?  Safer, kinder and just slightly twisted.

Not knotted up in ball binds and finger *******.  

Good on you....Good on you.
Sick of self absorbed blame shamers..carry on.  I know you will, whoops...are...
Bryce Sep 18


I give you
the fire of the soul
The blood of the earth
The dust of the aether
In the gasp of the known

A liquorious draught
That tickles the throat
Where providence sat
And closed heaven's door

Spittle and drivel
The fleshy sacks grovel
While Satan
Clawed his nails
at the sand

Of souldom!
Cast amidst the stars
And Not moving very far

A *****
No more
And Gamorra absorbed
Before that perpetual want
of more

the scent of battle on the wind
Sulfur and toxic gas
Humans behaving mad
Leeward of the path
Struggling and daft
Illiterate and crass
Fallow fleshy sacks

I am in love with it all!
A raving lunatic with
romantic comedic timing
And no taste for time
But on the feast of the bone
And savored moment

I will be alone!
Except for you, poor soul
Who reads in these words
Your own fated toil

I miss you, I love you, from even beyond the pale
My words float in the clouds
And scrape the sentimental trails

Back home once again,
Maybe find my next trend
Or Hear HIS next sermon
And go tell a friend.

Mettle in the bohemian.
The magnum opus of self destruction.
Narrowing to the confines.
Mettle in thrownness.
Watching from above in 16mm.
Sliver of flower.
Grown from nothingness.
For nothingness.

Garrett Johnson.
Never felt better.
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