okay today someone asked me why I’m not trying harder
and it got me thinking haha
okay so picture this:
we all have our mountains in life, things that are hard.. right?
okay so, I’m trying to climb my rocky steep mountain of struggles.
so let’s say that I'm about ¼ of the way up when I trip on a rock and fall a little bit
but haha it's fine! just a scraped knee.
I get back up and keep going.
it was just a little inconvenience haha some bad luck.
so I keep climbing and this time I make it a little bit higher than I did before
but then I fall again, further.. and I am pretty scraped up.
I'm alright though, so I will try again.
okay so, let’s say that this repeats itself a few times
but each time I fall lower and harder..
and I'm getting more discouraged and more hurt every time.
by now I feel like giving up, because hiking this mountain feels impossible,
but somehow (even though I have bruises/scrapes and a sprained ankle) I still have a little hope that I’m going to/can make it to the top.
SO with my last sliver of motivation, I climb determined to make it!
I don’t stop climbing and I am so careful, I’m proud of myself.
I have never made it this far up on the mountain,
and I feel so good about life!
I’m about ¾ the way up,
so I stop to admire the view.. and wow life is beautiful.
but right at that moment,
someone comes up behind me and shoves me down the mountain,
this time I fall harder/further than I had even started the first time and this time I wasn’t expecting it at all, it caught me completely off guard. I had been so careful.
so I sit at the bottom of this mountain and look up, ha **** it’s really tall.
I know the view is beautiful from the top.. haha but I don’t want to try again.
now I have a sprained ankle, I'm dehydrated and I'm tired.
so even though I know I CAN climb it again,
I also know that the fall will be harder and I will end up more hurt.
for example: If I fall again I might break my leg
then I know I won’t make it up for sure..
I just don't want to climb this **** mountain anymore.
I'm exhausted. I'm really done. and It seems incredibly pointless.
SO HERE I am and now imma just chill down here for awhile and eat my granola bars that I packed in my backpack. haha
i don’t want to climb