They pull on me constantly
attack my worst fears
feed on my pain
feed on my tears
They drive me insane
the way they put bad thoughts in my head
I feel myself going under
I feel myself dying in this bed
I cannot wake myself up
no matter how hard I try
I cannot shake these feelings
I am destroyed in the blink of an eye
I do not know what to do
and no one will help me
maybe I should just accept this as what it is
and let it be.
It always starts that way, a tingle in my feet.
Like a tv stuck on channel 3
Not just the channel but me too. Stuck.
I can see.
I can hear.
Yet I cannot move
even to blink.
With disjointed movements
and only a shadow on the night
It moves around my room
giggling quietly, no,
c h u c k l i n g
around my bed
And I can do nothing but watch
Forced to watch
until it stands
looking down with a menacing presence
So strong it is palpable
And the static turns to scream
Right into my ear
It pokes me
It snatches at my hair
It snickers and growls and hovers
I am the joke
Minutes, hours pass
Then a jolt passes throughout my body
But I am not sleeping
It will be back tomorrow night
It always comes back
It comes for me most every night
So I squeeze my sheet edges, pull them up tight
But not so far that I cannot see
The IT when it begins lurking toward me
Slinks right against the edge of my bed
Squatted on haunches and a tucked down head
With the curve of its spine projecting wiry hair
The smell of its breath wafting up through the air
I still keep my head poking out from my sheet
But my eyes are so squinched that the lids almost meet
No reason to look, as it climbs upbringing fear
The mattress moves like time ticking; it's nearer... near... near
The hair on my face gives way to its huffs
And a smell, I assume, from devouring............. stuff
Hovering over my face to lick on my skin
Tongue stretched out long and breathing me in
I never do move, or scream out or run
Makes no difference to a creature who does this for fun
After my face, it slides to my toes
Just touching and poking with claws as it goes
Once it's filled up with whatever I give
It slips over my footboard to crawl back where it lives
For all of the work, you would think it a waste
Sneaking into dark rooms for merely a taste
Pardon me, I've been thinking
what if I could save myself?
scent on my neck
has seemed to have kept me
my gasping last breath
but, pardon me, I've been thinking
what if I could reach in
through steam in
and remove your fucking tongue
so you can't taste me anymore?
If these dreams I keep
really are so sweet, you'll
forgive me for
the sanctum away from nightmare
every time i stop and think,
every time i split my seams,
every time i fall asleep,
i see enemies in my dreams.
i lie awake at night.
to keep away,
from my fate,
from my inner face.
and every day,
i doze off.
to alien places,
with evil eyes,
and wicked faces,
to try to stay away,
from my head's unwelcoming voices.
sleep, please keep at bay.
i'm already well aware,
of how afraid i am of the day.
my daydreams turn to nightmares,
and night terrors to reveries.
lines blur, visions cross,
asleep, awake, alive or dead.
and these days,
when i daydream in my head,
it's never felt like such a prison.
at the rate i'm wasting away,
i'll feel more safe,
when i'm closest to dead.
but never, never ever,
asleep in my bed.
Keep holding on to the light.
It never fully leaves when the moon rises.
But be aware of the shadows.
There’s a whole other world inside of them.
They drag you down and down.
Until you hit the bottom of your soul.
It’s cold and dark, an unknown existence.
You can never leave, it’s too late.
Stay like the weak wreck you are.
You’re not even trying to escape.
Do you give up that easy?
You’re a mess, an emotional mess.
Stop crying, it won’t help.
Stop shouting after your consciousness.
Free your soul from the fear.
Help, instead of being trapped inside of yourself.
Purify the darkness, let the moon rise once again.
Letting the light help you live.
But there’s a risk, the shadows.
They’re waiting, they’re hungry for a pathetic prey like you.
Stop keeping the circle of time in your life.
Leave it alone, before you fall into a pit of misery.
It’s dark down there, just like your soul.
It’s more lethal than ever; with walls painted with despair.
Eyes straining in the dark, searching after something usable.
Stay sane, if you can keep up with the twisted voices.
Don’t let them drag you deeper down.
Don’t let them manipulate you once again
A million worlds in one.
They’re all inside of me.
Screams filling my lungs, it’s ringing in my ears.
They’re controlling me from my blind side.
Keep up with the running tears,
The pain has gotten deeper.
The hatred is using me.
The fear is haunting me forever.
There’s a hole in my heart.
The moon’s shining through my emptiness.
It’s making me sleepy, I see them.
It’s the shadows, they’re gonna get me.
I woke up by the river; mirroring the stars.
The moon saved me once again on this summer night.
The shadows dragged me here, they wanted to drown me in dreadfulness.
They’re what I fear the most; my Summer Nightmares.
Last night, I had a most horrific nightmare.
You lived five-hundred miles away from me;
the roads adorned with fear and thorns.
We could never tell our fathers, nor breath a word to our mothers,
but my God, we were so in love.
Under the shadow of the night, secluded in our rooms,
we would stay up for hours, phones alight with wonder.
We shared secretive photographs, candid messages, and
talked, just talked-
Until one day, I was rambling-
I confess I cannot recall what about,
and my life suddenly imploded on itself when
you told me you loved me.
The joy I felt was beyond articulation,
but comprehensible in which it did not last.
Black smoke of distance and loneliness threatened to
choke us each passing day.
We were writing a tragedy of our very own.
One of pain, so tainted-
an absence of hope and an abundance of fear;
A tale to outlast the Devil.
Staring at my pale reflection, there were black tears down my cheeks-
a waking nightmare rushing to greet me from times not quite left behind.
I cried as the twinkling starlight passed through the windows
for no memory so sad could ever be escaped.
Last night, I had a most wonderful dream.
You lived in the house next door to me;
our yards adorned with white-picket fences.
Our fathers would chat over cars, our mothers over tea,
and my God, we were so in love.
In the broken down treehouse, perched behind your yard
we would sit for hours, your legs dangling over the side.
We ate gorgeous summer strawberries smothered in sugar and
talked, just talked-
Until one day, you were just rambling-
I confess I cannot recall what about-
and there was something about the sun,
illuminated in your ocean-blue eyes, and I kissed you.
It was beyond what my words have the capability to describe.
A trickling river; a rushing waterfall;
a roaring sea; crashing waves.
It was exactly how I'd dreamed my first kiss would be.
We were writing a love story of our very own.
One of joy, so pure-
an absence of fear and an abundance of hope;
A tale to outlast the angels.
As I woke up, there were black tears down my cheeks-
reality rushing up to greet me from the dreamscape I had left.
I cried as the morning light beamed in through the windows
for no story so happy could ever have been real.
It was the door, it was my mind.
My heart is bounding, my voice became blinding.
My jaw is the numbest
No one, not even the rain could've heard me.
Could I have even spoken to myself?
I tried, I tried, I swear I tried.
My voice was not loud enough.
I became aimless.
All I hear is the silence, it is so loud and eager.
My ears tingle with static, my tongue hides in fear.
The shutting of my eyes hurt, it's almost unbelievable how awake I was.
I can not close my eyes