I know
I know I handeld things the wrong way
I know I fucked up
and I knew it all along

and yes I could have changed it
and I wanted to
but in this very second I didn´t knew how

I know I am not a good person
and maybe I will never be
I know I hurt you
and I am sorry

I will try to change
I know it won´t change the past
and it will never repear it

but I have to change
because I know I am bad
I know the ugliness inside

and I wish I wouldn´t see it
I don´t know why
maybe to protect myself
maybe because hate is easier than the pain
maybe I wanna hurt others the way I was hurt
maybe because I just couldn´t believe
believe someone would actually love me

which doesn´t make it anymore right
I am sorry
for everything

This is my apology
my realisation
my truth

I will always regret it
I just want you to know that.

Back then,
I knew how you’re feeling
I knew what you’re up to
I knew what you ate
I knew when you awake
I knew when you sleep
I knew why you felt the way you felt

Back then,
I knew every little tiny part about you

Back then,
Was just enough

Back then,
Can i fly to you? Again?

Want you?

Same shit, different year
Feel the pain go up a gear

You think I'd learn
Or cease to yearn

But here I am
Singing wham

Last Christmas blah blah blah
My stupid heart strayed too far

Every time my head says stay
The price is just too much to pay

But will I ever really listen?
No, my fresh tears simply glisten

Salty, bitter, endless drops
Cleaning up would need 10 mops

I wish that I could flood the street
I wish I could make him incomplete

I hate his soul, I hate his face
I hate how he would hold my waist

Delete his kisses, delete his hugs
He's just a pile of bugs and slugs

Don't waste your time on such a bum
You should have listened to your mum

Careworn, looking right and left
Stranded in the midst of ravaged haven
Bewildered at the sight of theft
A million lives, stolen

A broken sob,
Escapes the chest
That hid the horrors deep

For now he can no longer amend
regret.

She was my morning sunshine and night's moon,
She was the one who made my life bloom ,
took care of me , sacrificed a lot
what gem I have, I totally forgot.

I did alot when the relationship started,
Cared , motivated her, and fully supported,
always wanted to be by her side,
She was my motivation and my pride,
But with time it all subsided.

Her simple expectations started appearing to be heavy burden,
I got scared when she wanted to move in,
I used to get sweaty whenever she discussed our wedding.
It didn't mean I love her any less.

I needed more time , I needed some space,
Wanted to run away from her every trace,
I pushed her away,
I made her weep,
Not thinking much asked her to leave.

She read my poems and cried all night,
She shared same feelings and texted me in the first light,
The feelings that died got revived again,
I felt alive again,
Now I know what went missing,
My heart was joyous I wanted her back again.

I felt she also want to come back,
But trusting someone again who betrayed you is not easy,
She is in a relationship, leaving him is not easy.

I have realized her importance,
I know what blunder I made,
I want to try one more time,
Baby without you everything is black,
I fucking WANT YOU BACK!

(Dill hote Jo,
Mere seene mei do,
Dusra dill bhi main ,
Tumhe Deta todne ko)

"IF I HAD TWO HEARTS INSIDE ME, THEN I WOULD GIVE THE ANOTHER ONE TOO, FOR YOU TO BREAK."

Come see me like the normal man that I am.
Have a good look into these forgotten eyes.

Working on the beauty of bullets in my mind.
Blistering skies, whispering skies.

Cant find me...

Underneath my skin a flare of a violence brand.
Bullets live in the black holes on the wrong side of my face.

Dreading the regrets brought by a steady hand.
Waiting by the altar to pray for the wrong kind of grace.

A quivering echo that was not planned.
Below the dream, teeth and soles lonely stand.

Ready to train.
Ready to maim.
Ready to blame.

Anyone, anything, anywhere,
everywhere, everyone, everything.

Hollow oil in the tips of my aching hands,
come find me and make me the lesser of a beautiful man.

Fun in the gun,
outrun the burn,
hope there is none.

Let me be the worst moral lesson to the common man.
A beautiful man with blood on his hands.

Making these feelings year around and round in a festering sky.
Nothing but the troubles of an old man.

Raise away the razor wire spinning around your neck.
Restoring the hollow idea of a sun to spy.

Ready to break.
Ready to wake.
Ready to ache.

Bullets fall like rain,
ahead of all in pain,
this beauty is not in vain.

You found me.