The sound of your voice,
Ignites a fire within me.
Gorgeous, dancing flames,
Replace the darkness inside my body,
With light.

Suddenly, I wince with pain.
The light falters,
As the realization hits:
My innards are being scorched.

At first, the flames displayed such beauty,
And blindingly dazzled.
I took no notice of the slow burning,
Charring my innocence.

Silencing you,
Was the only way to put out the fire,
And slowly begin to heal.

Robbing you of your voice,
Means eliminating your existence,
To me.

You told me I could text you if I ever felt lonely
Call you in the middle of sun-less hours if I was breaking and needed someone to take away just part of my pain
And stay for just a few moments
In your typography, I could tie down my demons
And disspel my darkness
For just a few moments...

I think you've made a mistake
You see, you'll give me a minute and I'll take your whole night
I can't just have a nibble; I'm gonna take a bite
Of your heart, of your time, of your sanity, of your mind
Because I don't nearly have enough to consider myself living
I'm an outline of someone that used to be, stealing pieces of humans in hopes I might become something
Through small electronics, I'll take control of your eyes, and tear into them with an onslaught of self-loathing and hopes of my demise
And you're so horribly kind, you want to settle my mind
But darling I am the chaos that consumed me
I'm a star about to explode billions of miles away, you can't even hope to touch me
So don't ask if I'm feeling better than wanting to ignite
I wanna lie with "alright"
I wanna ruin your night
I wanna grab your attention and paint my lips with it
Chew you up in my darkness and spit your autonomy out from it
Til you're just a pair of hands telling me I'm not the demon I know that I am
I wanna drag you into my cerebral cell
I am gonna be your midnight hell
You're gonna orbit around my entire world and then I'll throw you out into the empty space of my cellular cosmos
And I'll hope that you dream about me
Maybe that'll make it hurt more
And in the morning you'll wake up to me
Pounding away from the inside of your skull
All because you said I could text you
And I'll always come back because you always will
Come back to the darkness and the vibrations of my voice
Still horribly kind and unable to grasp the terrifying beauty of distant nebulas
I'm the brightest star up there, ripping apart the constellations
So look up, my love, and take me all in
I'll even lend you my telescope
Because if I'm going to explode, you better be watching

I just wanted to feel again
For too long I was trained to feel nothing
Self medication was killing my senses
The government numbed my feelings
Her lack of love killed my hope
She had cheated on me again
I was a thousand miles from home
And then I met you

I was broken, lonely, lost, and dazed
confused, hollow, a killing machine for Uncle Sam
But deep down, the trapped little boy cried out
for passion, for love,
to feel something other than nothing
and there you were
An angel with a devilish smile
the Southern Belle I'd always dreamed of
On a park bench outside the rec I confessed
with so much fear, I wasn't ready to let my heart go again
but I really liked you, and I couldn't hold it back anymore
instead of being let down, you lifted me up
from a painful October to a November of dancing
your name rolled off the tongue
like an Italian singing to a Sinatra Sonata
Kellie Greene
a North Carolina peach with a body like a violin
a beautiful, sexy warrior woman, with a heart of gold
Who knew such women existed!

With each moment I fell harder, loved more dangerously
I kept winning, so I kept pushing my luck
with you, I always got lucky
I loved you
and you loved me back twice
each kiss was a heroin shot that froze me in place
don't even start me on your Southern curves
or your Carolina twang
God crafted you like a sword smith crafts a katana
smooth, sexy, and razor sharp
few deserve such a goddess
I sure didn't, but Fate doesn't always pick favorites
Fate give me you, and you gave me something
I never knew existed
Love that didn't cost me freedom,
Love that didn't drive me mad
Love that didn't leave withdrawals
Love I wasn't afraid to give back
And the sex was something the angels sing about.

my dear          
                         you are a bird so fly just fly          
              fly,because not only those who have  wings can fly
                   smile, there is no day in life to shed tears
              blossom as if there is no flower in gardens like you
                                you can do everything
                                everything is in  your hands
it is not  your duty to always breath in air of failure and regret
              regrets belongs to those who do not believe in God
                                   when there is all haters
       he will always gifts you one who will loves you a lot
      because he knows everything needs some love for its growth
                                        a reason to smile
                                   now you have to find it
                   be stronger enough , now world is your
                                        in your favor
                         don't even try to loose hope

                      "hasbi Allahu wa nam'ul wakil"
      God is sufficient for you and is the best trustee of affairs .

                                       my dear
                                  God bless you  


writer : kainat rasheed

Years ago I'm sure I put this down on paper. These same feelings were felt once before I'm sure. It probably happened back when I was younger, it's meaning probably went right over my head. I was too young to know what "it" was. I was probably blissfully unaware of how important that feeling was. It was as devastatingly crucial as a warning siren sounding off for a deaf man, or frantic movements performed for one with no eyes. I probably even shrugged it off as an irrelevant afterthought as I returned to seclusion and pointless walks. Who in their right mind ignores the warning signs?

Another instance of it happened after years passed, this time it went straight through my heart and built a place of shelter. It stayed with me. It made sure to come with a loud voice and a microscope. It watched carefully and made sure to sound off screeches of distaste for everything I did. I had lower self-esteem, I finally bought into the idea that I wasn't headed in the right direction after I was speeding down it for three years. It's a no-brainer to get lost when you forgot the map, being this mindless comes with a cost. You don't carry a title, you are a slave to your past mistakes. They build up so you can't see over the wall. I have flashbacks that remind me of those exact warning signs I could have avoided. A mixture of pure uneasiness with a taste of panic. This could have been avoided, but sadly the key-word in my life has always been "could"...and reality's word is "won't".

I'm sure I've written about this feeling before, so blissfully unaware of where these warning-signs were all taking me.

The voices are coming back
I wanna hide
Zoie you're not worth it
Zoie just die
Someone take my hand
Teach me how to swim
Because I used him
I pushed him away
Until one day
When your thoughts finally swayed
I wonder who you're talking too
I wonder who you're going to choose
I wonder if I'll be able to see
The man you're going to be
You're so strong
So caring
God you're even daring
I pushed you away
That'll be my biggest regret
Till the day
God takes me away.

I have always admired you from a distance
Although you did not always notice me
I have been listening to your every word

Sometimes I feel you do not notice me there, sitting in the edge, not really present in your day-to-day life

But in all honesty, I loved you, and I still love you
I know I got my boyfriend freshman year in highschool
And I know that I have been with him for a long time
But deep in my heart I did not love him, and I still do not
I loved you, I still love you

I admire your every word
So perfect, so bold
And I still want you to be mine

But it is hard, because ever since freshman year
When I got my boyfriend
He became an aspect of my life,
Like that nice neighbor in your neighborhood that says "hello there, how are you?"
In fact he was exactly like that nice neighbor you say hello to everyday whom you sometimes hang out with
The type of person you have no real attatchment to, but you think you do just because you see them very often

I thought that feeling, I thought missing someone like my boyfriend was love

I was wrong.
He was no different than that distant neighbor in the neighborhood
I only missed him and thought I cared because he was there all the time
But deep in my heart I just felt it
In fact, I knew it
That I did not love my boyfriend
I loved you.

And now that I am married
Now that I know I messed up
I wish I left him for you
Because it is harder to leave him now, since I have seen him so often I just miss him not being there
But I do not love him!
It is just that every year I spent with him made it harder for me to leave

I wish knew better.

He does not say the perfect things like you do that just fit perfectly into the cracks of my heart like puzzle pieces
He does not care for me as much
He can not make me laugh like you do
His smile never made my stomach fill up with butterflies like yours does
He never made me feel as special as you

I went looking for love in the wrong places
I know I know I know
& it hurt even when I knew the ending
it hurt to trace your skin with drunken hands
it hurt to hear you call me your friend
as if friends laid in the same bed and kissed me like that
it hurt even though I didn't want you and it hurt even though you were never mine at all
& I'll deny it because it shouldn't hurt to lose someone you don't love
but it does it does it does