I love you
I would be yours
If you would only say the words
Just say the words
And I am yours
That was always the case
I needed to be claimed
I needed to know you wanted me
All of me
That you were willing to commit to me
That I was important to you
I got to learn all that too late
I got to feel the depth of your love too late
Only through trying to leave did I feel how much you wanted me to stay
That you loved me
And truly wanted me around you
I also got to see how much I love you
Too late , it was too late
The damage had been done
I'd betrayed you
You wrote me letters and you cried, begging me not to say goodbye.
I comforted you, I tried. Saying: everything will be just fine, but I could see in your eyes you didn't believe it because you knew I was telling a lie.
I regret it.
Would it help if I told you I kept the letters?
So when on days I feel like less of a fool, I can remind myself of what I did to you.
it's been a year since
you and i
never came to be,
never became the we
that both of us wanted to see:
the ones lying on crumpled sheets,
watching endless movies,
and reading each other poetry.
the ones exchanging comebacks so witty,
that i didn't even know it was in our vocabulary,
until the day,
i finished every page
and noticed in an alarming haze,
that being happy
wasn't in this worn out dictionary
and so, i'm giving you this,
this one last bit
and i hope it sheds some light
to the undefined you and i:
I keep trying to deny how hard I’ve fallen or how much it hurt, said I was never part of your game,
But no matter how brave of a front I can put up, my heart still races with the mention of your name.
Part of me tries to play it cool like you didn’t ever mean that much.
I tell myself, oh he was just an almost crush.
Truth is before you came into my life I was so afraid to feel anything at all.
So tired of hearing stories of people not catching them when they fall.
You woke a heart long afraid to feel.
You were the closest to what is supposed to be real.
I set my walls up, I guarded my heart,
I knew guys like you would just tear it apart.
I saw how you broke other girls, how they cried for you,
I was afraid you would do the same to me too.
But you told me I make you want to be better
You even called me the Jamie Sullivan to your Landon Carter
You said you knew and loved my sweet scent,
You liked me because I was kind and innocent.
You tried to give me notes,chocolates and even perfume,
I wondered why,I didn't want to assume.
On Ash Wednesday, you said you were agnostic but you wanted to attend that Mass
You said it was an opportunity to be with me and you wouldn't let it pass.
Slowly, feelings grew
But I didn't want to misconstrue
My heart and my mind was having a big fight,
These feelings for you doesn't seem right.
I’m still smiling whenever I remember that once upon a time, you chose me over them.
My heart skips with just your smile ,your glance,didn't know how to control it, it was a mayhem.
I realized that you spoke to me and my heart like nobody else did,
But I was too scared, too insecure, so my feelings for you I hid.
Remember that ball I wasn't able to attend to, my friends told me you were looking for me that night,you wanted us to dance.
You told me I would've been the most beautiful, I was happy, it felt right, you got me thinking if I should I give us a chance.
I was surprised myself because I never knew I wanted it too but what could've been a beautiful connection ended so sudden.
It would’ve been a lot easier to just hate you but I chose not to let that happen.
I see you still flirt with others, I was confused.
I felt like a joke, I felt used.
I included you in my every prayer
To be brave enough to take this dare
I hoped that you would persevere, stay a little longer,
You weren't patient enough,you got tired, you now have another.
I was hurt, I was broken.
I felt like something part of me was stolen.
I kept on remembering your words,your gestures
Were you genuine or were you just using me to fill your craving for pleasures?
I didn't even know if I had the right to cry,
Because I know you would say that I didn't give us a try.
I know you would think I was selfish and afraid to be judged,
I didn't even let you hug me, or hold my hand because I felt like if I would,I would be smudged.
It was a battle, spiritual and mental
How could I give up on something so special?
I was torn between letting you go for the better or holding you tight
At that time these thoughts made me cry and sleepless at night
I know, it was also my fault, I made you feel less,
But love, know that I still consider you the best.
Did you really love me?Honestly,I'm scared to know the truth.
Because I really did love you and it's not just because of my innocence or youth.
I was flooded with caution and warning,
but I accepted your every flaw, didn't mind every bad thing
I know these are all in the past,
I moved on but feelings this deep ,their cuts, they last.
Don't worry, I’ll just keep all the memories of you in the deepest part of my heart, no matter how few,
And that will be enough for me to smile at the thought of you and what you never knew.
You taught me how to really love, this might sound insane.
I’ll keep all those sweet nothings that became everything to me, Thank you, you're my favorite pain.
It was the grandest of heists
The most elaborate of schemes
You had me under your charm
Every moment like a dream
You have stolen the one thing
I was sworn to protect
Broke off the cage and took it
Then left it for dead
Now lying in the middle of the streets
All bloody and weak
You stand in front of me
A twisted smile between your cheeks
You got me where you wanted me
It was your plan all along
To string me like a melody in your symphony
Of broken-hearted songs
I hate running,
running hates me.
Every time I try running..
its as if it wants to kill me.
My heart burns,
my stomach churns,
it feels as if I am going to die.
The sun shines into my very eyes
and I stop and I start to cry.