I thought I was the only one
To have these reproaching regrets of not staying in touch
It happens to be a story device we've seen too much
We make everything remote
Finishing this bad habit with a garrote
Is not the most pleasant portion of our lives
But the hammer has to come down somehow
We don't want to be sitting on a table asking ourselves why we didn't try when they were alive.
i regret not kissing you.
i wish i could have muscle memory of your lips, those tender instruments that make me laugh and cry and swoon- how would they play me without words?

i think we could have made music- but that is a symphony i'll never hear.
bri 15h
Reflecting on my life
I have made too many mistakes,
but mistakes are the most fun
without them
we wouldn't know who we are.
We do things to see if we want to so it again.
We fuck up.
We heal.
We fuck up some more.
We heal ourselves
& we heal others.
Life goes on,
despite all that we face.
Though I may not be innocent,
I am honest
I am true
& I will not be condemned for my mistakes.
Who gets to say your mistakes are better than mine?
cac·o·e·thes
ˌkakəˈwēT͟Hēz/
noun
an irresistible urge to do something inadvisable.
you are the constant taste of metal in my mouth
you are the disarray that led to the destruction
you are the events that led to my collapse

The smoke will clear and the dust will settle but when will my bones turn into fossil fuels.
Will the stories you told cling to my name for eternity,
Who was i before met you
Who were you before you meet me?
Are we forever two star crossed lovers pitted against each other for the own amusement of the gods,
Was anything real at all?
Did your skin ever breathe my name
Were the tips of your fingers as magical as I remember?
Were it all a dream would you dare dream it again?
i hate this bitter taste
Keep treading
Exhausted I swim
against a relentless undertow
gasping for breathe
while the brackish depths
beckon below
with the promise of sleep
Flickering visions
as I cycle between
the raging storm and icy winds above
and the cold dark silence beneath
Each time I surface
Another loved one
friend or family
is gone
drowned or rescued
and each time my heart breaks
and my resolve weakens
To surface once again
For soon I will be alone
with nothing
but the raging storm above
and the bowels of uncertainty
below
Sleepless, high on caffeine as it writes
Hours, Days, Even months may have passed
An old scented candle, with a snap it lights
And the scent of papers burning in the room amassed

Though written text may be gone forever
A memory of its essence still fresh in the mind
Time put into it will be gone never
But seek it and ye shall find

Live on, He told it
Live on for more than eternity
Settle never even if opinions are split
This is your unwritten destiny
bri 1d
You look & see me
as an innocent soul
but only,
if you knew what I've done.
If only,
you could see me for me,
for who I really am.
All the enmity
I've caused
in the lives of those
who have done nothing
but love me.
Chantal 2d
This is the sign you’ve been looking for.
So live darling. Live reckless and brazen. Don’t hide how you feel, don’t try to meet the set standards.  Don’t think, just do. Forget how it’s ‘supposed’ to go, and what might go wrong. Forget all the illogical cause and effects Society determines, forget the 99% likely outcome and go after that 1% with everything you’ve got, kid. ‘Cause if even for a minute, something or someone makes you happy or gives you a sorta feeling you can’t explain- ignore all the ‘advice’ & doing the ‘right’ thing, and hold on to it till your lungs give out, regardless of what form you get it in. Here’s the truth darling; life’s too short for norms and logic. Too short to hide your feelings and god knows, way too short to spend even a second unhappy due to fear and the abstract ideas that things should go a certain way. So if you love someone, scream it at the top of your lungs, and if you feel like crying, collapse and shatter. Live freely.
-c.j.m
elinor 2d
I promised myself that was the last poem about you.
But,
I've always been one of those people who
plays the same song on repeat
until it syncs with my heartbeat
and rattles my bones to dust.
or who
re-reads the same books until
the lines become my holy scripture,
the plot become my genesis and
my body becomes a canvas for a script I know by heart.
My head is filled with drafts for poems I've never written,
and hands I've never held.
I should blame it on courage but I blame it on you instead.
Maybe I'm just one of those people who
gives everything to one boy, forever.
Maybe he's just my routine,
like in the military.
Bright and early awake then straight to the battle field.
My body is adorned with marbled bruises
and crimson gunshot wounds
and when I rest for the night,
I'm shackled to a mattress of stone,
stained in the thick wine that pulses through my veins,
until the next morning,
when I must do it again.
The sunrise is my enemy.
She tugs at my eyelids
with raw fingernails each new day,
and I still fall asleep with
you as the only thing on my mind.

They say that you can't quit the army.
The cowards way out of a few wounds.
"Stay and it'll be a lifetime of glory".
And that's what he promises me.
the pages of your book are so re-read that they are battered and worn.
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