Umi 11h

I wish that my filth would be washed away,
So I can say...
My gaze wasn't fraught with sin
Does it lead you to happiness?
What holds us together is a red thread, almost too thin.
Your smile is rare, how long has it been ?
Even if I shine through the ages,
There's a storm inside your heart which rages
But it shouldn't be this way,
Allow me to stay
And I will try my best
Now, dear please rest.

~ Umi

I watch these fleeting scenes flit behind my eyes.
Moments where I've captured you.
The silence is unbearable.
I can't undo hurt.
Taking blame is losing my pride.
I'd give it all.
I've thrown it all away.
You lie there, in a troubled slumber.
I brace for the next slide.
Trauma on replay.
Please don't leave.

It's only over once.

                              And chocolate chip, cookie skin.
                              Hands that touch my face!
                       ­       Freckles.
                                                ­          Inherited Sin.                        
       ­                Alcoholic Mood changes
                       And endless clichés;
       I want to worship her idol
            And walk in her temple and pray!

                             Make her moan.
                             Hear it?
                             In the grass,
                             In my future,
                             Touch me.
                             Near it.
                             Earth; Shake,
                             Explode; Mind!
                             The Fantasy,
                             The Novel!
                             The Portrait,
                             The Model!
                              But­ lately, all I've done is visit.
                              Her dreams.
                    ­          Expectations.
                              I missed it.
                              While slumming jaded avenues
                              With Fear and Misfit.

Sadly today I’ve been met,
With an untimely surprise,
Which I say with some regret,
Will bring my timely demise.

It inspires naught but shame,
This way I carry myself.
Grants to me a certain fame,
Inappropriate by itself.

But I must not run away,
Must not let my courage sway,
Must take the due punishment.

So that one not distant day,
I can firmly find my way,
Be one of the innocent.

If I think back to those cold afternoons
where noon felt as cold as night
I wish I could have gone back,
traced lines on your eyes and mouth
Draw myself a map
The streets and hills that rest between your house and my memory
are empty
The words I didn't have the courage to say
stay trapped in my chest
With nowhere to go
it gets carried in through the dim light that poured into your shadeless windows
To your matress,
on the floor of a bare apartment
And makes a home between our bodies,
lingering in that space of regret
The words slipping through my hands before I could measure their worth
to you,
or anyone.

The winter bums me out. I don't like the cold, but I also get very nostalgic. Many winters were spent indoors with friends, fighting to stay warm and entertained. Many of those friends are long gone and the only person who is left to remember those winters are me. Time keeps marching forward and I can't help but feel longing for a time I'll never feel again. I wish I would have had the guts to say everything I should have.

That day replays over and over in my head
The day you left your voice broke when you said "I can't stay"
The day you left my voice was barely a whisper as I told you "you can't go"
The day you left I found out silence could speak louder than words.
The day you left I realized I wanted you.
The day you left I knew I needed you.
The day you left I told you I loved you.
The day you left is the day I most regret.
The day you left hurts more and more everyday.
I will never forget the day you stopped loving me.

Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder
Sometimes it makes it forget
And what doesn't kill you doesn't always make you stronger
Sometimes it tears you apart with regret

Marissa 4d

I feel a wave of panic wash over me
As another unwanted hand grabs me out of the music and loud noise
I take a breath and push it down as I let the bliss take me again
Finding myself pressed up against the boy I had met just that night
I feel his hands slide across my waist
And I know that I will soon regret this
But I ignore these feelings as I let the bliss wash over me yet again
Taking advantage of the allusive peace I feel
Even if only for a few hours more

His lips brush against my neck
I close my eyes and savor the feeling of his warmth
Soft lips find mine in the dark
People stare
But I am lost in the calm
Their judgement cannot reach me
Under this wall I have built
Even if for only a few hours more

He grabs my hand leading me away
I am suddenly reminded of myself
As my feet plant firmly to the ground
My head swirls with thoughts
But they are soon quieted
As I bring his body again closer to mine
Even if only for a few hours more

As I walk down the dark street
I brush the bruise on my neck
My hair falls over my neck
To hide the secrets of tonight
Even if only for a few hours more

My eyes open to the light
My head swirling with thoughts
No bliss to silence them
I let their judgement take over me
As I swallow the cure
For another night of peace

Medication is a blessing and a curse

This is my quod of secrets untold.
An ode to my heart rived by memories of old.
Now the moment calls for me to finally write,
The dubiousness of the quirks I spite.

It was the height within the octave of the decade,
When my ticker suddenly strayed.
I got caught in an eros I deemed true,
An instant juncture that I hadn't got a clue.

That wight I stumbled across with was amiable and vigorous.
Who ventured to garner my sentiments which made me ambiguous.
Who intoned some hymns with gracious prance,
Hoping to hook my regards with a chance.

I unbolted my heart to let that wight in,
Layed my cards and hopes in all that could have been.
I deduced it was something I could keep.
So I squashed my uncertainties and took the leap.

But I never knew until it was too late,
The risk had passed, I fancied the ardor I thought was sincere and great.
Myself waned in those words felt and spoken.
Never anticipated my heart and innocence would be broken.

If only there's another shot unused to tweak my adjudications,
I would permute them without hesitation.
If that would be the scheme to liberate my heart,
I would partake in all of its parts.

Of all the things time can tell,
Above is the list I unconsciously dwell.
It may be so dense in pushing them off the cliff,
but these are the questions I start with "what if".

Written by: Josephine Mary
Revised by: Machel Yvan

What i wish i did
Is let my hate not blind me
That i let you in
That i let you see the imperfection i have become
That i kept you near
So that way i could deal with the pain in my heart

What i wish i did
Was let you help me
Through the hell that was my past
Let you give me love
The love that you used to give me
And tell me almost everyday

What i did
Is i hurt you
Like the people before you
Like the chick before me
The love you gave me was starting to become a chore
I know it
I pushed you to the edge

what i did
Is i complained
But i never let you in truly
I never listened to your needs
Only mine was shared
But i would never let you help
And for that i am sorry

I would say sorry one hundred times
but I've already used it a million
The meaning, now destroyed
So know this
I know i cant take it back
But i will always wish
To get you back

But that's just a fairy tale that will never come true
I know it

have you ever fucked up relationship so bad that you know you can never be with that same person again, yet that person was everything and now your like "why the frick was i so dumb?" well i have! it sucks but at some point i am going to have to move on.
just not right now.
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