When it's 1984 and your life's a bore
in Maggie's vision of a soulless, selfish Britannia, you do what any self disrespecting angst ridden 17 year old college drop out would do;
you brew home brew from hops and yeast and bits of twigs and dregs of evil smelling unidentified liquid; slosh it in glass bottles with a skull and cross bones then wait, wait and wait to celebrate its maturity with a ticket to the Castle Donington Monsters of Rock Pissfest!
Armed with the festering fruits of my labour in the company of bedenimed festering friends with metal heads and Patchouli oil scents to mask any basic deficiencies of hygiene, it's off to the Middle East....Midlands.
Against the incongruous backdrop of striking miners, record unemployment and my own fortnight giro, the garish Motley Crue were ready to rock my ass down Sunset Strip. Yeh baby!!! so relatable with my decadent rock n roll lifestyle in the grim, rain soaked East Manchester dole queues of hopelessness where my coke dealer was Derek with the cola variety.
On to a bone jarring jalopy to get off my tits on the home made grog off "how to do home brew" instructions, now suitably refreshed on a rare English sun baked afternoon and ready to join the throng to view the 'Crue's man thongs over red leather pants so regularly seen in the vaults of inner city Mancunian pubs. My ass robustly rocked then ready to be kicked by our favourite batman..."LETS GET NUTS! IT'S OZZZZY OSBOURNE!!!" ARE YOU READY TO RIDE THE F** CRAZY TRAIN! LET'S GO!
Losing all 5 of my senses I climbed aboard a cohort's shoulders around which hundreds of urine filled receptacles whizzed and fizzed, caring not a jot as Ozzy implored me to raise my hands and worship at the altar of rock n roll, man...but my worship was interrupted by a direct plastic piss hit to the back of my cranium, exploding its contents into my rarely washed mullet and drenching my Rainbow Rising t-shirt.
What was I to do?
This is rock n roll!
I boarded the Dave Lee Roth fronted Van Halen express and saluted those about to rock AC/DC and...
More recently I'm veering off the page towards the stage, This may work?