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Don't we all have our own little black books in here in which we attempt to write the pain away?
When I saw the new girl sitting in the garden all exhausted with hers in front of her, I ran upstairs.
I have no energy to meet another who writes her pain and plan down in a little black book.
No, I'll leave you alone.
Alone with your black book.
And I'll be in here writing too.
Upstairs or in the basement where I found out where they keep the clean white coats.
Nobody will see the stories.
Nobody can explain the journey.
I just hope you'll get some mercy.
Cause I've never seen any mercy.
Even while dreaming.
But the dreams do keep me going.
I have to still keep going.
Don't we all have to still keep going?
Don't we all need a little black book?
Do you also feel frozen and stuck deep inside your body?
Doesn't it get too heavy?
Like for me every day.
I won't ask you today.
I don't want to know the answer.
I have no breath left to respond.
And maybe you don't either really.
So I run upstairs.
And close the curtains to the garden and lay my head down on the chair.
The chair I wish I had when my bag of helium filled itself with oxygen when I wasn't sitting up straight enough so I didn't die.
And now in here I can't get helium.
And I wasn't approved for euthanasia either.
I lost my place to live because of trying, three times because of the situation.
Can you see what's wrong with this system?
Fighting for euthanasia, having dates planned already.
But the doctor to do the final check did not approve.
The second one didn't either.
But then one did after trying a few more treatments but they thought he was too willing.
Then the next one didn't either and so the case was closed.
The Netherlands, euthanasia, it's not working at all.
Cayley Raven May 12
I wish I could build trust
towards people
but all
my feelings do
is keep on biting dust
I can´t really help it, I just don´t trust people.
maria Apr 11
we are missing it all
closed inside those doors
keeping faith
became a war
what are we fighting for
and for what growth?
feeling betrayed from the world
written on April 11, 2020
Mare Clausum
by Michael R. Burch

These are the narrows of my soul—
dark waters pierced by eerie, haunting screams.
And these uncharted islands bleakly home
wild nightmares and deep, strange, forbidding dreams.

Please don’t think to find pearls’ pale, unearthly glow
within its shoals, nor corals in its reefs.
For, though you seek to salvage Love, I know
that vessel lists, and night brings no relief.

Pause here, and look, and know that all is lost;
then turn, and go; let salt consume, and rust.
This sea is not for sailors, but the ******
who lingered long past morning, till they learned

why it is named:
Mare Clausum.

Originally published by Penny Dreadful. Keywords/Tags: mare, clausum, closed, sea, narrows, shoals, reefs, uncharted, islands, wreckage, shipwreck, damage, dark, tides, waters, surf, stranded, Robinson Crusoe
i am dreaming of a day where you kiss me
without doubt; to you, i cling with chapped lips,
and my eyes soften under your gaze. as butterflies
threaten to spill from my throat, i reply,
there is a girl who loves you.

is this an affirmation or a reminder?

one day, i hope to love how your name curls
around my tongue: dripping like honey, sticking
to teeth. you are familiar. every morning,
i will make sure to press your love
on my skin; for now, i wish

to be close, so you can find home in my touch.
update: i finally know how to italicize!! i’m excited for this
Megan Hammer Feb 19
Light-hearted in the beginning
Where bickering in your bed
Turned into something you won't hear of
What can I say
The door is not open

You keep it shut
But that's all you know
A wall is a wall
It's slim chances you'll get over it
But you can see out the window

Sometimes, you draw the blinds
You like to see the people go by
Whose lives you will never touch
I tell you what they think
But you just want them to know your name

How it could be on the other side of the wall
If you could grow outside the bungalow
If I could just break it down
Build a new one with the door wide open
Maybe then, you'd see what I'm saying

But there already is a door in this wall
I love you too much to ignore it
So I have to exit to show you where it's at
Closed every door by myself.
Struggling even to stand up.
Burning within, back facing the floor
barely breathing
barely alive.
one thing running through my mind,
What if I knew back then
what I know right now?
What I really was
and now I'm ****** up in between!

Now is no time for whining
no place to complain.
Your aggression, turn it to focus.
Its like the fuel,
burn it to race your raging engine!
Might've been failing
but never stop trying.
After all you've been through
Or all that could've been,
now you've come closer
to what you've been doing!
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