Wish I could tell him The thoughts that take up my mind The level of confusion that I feel The harsh reality of a loveless girl It’s not the same anymore My strings has been played Unsure that they can be renewed Unsure if I can be that person for him I wish I could tell him
Sometimes When I hear his voice I can see visions Visions of promises he hasn’t given me yet It’s more of visions of ecstasy Never felt at home with anyone else But just speaking to him calms me in ways others can’t He strengthens me, always It confuses me because he’s the only one I would offer my hand but will the tragedies I’ve dealt with be the tumbling building Can he break the shell that was given to me to protect me Can he protect my heart I wonder if he could hold me when I’m alone Hold me as tears tumble down my eyes Will he take me to heights that I have never seen I’m willing to take the journey How can I tell him I’ll walk with him
I forgot this feeling I forgot how he made me feel I don't know how to express myself in a way I would like to I really don't want to open up Because all that brings is sadness and empty promises But in a way, I feel like a butterfly when it comes to him I guess I never knew what I really was missing Maybe I am scared to take the next step because it feels all new to me once again I'm scared to step into newness because it always ends up being another hell instead of the heaven I deserve
He reads me like a book Every page he writes I’m astonished every time I hide in a maze Confused of my time Confused of details I have shown And what I’ve shown not Those of hidden disguise He finds And so I question what he knows I treat it as fools gold Because knowing me is not that easy But yet still today It’s easy to him…
I think the hardest struggle I deal with on a daily is wanting to be loved, wanting someone to take the time to show me I am loved. And it’s difficult for me to understand why my entire life why it’s been so hard for people to show me the love I desire. I hate false promises, I hate “I will get better” because lies don’t do anything but run in a circle and I get so tired of being in a 360 field with people I hate turning back, I’m tired of not getting 180, I’m tired of giving my all and being everything when everybody can’t give me an ounce of themselves, I hate it, and as I go day through day it gets harder, as I grow older and want to lay down in the bed with my husband every night and be a wife and be protected, I grow knowing that visions don’t fulfill my womanhood, love does, men gives sometime love and think it’s enough and I deserve so much more. I’m more important than i midday nap, I’m more important than ounce of snore, I want to be put on someone’s pedestal as I always try to hold men to highest degree but yet I am always left crying bending down at my altar talking to mother asking her when is the pain going to end, when will a man hold me higher than hisself, a man that makes sure I’m okay and can feel how I feel from Miles away, seems so untouchable and when I get it it seems so temporary because with a blink of an eye I feel that love comes and goes when it comes to a man loving me…. It’s the truth that write with the tears that I shed and the blood that seeps down my fingertips as I write words with thorns from my pain that has risen.