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he said, “stop apologizing.”

it’s a bad habit of mine.
I apologize even when
I know I’m not at fault.

he said, “stop apologizing.”

I didn’t even realize I was.
it’s an automatic response that
I’ve been programmed to use.

he said, “stop apologizing.”

I tried to notice when it happened,
but it’s not an easy habit
to unlearn after years of training.

he said, “seriously, stop apologizing.”
I said “I’m sorry.”
paschelco Aug 23
what are apologies worth?
do they mend broken souls
or fix broken homes...
I see it as a placebo .
we want them because we think it'll make everything better
but they don't .
they just remind us of the rotten memories and unhealed wounds...
so, to all the girls that I've hurt ,
I'm not sorry .
the best thing I can do is to let you grow,
admire you flourish from afar
accept the fact that I wasn't ready for you .
apologies
Ginger R Aug 7
Someone told me to stop asking for attention
I wasn't asking for attention
but for help.

So I deleted my ambition
I sat still and just listened to what they said.

A pathetic excuse for a person calling people, normal beautiful people
Pathetic excuses for people

Holding my breath
Count to ten
Stop trying to get so much attention

I'll keep apologizing for trying to be me
So I'm sorry I don't fit in your box
I'm sorry for what I didn't think was wrong

Hold my breath
Holding till you can't breathe
Maybe that will teach you

Someone told me to stop.
But you were the one that told me to start.

And god if you tell me to shut up ever again-
I'll probably just apologize

Maybe it's not right
Maybe it's not fair
Maybe you should be the one sitting here hurting
Maybe I ought to tell you that it hurts when you say those things.

But you probably won't care
You'll slam the door right there
Slam the door in my face
Tell me I'm such a disgrace

So I'll apologize
To you
For bringing me into this world.
Because I deserve better parents then you
This got kinda out of hand, and it's because of a lot more people then just them.
chris Jul 31
Recently, I haven’t been feeling myself.
I feel like I’ve lost myself over the years.  

There are more times of me feeling hollow, empty than of me being happy.  I don’t know how to explain it.  Nor do I even know how to fill that hole.  

People say that it’ll get better.  
                            What will? When? Why did it happen?

People say that things will change.
                            For better?  No. You don’t know that.

Often, I look out the window and imagine an alternate world.  Some place where I would be smarter.  Prettier.  Liked more.  Better.  

That wish might overlap with some people.

Being a Marvel fan, I always wanted to have Spider-Man powers.  And maybe a piece or fragment of Tony Stark’s intelligence and creativity.  

Creativity that I had lost over the years.  Intelligence that I never had to begin with.  Powers or abilities to make me proud of who I am.  Now I have none of those and the only thing that is left of me is the empty shell and the mask that I wear to hide.. me.

-

I’m not proud of myself.  Nor are my parents.  Not even my friends.  If they were to know who I was.  I hide behind smiles and jokes.  I use your humor as a way of keeping people at a distance.  

No, my parents aren’t divorced.  No, I’m not disabled.  
Yes, I attend a fairly good school.  Yes, I have good people around me.  

Despite all the good things I have, I can’t stop feeling. Useless. Worthless. Not enough.  I don’t feel motivated to do anything.  I feel like the part of me that wants everything to end is taking over me day by day.  I sometimes want to jump out of the window but I fear pain.  I’m weak.  I want to buy pills and swallow the whole bottle but I don’t know what pills to buy.  It’s hard to get ahold on them here in Japan.  Should I burn everything I own before I die?  Or disappear after selling everything?  

I feel the need to do so so that my parents don’t have anything to look back on.  So they wouldn’t have to feel so ashamed about having me as a daughter.  I cry often now.  My father tells me that I did this to myself.  Bad grades.  Bad friendships.  No motivation.  I’ve disappointed many people in my life.  I cry feeling sorry for myself even though I have dug my own grave.  

I somehow never seem to learn.  I think there’s something wrong with me.  I’ve been telling my parents there’s something wrong with me but they just tell me I’m making up things.  Excusing myself from the reality that I am a disappointment.  That I messed up.  That I am dumb.  Useless.  I will never amount to anything.  I am hollow.  I am but a shadow of everyone else that used to be friends with me.  

I am not writing this for hope that I will change.  I just feel the need to put this out there.  Not for help.  I don’t seek help anymore.  Nothing will ever change.  

Some say, “Not with that attitude” but I’m tired of hearing those words.  I’ve already made and broken so many promises that I am not worthy of change.  Or a miracle.  I sometimes wish that whenever I go out to buy groceries, a car or truck will hit me.  I wish for an accident to happen so that I will die.  Or that something drastic would happen to me so that I will be away from everything.  Possibly in a hospital bed.  Possibly dying on the side of the road.  Possibly giving me a disability so that I could finally have an excuse of being who I am.  

I’ve imagined people at my funeral.  Not many will be there.  And even those who attend, will have never known the real me.  My true feelings.  About my friends, parents, education—everything and anything.  

I am writing this because I can’t tell anyone about this.  I understand that it doesn’t make sense.  Don’t worry about posting comments on this.  I will be glad that it has been read.  Although it was long.  I don’t know who you are or what you have been through.  I apologize for taking up your time.  

I don’t know what I am.  Who I am.  What I will be in the future.  I know nothing.
I don’t know who I am.  I wish someone would just take over me.  Maybe change things for the better.  Or maybe I have to end me for someone to live better.  I know nothing
Marvin Paul Apr 19
When i looked deep into your eyes.
I knew i had to apologize.
From one perspective
Her diamond heart necklace
is nowhere to be found.
Her hearts beauty leaves people spellbound.
When i saw you my heart failed me.
Basically
I was a clown drowning in my own fears.
I cant tell you because something always interferes.
Who knows what the next few weeks will bring.
Seeing
That we might not see each-other.
Even though we never met one another.©M.P.Jacobs
Sadly she will never receive this poem because of the Corona virus and lock-down. This poem will be gathering dust until that day arrives.
Jay M Mar 18
There’s no need to apologize to me
Just leave it be
There’s nothing to gain
But maybe a little pain
When you apologize for everything you do
So don’t you
Feel like you have to apologize to me

All my life
Even when there was no strife
I would apologize for everything
But be told something
Different every time
I ended up like a mime
Unable to say another word

Fly free like a bird
Say “sorry” so much and you’re just a broken record.

- Jay M
March 17th, 2020
Self explanatory, I think.
Keara Marie Jan 22
The sun doesn't apologize for shining.
The rain doesn't apologize for falling.
The birds don't apologize for singing.
The trees don't apologize for growing.

You don't need to apologize for being.
Hunter Green Dec 2019
Am I ready to restart?
Really ready to leave it all behind?
Just the people, or the places too?
If the memories hurt this bad,
Would reviving the pieces pain me even more?
I don’t know if I could stand,
Another rejection to send me sulking in reflection.
I hurt myself too much on my own.
Even after you apologized,
I was still lost on how to act alone.
You taught me to love creating past myself,
Now is there anyway to find that once again?
I feel bad for leaving what made me.
But then again, I hate who I am.
Life takes turns down roads that aren’t on the gps, and every single one is a one way street...
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