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Step a little closer
Don't be afraid.
I am merely the monster
Everyone else has made.

Gone is my innocence
My purity my youth.
This world has changed me
It's the evil truth.

Cursed by vanity.
Plagued by insanity.
Caught in the charade
Of life's endless masquerade.

Between the heartache
And pain,
I've lost myself
And will never be the same.

Drowning in deceit
Lies have taken full affect.
Tortured by reality
The agony I inject.

Pieces of me have died
A little bit one by one.
I'll continue breaking
Until I have none.

Strength is a virtue
I was born without.
That came to me later
After learning what this world is all about.

So why should I apologize
For the monster I've become?
No one has ever apologized
For the damage they have done.

Zack Ripley Apr 2021
I want you to know something.
It's okay to ask for help.
It's not embarrassing; it's brave
To admit you don't know something
And want to change.
I ask that you don't worry
That people will think less of you
If you do. You're trying to learn.
And that's something you should
Never apologize for
rivy Apr 2021
I wanna run into the night
but I always end up tangled up in your arms
lately everywhere I turn to I bump right into you
I wanna tell you to *******
but it comes out as "I'm sorry"
lately everything I say sounds like an apology
I'm still just a kid, I'm still on my knees
begging you to love me
late night thoughts
ShyAnne Mar 2021
I hate that you think I lied
I hate that you think I would
I don't cheat
I don't aim to hurt anyone
I just want to love and be loved
If you hated me so much
Why ask me to be yours
If I was so disgusting to you
Why promise to stay
I'm sorry I'm not like most
I'm sorry you expect the worst
I'm sorry no one can be real but you
I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough
But really, I'm so sorry that I still love you
just sayin'... sorry
Wilder Nov 2020
I forgot how much I missed you
Until we started talking again
I've been through lots of painful things
But not many compare to losing a friend

You texted me a week ago
You tried to apologize
It wasn't your fault
(You liked looking in my eyes)

Said you found this jacket
In the picture, it reminded
Me of a 80s quilt
I said you should get it, you did

Adults keep pulling on our sleeves
Telling us to grow up
Keep only what you need
Well I needed connection
And I needed a friend
You were running low on those too
Maybe life's out to get us
Maybe they just don't care
I know it's easier
If I have you there
Alt. title: The aftermath of "Cut off"

I'm glad we're friends again
As I explored these paths again my head swelled                  
It was always the same places
The same streets and street lamps
and the cold, damp, and dense air hanging over me
Everything is so cold and I know it's my fault
my fault for ruining everything
How can I even apologize?

Is anything ever going to change?
or am I going to walk this maze until my legs give out
and I succumb to these disgusting thoughts clinging
clinging to the veins of my frozen heart
my heart, frozen in time
my heart, broke so many times
my heart, giving its all only for it to rip away
But it's my fault I put my heart through so much pain
It's my fault I put myself through all this self-blame
There has to be a way to fix these broken parts of me
A way to apologize for the pain and despair I've caused
How can I even apologize?

but what about my eyes? my eyes can still see, can’t they?
they can see the obvious disappointment
the disappointment that’s all so obvious
I see it
I see it every time
I am astounded by my ability to disappoint
over and over again
I'm sorry to those people
The ones I've disappointed
But there are so many of you
How can I even apologize?
Sarah Flynn Oct 2020
he said, “stop apologizing.”

it’s a bad habit of mine.
I apologize even when
I know I’m not at fault.

he said, “stop apologizing.”

I didn’t even realize I was.
it’s an automatic response that
I’ve been programmed to use.

he said, “stop apologizing.”

I tried to notice when it happened,
but it’s not an easy habit
to unlearn after years of training.

he said, “seriously, stop apologizing.”
I said “I’m sorry.”
Wilder Aug 2020
Someone told me to stop asking for attention
I wasn't asking for attention
but for help.

So I deleted my ambition
I sat still and just listened to what they said.

A pathetic excuse for a person calling people, normal beautiful people
Pathetic excuses for people

Holding my breath
Count to ten
Stop trying to get so much attention

I'll keep apologizing for trying to be me
So I'm sorry I don't fit in your box
I'm sorry for what I didn't think was wrong

Hold my breath
Holding till you can't breathe
Maybe that will teach you

Someone told me to stop.
But you were the one that told me to start.

And god if you tell me to shut up ever again-
I'll probably just apologize

Maybe it's not right
Maybe it's not fair
Maybe you should be the one sitting here hurting
Maybe I ought to tell you that it hurts when you say those things.

But you probably won't care
You'll slam the door right there
Slam the door in my face
Tell me I'm such a disgrace

So I'll apologize
To you
For bringing me into this world.
Because I deserve better parents then you
This got kinda out of hand, and it's because of a lot more people then just them.
chris Jul 2020
Recently, I haven’t been feeling myself.
I feel like I’ve lost myself over the years.  

There are more times of me feeling hollow, empty than of me being happy.  I don’t know how to explain it.  Nor do I even know how to fill that hole.  

People say that it’ll get better.  
                            What will? When? Why did it happen?

People say that things will change.
                            For better?  No. You don’t know that.

Often, I look out the window and imagine an alternate world.  Some place where I would be smarter.  Prettier.  Liked more.  Better.  

That wish might overlap with some people.

Being a Marvel fan, I always wanted to have Spider-Man powers.  And maybe a piece or fragment of Tony Stark’s intelligence and creativity.  

Creativity that I had lost over the years.  Intelligence that I never had to begin with.  Powers or abilities to make me proud of who I am.  Now I have none of those and the only thing that is left of me is the empty shell and the mask that I wear to hide.. me.


I’m not proud of myself.  Nor are my parents.  Not even my friends.  If they were to know who I was.  I hide behind smiles and jokes.  I use your humor as a way of keeping people at a distance.  

No, my parents aren’t divorced.  No, I’m not disabled.  
Yes, I attend a fairly good school.  Yes, I have good people around me.  

Despite all the good things I have, I can’t stop feeling. Useless. Worthless. Not enough.  I don’t feel motivated to do anything.  I feel like the part of me that wants everything to end is taking over me day by day.  I sometimes want to jump out of the window but I fear pain.  I’m weak.  I want to buy pills and swallow the whole bottle but I don’t know what pills to buy.  It’s hard to get ahold on them here in Japan.  Should I burn everything I own before I die?  Or disappear after selling everything?  

I feel the need to do so so that my parents don’t have anything to look back on.  So they wouldn’t have to feel so ashamed about having me as a daughter.  I cry often now.  My father tells me that I did this to myself.  Bad grades.  Bad friendships.  No motivation.  I’ve disappointed many people in my life.  I cry feeling sorry for myself even though I have dug my own grave.  

I somehow never seem to learn.  I think there’s something wrong with me.  I’ve been telling my parents there’s something wrong with me but they just tell me I’m making up things.  Excusing myself from the reality that I am a disappointment.  That I messed up.  That I am dumb.  Useless.  I will never amount to anything.  I am hollow.  I am but a shadow of everyone else that used to be friends with me.  

I am not writing this for hope that I will change.  I just feel the need to put this out there.  Not for help.  I don’t seek help anymore.  Nothing will ever change.  

Some say, “Not with that attitude” but I’m tired of hearing those words.  I’ve already made and broken so many promises that I am not worthy of change.  Or a miracle.  I sometimes wish that whenever I go out to buy groceries, a car or truck will hit me.  I wish for an accident to happen so that I will die.  Or that something drastic would happen to me so that I will be away from everything.  Possibly in a hospital bed.  Possibly dying on the side of the road.  Possibly giving me a disability so that I could finally have an excuse of being who I am.  

I’ve imagined people at my funeral.  Not many will be there.  And even those who attend, will have never known the real me.  My true feelings.  About my friends, parents, education—everything and anything.  

I am writing this because I can’t tell anyone about this.  I understand that it doesn’t make sense.  Don’t worry about posting comments on this.  I will be glad that it has been read.  Although it was long.  I don’t know who you are or what you have been through.  I apologize for taking up your time.  

I don’t know what I am.  Who I am.  What I will be in the future.  I know nothing.
I don’t know who I am.  I wish someone would just take over me.  Maybe change things for the better.  Or maybe I have to end me for someone to live better.  I know nothing
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