It’s far more difficult
Than I expected it to be.
It takes a lot out of me,
It really does.
And I’m sorry it does this
And to me
But mostly to you.
You deserve better than this
And I know it’s my fault.
But that’s relative
I know I disappear occasionally
I lock myself in my room silently
Just me on my own
Feeling so overwhelmed by all the noise
By all the people
By all the attention
By all the commotion
It takes a part of me
And leaves no emotion
I won't apologize
not this time
Too late to apologize
It's past midnight
Too late now to agonize
On what could have happened or might
Sorrows are tears without salt
They don't work to wipe off mistakes
You can't just go back to default
Can't pick forgivenesses like they're grapes
You left the time to pass,
Thinking why should you care that much?
You just left me in foggy impasse
Too late you offer, your pleading touch
It ain't soft, your touch is rough
It scratches my soul, your plea is to no avail
I think, I already wasted my time enough
My mercy is locked away, without bail.
But then again, life is too short
Let's get over it and not mention it
I won't carry near you the same comfort
We won't be the same - and you know it.
i broke me
i hurt myself
no one to blame
and the whispers inside
i tore you
as i walk upon this ground—
i suddenly miss you,
my native brothers.
the oak trees twist and turn
signaling the return of my soul
and the loss of yours
on behalf of my kind, i truly apologize
we stole your land
and murdered you all
your statement was right—
no one can own the Earth.
we have tried,
and look where it brought us.
now we are burning up
at the expense of prosperity
and sacrificing longevity
native american blood
flows deeper, beyond fossil fuels
underneath the fracking
there’s truth buried somewhere
i can feel it, i definitely can
i wish i could scream to everyone,
“they were right!”
i wish i could scream to everyone
i wish i could bleed myself
to show them what we have lost...
to show them who you have lost.
native american blood
dries and coagulates accordingly
to our war rules
native american blood
flows no longer
stagnant in our marginalized hearts
native american truth
was our last hope
Sometimes you apologize because you think it might heal this broken relationship,
and maybe sometimes it seems like it does,
but it only makes the inevitable hurt. . .
that much worse.
the screams still echo throughout my head
and they terrify me, the same way they did when i was a child
every once in a while i hear them again
i’m back in the house
haunted by ghosts of memories
my small back
pressed up against the cold door
my little hands were covering my ears
trying to drown out your venomous words
i try and forget these broken memories
and only remember the good
but how am i supposed to do that
when the worst are most vivid?
i saw the back of your head
more than the front
but now i see your face
everywhere i look
guilt shoots pain through my chest
and i’ve never hated myself more
i forgave you, i said i forgave you
i told you i forgave you
so why can’t i shake
these flashbacks of a time
when we weren’t so picture perfect
your death has left my thoughts
a tangled mess in my head
and i can’t seem to unravel the knots
no matter how hard i try
i’ve been turned to ash
to frigid water
that instead of relief
only seems to burn
because now nothing
is how it’s supposed to be
i should’ve buried these memories
the day we buried you
because there was no point in being angry
i don’t think you knew
how much you hurt me
don’t remember the pain you caused
because it wasn’t you
you were a shell of your former self
a monster fueled by toxins
running through your veins
has been the hardest thing i’ve had to do
than carrying the weight of a grudge
on my shoulders
i wish i had realized when you were alive
you never apologized for
everything you put me through
i thought it was because you didn’t notice
no one pays attention to the things they don’t care about
and i was positive
you didn’t care about me
was the hardest thing i had to do
but forgiving myself
will be much harder
dear past pains,
i wish you well. i hope your happy and healthy.
to my ex, i hope you are good.
old friends that will always hold a piece of my heart - i hope your cheery.
people that have done me ***** - don't worry - i know we have both learnt from it.
anyone i have hurt, i deeply apologize.
forgiveness is important.
you deserve it just as much as me.
forgive someone today.
spread the love.
For all the things I’ve done
And all the things
I’ll ***** up next
But haven’t yet begun