Here we are
In a closet,
protected by intimacy.
This is not a reflection,
written on sand
nor a message
left on a mirror
by salient hands.
With a phrase
I will release you.
Into a room,
Without judgment, or breath.
Without a scream of worry,
Or an island of regret.
This is love without witness,
The most naked of vulnerabilities.
The self-seeking, all seeing periphery,
Im the fiend.
Among the thoughts inside my head
You tiptoe through and head to bed.
Oh, the dread.
It eats away all night and day.
No keeping it at bay for i have no say.
I never really did. Lead to believe i had a foot in the door but what more, what a bore. The things in store. A blink and a breath later and its in my mouth.
Bitter words and acid truth. The lies taste as sweet as they smell fresh from my oven.
Aroma carried far in the breeze. Pollinating your thoughts and breeding my children.
I live on through them. And yet they are false.
And so the question remains.
Am i still here?
Nature nurture love and hurt death and life and kids.
I never really cared for them. But they seem to always like me well enough.
My mother, just the mother.
Not only a mother, but just my mother and me.
My only confidant. My only support.
My only defender and play pretender.
The only bread winner, my only cook for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Only my mother and me.
My mother so much more than a mother.
A teacher, my lecturing preacher.
A caring and compassionate one of a kind go getter and my best friend until the end.
Only my mother and me.
To die is to understand
the cards you were dealt
and the cards in your hand.
You may question the journey
all the way through,
no matter the trauma
What makes you
Nature of nurture?
We'll wash our hearts with coffee until they become the color of the swirling liquid earth.
They'll breathe in the aroma and anoint themselves with the curls of richness
Dancing an escape from the brim of the mugs.
We'll pray to the weathered hands that harvested the beans that even in the biting briskness and cowardly violence of this world
We may become warm and hearty and nurturing
like that with which we fill our cups.
You were supposed to nurture me
Make sure I was well taken care of
In ever aspect of my life
Yes my belly was full
And I was kept warm
But with each passing day
Inside me grew a storm
A child who had to raise herself
On her own
They was no nurture only nature
Force to adapt in order to survive
And all I knew is I was dead inside
And new issues rose
My life a lie
And with that knowledge I spend most time high
So I may forget how much I wanna die
And know I wonder why
I even fight to stay alive
Youngest of three just trying to act like I'm fine
Take good care of my heart
Poison grew from her body and attacked her breast
Like a crusade of destruction it invaded her
And multiplied like a parasite
When she was sick she cut of pieces of herself for me
Until she gave all she had
Pesticides destroyed the parasites
And the antidote cured the poison
But she still had pieces of herself missing
And was incomplete
And killed the sadness with science
But give life to the side effects
That clawed and tore at her
When she was sick she learned how to put herself back together
Bit by bit and piece by piece
Until the skies were clear and the oceans were calm
He is the sun if it ever took human form.
Radiant and warm
You treated his love as if it were a heat storm.
As if his love were burning you from the inside.
You mistook his intensity, and you let it suffocate you.
You tried to put out the fire.
As smoke seeped from your painted smile, you subdued him.
You tried to put out the sun.
I found him
His flame dimmed.
Under the artificial assumption, his light was too much.
He came to me trying to cover that intensity.
But I thought...
Why fit the sun in a lantern?
When it could light the world.
My love like fertile earth.
Smothered with rich soil.
Saplings reached for that warmth of him.
I wanted all of him.
A lantern wouldn't do.
We planted our seeds in moments.
And well nourished they grew.
Many moons came to pass, but now I have before me a garden of overgrowth.
Watered by our tears. Nourished by passion. Warmed by our love, and given life through our memories.
He is larger than life.
He is bold and bright and the light in my sky.
& I will tend to this garden and bathe in his sun.
He is my home, my light, and my reason.
You tried to put out the fire,
but now he is the sun.
Some raw thoughts that had been sitting in my memo's for a few months.