The lesson I had learned was that I have to allow it. When it comes, I have to let it rip me apart. It's a good lesson. I apply it to every pain.
But with this thing in particular, allowing may not be enough.
I don't know how else to say it anymore.
What do I say? That I want you to **** the pride out of me, So something in me shatters and I allow, allow That I want to do the same for you?
That I'll let you hold my mouth open, so you see what I can never seem to say, so you see your name, so you see yourself dripping down my chin? What do I say- That nobody was sharp enough to even try, that sharpness is what I've become- That nobody told me what to do with a blade that is alive.
I'll tell you. Everything alive knows only to be what it is. To grow, to be more of itself. The blade that is alive knows only to be sharp. And over the years, only grows sharper.
But if I say it, if I say these things, what will you say? Angel. Tell me you can dull me. You, golden blade. Tell me you want to.
Wow, understanding the concepts of half a differential equations course online completely integrated five years of physics concepts along with all my self-study of calculus and manifolds. Yet still I march on.
that I have to do math problems to understand it, doesn't realize that doing unsolvable problems still leaves me confused. And I'm back to where I was before I did the problems (okay not really), but there is nothing wrong with note taking, watching, listening, and reading math without problems. THere is nothing wrong with reading, writing, listening, and watching math without problems.
"There's a point where you know just enough to be dangerous, but not enough to fully understand."