Darius 19h

Theoretically, there's a web of different possibilities with specific steps that could answer every adversity in life; however, those answers are rarely ever known. Sometimes we make choices with good intentions that we think is for the best and often wonder if we could have somehow handled that better. Maybe a part of life is learning that we'll never get to know those answers. We just keep putting ourselves out there, hoping for the best.

Darius 19h

I have complete faith in the idea that you get what you give back into this world. Don't deny yourself to shine because you don't see growth right away. Consume yourself with the things that make you happy, and let them consume you in return.

A selfish boy in healing

I may create and belong
and language
which seeps so effortlessly
may pull and bind my being into knots
but I bleed for knowledge.
My lungs fill with words and I choke
on memory as it hits me.
Mastery, meaning, crushing definition.
Division, collision,
a crash of colour and lightening
crushing my skull in anticipation.
Knowledge of death
worse than the idea of dying.
Nerves tied into knots
impossible to untie
unless I know the code,
electric pain
with my limbs
flush to the flames.

~~ Sophophobia, the fear of learning. ~~

I Fully comprehend what they mean by the struggle is real.
My true self is what I tend conceal
Afraid of what I feel
And lately it hurts as I began this process to heal

It's my pride I wish would die along side with the plenty of tears I cried
Its the chambers of secrets that silences My truth I tend to hide
Its the bottled up emotions that internally lie.
Its the unheard voices on the inside

Its the toxic and venomous things I can do without.
Its the violent roars from the untamed screams and shouts
I breathe in, and I  breathe out
I'm letting it go, I'm letting it all out
Then I sense the spirit of nature surrounding and filling me all about

Its what my mind perceives as pain that  My soul and body feels, embraces, and dances in the midst of the storm's rain
As it cleanses and purifies my lower self composed of dirt, blemishes, and bloody tainted stains.
Its all about the experience of learning, character building, and strength to help me sustain.
Because one would never know joy without pain, or sunshine without a little rain.
And now I'm alive again With Gold,  Royalty, And Power Flowing through my veins carrying microscopic Intellectual messages to and from my Renewed brain.

In our fast-paced world, many things have become easier:
   communication, information, food preparation, even study.
We have the internet, smart phones, tablets, emails,
   Google, Wikipedia, fast food, and instant coffee.

But have we ever stopped to observe just how
   things being easy make them seem more trivial, too?
For the things we’re after, we no longer know
   how to sweat, sacrifice, aspire, wait, persist, endure…

Maybe it’s made us cease to dream as well
   as everything is merely thrust upon us to take.
We have lost the values that only hard work, toiling
   and fighting through insurmountable odds can make.

And even then we never seem to have enough of what we desire,
   not enough sleep, time, knowledge, money, or power;
We find no contentment in what we already possess
   as our seconds, minutes and days are spent wanting more.

Perhaps we need to re-examine where we’re heading,
   take instruction from the numerous generations past.
That it is only that which we strive for, that which we cherish
   with all our hearts and everything we have, that can last.

Humans are capable of the biggest hypocritical ideas.
They don't do it on purpose
Yet we do it.

Some love others more than they love themselves.
Well, I believed I also did
Yet it is not quiet so.

Think well about it, I love until I bleed and even more after that!
Well, I believe in love more than most do
Yet, should I quit my dreams for it, should you?

                               Would I blow my brains out, would you?
                               Is this even a question you're allowed to make?

I believe, I've learn, I've seen
And love is learning to love another by learning to love yourself,
Love is synching your dreams with others' dreams,
Love is bending and straining to reach out to the other,
                                                      to share the pain
                                                      to lick the bruises
                                                      to laugh whole in harmony because you found IT
                                                      to be insane but never feel suicidal.

To love is to burn together
Not to blow apart for one another.

july 14, 2017
0:54 a.m.

I wrote a poem for you

but I keep changing the words

because I'm learning

Lure Pot Jul 11

I am learning
with your smile
how to be kind
I am turning
with your acts
what'd be mind.

I am seeing
with your eyes
how to be lovely
I am rewriting
with your voice
talking to nicely

I am melting
with your beauty
and so burning
I am walking
on your path
to get some learning...

g Jul 2

5 year old me
thought it was
sharing things with people
crying with them

12 year old me
thought it was
holding hands
the term "boyfriend"

15 year old me
thought it was

18 year old me
now understands
love comes in many different forms
sometimes in words
sometimes in expressions
sometimes in staying
and sometimes in leaving.

maybe someday i can fully comprehend what love is :")
Lyn Camm Jun 28

Watching her was a gift.
She had yet to see me come in, she was raw with emotion, and I got to witness the way she breaks, and how she takes it all in.

There’s a lot of smiling; even when confused.
She paces the floor and wraps presents while making dinner; she’s so precise.

On occasion you can see her eyes water, a panic sets in as she pulls her hands threw her hair, exhaling. Taking a moment to shake it off.

She continues, and repeats.

She can play the role of fine and under control so well.

If I never caught this moment I’d never think she breaks at all.

From my 2016 emotional breakdown!
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