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Lo May 28
The lesson I had learned was that I have to allow it.
When it comes, I have to let it rip me apart.
It's a good lesson. I apply it to every pain.

But with this thing in particular, allowing may not
be enough.

I don't know how else to say it anymore.

What do I say? That I want you to **** the pride out of me,
So something in me shatters and I allow, allow
That I want to do the same for you?

That I'll let you hold my mouth open, so you see what I can never seem to say, so you see your name, so you see yourself dripping down my chin?
What do I say-
That nobody was sharp enough to even try, that sharpness is what I've become-
That nobody told me what to do with a blade that is alive.

I'll tell you.
Everything alive knows only to be what it is. To grow, to be more of itself.
The blade that is alive knows only to be sharp. And over the years, only grows sharper.

But if I say it, if I say these things, what will you say?
Angel.
Tell me you can dull me.
You, golden blade.
Tell me you want to.
The soul is Calabi-Yau
every quality of topological string theory
correlates to the workings of my consciousness.

String theory,
I used to refuse,
but from topological soul,
to spacetime soul,
finally to what is here expressed.
Auto-Learn
I keep losing you
As I slowly grew
I'm still learning to let you go
You were here with me, laughing, a while ago
I still care for you though
Guess I gotta learn to let go
~
Sarah Flynn May 12
I say that I am uncomfortable
being around a strange man.
they call me a ***** and say,
"don't you know that it's not all men?"

I am drugged and assaulted by
a man who I thought that
I could trust. they say,
"you should've known better."

they say that my scars are ugly.
they say "you should hide those!"

but when I cover them up, they say
"women shouldn't have tattoos.
why did you ruin your body?"

I wear shorts and they say,
"what a *****! those are too short."

I put on long jeans and they say,
"what a *****! you're no fun."

I care too much about
their opinions and they say,
"you're too insecure! stop caring!"

I stop caring and they hate that
they can no longer control me.

you can't win, darling.
they will always hate you
for one thing or another.
at least let them hate you
for being too real.

be you.
life is too short
to fake being
anyone else.
You've been there, seen that, done that, -
But I don't care because
I have to try to be there,
I need to go and see that,
I must attempt to do that -
But this time, on my own.
Johnnyqu33r May 10
There are no children laughing
Playing hopscotch in the driveway
With a manicured lawn and pretty
Flowers in boxes attached to the windows

There's no degree framed in my office
Actually there isn't an office at all here
Inside this lived in two bedroom flat
Where I spend as much time as possible

There's no sleek foreign sports car
Candy apple red glimmering in the sun
Or vacation home nestled somewhere
I can't pronounce to go once a year

There aren't six figures in my account
Or country club lunches with the girls
Black card shopping sprees in the city
Or box seat opera season tickets

There is glitter on my eyelids
And an immense feeling of gratitude
When I wake up happy and free
Unapologetic and authentically me
I'm sure we all have/had extravagant plans for ourselves when we got (older). I find myself content with the here and now, which isn't something I ever thought could happen. I am 30.
Wow, understanding the concepts of half a differential equations course online
completely integrated five years of physics concepts
along with all my self-study of calculus and manifolds.
Yet still I march on.
auto-learn

"increase my wonder at Thee"
that I have to do math problems to understand it,
doesn't realize that doing unsolvable problems still leaves me confused.
And I'm back to where I was before I did the problems (okay not really),
but there is nothing wrong with note taking, watching, listening, and reading math without problems.
THere is nothing wrong with reading, writing, listening, and watching math without problems.
"There's a point where you know just enough to be dangerous, but not enough to fully understand."
Whatever is most left out of a class is what the equilibrium of ignorance will revert back to.
So choose what to leave out.
auto-learn
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