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In the silence, I sit and ponder,
It fills up most of the day,
It does me no good to wonder,
Why my mind leads me astray.

The tablets in the morning,
Are doing me no good,
These feelings strike without warning,
And stay longer than they should.

Harsh words echo inside my brain,
From a conscience full of hate,
Regret flows through my veins,
I lay awake at night and shake.

My life plays out before my eyes,
Every moment drenched with shame,
I cry and cry and try to dry,
Theses tears packed full of pain.

I think of the people who I’ve let down,
The times I chose myself instead,
Why do they still keep me around?
I wish that I was dead.

I beat myself up daily,
I never suffer enough,
How long can you hide? I pray thee,
Behind a masquerade of trust.

My knife starts to vocalize,
It’s stunning sirens song,
It wants to sink so deep inside,
I know it won't be long.

My emotions switch from bad to worse,
I can’t control the way they play,
They pull no punches and aim to hurt,
Soon I can’t see through the rage.


My blood, it boils at the sight,
It hurts my eyes to see,
My imagined, alternate perfect life,
Could it have been this way for me?

No matter what I do or say,
Nothing ever seems to change,
The emotions will eventually fade,
Will I still be the same?

Will I fail, will I fall?
Can I deal with it if I do?
What’s the point of it all?
These questions help to tie the noose.

There’s nothing left to do for me,
So here I sit and here I stay,
I’m too scared to take the knife and see,
What lies beyond the grave.

I guess I’ll wait and carry on,
Waiting for the sacred day,
I’ll keep singing this pathetic song,
Until the time life takes me away.
Jealousy, a final decree.
Admittedly a fallacy submitted formidably... impervious?
She'll move onto sea.
Move on from those who can't see.
They'll show us what it means to see.

Presently a mistaken alignment of aliment, yet so indicative of the deceptive.
An intervention of emancipation requires degradation of the love that relegates, brainless.
Vindictive of the culture, fault, to penance, too addicted.
Barbie style, she heads an isle of the vile whom are consumed by denial.
Normality brushed aside with the hand whom highlights brushed, melting eyes.
Life, an achievable yet inconceivable lie shrouded by personality.
Subjective to the respective hospitality.
"Aint no love for thee..."
I just hope, some day, there will be love for all. Until that day, there is no fault for being one who can't belong. We are the great, bar the hate for today is the day you show us what makes you, you.
I'm not your good girl
I'm not your angel
I'm not the innocent bliss you want

I'm the mess of the world
Im the party girl people judge
Im the **** you're ashamed of

I'm not who you think
I'm not what you wanna see
I'm not this prairie girl

I want to be me
I want to do bad things
I want to be a *****

Why won't you let me be
Me
I wrote this a while ago and forgot to post this is something i feel deeply still. Amd something i hate that people think of me ir how they judge me
Also wrote this when i was actually inspired
please don't ever fall in love.

yes, at first, it's going to be the most beautiful thing in the world.
at first you're going to forget why you built the walls around your heart.
after all, how can something so beautiful break your heart?
how can someone so beautiful break your heart?
someone with a voice as sweet as his, eyes as deep as his,
hugs as warm as his…
how can you ever be so afraid of someone like him?

but it's only a matter of time before you remember:
love isn't the beautiful thing he makes you think it is.
love is the rollercoaster that traumatized you as a kid,
and one drop is enough to remind you why you were so afraid of it.

maybe he hasn't done anything wrong.
but maybe he said something that rubbed you off the wrong way.
maybe there was something about the look in his eyes
or maybe there was something about,
well, i don't know,
but there must be something.
and it may be nothing, but it's still something.
maybe the butterflies were dying,
maybe the ballads were warnings,
maybe the sweet nothings were nothing.

maybe he's just like everybody else.

and so, brick by brick, you put up the walls again,
but then he breaks them down again with something as insignificant as a smile or a simple question
but it's him and there's nothing about him that doesn't matter to you.

maybe he's not like everybody else.

everybody else doesn’t have eyes that shine like his does.
everybody else doesn’t shine like he does.
he’s that star in the sky that you point at and say,
“that’s my star.”

but even if it’s your star,
it doesn’t shine just for you -
it shines for everybody.
what if somebody else also looks at your star every night?
what if somebody else also points at your star and says, “that’s my star”?
what if?
you fill your head with “what if’s” instead of what is,
and that’s what kills you.
but you can't tell anyone because you know you're different.
you know they won’t understand;
they don't feel everything quite like you do.
your forest fires are candlelight to them,
your hurricanes mere drizzles,
your burns just paper cuts.
you take xanax? they drink water.
you cut yourself? they exercise.

everything to you is nothing to them.
so if you tell them, they’re just going to judge you.
if you tell him, he’s just going to judge you.
after all, he’s just like everybody else.
and everybody else will hurt you.
heck, even you will hurt you.

so, i’m begging you,
please don’t ever fall in love -
not even with yourself.
warnings: self-harm mention
Kenji 7d
I walk along the tight rope in shame.
Whispering to myself "hold your **** together''
Halfway through, almost reaching the end, the pain surges, electrocuting through my whole body, static.
I fall
Not knowing how I'm going to land.
She jumps out from inside of me as I hit the sandy ground.
Head jolts, slow motion review.
Hurting, the pain I deserve, for knowing, knowing too much. the power consumes.
It rushes like a harsh wind, like a storm that cannot be unveiled.
Yielding inside of me, she bursts, and explodes like a thunder exhibition.
Laying next to me, only I can see her.
Her dark eyes staring into mine, I try to look past the horror.
"Don't leave me" a careless whisper.
She vanishes into thin air, I lose myself in despair.
I stare up at the high ceiling, waiting for the other ones to give me life and healing.
One unleashes, but one of fury and anger, Sukubus, the fighter.
She gets up in an aggressive explosive motion and attacks everyone around her viciously.
Here I am again, switching.
Switching, needing those people inside of me to keep me alive.
Like a spirit, without them I am dead.
Creation of the mind fighting against reality trying to show, but hiding in promiscuity.
I'm a good liar, choosing to be honest.
The will I have has weakened to the inner pits of my core, and without these personas, I am nothing but a rotting corpse.
So, I ask for those around me to stop judging me please.
I am only trying, trying for so long, that doing has me acting out too **** impulsively.
Forgive me, I was born to sin, but to love so passionately, a loyal mind of pure integrity.
I wish not to be so alone in melancholy, but defeated, so I stand alone, trying to survive the unknown.
I open my eyes, looking around me, seeing everyone dead, blood scattered and bodies twisted.
I get up, and start again, unleashing another personality.
My personality deformations
Toni Dec 9
I am a sculptor.
An artist.
My masterpiece? Myself.

Every curve, layer of paint,
Every shadow or exposed face,

All cultivated. Planned.
Incorporating all I know
And that which I do not know

Yet.

But you have only a picture.
A photo.
An image from just one angle.

And all that you recognise is
A flat
Two dimensional
Processed scrap of film.
Lillian May Nov 27
Hello, old me.
I remember you;
in white thoughts and an almost motherly gaze.
You knew so little, oh little girl.
Grasping onto quixotic ideas of who you were.
Silly ideas, really. Thats not you!
You can't be everything, though you want to be.
You see something shiny and think: 'That could be me!'
So you pretend that it is.
But, sweet thing, it's so much easier, you see,
to take the bits, the pieces, the beauties, and the dusty old rags,
put them together, every part;
and you become you.
You become the beautiful facet of the world that you were meant to be.
So, me from forever ago, don't hold onto intangible ideas of reality,
of your personality.
You can't be everything,
and frankly,
why would you want to be?
while she
is up
the sleeves
that saki
gratifies here
and while
her attire
still cleaves
in my
heart that
mistook a
hint of
glamour whether
or not
this thirst
is all
it takes
Toxic yeti Nov 21
I walk the line between love and hate
This apple's bad and rotten, rotten to the core
Get up, get up, and trick or treat
Get down, get down, my love!
I walk the line
I walk the line
I walk the line
Between war and peace
My business is a little **** Bill
I eat so much I don't walk I merely waddle!
No you wouldn't listen & I don't blame you
No I don't blame ya!
I walk the line
I walk the line
I walk the line
I walk the line
Between yin & yang
My rent is 0 a day
I can't move
You know that's the price you pay
Is life all in vain?
Starts off in my arm
Opens up my brain
I'm already in the nivarana -
Next stop is the paradise!
I walk the line
I walk the line
I walk the line
I walk the line
Between life and and death
Live fast, die young
Live fast, die young
I walk the line
Hate
I walk the line
I walk the line
I walk the line
I walk the line
Between joy and depression
While others have been thinking about it - I've been there and back
I walk the line
I walk the line
I walk the line
I walk the line
Between good and evil
This alien *** fiend song I walk the lime resenates with me because of my struggle with PTSD, and borderline personality disorder.
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