when the pain feels like its too much
when the music is louder than those emotions
feeling the bass pounding in your chest
so you don't hear your heart beating
so you don't have to be reminded
everything right now is perfect
the way the tears on my face are burning
the way I keep seeing your face in the crowd
how did we ever get this far?
oh wait, it was never us but me and you
oh wait, it was never meant to be but just be
so this is why I'm here and the bass is loud
to keep me living till it ends and the lights dim
really should have been more careful
but when it comes to this, maybe I won't care
you know the feeling when tears form
you know when you can't keep the tears from falling
everything right now is perfect

I stare at you

                      and there's something


but                      nothing

Sometimes I carry the world on my shoulder, I keep trying to understand Everything from the Nothing it gives me. But because the nothing comes in such a beautiful wrapper I keep tearing at it! my sanity on edge! I keep searching for what is in what can never be.

I watched my essence
I looked at her today
from all sides of existing
He looked and did not let go
and his tongue did not let go
I looked at her and looked at everything.
while the night outside the window did not appear

oh my soul is an eternal mystery
About how much time do I try
you understand and understand
but I figured it out but I realized
all for a long time already understood everything
as soon as they appeared on it
for the first time for the first time

the whole truth of what was and what will be
she was forever with us
from the birth and the first day
from the childhood of our unforgettable
but evolution is degradation
we are growing up
we lose our childhood and lose wisdom

05.08.18

That sweet spot.
Between sleep,
And complete consciousness
Where dreams and reality,
Combine.
As if floating in space.
Nothing is concrete,
Nothing abstract.
All emotions watered down,
Like drowning in whiskey.
And I look through,
This glass bottle I'm trapped in,
To the endless infinity.
It extends,
Now in sleep and consciousness.
Everything,
Becomes meaningless.
I feel sleepy,
But just as I close my eyes,
I wake up.
Stuck in phase,
Anxious now.
Where do I go from here?

the silence never bothered me before-
quiet between two so intertwined
is not uncomfortable like the silence
it is merely absence of sound
-but it bothers me now
all but consuming my mind

and i say nothing
and you say nothing
and everywhere there is nothing

i pray for the radio to work its charm
with those magic changes
give me a song to sing
give me anything
that would be better than this
small talk between two so intertwined

"you're awfully quiet," you say
and i say nothing
because my right brain has a lot to say
but my left brain knows not to say it

i want to say, "i know that you don't want me here"
the thought, clear like perfectly formed ice,
echoes through my mind:
(i know that you don't want me here,
i know that you don't want me here...)
somehow that is the one thing worse than
the deafening silence
because it's the truth
and we both know it

i want to scream, "can't you see i'm hurting?"
it's written all over my face
in smiles that don't reach my eyes
in lips joined in vowed silence

"i miss you," you say
and i say nothing
but i want to be the braveheart
and cry something bold, like
"if that is so then
how come when i'm here
your face is illuminated
by a phosphorescent glow?"
but i hold my tongue
i know my thoughts are wicked
yet they are my thoughts

and i say nothing
and you say nothing
and the silence says everything