Have you ever made a mistake and immediately regretted it?
Like all the contents of your stomach start a rampage of protest.
Where words taste like vile and leave the same impact?

Like your not afraid of the response but that moment
It's painful
Even when you're the one holding the knife

I don't talk a lot, I avoid it like the plague
It hurts my senses- I feel the need to over explain
Compensate for empty space

But I spill out nothing good, my lungs are tar
It drags back any word not harsh enough to break free
Like when you lashed out at your parents as a child

The same feeling of regret but also anger like no one understood
A teenage phase that returns in between breaths
And now you've gutted yourself in front of someone you care for

Because no one is pretty on the inside
I showed that I'm nothing more that maggot filled meat
That I am rotten to the core

3:30am

A letter fabled,
from me to you.
A letter that says all,
distortion of the truth.

I wrote that I didn't like you,
I wrote that I never did.
I wrote what was fiction,
fiction nobody reads.

Time is not forgiving,
for the chances I did not take,
the truth I never said,
and the feelings I tried to evade.

I want to shout the truth,
I want to cry out to you.
I want to tell you I loved you,
I want to tell you I still do.

I wrote a letter to this guy I really like telling him all the opposites of what was on my mind.

I forgot how it felt.
The aching of a chest as I lean over my patio wall.
Having an affinity with the dust in my throat
That burns along side of my eyes
And you dont know,
But it was worse when you left.

Five.
My dark blue comforter.
My closet door.
The light switch.
The cigarbox on my night stand.
The dirty laundry in my hamper.

I forgot how it felt.
To not breathe when trying to catch as much of the stale air in my bedroom as I could.
Residing there were residual hearts in residual pieces.

Four.
My sheets
My bed frame
The rough carpeting
My cat who disappeared because of the noise.

I forgot how it felt to feel like youre dying.
When anxiety turns into losing your fucking shit.
Because you lost it and you're alone.

Three.
The hum of a ceiling fan that barely works
Scratching of a pen on paper
My breathing and soft whispers that dont matter.

I forgot how it felt.
To feel useless and filled with an intense self loathing
Because I saw your eyes lined with red and watched you walk away - my voice not carrying to call you back.

Two.
My (your) pillow.
My comforter.

I forgot how it felt
To close the door and fall to the floor because I didnt work anymore.
And to know, buried deep under this weeping,
That you wont forgive me.

One.
Salt.

I forgot how it felt.
To feel like I'm dying.

See, touch, hear, smell, taste.
These things tell you where you are, that you're safe, and that you can feel how you feel safely, with no judgement, or shame, and in comfort.
Erin Ross Jul 10

Its sitting here,
Right in my soul.
It was silent before and let my heart run wild
And now, oh beauty at rest,
Wake for yet again you have made a terrible mistake.
Weep for your taker and live for thy giver,
For you were no one's to have.
And yet youve promised the moon to a lover
Unto which you can only offer the stars.

Goddamn it i did it again
-E Jul 6

Just give me a minute,
I need to rewind...
Go back to where our paths intertwined
and hit skip.
It was a mistake
only caused us both pain
Give me a minute,
to reply...
I'm looking for a easy way to say goodbye

-E
2017/07/06
Janae Jun 30

i feel like a fool
like a tool
thats not so
sharp

i feel like a bum
really dumb
you'll know from
the start

i feel like a headache
a bad mistake
people wish
to erase

i don't feel like myself
i don't think my health is well
that's how i'm feeling
today

Julie C Smith Jun 29

This is the hardest time without you
Mixed with memories of a time we hadn't met yet
But when I had you more than now

Expecting a day that might never come
That will allow me to make up for a mistake
Leaving you when all I wanted was living with you

How could I ever believe you would leave her for me?
Seems like that was a case of bad judgement for me
But I know without you I'll never be free

But you gave me hope and I'll just trust in you
For if it were to end now
All of this would never have happened at all

Written last September and compared to now it was actually a really great time. The best time. Very bad judgement indeed.
Vanessa Evans Jun 23

As much as you can put the past behind you,
she will not be forgotten.
For, when you least expect
She'll bite ya in the ass.

take care in your decisions

The Art of Subconscious Illusion is an elusive tendency towards the averse,
             or rather,
the act of lying to oneself

        Oft times you’ll find yourself wondering how...
             …how you lost her…how you lost love…

                            how you lost yourself

         Your mind a jumble of
               spiral static,
         coils of confusion, twisting malevolently,

                             failing and falling,
                   flawed and faulty,
          feeble and fading,

you slowly begin to yearn for a second chance,
        wish that you had performed more charmingly in the blistering tragedy of feelings lost...

but there are few second chances in the misfortunes of life.
      the damage is done, and now you must live with the consequences
       of a dying will to persist in this journey,
                              the ups
                                                the downs
                                the laughter
                                                        ­ the pain
after endless days of convincing yourself you’re not to blame you finally see it for what it is...
                    You made the choice
     you made your bed, and now you must lie in it…

and as you slowly make your way towards the reclining slope of the soft satin covers you’ll begin to see….

it was not a bed your actions relayed....
                                                     ­               but a coffin

She was his love,
is elegance,
his life,
his grace.
He was her love,
and her only mistake.

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